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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 549

  1. #5481
    Pebbles67's Avatar
    Pebbles67 is online now Senior Member
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    Yay! For couple's kickboxing. Hulky is a gem. Feel better my friend.

  2. #5482
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    This weekend is a haze in my mind. I don't really remember what we did. Some yard work, some cleaning up around the apartment. I got my passport photo taken, I just need to take everything to the post office & get it shipped w/ a tracking number. We almost got the Mustang to the apartment, but the battery was dead & the spare battery was dead too. Why are car batteries expensive?! FIL says it will pass inspection just fine, but there's something with the exhaust that needs to be checked out before it can be driven regularly.

    I am still sleeping like a rock with strange dreams, but waking up tired. I got a Stress Manager liquid herbal extract at Whole Foods this weekend. It tastes awful. Next time I'll hunt online and get an alcohol-free extract. It has Eleuthero root, Reishi fruiting body, Holy Basil leaf, Rhodiola root, and Schisandra Berry. I haven't heard of all of those before, but the name & the eleuthero/rhodiola were appealing to me. It says to take 30-40 drops a few times a day. I did a whole dropper full in my OJ this morning and will take another this afternoon. I don't think I'll really be able to tell if it's helping unless my mood suddenly improves significantly.

    I feel okay today. Not as despairing, not as miserable. I'm hesitant to say, "I feel better!" because I'm afraid I'll jinx myself and end up feeling crappy this afternoon.

    Food today
    -OJ w/ supplements, 3 prunes, 2 hard boiled eggs (they tasted weird, couldn't bring myself to eat the third one)
    -chamomile tea w/ Stress Manager adaptogens
    -leftover steak & shrimp from dinner w/ my family last night, an orange

    BM - type 3 mid-morning.

    Kickboxing starts tonight! I am nervous.
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 11-04-2013 at 11:16 AM.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  3. #5483
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    Fark, it appears that I may have messed up our transfer of billing from the old apartment to this one. We haven't gotten billed for gas at the new place yet and there's no sign of this stuff in the old account. I can't remember now if I had to make a new account and what the credentials were, if I did. None of our email addresses are working to get credential reminders sent (no record of them). Hulky, like an idiot (because this part is at least HIS fault, while not calling to confirm all this is mine), deleted any emails he got about it. This was while he was away in Maine and I was getting us moved. A phone call to National Grid should resolve all of this, I'm sure. I am all up at arms now because he sounded annoyed and I am a sensitive flower right now AND can't do anything to fix this without any of his account info.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  4. #5484
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    I'm sorry you havent been feeling well! sorry, I didnt realise as I haven't been good at keeping up with journals lately... but I feel you. I hate those periods of anxiety. When I get them I feel like I can do nothing but dig my heels in and wait for it to pass... I hate that feeling of paralysis. Have it today...

    Hugs xxo
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  5. #5485
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    Maybe I should start an anxiety support group. Just kidding, I can't handle that responsibility right now haha

    The gas billing thing got sorted out. They're sending a bill. Hulky was embarrassed that he couldn't find the info on the site and made me call. The customer service rep said they wouldn't be able to help me because I'm not the account holder, but when I told them we've lived there for 2 months and still haven't gotten a bill, she went digging and found a balance. He should get an email about it today.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  6. #5486
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    I am feeling really sleepy. I'm going to try saving the Stress Manager adaptogens for the evening & bedtime tomorrow.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  7. #5487
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    Kickboxing and self-therapy

    Kickboxing - Well, I'm here, so I survived. I'm not sure I'd say it was fun, but I did enjoy it. The class is being held at a local Brazilian jujitsu school in my town. It's actually right down the hill from my parents' house. The community education course being offered just falls during a time that they would normally hold the all-level kickboxing class, but is offered to try and get more people into the school. It was just Hulky, me, and another girl there that were new, everyone else was already attending the school. I like the instructor a lot, he seems like he's really good at teaching & really enjoys doing it. Something about his demeanor reminds me of our chiropractor. Hulky was psyched to be there and stayed for the all-level BJJ class after kickboxing.

    In other news, I suck at jump rope! I couldn't relax & it's been so long since I was cycling that my cardio really sucks. In general, I am uncoordinated (probably from not having been very active my whole life) and VERY SELF-CONSCIOUS. Do you know how hard it is to make silly noises (the breath you make while striking) and kick/punch when you are hyper aware of how foolish you look/sound? I completely blame my parents for this. It's not that they were particularly cruel, but they teased me enough when I was uncomfortable that I have a very difficult time getting out of my head and just doing stuff. I don't like to mess up. I don't like making a fool of myself. Being embarrassed is my worst fear. I had some moments of strong anxiety & panic during the class and had to force myself to calm down and "just do it". I think the teacher's approach helps though. The first class was just showing us a jab, cross, and some kind of basic kick and we practiced on bags. Repetition, no matter how sloppy, just helps reinforce the movement until you can relax into it and not over-think it. That is perfect for me. My upper body is a little sore today and it feels great. I'm still nervous about going back tomorrow evening though.

    One of the other people in the BJJ class chatted with me a little at the end, when I came back to get Hulky and he was changing. He said I'd probably be more comfortable in the intro BJJ class than kickboxing, but I'm not so sure. The whole idea of grappling with strangers is not immediately appealing to me, but I would like to know how to fight or defend myself. BJJ is almost entirely about defense & escape. I can go to any classes I want this week as part of a "trial" for the school, but I think I'll just stick with kickboxing for now. Too much pressure to consider anything else. Hulky, on the other hand, is probably going to talk to them about how to adjust his payment for the community ed class towards actually just signing up with the school. He's been wanting to find a convenient BJJ school for a while, but just hasn't gotten around to looking for the past couple of years. This school opened in March of this year or last. They also have a bigger studio in another town (not close enough) with an octagon and more students, including people who actually go out in MMA fights!

    I have this little pipe dream about Hulky sticking with the school and becoming an instructor or a fighter. He mentioned to me a long time ago that he might be interested in doing something like that. I think I'll tell him and see what he thinks. My encouragement will probably go a long way .

    I don't think I'm doing my primal check-in today. I am just doing some reflection and thinking about how I can work through my self-consciousness.
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  8. #5488
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    -edit- I talked to my mom & signed up for it. Dear gods, what did I just get myself into.
    You got yourself out of your comfort zone and into something challenging. That shows strength and determination. I think you'll do great!


    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    In other news, I suck at jump rope! I couldn't relax & it's been so long since I was cycling that my cardio really sucks. In general, I am uncoordinated (probably from not having been very active my whole life) and VERY SELF-CONSCIOUS. Do you know how hard it is to make silly noises (the breath you make while striking) and kick/punch when you are hyper aware of how foolish you look/sound? I completely blame my parents for this. It's not that they were particularly cruel, but they teased me enough when I was uncomfortable that I have a very difficult time getting out of my head and just doing stuff. I don't like to mess up. I don't like making a fool of myself. Being embarrassed is my worst fear. I had some moments of strong anxiety & panic during the class and had to force myself to calm down and "just do it". I think the teacher's approach helps though. The first class was just showing us a jab, cross, and some kind of basic kick and we practiced on bags. Repetition, no matter how sloppy, just helps reinforce the movement until you can relax into it and not over-think it. That is perfect for me. My upper body is a little sore today and it feels great. I'm still nervous about going back tomorrow evening though.


    I have this little pipe dream about Hulky sticking with the school and becoming an instructor or a fighter. He mentioned to me a long time ago that he might be interested in doing something like that. I think I'll tell him and see what he thinks. My encouragement will probably go a long way .
    I'm with you on the self-conscious behaviors. I hate being self-conscious! It takes all the joy out of everything! I would have trouble making the vocal sounds they recommend while doing kickboxing as well for the same reasons. I commend you for getting out there, outside your bubble of comfort and trying something new. And I'm glad Hulky went with you - I bet that made it that much easier.

    Re: Hulky and MMA... I'll keep my eyes out for his name to come across the screen at the next big fight!
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  9. #5489
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    I thought going on my own might be easier, but I think it was good that he was there so I wasn't just silent the whole time. I had to scold Hulky not to try and instruct me or correct me because he was going at a different pace than me and started giving instruction contrary to what the instructor said . Hulky said we shouldn't stand next to each other anymore at the bags haha
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  10. #5490
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