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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 545

  1. #5441
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks for the love. I think I may have more stories this week, but I'm not sure which ones yet. The ones that are coming to mind are really key stories to my history, I think. They are defining stories. They are things I usually share with people that I feel very close or safe with. My MDA journal is a little safe haven for my brain and I like to know that you guys are out there, kind of taking care of my brain crap whether you read it or not . I think I am in a good place to start analyzing these stories and really find out what they mean to me and why.

    If you want a holiday card from the Hulkys this year, PM me with your address! I'll ask again later, but I got thinking about it yesterday and want to start compiling my address list soon. I can probably afford to send a couple of letters overseas too. If I can get the wedding photos (the friend who took them said to keep bugging him in the evenings & he'll upload them to Dropbox for me), I may use one for a custom card.

    Drama - Okay, not exactly drama. If anyone has some insight on this, please do share. So the friend that came back into my life, lets call him N. He's staying with a friend of his for now, but spends all day looking for jobs and it's only been a few weeks that he's been back here (maybe a month). No job yet. He has three interviews today and he's interviewed elsewhere already, including at my office. Who knows when they might get back to him, however, as they mentioned bringing people in for second interviews at some point and he was the first to interview for the position! Anyway, his friend had hoped to see him "on his feet" with a job by Halloween, but that hasn't happened yet. N is not sure how much longer he can stay with this friend and asked if he could stay with me and Hulky while he gets a job/finds a place. We have the space and N said his family could pay for his groceries, so that's not an issue (and that he'd pitch in to rent or whatever once he gets a job, but I don't think I'd want him to so he can put that towards an apartment instead). It's a very awkward position for him to be in and to put us in (which he is aware of). I want to be there for him. I'd love to be the kind of friend that people can fall back on like this. Hulky said he'd ask Coach (landlord) because he ultimately has the final say. I think Coach would probably set a time limit on this, but if he doesn't, how can I say "you can only stay here for this long"? How do you enforce that? This has the real potential put strain on our friendship and I don't know how to say no without doing that as well. I said we'd call back tonight.

    Sleep - I got to bed early last night. I wore clothes to bed because I've been cold lately (but Hulky was back to his usual furnace-self). I slept well, but still snoozed in the morning. I think it's just an unfortunate consequence of the light levels these days. I'm taking Vit D/K, around 5000 IU for D every morning. Hopefully another night of early bedtime will have me feeling a little more energetic.

    BM - Type 4 last night before bed.

    Food - I had some chocolate last night. Cocoa powder doesn't seem to bother me, but chocolate does. I wonder why. I also had chocolate milk that Hulky picked up. I thought it was really cute that he went to Whole Foods for me last week & got himself some chocolate milk from a local farm. It's expensive, but VERY good. C's family used to have it delivered to their house in glass jugs.

    Today
    -hot milk drink w/ gelatin (supps were slippery elm powder, Vit E, Vit D/K, iodine, niacinamide, biotin, l-glutamine), forgot the prunes!
    -

    Tonight, I have my gut massage appointment. After dinner, I need to decide if I'm going to go out to look for some cheap red shoes or wear something else with my "costume" to work tomorrow. I also need to get more candy for my ghost buddy today.

    New blog post: Nameless Wonders: What bicycling did for me
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  2. #5442
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    I forgot to list a Zinc/copper supplement. It seems like a rather delayed response, but I am feeling really sick right now. It could also be from the massive amounts of mucous I'm swallowing. Fuck cow's milk, not drinking it anymore.
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  3. #5443
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    Even if Coach doesn't give a time limit, you can use him as an excuse for a time limit. I've noticed people are usually more willing to obey if it involves an appeal to authority.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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  4. #5444
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    Quote Originally Posted by naiadknight View Post
    Even if Coach doesn't give a time limit, you can use him as an excuse for a time limit. I've noticed people are usually more willing to obey if it involves an appeal to authority.
    ^ding ding. "Sorry dude, coach said we can't give you more than a month...."

  5. #5445
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    Leaving work early yesterday was a good call, apparently, since I slept on the couch for about 2 hrs. Good thing I set an alarm for my gut massage appointment.

    More on that later.

    I slept well, got up on time, but still feel marginally like crap. Going to work.
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  6. #5446
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    Stress. Stress is the theme of my life lately. I have been stressed since August and I am still stressed. I keep tossing back and forth the idea of going back to therapy. It's a comforting thought in a way, but I can't imagine it will accomplish anything. It's certainly not fear that's keeping me from going, which was definitely a factor in the past.

    Yesterday, I felt despair. I was not really depressed. The future looked bright, but yesterday was crummy. I was very aware of how temporary the feelings were, but that gave me no reprieve. I kept it to myself because Hulky was feeling poorly (sick and emotionally).

    Sources of stress
    -Food and my never-ending sensitivities. What to eat? What can I afford? How long will this take?
    -Constipation
    -Money & the cars
    -Allergies. I am tired of post nasal drip. The neti pot helps a bit. It's perpetual though. Without Allegra or Zytrec, I sneeze throughout the day, but they do nothing for the sinus symptoms.
    -Feeling sick on and off but too guilty about taking time off work. It's the stress, I know it. I feel sad today, but I need to be at work.
    -Hulky's stress, which presents in illness & depression. Hulky not taking care of himself. I want to stay home all day and get him going, but I can't. I left my phone at home today so I can't even check in with him and that stresses me out even more.
    -My friend N and wanting to tell him no (re: staying with us for an unknown amount of time) so I don't take on more stress but not wanting to leave him in a lurch with potentially nowhere else to live.

    I feel like crying today. I am mad about that because it is Halloween. I am not sure how much I will enjoy it tonight.

    The gut appointment - The physical therapist made very small motions on my lower abdomen to massage the ileocecal valve (IC valve, between small & large intestine). I could feel things shifting as he worked. We chatted about the weather and my efforts to improve the constipation. He was impressed by my use of supplements & dietary changes, I think. My gut started gurgling a lot at the end and he said it was responding well. He said the idea of the changes he made is to get the body to "self correct". He said if it's going to help, I should notice improvements within the next few weeks. I kind of think I'm on the right track with my diet right now so it may have been unnecessary, but we'll see.
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  7. #5447
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    Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change?

    N- You can set a limit just like his other friend who is kicking him out can. It might feel awkward on your end but he should understand. He seems understanding from your description. If you are the type who can't say no just pin it on your landlord and lie and say he did in fact set a time limit.

    J- oh man, I have quite a few young romance stories. You are brave for sharing. I don't think I would be able to share mine... My face is on every page of my journal.

    Chocolate v cocoa: chocolate usually has soy in it, and definitely has cocoa butter.


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  8. #5448
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    What's wrong with cocoa butter? Lindt 90% doesn't have soy IIRC, but can't remember what else is in it. That's usually my go-to.

    Yeah, N is being very understanding. He is appreciative of us entertaining the idea of putting him up for a while, even if we ultimately can't. He was also aware that I have a tendency to get a bit Mama Bear in situations like this and he doesn't want me to feel like I HAVE to do this.

    I don't think Coach checks the house voicemail often so we will probably have to call again tonight and then we can decide what we're doing.
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    Hmm. Maybe it is the high fiber content of dark choco then? How much cocao powder do you eat vs dark choco? I know high fiber could cause gastric distress...


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    My Journal: gelatin experiments, vanity pictures, law school rants, recipe links


    Food blog: GELATIN and BONE BROTH recipes

    " The best things in life are free and the 2nd best are expensive!" - Coco Chanel

  10. #5450
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    I have maybe 1 T of cocoa powder a day, that's maximum. I add it to the hot milk drinks I have, which is most days lately. That doesn't seem to cause any gastric distress. If I eat chocolate (bar form), it will usually just be ~1/4 of a bar, or two squares. I don't enjoy the flavor that much anymore, it's just something to eat. I need more dates!
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