Mood Ė poor. I am very tired today. I got to bed a little late and Hulky woke me up when he came to bed, so Iím assuming thatís the reason for my grouchiness today. Iím going to spend the day having arguments with people in my head, which is a very unpleasant way to pass the time. This is just what happens when my head is like this, not really unusual and nothing I can help, unfortunately.
I keep forgetting to bring the lunchtime dose of cal-mag butyrate. I guess itís time to load up a baggy or Tupperware with some capsules so I have some here at work. Iíll have some mag citrate with lunch (Thanksgiving leftovers) and hopefully that will get things moving.
I hesitated to write about this here, but I need to unload. Hulky and I are going to go to coupleís therapy. Iím not sure when. Basically, I just want to work on our communication. When I asked Hulky about it and described to him what my therapist said about how it works, he did not seem too opposed. When I directly asked him what he thought, he said, ďI donít want to do it.Ē Well, not much I can say to that, but then he asked, ďWhy do you want to?Ē I said I want to learn how to communicate my concerns with him without getting upset, without leaving my rational brain behind, and without it starting as the result of an argument. He then agreed to go. Putting it in the context of how it could help me seems to be the best way to approach new things with him. I donít know when weíll be able to go, as next week is his finals week. It would make more sense to wait until heís on his winter break, but then we have Christmas, so there probably wonít be a lot of appointments available.
My therapist suggested this book to me: Amazon.com: Getting the Love You Want, 20th Anniversary Edition: A Guide for Couples eBook: Harville Hendrix Ph.D., Harville Hendrix Ph.D.: Kindle Store She said in coupleís therapy, you practice these exercises using a certain kind of dialog (ďimagoĒ), but donít have to talk about anything serious/relevant at first. Itís just to practice the format. Iím only a couple of chapters into the book and part of me feels like its complete bullshit, but some of it makes sense. The concepts are based on a rather binary view of relationships and that we seek out people who provide certain characteristics or traits that we felt were missing from our families. I can see how this is true for me, but the way the book is written makes it sound like every child is going to be fucked up by their upbringing. Maybe thatís true. Iím not sure if Hulky will read it, but Iíll ask once I get through it.
I need to get in to see a doctor about a uniquely female problem. Itís freaking me out more than a little since this is not something Iíve ever experienced or heard/read about before. My Googling is not assuaging my concerns. Iíve left a voicemail with the nursesí line at my doctorís office, just hoping theyíll get back to me soon.
I am also pretty broke right now. It's a combination of "that time of the year" and getting a tattoo of my cat on a whim (the tattoo was planned, but getting it done that day was not, it's very cute but I don't feel like sharing it). Couples therapy will hopefully help us communicate how we want to handle joint finances. Seems like every time I try to talk about it with Hulky, I end up getting mad, frustrated, or just seeming bitchy without meaning to at all. I feel weird spending his money from our joint account, even for things like groceries or ordering out. I feel guilty spending money on supplements and various home remedies for myself, but it's still probably cheaper than going to the doctor for everything, so that's a plus. I feel worried that he is building a new computer right now because I keep thinking we don't have the money for that, but he actually does.