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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 566

  1. #5651
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    Adequate Calories for Fat Loss | Everyday Paleo
    For anyone out there who continues to think that eating less = losing more. Yes, and no. Give your body what it needs first.

    My week has been good. Therapy was relieving. I am not sure when/if I'll be going back because things seem okay now. Note to self: send co-pay in.

    The Civic has a new battery and I'll take it for inspection next week, as I should be able to put 40-50 miles on it by then (can't pass inspection until then). The Mustang's water cooler froze, so we're just waiting for it to get warm enough to thaw full, then Hulky will take care of flushing the system, getting the antifreeze in, and running it. Hopefully, it can get inspected by next weekend too.

    We can't decide between investing in a fake tree or getting another real Christmas tree this year. One is more cost effective over time, the other is just classic to me. My family always had real trees. It's never been a problem with the cats either.

    I've been eating mostly gluten-free this week, but mostly just focusing on eating enough, rather than stressing about what I am eating. With the inclusion of the calcium-magnesium butyrate, my gut has been regular, though BM's haven't been great consistency (probably due to the food choices). Ham gives me TERRIBLE gas, but oh man, it is delicious. Our Thanksgiving food came out great and we are still picking through some of the leftovers.

    My mood and sleep have improved. I stopped taking the 5-HTP out of forgetfulness, but I will resume tonight. I think I need it for a bit longer, until my eating habits get back on track. I need to make sure I am eating enough all the time! Not just sometimes and over holidays .

    Today, I must edit wedding photos, do laundry, and get my photo orders in. Blegh, I am not in the mood to edit photos. Maybe I will do it this week instead =\.

    I have a 10 minute timer set for MDA. I may set the timer to longer during the week, but I am trying to focus on being more productive at work and spending more time here definitely doesn't help that.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  2. #5652
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    RittenRemedy is offline Senior Member
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    Glad to hear things are finally looking up for you! I don't know why but reading about your cars makes me miss mine. God I hope the army is treating it better than it does us.

    Caloric deficit never seems to work in my flavour, just makes me crash and hold onto what fat I have. Gotta eat at maintenance and pray the stars align with my diet or IF, which I am suspicious about the lasting power of results.

  3. #5653
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    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    Mood Ė poor. I am very tired today. I got to bed a little late and Hulky woke me up when he came to bed, so Iím assuming thatís the reason for my grouchiness today. Iím going to spend the day having arguments with people in my head, which is a very unpleasant way to pass the time. This is just what happens when my head is like this, not really unusual and nothing I can help, unfortunately.

    I keep forgetting to bring the lunchtime dose of cal-mag butyrate. I guess itís time to load up a baggy or Tupperware with some capsules so I have some here at work. Iíll have some mag citrate with lunch (Thanksgiving leftovers) and hopefully that will get things moving.

    I hesitated to write about this here, but I need to unload. Hulky and I are going to go to coupleís therapy. Iím not sure when. Basically, I just want to work on our communication. When I asked Hulky about it and described to him what my therapist said about how it works, he did not seem too opposed. When I directly asked him what he thought, he said, ďI donít want to do it.Ē Well, not much I can say to that, but then he asked, ďWhy do you want to?Ē I said I want to learn how to communicate my concerns with him without getting upset, without leaving my rational brain behind, and without it starting as the result of an argument. He then agreed to go. Putting it in the context of how it could help me seems to be the best way to approach new things with him. I donít know when weíll be able to go, as next week is his finals week. It would make more sense to wait until heís on his winter break, but then we have Christmas, so there probably wonít be a lot of appointments available.

    My therapist suggested this book to me: Amazon.com: Getting the Love You Want, 20th Anniversary Edition: A Guide for Couples eBook: Harville Hendrix Ph.D., Harville Hendrix Ph.D.: Kindle Store She said in coupleís therapy, you practice these exercises using a certain kind of dialog (ďimagoĒ), but donít have to talk about anything serious/relevant at first. Itís just to practice the format. Iím only a couple of chapters into the book and part of me feels like its complete bullshit, but some of it makes sense. The concepts are based on a rather binary view of relationships and that we seek out people who provide certain characteristics or traits that we felt were missing from our families. I can see how this is true for me, but the way the book is written makes it sound like every child is going to be fucked up by their upbringing. Maybe thatís true. Iím not sure if Hulky will read it, but Iíll ask once I get through it.

    I need to get in to see a doctor about a uniquely female problem. Itís freaking me out more than a little since this is not something Iíve ever experienced or heard/read about before. My Googling is not assuaging my concerns. Iíve left a voicemail with the nursesí line at my doctorís office, just hoping theyíll get back to me soon.

    I am also pretty broke right now. It's a combination of "that time of the year" and getting a tattoo of my cat on a whim (the tattoo was planned, but getting it done that day was not, it's very cute but I don't feel like sharing it). Couples therapy will hopefully help us communicate how we want to handle joint finances. Seems like every time I try to talk about it with Hulky, I end up getting mad, frustrated, or just seeming bitchy without meaning to at all. I feel weird spending his money from our joint account, even for things like groceries or ordering out. I feel guilty spending money on supplements and various home remedies for myself, but it's still probably cheaper than going to the doctor for everything, so that's a plus. I feel worried that he is building a new computer right now because I keep thinking we don't have the money for that, but he actually does.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  4. #5654
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    I'm doing better about not lurking on MDA today. Just popping in to grumble: I am worried about couples therapy (appointment in two weeks, working on scheduling a solo session for myself for next week). I am worried about my up and down moods for the past few months. I am tired of waiting for the next high point. I am worried about the recent female health issues (appointment mid-day tomorrow). I am irritated that I can't just flip a goddamn switch to get my head back in order. I don't want to go to kickboxing tonight, even though I had fun last time and felt just as apprehensive prior to going.

    Time to do some reading/studying for A+ certification. I want to buy my exam vouchers by the end of the year, which gives me all of next year to get the exams scheduled, but the goal is before May.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  5. #5655
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    Today, I am not feeling depressed (so far), but anxiety is high. So the 5-HTP seems to be helping the depression, but I don’t know if the L-Tyrosine is working for the anxiety. Maybe there is only so much it can do to help or it will take a few days of consistent use to see some improvement. Gluten-free is my #1 food focus right now, aside from having a protein shake every day. I don't have the stomach for real food in the morning these days, even when I'm hungry.

    We didn’t go to kickboxing last night. Hulky had papers to finish. His finals are next week. I was feeling too grumpy. We vegged and made bangers & mash for dinner (can I call it that even though I’m not British? It was just sausages and mashed potatoes). I feel guilty for not going, but not guilty enough to do anything about it. Guilt is not a good motivator to rely on anyway. I am unhappy about how unfit I am right now. I was able to RUN this summer. Things didn’t hurt. I was cycling. I miss that. I know the only way to fix it is to do something about it, but I am just not there right now, mentally.

    I have a solo therapy appointment on Thursday. I am on the border of being completely useless at work. Things are a little busy and I am feeling overwhelmed. That’s bad.

    Doc appointment for female issues today. I hope it’s not yet another appointment of, “Well, I don’t see anything wrong,” which seems to be happening a lot lately.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  6. #5656
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    I hope the gyno appt. goes well. Thinking of you.

  7. #5657
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    Hoping all goes well today.

    I understand where you are with the fitness stuff. I'm in the same boat. During the summer I was doing great - then it all fell apart and I haven't gotten back on track yet. Don't beat yourself up about it - just keep trying to get back to the right mental state. Start with a few simple body weight movements again. Just a few squats or a 1/2 plank (knees on floor).

    Hugs, Tasha! Life is a roller coaster. The highs are fun and exciting, but the lows are really tough.
    Read post #2626
    my motivation

    I'm doing this because I'm worth it - because I'm worthy - because I love myself.

    Goals: Healthy mind, healthy body, happy soul.

  8. #5658
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    The appointment was not terribly helpful, but I have a treatment plan which I will be reluctantly following.

    Highlight the text below for details:
    -After the bacterial infection and subsequent yeast infection, I still had some itching. I was not scratching, but discovered peeling skin on Sunday, which was rather concerning. I had been dabbling with home treatment using coconut oil & boric acid (both recommendations from previous doctors & from information I gathered on my own). The doctor found nothing under the microscope. She said that it's "nonspecific vaginitis" which is exactly what it sounds like. They have no idea what it is, but the metronidazole cream tends to help with it, which tells me its some kind of bacterial issue (imbalance, or a bacteria they don't specifically test for). I'm very tempted to continue with my own treatment attempts, but since the itchiness and irritation is feeling better, maybe I don't need anything. I guess I will use the cream (every night for a week) and hope that it continues to improve. What a hassle.-

    Just don't quote this so people don't have to read it if they don't want to =P

    My mood is still up and down today. Hulky and I might go get a Christmas tree tonight though, so that will be nice.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  9. #5659
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    Some work stuff is driving me crazy right now. I feel really helpless. I wish I could tell someone else to fix this stuff.

    I got to bed on time last night and slept well. I’m still tired today. It’s going to take a few nights of consistently good sleep to catch up. We have kickboxing tonight and I’m not feeling enthusiastic about it.

    Last night became pizza night. Hulky accidentally opened a Christmas present and guessed the other, so he got to use his new baking sheets, cooling rack (he made cookies before dinner for an upstairs tenant that gave us a pie), and pizza peel. My stomach hurts this morning, too much pizza. I hope I can go to the bathroom soon.

    No Christmas tree yet. Maybe tomorrow night.

    I am still feeling pretty gloomy & anxious. I might try boosting the 5-HTP and L-tyrosine to 100 mg and 1000 mg respectively.

    Garr! I forgot to bring the cal-mag butyrate to work again.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  10. #5660
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    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    Hulky said I am a hard person to get gifts for. I think he's going to make me personal certificates and promises for Christmas. "To be a better husband." Sounds like the perfect gift for me.

    Sent from my ADR6350 using Tapatalk 2
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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