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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 550

  1. #5491
    YogaBare's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I'm starting to think that identifying as someone who struggles with depression & anxiety is a point of strength and not weakness. Maybe trying to "cure" myself is the wrong approach, or maybe that's just the wrong term to use. I don't always want to be depressed and anxious, but obviously I'm not that way 24/7. If I "cured" myself, I feel like that would be losing the parts of those afflictions that made me stronger.
    When I was in my darkest phase ever (last winter) I was thinking a lot about how in other cultures depression and mental illness are regarded as spiritual tools for growth... and often the people who go through these experiences would be regarded as Shamans, who travel to dark reaches of human consciousness, and bring back wisdom It certainly seems like that. I dont know how you are perceived in "the real world" but people generally come to me for advice because I'm considered grounded, wise, and insightful. If only they saw my journal...

    I do think that specific kinds of suffering make you a complete person. People who suffer from depression experience higher highs, and lower lows... It opens a new range of human experience. What I've learned in teh last few months that is that both the ups and the down can spiral. Upward spirals are good, obviously. Downward.. not so much. it's important to learn to halt the downwards spirals. Still figuring this out
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

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    I think lately (and I feel like I am tooting my own horn here, but it's my journal, so whatever, right?) people seem to see me as a very stable resource. N came to me and asked to live with us when we'd only just been reunited. We weren't even particularly close before he left for FL, but he felt comfortable enough to ask something that big of me. I don't think it was entirely out of desperation :-p. Another friend has mentioned that she feels like I am very supportive, which feels good. Most of my friends know my history of depression & anxiety though. I'm not very secretive about it. I feel better having it out in the open.
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    Hulky and I are going up to Maine this weekend. I found my gift certificate for a shop in town up there. $50! I'll have to spend some time shifting through my drawers & closet before Friday so I can see what I should be looking for. It'll have to be a quick trip in that store, since Hulky won't have anything to do while I'm browsing. We'll probably go on our way home on Sunday.

    I think we'll both bring boots so we can tromp around in the woods. It should be cool enough that we won't be bothered by bugs .

    I'm nervous about leaving the apartment this weekend for some reason. Hulky's dad usually comes over & feeds the cat and she's always fine. I guess I was hoping we might be able to take care of the Mustang this weekend, but there won't be time if we go up to Maine. It can wait till next weekend, but every weekend we skip means longer that we have to wait to get the Civic looked at/taken care of.
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    I am noticing that my mood lately tends to get worse around mid-day and worsens as the day goes on. Off to eat lunch. I wonder if that will help.

    I have not been eating breakfast lately, or solid food at least, so maybe that is a factor. This AM was just a mug of bone broth and a glass of OJ with collagen hydrosylate & supplements.
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    Mood is a bit better after eating. Burger patties + pureed butternut squash = so filling and excellent.
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 11-07-2013 at 07:04 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Sometimes I wonder if there's something in the air... My meltdown happened last week too. It was actually Zach who pointed out to me that I have this pattern: fine, fine, fine - boom: meltdown, followed by a revelation.

    It seems like you're coming out of the meltdown and moving towards insight. That's very positive. The revelations are what make us grow.

    Ultimately the growth makes the pain worthwhile... but it's hard to see that at the time

    xxx
    Catching up on this conversation because I feel like I know EXACTLY what you mean. I go through that same pattern too and I hate it. Same with the self consciousness. It's probably the number one thing (body image issues included) I'd change if I could.

  7. #5497
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    Quote Originally Posted by RittenRemedy View Post
    Catching up on this conversation because I feel like I know EXACTLY what you mean. I go through that same pattern too and I hate it. Same with the self consciousness. It's probably the number one thing (body image issues included) I'd change if I could.
    Hey RR, I love your avatar! I guess what we need to do is stop hating the cycle, and instead try to find a way to make the downward phases as short as possible? I've been feeling flat for nearly a week: feel myself coming back up now, but it's taking time. The trick is to catch yourself before you spiral downwards... Which is something I'm just learning. Also trying to look at the depression in a positive way... it only becomes depression if you try to repress it? Maybe
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Hey RR, I love your avatar! I guess what we need to do is stop hating the cycle, and instead try to find a way to make the downward phases as short as possible? I've been feeling flat for nearly a week: feel myself coming back up now, but it's taking time. The trick is to catch yourself before you spiral downwards... Which is something I'm just learning. Also trying to look at the depression in a positive way... it only becomes depression if you try to repress it? Maybe
    Thanks! I drew it for a friend's bar and now I have two t shirts and a cool avatar.

    BLUH yeah I don't really understand it most of the time. Mostly because I am someone who needs to do something; whether it's drop it and move on or fix a problem or do ANYTHING JUST DO SOMETHING.

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    Kickboxing - I started psyching myself out about it pretty badly in the evening, but we went and it was good. I dare say I even had fun. We practiced jabs and crosses in the air, learned how to step, and then practiced punching the heavy bags. During the warm-up jump-roping, I started to feel really sick. If I'd pushed myself and not taken many breaks, I think I would have puked or passed out. No more under-hydrating on Mondays and Wednesdays. It's going to take time, but I feel like the motions are already becoming familiar and I'm starting to put together how to keep it all in my mind so I can do everything in decent form. The extension for a jab comes from your shoulder and the extension from the cross comes from twisting your body with your back foot. I felt really sore after class, but am only a little sore this morning. Still, they are good feelings!

    Allergy symptoms - My mom gave me some Zyrtec last weekend and it has stopped me from sneezing, for the most part, this week. Today is overcast and I think I am responding to mold or something because my post nasal drip is high and I am sneezing a lot. I think the only time I had relief from this post nasal drip in the past several years (since I really noticed it was there) was a week in August. I was doing the intro SCD then, just chicken soup w/ carrot puree. It might have just been a lull between seasons/active pollens though. I miss not drowning in snot.

    I haven't been using the neti pot lately. I was trying to use an aerosol saline thing, but it just doesn't work as well. Plus the solution is cold, so it's pretty uncomfortable. I should get back into that so I can at least get some relief.

    I forgot to bring the rest of the Halloween candy in to work. It's all mini Hershey's bars. Hulky doesn't like those and I don't want them (they really don't taste good).

    I have my IUD check-up appointment at 11:30 today. Hopefully, it is still placed properly!

    Tonight, I need to go through all of my clothes so I can figure out what to get with my $50 gift certificate at the clothes shop up in Bath.
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    Oh right, I've been really itchy lately, hence why I started taking an allergy med again. It's not helping much. Time to wash the sheets and hope for an obvious cause.
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