Of course, I'm a total hypocrite given I will never have kids.
"I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.
In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."
- Ray Peat
soooo long story short...me talking about having kids is right up there with talking about my last period...they just don't happen so I should probably just shut up
(Please continue chatting...)
On my phone calendar & my cubicle calendar and now here to cement it into my brain: Gut massage appointment for Oct 30th, 5 PM. It's an hour. I expect some of it will be me discussing the issue. $90, as it isn't covered by insurance. IUD insertion follow-up for Nov 7th, 11:30 AM, with my regular gyn. Just need to make sure the strings are there and it isn't coming out or anything.
I should ask my doctor's office when I last had my regular & women's annual because I might've gone earlier this year, but now I can't remember. From searching through my journal, I don't think I have gone since June of last year.
Last edited by namelesswonder; 10-02-2013 at 10:25 AM.
Re: having kids.
My kids were born when I was 21, 24, and 27 years old. The early years were tough, logistically and financially. Sweetie was active duty AF and went into Spec Ops when the kids were 4, 6, and 9. He was gone a lot, so I got to play single parent, work part time, go to school full time. Once I got my bachelor's degree, I worked full time for a few years and things leveled out a bit, although money was still a little tight (this was when they didn't pay the military folks squat). When the kids were teens, I went back to school part time and worked full time. Got my master's degree, a better paying job, and had just the normal amount of angst from the teenagers. When Sweetie retired from the AF ("it's just not fun anymore"), we only had the youngest still at home. By the time I was 49, all three kids were out on their own. And of course money was not a problem any more!
My sister had her first kid when she was 35 and her second one when she was 41. She's 52 years old now and has a 16 year old and an 11 year old at home. She works part time, her hubby works full time. They are both patient and supportive of their kids, but with college expenses still ahead of them, they're not sure when they'll be able to afford to retire (both their kids are brainy, so partial scholarships are possible, but that can't be depended on).
There are pros and cons to having kids early v. late. My sister's kids haven't suffered from financial hardship as much as mine did. OTOH, she doesn't have the energy to practice soccer and volleyball with them (I wish they'd go primal!) I'm 56 now and I can look forward to retiring when I'm 65-ish, but she will probably have college bills still to pay when she's that age. But she has more time and wisdom to handle her kids and I think they've avoided some of the teenage angst that I went through with my kids.
No matter when you have them, be sure your husband also want kids. Children need both parents as willing partners to raise them, and if the hubby isn't on board, you'll be doing a lot of the work yourself.
I forget about things like college. My parents paid for a large portion of my tuition (with financial aid too), so my loans are not so bad. I'm on a 10 yr plan to pay them off (7 to go...) and have not had any issues making payments yet. My grandparents bought me savings bonds that are not yet matured, so I never got to use them for education, but they are a good source for emergency funds (such as recently, when Hulky and I paid off all our medical debt with a couple bonds). I'm glad we have that available to us and hope that we can be setting things aside for our future children too. Hulky was in the Army so that's paying for his education now. We'll have to talk about how we would manage that.
Actually, a number of my bonds should mature within the next 5 years or so. While we'll have to pay taxes on their interest, with a baby in the mix, they could help cover some initial costs if we wait until then.
My doctor responded to my email and said that I don't need to do an annual every year at my age. For the sake of saving money (for the copay and lab fees), I'm going to continue with my Vit D & iodine supplementation, and add in iron. I'll have those tested next year.
I can't remember what iron supplement I took before. In searching, I went to the supplement site that the gut doctor liked. I found this: Moss Nutrition Product: GI Select I Powder 160 g. Looks interesting, contains most of the things I've read are good for healing leaky gut. I wonder how many servings are in the container.
Found old iron supplement in my Amazon order history. I had to dig through this journal to find reference to it & a date. Late 2011. Man, I was a lot more depressed back then. I don't think I realized how bad it was. I forgot how bad it was.
Last edited by namelesswonder; 10-02-2013 at 01:08 PM.
BM - (yest.) Type 6 after lunch.
Food - I had Hulky pick me up some kettle corn last night. The store brand uses palm oil instead of soybean oil. I'm sure a whole bag is way too much to have in one sitting, but I was hungry. Warm goat milk w/ honey didn't sound appealing, felt like it would be too heavy in my stomach. This not-eating-enough thing is really hard to break out of. I've been having this problem ever since I started primal... no, that's not true. I did that before too, I'd just fill up on bread.
Gut - I tried two capsules of Betaine HCL w/ pepsin last night and definitely got that warmth-in-chest feeling they talk about. I guess one is enough, but I'm still getting heartburn after meals. I will try my eggs without a capsule tomorrow morning and see how that goes, but I'm thinking of trying DGL (Deglycyrrhizinated Licorice, how do you say that?!) before meals (I hate timing supplements w/ food). I think the idea with all these supplements is that once you get the food processing normally, your body will heal enough to take over these processes again. So the food needs the HCL in order to come into the small intestines & get hit by enzymes, but if your stomach acid is low, you need supplements to raise that so your liver & gall bladder will act when they're supposed to. If those aren't releasing enough, you still need to get the food processed so you take digestive enzymes. Once the stomach & upper small intestines are healed enough, the body should start to take over...Right?
Supplements - Amazon.com: Designs for Health - Ferrochel� Iron Chelate 120 capsules [Health and Beauty]: Health & Personal Care
Amazon.com: Planetary Herbals DGL, Chewable Tablets, 200 tablets (Pack of 2): Health & Personal Care
On the "to order" list. Not sure when.
Sleep - Did not manage to get in bed by 10:30 due to timing of TV watching with Hulky and then having to wash dishes from dinner. I'll knock back the Theanine Serene to 1 tablet tonight and see if that helps at all. I feel like I've gotten by okay on 7-ish hrs of sleep in the past. Fortunately, I didn't wake up nearly as hard this morning.
Mood - I feel...okay. I guess right now I feel more depressed than anxious, though fortunately it's not bad. The baby stuff has still got me down, though I feel better for having spoken about it with Hulky.
Baby - Hulky and I talked last night. I guess his 10 yr plan is more serious than I thought. He is more concerned about having money for our hypothetical kids' futures than anything else. I feel like having enough to handle a baby would be sufficient, as we'll likely be earning more over time anyway, so we can still save up for college etc. He pointed out that the medical community has actually found that the concern w/ aging parents is with the degradation of sperm quality, not eggs, so any problems would be due to his health and not mine. That's not terribly reassuring. I'm still the one who will have to be pregnant & give birth, and I don't want to be older than 35 (something I've said for years), so that means the 10 yr plan doesn't work for me. Anyway, we will be talking about it more over time I'm sure, but there will definitely not be any attempts for baby anytime soon. Hell, I don't even know if I want more than one kid. I guess we'll see where life takes us in the next few years. Most of my worries lie in Hulky getting a job right after graduating for now.
Apartment - We got our money back for the oil so I can give Coach the check for our security deposit at last! I'll probably drop that by tonight so he can deposit it with the rent check, ASAP. We still need to get a copy of the lease for our records, hah.
Cycling - Hulky and I talked about the car repairs and he is going to cover the deductible. I ordered cycling tights, full-fingered gloves, a headlight, and a beanie to wear under my helmet. Once that comes in, he'll see about getting the car into the dealership for repairs and I will be cycling to work for a bit again.
Wow, it's already Thursday? It's somehow felt like a fast & slow week simultaneously. The filtered shower head arrived yesterday, but we need a wrench to remove the old one.
Okay guys. I need some more therapeutic rambling. I don't think I can really put a trigger warning on this, but it's about miscarriage.
I had a miscarriage earlier this year.
People I told: Hulky, my doctor, my therapist, one person here (needed advice on whether to tell Hulky about the pos. pregnancy test while he was still at work). I'm thinking about talking to Venus about it, just so there can be a friend IRL that I can talk to. I know she will be supportive.
Some of you may remember that I experienced 2 months of bleeding earlier this year. That was the miscarriage. I didn't know until over a month through it.
Sigh. This is still hard to talk/write about (as I am swallowing away tears here at work). Hulky and I chose not to talk about it with anyone in our immediate lives because we both felt so guilty. The reason I got pregnant in the first place is because ever since I got off hormonal birth control (two years ago?), we've had a really hard time being consistent with condom use. It's stupid, but we just lack the self control & presence of mind to deal with them. This was the major motivating factor for getting the IUD now. I'm not sure why I waited so long. It's embarrassing to admit that it was our fault, so that is why we didn't tell anyone. It's not the kind of thing you want to admit to struggling with. It's supposed to be easy, but... we just get too carried away. Please don't lecture me.
I took the pregnancy test (January? February? can't remember now) because I realized I had been eating a lot lately, not visibly gaining weight, and then I looked in the mirror and felt like my lower abdomen was bloated and of course it was, I had been bleeding for a month, but what if...? So it was positive. I went to the doctor the next day, they ran the pregnancy test (testing HCG levels), and it was fairly low, but indicative of an early miscarriage.
I have no idea how far along I was because I waited so long to take a test, but I guess it would have been less than a month since my period was regular before then. I took an emergency contraceptive in January (because we weren't careful *enough* with our haphazard on-and-off unprotected sex ) and that precipitated the 2 months of bleeding, so I think that might've caused the miscarriage. I don't know if the Vitex I was taking at the time played a part too. At least we know we're fertile?
I don't regret it. I mean, it wasn't a choice, but having a baby now would have been very bad for us. I'm completely supportive of abortion and I think I would have had one. Just laying that out there, and please don't turn this into a debate.
So. Now you all know why the IUD was such a big deal for me. And probably why I'm mourning having it now, a bit, and not having a baby soon (like, next year). And I'm still mourning the pregnancy, both for the fact that it started & for the fact that it finished like that.
Thanks for reading. I am tired and perpetually stressed for the past month or more and hoping I can pull out of this soon.
*Hugs* I know how hard that is. Here if you need me.
"No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
My Primal Battle Tome