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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change?

  1. #5711
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    Understood. My therapist keeps saying, "Understanding goes a long way." We are going to couples therapy so we can learn a new way to communicate to each other in non-harmful ways. I am hoping that this will lead to us being about to check in with each other before having potentially upsetting discussions. Even just a, "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about this thing. Is now a good time?" would be really helpful, I think. If we can understand just a bit more about where the other is coming from, it will make it easier for us to stick to a decided method of communication. That's the hope anyway.

    [edit] I guess what I'm saying is I don't expect him to understand the illness, but it would help if he could understand how I might respond. I don't know, it's hard to explain.
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 12-16-2013 at 06:32 AM.

  2. #5712
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    hi namelesswonder, i just joined and saw your post. I am psychotherapist and work to help people get off medication for depression, anxiety, and emotional pain. Sounds like you got a good dose. People that cut on themselves do it for good reasons, that they are in so much emotional pain and yet can't feel it, can't deal with it so they create physical pain which they believe they can deal with it...sorry for your dilemna.Somethings happened in your childhood that caused this and going on this diet and approach will greatly help you...and it would really help if you could find a good therapist who can really works with emotional pain. Not a cognitive/behavioral therapist, as most are but emotion based, somatic, Hakomi...depending on where you live will determine if these are available. Best wishes for your healing, much warmth, topher

    Just saw you are from MA...that is good lots of Somatic therapists there...after reading more above you about PTSD I say you have this in spades and it can be worked with and increasing good health through diet is crucial.
    Last edited by topher; 12-16-2013 at 06:37 AM. Reason: forgot something

  3. #5713
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    Thanks topher. I am seeing a therapist currently and it has helped a lot. I don't know what particular style she utilizes.
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  4. #5714
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    Hi namelesswonder, the therapist may help you feel good in the moment. It helps when someone listens and cares, but it takes a lot more than that to heal and most therapists, 95%, have no idea what that looks like. I use to do a therapy group for therapists and they often are the hardest to get to come to therapy, especially men (i am a man btw). I would not trust a therapist who does not actively work on personal family issues in their own therapy. I would ask your therapist what they do to work on their issues. Challenge him or her, you have a right to do that. I always reveal my issues to my clients because I want them to know I am not above them, I am not superior to them, I do not have it all together, I am well and they are sick, we are all suffering from PTSD to different degrees....the therapeutic relationship has to be a mutual relationship. That is crucial. With wartmest regards, topher

  5. #5715
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    Hmm respectfully, I disagree. I think I would find it upsetting to have my therapist reveal their own personal issues to me. It's important for me to have stable figures in my life, however unrealistic they may be, at least right now. I believe that she provides me with adequate tools that I can deconstruct my thought process. Sometimes I struggle and that is just my diet/chemistry, nothing I can do except slough through until I can think clearly again.
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  6. #5716
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    Our couples therapy session went really well . Both of us left the session feeling good about how it had gone and using the Imago Dialogue on our own. Our next session is not until January, about 3.5 weeks away. I can get a solo session that same week, which I probably will. I'm going to continue reading the book my therapist recommended so that if we want to talk about things, we can try the dialogue and have the book as reference to make sure we're getting the format right.

    I totally cried, but it was good & relieving. Hulky thanked me for asking him to do this with me.
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  7. #5717
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    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    Honestly, I do not think people without mental illnesses/disorders understand how they work. I sure as hell don't. I read posts/journals like yours and drssgchic's in order to try to understand more, but frankly a lot of the time I just scratch my head and wonder.

    Take my best friend for example - we went to the exact same places in the Army - same place for basic, same place/company for AIT, same company in Korea, same company in AZ, same platoon in Iraq - drove the exact same convoys/pulled the exact same duties, back to the same company in AZ - he has PTSD. I do not. Why? We saw/did/got shot at exactly the same. What is the difference? No f'ing clue.

    It makes it hard when I talk to him and when I read things here and elsewhere because it just doesn't fit in my brain. People deal with f*cked up sh*t and do not have mental illnesses/disorders. What makes them different? It is too easy to say "He/She is just making that up." Of course, no one would say that about cancer or some physical illness so why do it about mental illness? Perhaps we are just assholes. I don't know.

    Anyway, TL;DR - mental illnesses make no freaking sense. They are hard to relate to. It is not Hulky's fault.

    Edit: it is obviously not your fault either. I do not mean to imply that. It is just not something easy for those outside of the situation to understand.


    Edit 2: I think another part of it is the supplementation. I have 'Restless Leg Syndrome' I have medication for it. Since I went primal and fixed my diet (mainly a magnesium deficiency) it has basically gone way down in frequency. So in my mind I do not have an illness. I had f*cked up eating habits. If mental illness can be fixed by an herb, an ammino acid or eating liver (or wtf ever) is it an illness or poor eating habits? Again, it complicates the issue. And, again, I do not mean to trivialize it. I am just trying to wrap my head around the issue.
    I think the key to understanding why your friend suffered so much when you did not is quite simply the ability to process and deal with stress. Maybe you are more resilient than your friend.

    The Army told me I had PTSD and I never deployed. I was called for deployment, but never went. But, I had just had my first child. I was 3 months post partum when we started preparing for deployment. I agonized over the though of leaving my son behind and missing all his first. And for what? A peace keeping mission in the Egyptian Sinai. Pointless.

    I wasn't going to die. I wasn't going to see any conflict. I was just going to miss the first year of my son's life. I developed post partum depression. Then I developed severe anxiety and panic attacks with irrational thoughts. I became obsessive and developed a compulsion to watch time tick by til the day I was supposed to leave my son. I watched the cornfields turn brown. I cried as the farmers picked their fields. I had panic attacks at the thought of leaving. Any amount of conflict in my life was too stressful to deal with and I'd go into a panic attack - unable to catch my breath, crying uncontrollably, elephant on my chest panic attacks. One I remember my company commander and the forward commander seeing. I had done something wrong b/c my mind was not on my work and they confronted me about it. I lost my ever living mind and broke down in front of them. I was later deemed non-deployable due to my inability to "hold myself together". Even after being told I wasn't going to deploy, I had a tough time. The unit was treating me differently b/c when you can't deploy, you're instantly a sh*tbag. This just exacerbated the problems I was having. So I continued to have panic attacks and severe anxiety and trouble doing my job. I kept getting into trouble for screwing up. I kept getting reprimanded by the Command. I was put on restricted duty by the Army docs which limited the activities I could do. One activity was possessing or having contact with firearms and ammunition (this is primarily why I could no longer do my job - I was a supply sergeant and maintained the arms vault). That was like 50% of my job. Eventually they told me to pack my stuff b/c if I didn't resign effective that day, they would have me removed from my position in 2 days. This didn't happen b/c our higher headquarters got wind of it and stepped in, but that was no place I wanted to work, so I ended up resigning anyway.

    In the following months, I had a few medical evaluation boards to visit b/c I'd been found non-deployable and placed on what they call a "profile". The army doc told me I was suffering from PTSD, which was later confirmed by a civilian psychologist and psychiatrist. So... even though I never saw any conflict or any "sh*t", that's what they say I had. I questioned it and the psychologist said ANY traumatic or stressful event can cause PTSD and some people are just better at dealing with stress than others. Those that aren't that good at it will usually suffer from PTSD.

    I don't think I've moved on completely b/c just telling that bit of the story dredged up some pretty awful feelings, but I definitely think I'm better at handling it now, and when my diet is spot on, I exhibit very few symptoms. Not cured by any means, but definitely MUCH better than I was. Anyway, sorry for the threadjack with my super long story.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  8. #5718
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Our couples therapy session went really well . Both of us left the session feeling good about how it had gone and using the Imago Dialogue on our own. Our next session is not until January, about 3.5 weeks away. I can get a solo session that same week, which I probably will. I'm going to continue reading the book my therapist recommended so that if we want to talk about things, we can try the dialogue and have the book as reference to make sure we're getting the format right.

    I totally cried, but it was good & relieving. Hulky thanked me for asking him to do this with me.
    Where's the like button???
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  9. #5719
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    No worries for hijacking Jenn, thank you for sharing that. PTSD, like all other mental disorders/illnesses, is absolutely horrifying for what it does to the people who suffer from it. I remember hearing it as "shell shock" when I was growing up and not knowing what that meant. I think my grandfather might have suffered from it.

    Whatever it is about the inability to cope in some brains... I think sometimes it doesn't matter how good we are at dealing, sometimes situations can be too much. In my case, the anxiety & depression started during a particularly stressful time in high school. I think it was partially a matter of time and just triggered by the particular events that lead to my diagnosis. Was it diet? Yes, probably, maybe, somewhat. Since that does help, I have to say that I think it must be a part of my equation. Genetics maybe, or deficiencies passed on from my dad & his side of the family. He suffers from depression too. I wonder how many people are affected by the stress that influenced their parents and grandparents, just through genetic material and nutritional factors passed on pre-birth.
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  10. #5720
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    I haven't read your full journal... I just saw where you said you think your S.O. doesn't quite get it and wanted to say it is okay for you to expect him to work really hard to get it. For all I know, he already does this!

    My fiancÚ has a pretty severe anxiety disorder. I think in order for the relationship to be as healthy as possible, it really takes effort on the part of the partner w.o. the anxiety to understand what the experience of anxiety is like. The person with anxiety can't be expected to make all the effort to help the relationship work.

    For example, if we are having a disagreement, I'm the type of person who wants to hash it all out ASAP and once it is resolved and an understanding is reached, I can just do whatever, pop right back to my pre-argument self. It took some time to understand he doesn't have this luxury. At first, I thought him not wanting to talk it out right away until it is resolved was him not caring enough or just being sick of arguing. I thought him being disengaged for hours after we had hugged and made up was possibly pouting, punishing, or... really I had no idea, but I knew I felt hurt by it. I talked to him a lot about what to do in those moments. I also read blogs to understand more of what it is like to have anxiety. I'd talk to him about what I read and ask how it compared to his experience of anxiety. I realized it's hard for him to talk about things in the heat of the moment because his body is telling him there is an imminent threat. It'd be like asking me to hash out a disagreement seconds after I just got into a car crash. No one would expect me to be able to do that! I now see if after the argument starts, if we take a break from each other for an agreed upon amount of time, when we get back together to talk, things go much smoother because he can think more clearly and express himself more easily. So, while I still really dislike how we have to take a break during arguments (I think it often makes them seem more significant than they are), and I sometimes think he is asking for a break just because he is sick of listening to me (LOL)... its just part of the deal and we both need to continually make an effort and be mindful of his anxiety in order to make things work.

    Wow, that got long winded. Sorry.

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