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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 518

  1. #5171
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is offline Senior Member
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    *Hugs* I know how hard that is. Here if you need me.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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  2. #5172
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    *hugs* from me too.

    No blame, no judgement. Things happen; learn and move on.

  3. #5173
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    Aw wow Tasha, both of us spilling our guts within a few minutes of each other! Hugs to you too.

    Can I ask why you feel guilty about the miscarriage? It wasn't your fault. It's very difficult to maintain a pregnancy with low progesterone (which you had?) And you certainly don't need to feel guilty about being laxidazical with condom use... I'd love to know the stats of how many people in existence were planned! I bet most of us were... surprises

    I can't fully understand what you're going through, but i do know that time always makes things better. And it's not your fault.

    <3 <3 <3
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  4. #5174
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    namelesswonder is offline Senior Member
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    You inspired me a little, YB (saw your warning about incoming brain dump), plus I was feeling kind of down about all this baby stuff anyway. <3

    I feel guilty because we weren't using condoms consistently, so the pregnancy occurred because we messed up (and thus, the miscarriage). My sex drive was great at that time, which I take as an indicator that the Vitex was working well for my progesterone levels...but I admittedly haven't had them tested in about a year. I may have that done again after I'm settled with the IUD, just to see how things are. I'd like to test again before the year is up since my insurance deductible is met, lab costs should be reduced . You are right in that I'm sure a lot of people deal with the repercussions of not being consistent with their birth control methods, whether it ends in miscarriage, abortion, or baby.

    It's been long enough that if the pregnancy had not ended, I would have a baby by now. I have a hard time NOT setting these milestones even though it doesn't do me any good to think about it (that is just where my brain is right now. Like next January, I'll probably think about it again, as the 1 yr anniversary of us being stupid fucking idiots.
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  5. #5175
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    It's been long enough that if the pregnancy had not ended, I would have a baby by now. I have a hard time NOT setting these milestones even though it doesn't do me any good to think about it (that is just where my brain is right now. Like next January, I'll probably think about it again, as the 1 yr anniversary of us being stupid fucking idiots.
    I understand that. You're thinking about the "what ifs". And that's fine but... honestly, don't associate this experience with self-blame. You and your partner love each other, got pregnant, and miscarried. There's no blame in that. Sure, being more careful would have possibly prevented a pregnancy, but I don't think you need to feel guilty about that. We've all done it: you just happened to get pregnant. The miscarriage is a separate incident. It's not like you were pregnant and smoking meth.

    Grieve for the what ifs, but don't blame yourself hon. Unfortunately, these things happen, whether the pregnancy was accidental or not.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  6. #5176
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    I see the sense in what you are saying, it just isn't getting through . I just wish it would take less time to get over.
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    I know you probably want to be done with this whole topic, but HUUUUGS anyway.
    yeah, but "hey i'm Khan the sword king" is not normal.... the universe is being fickle... this is a thing... ignore me for a few weeks.

  8. #5178
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    Quote Originally Posted by RittenRemedy View Post
    I know you probably want to be done with this whole topic, but HUUUUGS anyway.
    Indeed. Lots of hugs.

  9. #5179
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I see the sense in what you are saying, it just isn't getting through . I just wish it would take less time to get over.
    What you're feeling is called "grief". Each person experiences grief in their own way. Sometimes, it just takes time. Have you thought about having a small, private (alone or maybe just you and Hulky) ceremony, a kind of way to put closure on the event? Plant a flower--or maybe at this time of year, some tulip or crocus bulbs, in a place where you'll see it from time to time. Perhaps at a relative's house, or a local park, or even at the entrance to your apartment building. If you can't plant a flower or bulb, find a pretty rock and put that someplace as a remembrance.

    *hugs* again.

  10. #5180
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    I suppose I am a long-term griever then. I have a hard time getting over things, it often takes me years... Sometimes, I'll have a breakthrough and it suddenly doesn't bother me anymore. I keep hoping that happens this time because when I get down, I feel just as pathetic as I did back when this all happened. Commemoration and memorials don't really work for me. It's just going to take time. I'll let Hulky know where my head is at tonight.

    I'm glad I finally wrote about it here though. I think it would be more helpful to talk about it with a friend in person. I'm afraid my sister would be mad at me now since I didn't tell her when it happened . I'm also afraid of burdening other people with things that they can't really help with.

    On another note, I bought some Hallowe'en decorations during my lunch break today. Mostly paper plates & napkins, but also a glittery garland. I am looking forward to putting that and my wall decorations up tonight. I also need to get some groceries tonight, but I think I'll go after I make dinner.

    My hydration attempts are on track today so I am treating myself to some ginger tea.
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