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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 521

  1. #5201
    theprimalcajun's Avatar
    theprimalcajun is offline Senior Member
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    I will add my hugs to the mix nw. It is perfectly ok for you to grieve! You lost a baby. Please don't feel guilty. It certainly wasn't your fault. I agree with the little ceremony idea if you think that would give you closure & help you move on. Oh & you could've been using condoms faithfully & they have still been known to fail & pregnancy happen.

    Hugs to you as well tomi.
    Goal: Don't worry be happy!

  2. #5202
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    I was thinking about it while washing dishes (headed to bed soon, I swear)... I don't really see it as a baby. It was a potential for baby. A baby that could have been and I missed out on the opportunity. I feel irresponsible, but thinking about it like that makes it easier. There was a potential for baby and there could be again. Just not now.

    So now I'm back to feeling a bit sad about not being at the right place in our lives for a baby, but I'll sort that out.

    Off to shower & bed.
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  3. #5203
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    Sleep - Hulky was out really early so I slept in the other room. He became like a mumbling, snoring starfish and I have trouble settling in once someone is already asleep in a bed. I woke up once to pee & throw things at the cat (two doors through that bedroom and she decides she MUST scratch at the closed one while the other is open) and then snoozed my alarm for 15 min in the AM. I've got bags under my eyes and possibly circles too, but I feel less dead than yesterday right now. I was in bed by 10:30!

    BM - Type 6 late evening yesterday. I had about 1/4 of a bottle of kombucha after dinner. I'm going to cut back on mag citrate today, just having it with lunch & dinner, and have more kombucha tonight to see what happens. I think it made me gassy, but I'm taking that as a good sign, that my gut is actually responding to it.

    Food - I'm glad I got groceries on my way home from work. Shaw's has good prices sometimes, but by shopping there, I miss out on getting the gas rewards points at Stop & Shop. I got good deals on some meat, but I think I missed all the sale prices on squash recently. I need to get more apple cider vinegar soon. I skipped breakfast this morning because I was tired & moving slowly. I'll have a banana with some tea soon.

    Supplements - Out of curiousity, I'm supplementing Vitex again. Not sure of the dose because I'm using it in dropper form & not counting out 56 drops for 2000 mg (which is higher than what I took in capsule form). I woke up with a pimple on my cheek this morning that hasn't come to a head yet and I hope it doesn't. I started Biotin two days ago at 5000 mg.

    I tried to swap the shower heads last night, but the pipe has an adapter on it that I couldn't get off with the multi-tool. The new shower head won't need the adapter. I took the opportunity to clean the holes on the old shower head of some build-up and scum.

    Chiropractor tomorrow! $10 copay because I met my deductible a few months ago. I'm looking forward to reviewing our insurance options during open enrollment with Hulky. That might be as soon as next month. Where did this year go?

    I got to work early enough to put up some window clings in the glass area of my ghost buddy's cubicle. The office does a Secret Santa-like thing in October where you decorate someone's cubicle at least once a week with a little something, or give them candy. On Hallowe'en, we'll reveal ourselves. I wonder when my ghost buddy will start decorating mine. I have to start taking lunch away form my desk so they have an opportunity to set things up, if their hours coincide with mine (unlikely since most people come in later than I do). I'll be putting some party tape up in my ghost buddy's cubicle next week that says "Caution! Fright Zone!" It's purple with green letters. He wrote on his form that he likes Dracula and Frankenstein (though I know he means Frankenstein's monster) so I'm on the lookout for some larger decorations.
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  4. #5204
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    You have a great attitude. Your time will come. Enjoy this free time with Hulky now & look forward to the day when you will be taking turns getting up in the middle of the night! 😉
    Goal: Don't worry be happy!

  5. #5205
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    Mood - I feel a lot better today, but still a bit sensitive I suppose. That will take some time to recover from my recent stress & sadness. One of my favorite bloggers announced her second pregnancy this week and of course that makes me happy, but also a little sad for myself. That's not totally pathetic, right? I'll be okay, it's just that the sadness of the miscarriage kind of got renewed this week so I am doing my best to avoid all things baby-related. I hope by the time that my new nephew arrives this month (holy craaappppppp), I will be feeling better enough that it can be a healing experience to get to hold him. <3

    I didn't get to talk to Hulky much yesterday because I was totally zoned out once I got home & he was exhausted & in bed around 8:30! I did tell him I had been feeling depressed and I'm sure we'll talk more about all this over the weekend. BTW, I've been supplementing Vit D all week and today I feel the difference (it's overcast and I'm happy about it instead of sad once the sun went away). I'm running low on my current bottle and will order this one, to make sure I'm getting Vit K as well.

    Gut - I realized today that if I can't sort out the constipation or find a reliable/easy method for dealing with it by March, I'm going to have to have an OTC or prescription remedy prepared for our honeymoon. I have enough time that I think I could make significant improvements if I keep finding things that work. Fingers crossed that the lower mag citrate amount plus a little kombucha or probiotics does good things for me. Lower mag citrate means progress! I think the intro SCD chicken soup (onions & celery removed before blending) really helps. I'll make more this weekend, probably, and might have it for dinner for a few nights as well as lunch.
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  6. #5206
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    Nothing to add but more Hugs.

  7. #5207
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    Ugh, pretty bad lower abdominal pain right now, probably from gas. I tried massaging it, but I can't stop tensing up enough for it to make a difference. I hope it eases after lunch.

    Edit- heartburn very shortly after lunch. Will go without Betaine HCL for next meal.
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 10-04-2013 at 09:50 AM.
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  8. #5208
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Mood - I feel a lot better today, but still a bit sensitive I suppose. That will take some time to recover from my recent stress & sadness. One of my favorite bloggers announced her second pregnancy this week and of course that makes me happy, but also a little sad for myself. That's not totally pathetic, right? I'll be okay, it's just that the sadness of the miscarriage kind of got renewed this week so I am doing my best to avoid all things baby-related. I hope by the time that my new nephew arrives this month (holy craaappppppp), I will be feeling better enough that it can be a healing experience to get to hold him. <3
    I'm glad you're feeling a bit better! Just take your time... it's the best healer.

    And no, it's definitely not pathetic, and it doesn't make you a bad person (just in case you're thinking that ) So many things in life are bitte-sweet: you can be happy for someone and sad for yourself simultaneously. <3
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  9. #5209
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    Welp, last night was just what the doctor didn't order, but I needed it. Apparently Streetlight Manifesto (ska band) is doing their final tour w/ their record label. I used to listen to them quite a bit and had been to one show several years back. They weren't sold out so Hulky got an extra ticket from C and I bought mine there. I am hella sore and possibly bruised, my septum hurts, my nose bled at one point when my nose ring got jammed into my nasal passage (I took it out after that), and I nearly broke my glasses.

    It was a good time. My first real concert experiences were for punk shows so I only really know how to have fun in a mosh pit when it comes to concerts. It was nice to get back to that. Plus I knew a good portion of the songs so I got to sing along, which I always appreciate.

    Uh, I also drank quite a bit (somehow did not have to pay for any of them, thanks to C and Hulky). But the yeast flare-up is not bad at all! I think it'll be gone by tomorrow! That's awesome. I was supremely hung over this morning because I did not hydrate nearly enough last night (didn't get THAT drunk). Our chiropractor appointment helped a lot with the hangover symptoms, surprisingly, but then I read in the car and nearly puked. Even when I'm not hungover, I can't read in trains or cars.

    I desperately needed food so we got Burger King (with the smoothie I was craving, need to remember that salt & sugar are the hangover remedies). I felt even more sick for a little, but it eased up and I took a 2-3 hr nap. There was also some Facebook drama to contend with when I woke up this morning, but I am deciding to ignore it. I love this friend dearly, but he's a fucking bully. Not sure what I want to do about him, as he usually never directs his pedantic rants at me and I just ignore it. But now I feel like he's crossed a line. Hulky just wants to throw down and I kind of feel like this friend needs it. =\

    It's Chip's birthday today and I think we're all going out to dinner.

    BM - Last night, before we went out, possibly type 6, but I didn't look. Today, after nap, type 4.
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 10-05-2013 at 02:00 PM.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  10. #5210
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    BM - Last night, type 6 after dinner. My poor gut. I gotta hydrate today.

    We had teppanyaki last night for Chip's b.day. Due to my all-day hangover, I did not participate in any drinking afterwards. I did hang out with Hulky, his dad, and Chip while they chatted with a bottle of Grey Goose though. Lots of Army stories. It was fun.

    Food is back on track today. I think I will start my day with some chicken soup.

    I really want to get those shelves in the close today, but my back & neck are incredibly sore (like, could not get out of bed sore). My chiro gifted us a physio ball as a wedding present for some exercises & told me it would be good for me to use at home as a chair. I think the soreness is a combo of the concert, an adjustment, and sitting on the ball for a little yesterday.

    Holy balls, yet another shitstorm brewing over in O&E. Seriously, don't look if you don't want to introduce that drama into your life. It's pathetic.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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