^That looks amazing! The sourdough bread seems to be sitting okay with me.
-Called AAA and finally updated my name (they did it over the phone, was not expecting it to be so easy)
-Called Liberty Mutual and found out that we didn't do anything wrong to cause the slight premium increase (for the Mustang, it's just the economy
-Need to call Neovia to ask about chiropractic coverage on the premier health insurance plan, but I'm 90% sure I'm going to sign up for it anyway. Thinking of doing the FSA as well, for a small amount, just for a few copays or maybe my dental copays, but not sure it's worth it for only about couple hundred bucks.
I've been thinking about what I want to continue writing here. It's not helping me much anymore to "track" what I eat and how it affects me. More fruit and gelatin seems to be a good combo for my gut motility, though I am still dependent on magnesium citrate. As usual, this weekend, I didn't have a BM on Saturday. I want to figure out if that's because I tend to eat off track on weekends (dinner out Friday, Korean BBQ) and it's an inflammation thing, or I'm just not eating enough. Seems like even when I under-eat during the week, I can usually get a BM per day.
I finally picked up some Ashwaghanda this weekend. My anxiety has been only just manageable. Some of this could be PMS this week, as I'm due for my period any day now, but either way, I need a way to handle it.
I blocked myself from going on MDA this weekend by using the StayFocused app in Chrome. I knew I could remove the block at any time, but it was enough to remind me to find something else to do. I'm going to use it for all of Thanksgiving week
How much of me writing is accountability for myself? Do I write because I feel guilty? What is okay for me to keep to myself? I'm so afraid of being judged. This affects all of my relationships. I want to be a strong person and I keep finding all these ways in which I fall short. I don't feel bad for not accomplishing certain things this weekend, but there are things that I DON'T want to write about because I'm afraid people will not like me. It's just another situation where I know I'm projecting things on myself that I don't project on other people. I try hard not to judge. I assume the best whenever possible. People can spend their money however they want and it's none of my business. I don't trust that other people will apply that same philosophy to me. And I know it doesn't matter if they don't, but it still bothers me. I wonder what it will take to get over this fear. I have considered going back to therapy more than a few times in the past couple of months, but I don't think talking about it with my therapist will give me any more clarity than I get by working through it on my own. I've been doing well, it's just been a rough couple of months.
In how this affects me and Hulky: He's a very predictable person. I almost always know how he'll respond to something and that is very comforting to me. He can surprise me, don't get me wrong, but as long as I am honest and forthcoming with my feelings, we rarely have issues. I think it's more a matter of me just getting myself together sufficiently so that I never get into the mindset of "need to hide". It's not like I think to myself, "I really should talk to him about this" and I don't. I just revert a little into old habits of assuming that I SHOULDN'T talk to him about things that are bothering me. Honesty is always always always the best policy with him. Of course, this causes problems in my other relationships as most people don't appreciate that kind of honesty. I think swinging back and forth between Hulky-mode and other-people-mode (if that makes sense) is where I get into trouble. It's tiring. It will take time and yeah, I've been with him for nearly 4 years, but I was operating under other assumptions for the entirety of my life before him. It's okay to have difficulty with it. This is something I will talk to him about.
In other news, the Mustang got a new alternator, but still needs a new battery. I'm ordering one today and we'll pick it up at Autozone tomorrow evening. Sadly, it's a size that's not very common, so we can't find anything cheaper than about $100.
Hulky and I are running out of time to get a holiday photo taken (we're doing it ourselves, but need to do it on a weekend w/ natural light) so we may have to use one of the wedding phtos. Anyone else want to get in on my holiday card list? I'd rather only send to those who will send one in return. I need to come up with a final count soon so I know how many prints to get. I also need to spend some time with my mom to review the wedding photos & get a photo book printed for Baba.