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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 54

  1. #531
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    fpsjosh01 is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Oh durr, amidst all that text, I did not really notice that one despite the marker haha. I need to email her about this inhaler I was supposedly getting too. I don't want to use one at all, but if it helps make me feel like I can take a full breath without straining, that would be nice. She'll probably say "it's close to the normal range so it's not concerning" in regards to the Anion gap.
    I don't blame you, this is all because the human body is a crazy piece of machinery. Good to hear your doctor thinks it is ok.
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  2. #532
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    "Yes your anion gap is just below the lower limit of normal. It is not clinicaly significant."
    I love being able to email my doc. So okay, not concerning apparently. Now I'm on hold with CVS to find out if they have the inhaler... They do. Guess I'll pick that up tonight!
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  3. #533
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    As much as I hate the idea of medicine, too- if you don't have to worry about physical issues, it's easier to work on the mental ones. Once you've got your brain sorted out- which seems to be going really well- then you can go back to actually fixing instead of just band-aiding the physical issues. Good luck with it working!

    One of the things I forget about frequently, but like, is just a plain saline nasal spray. I hate using my neti-pot even though it works- but the spray is simple and seems to be enough to re-hydrate temporarily. I got the idea from the brother in Maine for the dry winters.

  4. #534
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    The nasal sprays have never done anything for me. I didn't use the neti-pot yesterday or today (yet), but I think I will in the evening. Overall my nasal passages feel a bit more clear now than they did a few days ago. It could be the sickness clearing up, but if the neti-pot will help at all, I'm wiling to use it. I might as well us up the saline packages it came with, anyway. I might try gargling with the solution too. Ideally I'll be able to tell if there's a difference with regular use (at least once a day) for about a week.

    Fat : Protein : Carbs for yesterday = 106g : 107g : 179g. Low on protein and I usually have more fat. Carbs were way up for a few reasons. I had a slice of cake (I probably won't have any more, it was not satisfying), small glass of eggnog (now I know it's one word, also not very satisfying because it was too sweet and not very creamy), and boyfriend made fried rice. I had him scoop out my portion before he added the soy sauce so I can objectively say if my digestive issues (none so far, not even bloating, but I haven't pooped yet) are from the rice or the soy/tamari. Usually I have constipation and bleeding after eating fried rice So at this point, we can fairly say I am not in ketosis, but my breath still stinks and that's undoubtedly due to the post nasal drip. I don't want to use the Flonase I have a prescription for because it does not seem to help and it's a steroid, but a brief reprieve to confirm that the PND is the issue would be helpful. So I will try it again!

    I may have signed up for a ton of online survey sites...and I may end up getting junk mail for it. Like physical mail. I just get into this mental mode of desperation that screams "SIGN UP! JUST SIGN UP FOR ALL OF IT!" I am probably going to regret this and am going through the process of unsubscribing from most of those sites today (staying at the ones that I can do free/easy things to gain a few cents every now and then, it'll add up to at least $20 earned a month just from checking in which I think is worth it). I just hope I can get rid of the physical junk mail. I use junk email addresses to sign up for this stuff, so I'm not really worried about spam. I have done this kind of thing before and ended up with a subscription to some Golf and Sailing magazines for a few years.

    Ramblings, Ravings and Rants.: Keeping life in lists and journals For today's musings on having a ton of money to blow and a bit about journaling. Feel free to comment there or here! I love comments.

    Today is more shepard's pie for lunch (two more servings left at home that I'll finish off over the weekend for breakfast probably) plus a sweet potato. I don't feel more energized or more sleepy eating more carbs like this. Overall (and I haven't been entirely truthful with my doctors about this), I do feel more energized since I went primal. Today I did not get out of bed until close to 8:30AM, which isn't good, but it was easier to get going than it has been in the past (I got 8-9 hrs of sleep, woot). I think the last step in really getting me going in the morning is going to be motivation. Today's motivation was paying off a couple of bills because it's payday. If I can refrain from spending over ~$500 for the rest of the month, I will have saved a little >< I'm hoping to save at least $200, but that probably means buying nothing aside from groceries for the rest of the month and I tend to pick up little things throughout the week.

    I woke up a bit queasy again today. I wonder if it's from the excess sugar yesterday or the antibiotic. I skipped breakfast and am going to eat lunch soon. I took Mucinex this morning and I think it's made me feel a bit weird in the head. I feel like my head is floating, like when I have a cold, but without the pressure. It's not affecting my focus at least.

    No 'Poo: Okay I MUST get some new conditioner this weekend, something with a mild scent. My hair is a bit grimy (on the length, not at the roots) today. I wonder if I did not rinse it enough after conditioning. It smells musty. After the shower, I added a drop or three of tee tree oil to the rest (not much) of the conditioner after reading about how it can help with dandruff (which appears to be gone today so I guess I scrubbed well enough this morning). We'll see if that helps with the scent, I just hope it's not over-powering. I'd like to find something with a light herbal scent, like lavender.

    Brain: Yesterday I felt very pessimistic. I went into "fuck it" mode and had the cake and eggnog. I told boyfriend that I might get fat this month. I was worrying a lot about how I'm treating my body, even as I was cheating. Today I don't think I'll have as many treats as often as I have been having this week. If he makes more cookies soon, I will probably have one or two when they're fresh, but that's it. I will probably finish off the eggnog anyway, but will try to make it slow (not every day, very small servings). I feel optimistic today. I might not be on track, I might have some of the things I have trying to avoid (in general and as well as in preparation for the elimination diet), I might gain some weight, but I know how easy it is to fix all of these things! Every time my brain tries to go into worry mode today, I find that I am easily able to just tell myself to stop, and stop. It's quite nice. Last night boyfriend and I watched videos on Netflix together and it was nice to just hang out instead of playing video games in the same room. I was so pessimistic I didn't even want to play anything. Today I feel like logging in to WoW, which I haven't been doing much lately.

    Focus & anxiety is good today. The lack of anxiety is actually VERY good today, since I'm feeling optimistic!

    Exercise: With my optimism comes the urge to exercise. I still haven't done anything beyond the KB swings & push-ups I did earlier in the week. If I manage to do that or something like it again before Sunday, I will call this week a success.
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  5. #535
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    +5 primal points for: 40 squats and 40 wall push-ups in the handi-cap stall in the bathroom at work. So proud, haha.

    +100 life points for: Taking the plunge into my own IT support business. A co-worker (the only one I would consider "friend" in any sense) is going to provide consulting services to me for free, as well as potentially design (for a site maybe?) aspects. We even signed a contract! I read through the whole thing and talked to him about it, he started the consulting services to help a friend produce an album on the west coast (he's doing the cover art), but is looking into keep documentation in case he gets more serious with it. Fine with me, if this works out I'd love to be able to put in a good word for him as a former client.

    Now to think of a good name for this venture. TashaTech is the only thing I have right now. Nameless Productions doesn't sound like a business providing services, it sounds like something that markets, but that's the name I considered for a while if I took my crafty skills to sell.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  6. #536
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    Admitting this before bed because the guilt is strong in this one.

    I had Burger King for dinner (tripple whopper, plain with cheese). I drank two small classes of Dr Pepper with vodka. I am bloated, gassy, and content.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  7. #537
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    I've learned that I'm not immune to the carb-monster. Increasing my carbs increased my sugar cravings, which is no good at all. We had Burger King Friday night. We went out to a buffet today and I'm sure everything was cooked in bad oils, but I ate my fill. I haven't had carrots in a while, they were tasty. Tonight I finish off my shepard's pie. I have no food for breakfast or lunch for the rest of the week and am loathe to go out for groceries tonight. Sigh sigh. I really must.

    The neti pot helps a bit with my congestion, but is not stopping anything. So it's allergies and I'm pissed and not looking forward to the elimination diet in January.

    I organized a family photo session today so we have something to give the grandmas for Christmas. There were a TON of outtakes, but I think we came out with a few really nice shots (which I need to order for my mom tonight).

    So for you all, here's my family:

    It was a little frustrating to be reminded that I could really use a course on how to best edit in Photoshop. I do my best, but I just don't have a sense of how to get skin tones right. I've been winging it for years and I'd like a bit of professional direction. I never had the camera to take a digital photography class in college, so I stuck with analog (it was fun).

    And here's my Christmas tree, about as decorated as I expect it will get this year:
    I call it the "reject tree", because all of the ornaments are ones my mom had and had never used or didn't want, plus the ones that are actually mine ("baby's first Christmas" etc). I had to stretch the lights a bit, but I think it works okay. I love having a fresh Christmas tree in the house.
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  8. #538
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    Lovely family and I like your "reject tree"
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  9. #539
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    ^Annoyed that that spammer still hasn't been deleted. The spam management seems to have improved lately, but so far it looks like they're only on top of the older existing spammers (and deleting their posts, thank goodness). I wish *I* could be a moderator! I'm on here 9-5 M-F anyway!
    [edit] Hey it went away while I wrote this! Sweet.

    Recent symptoms & evaluations:
    -occasional increased PND (noticed after eggnog, so could be dairy or eggs, or something sugar-related as it's not the cleanest eggnog, surprisingly the Jack Daniels brand had fewer ingredients)
    -joint aches (not like the post-wheat ones I get, feels more like inactivity aches, which I think is a good thing, I need to move more!)
    -headaches & nausea in the morning (my mind goes straight to pregnancy, but I will wait until I'm done with the antibiotics before I take a test; headache was pre-migraine level yesterday so I took one of my pre-migraine pills to keep it away)
    -itchiness (this occurred in the evening on the night I had Burger King [triple whopper plain with cheese, that's how I roll], I think it was from increased wheat exposure, boyfriend rolled his eyes and called it "internet diagnosis")
    -itchy hands (I was crawling around in the attic yesterday to find Christmas things, so it's fiberglass haha)
    -bad breath (boyfriend does not report on this daily and I hate to ask him to, so I can't say that it's 24/7, but my mouth tasted fairly foul this morning so I'm assuming it's still an issue and still assuming it's from PND)

    Thoughts/personal defense for my own sake on "internet diagnoses": My job often includes cleaning up spyware/virus infections from computers. Admittedly, this is one of my favorite things to do. I can usually find any information I need online (in general) and I feel that I have a good sense of how to glean the more accurate information from the junk that's out there. I trust in my searching skills when it comes to the internet, and I apply these skills to myself when it comes to determining what's wrong with me. I'm not a doctor, so my skills come from experience. I'm not always right, just like I don't always pick the right spyware-removal process, but I learn from each experience. Looking back, I can recall some of my initial thoughts on supplementation for improve mental function & overall health. I still have some of the notes I took from reading "Depression-Free: Naturally" and I can still track down some of the thoughts that lead me to rule out some of the supplements I ultimately never took. Reviewing them now, I think there are some that I might actually try, like CoQ10.

    I'm not a doctor, but I think I know myself better than a doctor. It's been very hard learning how to read my body & my symptoms objectively, let alone with any accuracy. What kind of hunger is this? Am I being over-emotional? My bias is myself and my history of mental health issues. I think this is an appropriate bias to have while considering how to treat my mental health most effectively. My bias has everything to do with getting myself as healthy & functional as possible, and nothing to do with money (except in terms of keeping my lifestyle budget-friendly) or the risk of being wrong. I am often wrong, and obviously still wrong when it comes to treating my brain, but it's not like I'm going to lose myself as a patient.

    So yeah, I diagnose from the internet. What's wrong with that?

    Moving on...

    Neti pot: I haven't been using it consistently, but I feel like my PND and congestion is slowly improving nonetheless. Again, it could be the rest of my illness-induced congestion draining away, finally. Boyfriend found it helpful the morning after drinking. I'm happy if he uses it occasionally. He's considering doing a trial of neti pot rinsing ~1 hr before bed to see if it keeps him from snoring. I like this idea; I think it's definitely a step in the right direction for him.

    Exercise: Yeap...still not really doing anything except for those wall push-ups & squats in the bathroom last week and one KB swing session. Maybe I can do at least that much again this week! That would be another huge success for me.

    Bloating: I think I've gained some fat around my tummy from the increased sugar lately. It doesn't have the same look as the bloating I get that disappears within a day or two. I keep forgetting that I actually haven't finished off the eggnog, so if I'm lucky, I'll keep forgetting and won't drink anymore!

    Food: Today I had two little steaks that I'd forgotten about. I fried them up quickly in some good butter (not KG, but I think it was organic if not grass-fed [[imagines grazing butter sticks, someone please make an image of this]]) and that really hit the spot, despite my nausea. I wanted to have a protein shake (rice milk, 25g of protein per scoop of powder, spoonful of almond butter), but had to rush around a bit to gather some things for the day and get to work on time. The lessened sugar from not having the rice milk is probably for the best. Pfeffernüsse might kill me though. 9g of sugar & ~20g of carbs per cookie. How can a little thing like that have so much? I forgot how much I love them and someone set them out in the kitchen at work. I'm a dummy. I indulged, despite best intentions. Sipping tea is keeping me satisfied for now. I need to hydrate today (might be impacting the headaches over the weekend, I don't hydrate much at home). IF till dinner (chicken thighs & broc, not sure how I want to cook up the thighs).

    I have a grocery list partially prepared, including ingredients for potential meals AND I have the recipes printed out and ready to go. So I'm set for my culinary contributions for the week, as soon as I get the groceries. Today I had to take the scooter (FUCKING COLD), so...not today.

    Sleep/energy: 3-4 days straight of getting in bed by 11pm seems to have really helped me (I know this, and yet I don't follow it strictly). If only I could keep this up! Today is the first day in a while that I really felt like I could get out of bed with minimal effort, but I think the motivation of needing to get in to work as close to 9AM as possible helped (new contractor might be in and I might've needed to set some things up for him, turns out I didn't). I felt energized and ready to go...until I sat down at work. I do not want to be stationary today. As silly as it'll make me feel, I am seriously considering moving my stuff around to make my desk a standing work-station. It's going to be weird peering out over the top of the cubicle walls... Maybe I'll set it up somewhere else for today.

    No Poo: I think I am going to wash my hair conventionally on Saturday in preparation for my winter date with boyfriend. I want to smell nice and look pretty and not worry about my hair getting clumpy or smelling bad. Thinking back on this no poo experiment... there's been some progress, but I'm still unable to go more than a day without "washing" my hair in something (conditioner). It gets too greasy and smells too bad to wait longer. Maybe I need to tough it out (try every other day for a while), but I don't think I'll try that until January, when I'm doing the elimination diet & possibly have time to go out and get a better conditioner/natural shampoo.

    Boyfriend is so pessimistic about his health, it really breaks my heart. I have to remember that he's spent a long time being told by everyone (every doctor he's seen) that he will always be in pain and that he can only learn to manage it. I agree, to an extent. He is not in the mindset that would readily accept another option with zeal, so changes are slow. At the very least, I introduced chiropractic into his life and that was an improvement, if not a cure, to his chronic lower-back pain.

    Josh, boyfriend has said that he's had swedish massages before and they do nothing for him. He can only feel the deep-tissue kinds of massages (he likes it when I walk on his back). Thoughts? I'm just curious about what might make his muscles so dense and un-receptive. I'm sure that has something to do with his pain, as well. Would massage therapy help if he can't even feel it?
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  10. #540
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    In other news (wow I really left you guys a big chapter today and now here's more), I've got babies on the brain. After the "goddammit not another EC" moment a couple of weeks ago, I just keep thinking about having a baby. It's TERRIBLE. I promised myself and told boyfriend that there would be no babies until I'm married. I just need that security for my own mental well-being to ensure that the father would be obligated to assist, even if we split up, I guess. Neither boyfriend nor I are probably emotionally prepared to try and raise a child right now, let alone financially stable. But the idea of experiencing pregnancy and having a baby with him is just so damn appealing. STOP IT BRAIN STOP IT.

    It's causing me to re-think my options if I did accidentally get pregnant. I always thought I would get an abortion, but now I wonder if we might be able to make it work (but seriously, it would not if boyfriend doesn't get a job quickly after graduating so we could at least make rent)... I don't think I could ever give up a baby for adoption. I don't know if I could handle an abortion either.

    I have dreams for the future and I try to hold those first to prevent me from suggesting something really stupid. I want to have a house, or be able to afford an apartment in a nice complex. I'd like to have my own car (even a small one, like a Smart car!) and have some money saved up. I'd like to be able to afford having a stock of cloth diapers and a separate nursery as well as a spare bedroom so there is room for expansion & guests, someday.

    It's funny how these things change. I grew up thinking I would never have kids, I didn't want them and I'd never be mentally prepared for it. Now I think I'm not far off from being emotionally prepared. The idea of being able to directly influence the life of another human being and watch them impact the world sounds beautiful and amazing. I never thought I'd want to have kids this young, but now that I've met and talked to boyfriend's sister (the middle child in his immediate family), who had her first baby at 21, is now 25 and has three, it doesn't seem so strange. I grew up with my friend's parents and my parents not having kids until their late 20s or early 30s (and my brother was born when my mom was 43, though I would NEVER encourage that now because of him having Downs) and always figured that'd be me too (I guess women becoming mothers later is pretty common in this area of the US though, wonder if it's the puritanical influence). I'm only 23. I'm having a really hard time telling myself I am too young.

    but gawd, with how emotional I've been lately (thinking about this gets me choked up), I don't think I could handle a baby crying or getting sick! What happened to that nice stable resolve I had a few weeks ago? I think I will fess up to boyfriend about my recent thoughts. He'll probably freak out a little and then the thoughts will get safely boxed up for a while longer.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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