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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 55

  1. #541
    namelesswonder's Avatar
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    Primal Fuel
    Aaaannnd one more update. Having an anxiety attack induced by thinking about my family (parents) going vegetarian. My dad just had a heart attack. I strongly believe vegasnism/vegetarianism are the worst things you could do for your body, aside from drugs and the usual highly processed foods. PEOPLE NEED MEET. I really want to talk to them about my fears (pointing out that neither has lost any weight eating like this might help!), but don't know how to do it. Drinking a beer.
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  2. #542
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    So many thoughts to catch up on . . .

    What about Wonder Productions or something based on Wonder?

    NO BABIES! Not yet! But it's great that you want them. Now if only we could restrict childbearing to those that really want them. It wouldn't make a huge dent in the population, but at least the kids would feel loved! If you're thinking of multiples- my mother had 4 from 81 to 87. She doesn't remember anything from the 80s at all. If you're just after one, my cousin frequently lamented that all she wanted was some adult conversation in her life! (SAHM of one) On the other hand, this might be your brain's way of saying that you're getting to the point that it would be ok to have a dependant? That'd be pretty cool.

    Are your parents readers? I just got part way through- but Catching Fire is a fascinating read and he's very pro-meat, as it is meat and cooking that made us human. Also- would you be able to approach it from a "what heals you? Protein. Meat. Eat it" Good luck?

  3. #543
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    Okay let's see if I can do today's post a bit less verbosely.

    Babies: I got a nice little dose of babies by being around boyfriend's niece and nephews last night at his parents' house. The littlest is already 5 months old, I can't believe it. Boyfriend's sister has to do an elimination diet like mine next month to figure out her baby's allergies. I like talking to her about baby stuff, she had two natural births and uses cloth diapers. I'm going to be passing on some of my old doll stuff to her daughter for Christmas and am really looking forward to it. They are going to be adorable on Christmas morning. I just wish I had more boy-stuff for the oldest! Anyway, I fessed up to boyfriend and he was all "No. Bad Tasha. No babies." So we're good. Babies off the brain for now.

    Parents: My parents are readers and both have Kindles. I'm worried about buying them TPB because of the caveman focus, but it is cheap. I was thinking of buying it and saying "Please read this, you will understand my diet so I don't have to explain it every time I'm over" and if they get anything from it, great. At some point I'll probably just straight out ask why they aren't eating as much meat and tell them that I don't think it's very healthy and why. They can do what they want with that info, I just want to express my concerns about them not educating themselves about a proper diet (CW based or not).

    Brain: Last night's meltdown was pretty bad. I'm sure it's a combination of things, like wheat exposure and excess sugar last week, plus not taking supplements regularly (keep forgetting Theanine in the afternoon). Let's not forget that this is the last time I'll probably experience withdrawal symptoms from Lexapro and now is about the right time for the last release, I think! I had a knife out and was curled up and ready to hurt myself and then boyfriend called because his final was over. I got drunk off of one beer to try and shut my head down completely and it kind of worked, but then I felt trapped inside my head. I was very embarrassed about how quickly and easily I unraveled. Boyfriend wasn't happy that I didn't call him right away, but with all the trouble he's had this semester, I didn't want to add to his burdens. He's so good about handling me when I meltdown, he doesn't let me whine.

    I still feel fragile, mentally, today. It's that wary feeling that I get after a big meltdown that makes me feel like anything could tip me over the edge, even if I'm otherwise feeling okay. I'm telling myself that if I want to drink, I have to do shots, so that will keep me from the beer at least. I don't like vodka that much anymore, so this should be an effective way of not resorting to alcohol!

    No 'Poo: After last night, I didn't want to deal with any extra worries today so I washed my hair with some watered-down Head & Shoulders. It's nice to have my hair feeling dry and drying quickly, but it's very flat & prone to static. Typical winter hair for me. I won't wash again like this until Saturday (unless I get new/better shampoo/conditioner before then, which is unlikely).

    Itchy: Random itchiness continues, not helped by the beer and cake (boyfriend's sister's birthday) I had yesterday I'm sure. That plus the antibiotics... I think I'm getting a yeast infection. I'm taking this stuff AZO YEAST, Fast relief of yeast infection symptoms | AZO Products because it's helped in the past. No idea why.

    Food: Chicken thighs and fried winter squash last night. I had a lot of chicken and felt sick, but it's because I still felt kind of hungry. Same thing this morning (same food and same feeling, but didn't overeat). I think I'm messing up my stomach and not letting it gauge my appetite properly by eating all this bad stuff. Tonight is probably going to be chicken and broccoli.

    Man I like sharing. Non-verbose entry = fail.
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  4. #544
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    You're probably pretty rockstar if you're 21%! Every body is different, tho, and I think if you're young you look better in the mid-teens than if you're my age.
    I like your journal! I find mine gives me more focus (such as it is) than not
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  5. #545
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    *hug* I know that post-breakdown feeling. It makes you question yourself. But you're strong- and you've got someone that wants to support you. Take care of yourself until you remember it. Also- you had a knife, and didn't use it. This is good! This is progress!

    I'm glad you like sharing- I like being able to keep tabs on you It helps me remember that the struggle is two steps forward and one to three back, but it's still generally a forward movement.

  6. #546
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    Guys, I am so itchy from this yeast infection. I'm so itchy it's painful (and I'm not scratching). I don't want to go to work just because I'm so goddamn uncomfortable, but I must. Instead, I'm going in late (claiming car troubles) because I did not get enough sleep and wasn't able to rouse myself till 9AM. Boyfriend had to get up at 6:30 for a final so he kept me up for 1/2 hr this morning and then I fell back asleep for 1/2 hr at a time because that's usually how long I'll wait before an alarm goes off to attempt to get my ass out of bed again. I never know when to give up and just set an alarm about an hour later.

    I had some cookies last night. I'm having mac and cheese tonight. My boyfriend had an idea for a meal and really wants to make it happen and I feel guilty saying I won't eat it because I know he'll get disappointed and possibly not even make it for himself. He agreed to use almond meal (need to pick some up after work as well as whatever else he needs) instead of bread crumbs for the breaded chicken part of the meal. Maybe he'll be satisfied with me just eating the chicken and whatever else he was going to make with it.

    This morning I'm making a protein shake...with eggnog, because I can't stand the taste with water and that's all I've got (also having some mashed butternut squash I cooked up last night). I'm at a loss here, this is the most off-track I've been with my diet since I started, I think. I don't know how to get myself out of this without just giving up completely for the rest of the month. I don't want to risk such unstable moods for the rest of the month.

    I am looking forward to sleep tonight, mmmmmm. Early bedtime, please!

    Neti pot: Not working out. The last two times I tried to use it, there was a lot of pain from the pressure as it passed through my sinus cavity. I might try again this morning before I leave, but I don't think I can use it anymore, and I don't know why. Maybe there's too much inflammation from the bad foods I've been eating.
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  7. #547
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    I know that anything grain based always plugs up my sinuses so, yeah, that is no doubt what is going on with yours.

  8. #548
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    Back away from the wheat slowly . . . keep your hands where I can see them . . .

    One meal at a time is how you'll do it. If you can, stop on the way home tonight for veggies or meat that you know you like to restock, and then just do one meal at a time. And if you fall off the wagon, start again with the next meal. I'm betting the better you feel, the easier it will be- and of course the more correct you are, the better you'll feel.

    Tell me it's at least homemade mac and cheese. I mean, if there's cheddar involved, you get some leeway

    What is wrong with the almond meal on the chicken? It sounds like he's being won over!

  9. #549
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    I've been as paleo as I can be, which means I don't even eat cheese sometimes. That's my personal preference. I feel like paleo is the best diet, but bacon is a sensible indulgence. That's why I am here.

    You gotta step away from the wheat.

    I know you can do it .
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  10. #550
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    Grain exacerbates my sinuses, but this is pre-existing before the constant fails in my diet. I need to have a clean month JUST ONE CLEAN MONTH to really see what affects me. I just feel so defeated living with someone else who is not on board with this way of eating.

    Massive headache today. Thanks, sugar addiction (also probably the wheat).

    Nope, not homemade mac & cheese. It's Annie's, the shell kind with white cheddar powder. My old favorite. Not even the stupid gluten-free version. We bought it for boyfriend to use for lunches, though we don't often have milk in the house so he hasn't made any yet. Gawd I just realized the milk is probably going to be an issue for me too. FML. Why do I have to be allergic to things?

    Almond meal-breaded chicken is a good compromise, but it doesn't do much for the big picture (the fact that the mac & cheese is the focus of the meal). I am letting this get to me WAAAYYY to much. I just can't decide when to give and say "Boyfriend wants to make me this food, it makes him happy and it makes me happy to make him happy. Eat the food" or when I should really say "No thanks, but the chicken is lovely! I'll make some broccoli." And I'm sure if I bring this up, he'll be all "Don't eat the mac and cheese then! Geez". I hate being a bother. I hate that eating the way that makes me feel best is a bother.

    I'm sucking on a GABA calm (overwhelmingly pepperminty) and going to brush my teeth (yes at work) soon. I hope I can get my diet back under control soon.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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