I haven't read your full journal... I just saw where you said you think your S.O. doesn't quite get it and wanted to say it is okay for you to expect him to work really hard to get it. For all I know, he already does this!
My fiancÚ has a pretty severe anxiety disorder. I think in order for the relationship to be as healthy as possible, it really takes effort on the part of the partner w.o. the anxiety to understand what the experience of anxiety is like. The person with anxiety can't be expected to make all the effort to help the relationship work.
For example, if we are having a disagreement, I'm the type of person who wants to hash it all out ASAP and once it is resolved and an understanding is reached, I can just do whatever, pop right back to my pre-argument self. It took some time to understand he doesn't have this luxury. At first, I thought him not wanting to talk it out right away until it is resolved was him not caring enough or just being sick of arguing. I thought him being disengaged for hours after we had hugged and made up was possibly pouting, punishing, or... really I had no idea, but I knew I felt hurt by it. I talked to him a lot about what to do in those moments. I also read blogs to understand more of what it is like to have anxiety. I'd talk to him about what I read and ask how it compared to his experience of anxiety. I realized it's hard for him to talk about things in the heat of the moment because his body is telling him there is an imminent threat. It'd be like asking me to hash out a disagreement seconds after I just got into a car crash. No one would expect me to be able to do that! I now see if after the argument starts, if we take a break from each other for an agreed upon amount of time, when we get back together to talk, things go much smoother because he can think more clearly and express himself more easily. So, while I still really dislike how we have to take a break during arguments (I think it often makes them seem more significant than they are), and I sometimes think he is asking for a break just because he is sick of listening to me (LOL)... its just part of the deal and we both need to continually make an effort and be mindful of his anxiety in order to make things work.
Wow, that got long winded. Sorry.