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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 51

  1. #501
    winencandy's Avatar
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    Primal Fuel
    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I got a bar of Godiva 85%. I think I like Lindt better (and it's cheaper), and will stick with 90%. It's not sweet, but it's so much more interesting and I really enjoy it. I ate two squares, but really could've stopped at one. Next time I'll just take one off the bar so I don't eat another just because it's there. I plan on making that bar last me as long as possible. Maybe even as long as Christmas!
    I like Lindt better too.
    Till Christmas???
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  2. #502
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    Spammers! I denounce you! I report you! GTFO!

    My mommy brought me turkey broth I don't know if there's any SAD crap in it (like veggie oil, ugh), but it seems pretty clean. I had a mug tonight and will be nomming it for at least breakfast tomorrow if not lunch as well.

    And now, more sleeping!

    Oh right. Lifelong Health Starts Here | Mark's Daily Apple This made me really happy. Mark is the shizz. I want to give him a hug someday.
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  3. #503
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    Quote Originally Posted by winencandy View Post
    I like Lindt better too.
    Till Christmas???
    Okay okay. Not till Christmas. It's already half gone. I had two squares tonight. Also, I might substitute my sugar addiction with clementines (my mom brought me a few). I suppose that isn't good but THEY ARE SO DAMN TASTY. Sigh. First I must focus on recovering from whatever illness this is. My mom chastised me for not getting a flu shot.
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  4. #504
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    I met with a nutritionist this morning. She seemed nice, but very focused on a standard schpiel (sp?). She wants me to do 4 weeks of an elimination diet that's pretty much paleo to see how my digestive system is affected and overall fatigue. No eggs, no dairy, no non-primal things, no yeast, and she said I could do some non-gluten grains if I want, but I don't have to. I didn't really get into how I'm eating much except to focus on "meat & veggies". I wasn't sure how best to describe my fat intake and honestly I was just nervous about trying to explain it. I couldn't even bring myself to ask if she'd heard of the ancestral diet. Since I have to avoid whey, I may invest in a rice based protein powder (she suggested a couple, they focus on detoxifying the liver apparently, but they're pricey), but I want to see how I do without it first. I'm not happy about cutting out dairy and eggs, to be honest. It's going to be really hard for me, as those have been large staples in my diet for a long time, let alone since going primal.

    I definitely want to try this, but I'm not sure when to start. I can't eat sugar, citrus, or chocolate during this elimination period either. She said if I start now and was only going to indulge in some egg nogg on Christmas day, that would be okay. She said a lot of people wait until after the holidays. I suppose I could do this for January and just work on eliminating things like tomatoes & dairy throughout December (as well as continuing the battle against sugar) to make it easier. Maybe I'll make some ghee from my KG butter, since butter would be out too. I also know that I'm going to want to indulge in some cookies around Christmas, and there might be a New Years party that we're invited to soo... Maybe I should just wait. I don't know. I'm also worried about how this will affect dinnertime with boyfriend. Most of what I make will remain the same, except for the fallback to eggs & there won't be any cheese or tomato based dishes. I don't want him to have to worry about what to make me, so it might end up that I still make dinner for both of us 1/2 of the week, but we make dinner separately for the other half. That would probably be pretty detrimental to our budget though :-\

    She also said it's unlikely to be a hormone issue since I don't have any significant symptoms that appear in conjunction with varies times in my cycle. I did mention that I'd noticed that all of my mental issues started around/after getting my menstrual cycle regularly. It sounded like some of my blood work was back (I accidentally typed bacon there haha, I don't think blood work being bacon would be good unless it's the new hip word for "good") and it was all good. She said my iron levels were a bit low, but not concerning. I should get the results myself when they are all back and will post them up here for our own edification.

    So big concerns: how to make this work while eating with boyfriend who is not on the diet (I don't think he's interested in doing it too, though he idly wondered if he should see a nutritionist for no particular reason), how to make this work without killing my budget (if he doesn't do it with me), and when to start. Sigh sigh sigh. Any thoughts on this would be most welcome.

    Food: I had some turkey soup/broth for breakfast this AM. My appetite seems to be normalizing again. I am hungry for lunch and have the rest of the soup for that. I had one clementine and am going to finish off the other two before I avoid citrus for the rest of the month (cry cry, but it's clementine season!). Dinner might be meatza (yes, it will use eggs & tomato sauce & cheese!), though I only think we have 1lb of ground beef left, which is not a lot for the crust... or any dinner, for us, really. I'm tired of having to get groceries mid-week, I'm just not good at planning things out. I signed up for a meal plan thingy through Wellness Mama (she did a deal of $10/mo for a sequence of recipes and shopping lists for every week) and I think that might help me get organized, but I'll have to adapt recipes if I do this elimination diet, and I still don't have a crock pot.

    Sleep: Even after sleeping pretty much the entire day yesterday (till 11AM, then 2pm-5 or 6pm after lunch, in bed around midnight), I slept fine with a couple of 5-HTP (which I'm about to order more of) and 1 Nyquil. I am tired today, but mostly from being sick. I had some weird Full Metal Alchemist related dreams.

    Overall health: I am congested like whoa. Considering getting one of those nasal tea pots that uses a saline solution to rinse out the gunk. My throat hurts a little, but overall, I feel better than I did earlier in the week. That sleep really did the trick Resting over the weekend will be good for me too.

    Brain: My typing is a bit off today. The wrong words keep coming from my fingertips. I think part of it is me thinking faster than I'm typing (like almost typing "keeping" instead of "keep coming"). The rest is just weird association (back -> bacon?). My focus is fine considering being sick. Anxiety was a bit high in the doctor's office. I babbled a lot, but clammed up about the things that were really important to me.
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  5. #505
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    I had a melt down tonight, over making dinner. I don't know why that ramps up my anxiety so much. I snapped at boyfriend & we had a really stupid fight. It is SO frustrating to have my brain shut down like that. And I know from the million times this has happened before that I'll feel fine when my body/mind recovers overnight. I wonder what I depleted from this episode, or any of the others, that leaves me so incapacitated.

    Beer and clementines FTW. Maybe some chocolate and ice cream too. I need to have a "fuckitall" night.
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  6. #506
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    I did not eat cleanly today, but I'm okay with it. I put off eating as we had another late wake-up (noon). I am going to keep the shades cracked a bit overnight so hopefully the increased light will wake us up sooner! Anyway I was running around doing laundry and getting groceries, so I nommed on some spring rolls my boyfriend had leftover from lunch his classmate bought. I made us a tasty dinner though of baked pork chops with sliced apples and asparagus fried in butter. I didn't use the KG, but it was some other organic kind of butter and it tasted pretty good (not as amazing as KG though). I had a post-sex nap and will probably take Nyquil & 5HTP tonight since I'm feeling pretty awake and it's nearly midnight. I'm feeling a bit peckish, I didn't eat a lot today, so I might eat a bit of chocolate.

    I've been having terrible bad breath since this summer (when I went primal), according to my boyfriend. It's so bad that I stink up the room at night while I'm sleeping (which is weird because I don't think I sleep with my mouth open?). He doesn't mention this often, but it came up the other day and I feel so bad... Granted I've had constant post-nasal drip for a while and I know that can cause bad breath. Maybe that elimination diet (in January, I think) will help with the drip.

    I forgot to mention that I weighed in at 126lb at the doctor's office. That was kind of my goal. I was surprised, since I guess I've gotten used to my body so the weight did not matter. I figured I was closer to 130. I feel like I might have lost muscle mass in my legs though. It's really time to start exercising. I want to get a 6-pack so I can show my dad that this way of eating plus even minimal exercise can result in an awesome body. He's always been quite healthy, but overweight for at least the last 10 years, and of course there was that recent heart attack.

    EXERCISE. MUST FIND MOTVATION. HRRRRRRRRR
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  7. #507
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    I had SAD PASTA and SAD MEATBALLS with SAD SAUCE, all because I don't care right now. We slip off the path of health for our little reasons, but I'm always damned if I do, damned if I don't. Just make sure you're eating a lot of protein and fat, and your body does the rest.

    You're doing great, as always, keep it up.
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  8. #508
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    The "don't care" is killer, since we know that eating right will help keep those feelings away! But yes. Tasty tasty pork chops. I never trim off the fat (oh and there was butter involved in cooking those as well). I was almost tempted to eat the fat my boyfriend cut off his but had a moment of "your o6/o3 ratios are probably terrible..." and restrained. Maybe I should have just eaten it.

    Having good beer in the house is such a temptation. I'm trying not to say "Well maybe I'll just have one a week and then stop for the diet in January" because that's foolish and would be more than I've had in a while! This really is the season of temptation.
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  9. #509
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    I had two chicken apple sausages and a bowl of butternut squash for breakfast. I didn't' know how to dress up the squash so I ate it plain and it was kind of gross by the end. It's not as big of a breakfast as I'm used to so I got peckish by mid-afternoon, while I was out with boyfriend. The vending machines did not have anything tempting for me (Dr. Pepper or *bucks frappacino in a bottle). We made an egg/cheese/turkey mess around 4:30 that was heavy (literally, the bowl was quite heavy), but divine. Our fridge is rather bare.

    I am sipping on some plain rice milk (probably unnecessary sugar in it) and thinking about having some chocolate. My no-eggs attempts have already failed because 1. I just had some and 2. we don't have other meat foods that I could have for breakfast in the morning. Since boyfriend can handle paying for groceries this week, I'd rather have him pick this stuff up than going out for the millionth time this weekend to get food.

    My sex drive is returning quite nicely since stopping Lexapro. I got close to an anxiety attack today when boyfriend had me drive him in to Boston and took a GABA Calm when we got back. I think it helped.
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  10. #510
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    Okay okay STOP THE SUGAR. It's so hard. I had two squares of chocolate last night and two glasses of rice milk. Maybe that's what kept me from sleeping. My body was exhausted, I was comfortable, but I could not fall asleep until boyfriend joined me. Maybe I was in need of some mental cuddling. I tried to fall asleep alone in his bed, but could not shut off my brain. I moved into the computer room, where he was studying. His monitors are very bright, but we turned off the overhead light and I felt very comfortable with a pillow over my eyes. It was very soothing to know that he was right there, hence the mental cuddling. I think I managed to zone out comfortably ("snooze", to me) for about an hour, and then I fell asleep quickly when he joined me. So I'm probably running on ~7 hrs of sleep from the last two nights combined, which is not great. I wonder if I felt the need for his presence because of the couple of high-anxiety episodes I had this weekend. It was just too hard for me to not have him in the same room for confirmation that he's in the house and OK.

    ---

    Okay, time for some sharing into my personal life: Boyfriend usually gets drunk about once a week. As a college student, this is not so abnormal, but it's certainly not healthy, especially when he most likely has a wheat sensitivity (he will not acknowledge the sensitivity, but he gets stuffy & congested after drinking beer). He's also not your average college student, what with living with his significant other off-campus, is a disabled vet, and is older than many of his classmates (23yr old junior). His drinking habits REALLY concern me, especially now that he's making an actual habit of it by scheduling "drunk raids" on World of Warcraft. He has a lot of fun doing this with our guildmates, but it's so disruptive to me to hear him talking loudly with them late into the night while I'm trying to sleep (the house is not very sound proof) and it's not even like this is the ONLY time during the week that he drinks. He has a beer or two or sometimes gets somewhat drunk at least one other time during the week. I don't know how to communicate with him on this. If I tell him I find it concerning, he brushes it off. If I get irritable about it, he gets irritable right back and starts talking about how I have no right to dictate how he eats etc. It's beyond frustrating. It's like only the most subtle efforts will work to get him to realize he needs to consider how important his drinking is over how it makes me feel and that it's NOT just casual and it IS a habit. I don't know how to be subtle about this.

    We had a discussion about his emotional state this weekend (...while he was drunk) and I was reminded of how different we are. He was essentially raised without empathy. Pain and injuries were simply facts. When his teachers inquire about his healthy, he errs on the side of wanting to tell them to mind their own fucking business, because he doesn't realize immediately that they are showing concern and making an emotional connection and brushing them off is usually considered rude. I am sure all of this affects how he handles my concern over his health, though I am also sure that I just generally don't communicate my concerns well (for the average person, let alone him). It's been a pretty rough semester for him, with two injuries (back and shoulder) and illness forcing him to work with the dean of students to try and get a temporary pass on a class, or lift a course requirement because he missed too much class to get a passing grade in one of his courses.

    But he still tells me he loves me more frequently than anyone else I've ever been with. I just want to make it clear that despite our communication issues (with me being too emotional and him being not emotional enough, hah!), I love him dearly & want to marry him someday. And I know from his drunken-truths that he wants the same.

    ---

    I may have some tea later. I don't want coffee because the aftertaste is not pleasant to me and with the way my head is, I can't guarantee that even a little wouldn't leave me wanting more.

    I need to focus on "3 square meals a day" to make the transition to the elimination diet easier in terms of cutting out/back on eggs & dairy. I don't have tomato-based products (sauces) often, so that should not be difficult. Oh yeah, I think I forgot to mention we made a meatza on Friday! It was somewhat of a fail (that's when I had my emotional freak-out) because the meat-crust separated while baking. We put it back together like it was a puzzle & the sauce & cheese helped hold it all together, but forks & knives were still necessary. It was damn tasty though! That'll be the only challenge with not having dairy AND tomatoes for January

    Today's food: I had rice milk with my protein powder (whey-based) and a spoonful of almond milk. I have this cute little drink mixer (like this, but vintage looking) that my mom was given that is perfect for single serving drinks, plus it has easy marks on the sides so I can measure out 8 oz of liquid. I did not feel like eating more and needed to get going to work. I cooked up two pork chops this morning, one is for lunch (along with a sweet potato, nutritionist said try having starches at lunch) and the other was going to be for breakfast, so I guess I'll just have it tomorrow. Tonight I'm going to try making Healthy Shepard or Cottage Pie Recipe- Potato Free. Boyfriend is skeptical of the cauliflower-mash (I tried to keep it a secret but he saw the bags of cauliflower in the freezer). I haven't tried it before so I hope it comes out okay. I could not find "frozen mixed veggies" so I just got frozen pepper slices, and I opted not to get the cream cheese or regular cheese. It requires an egg to bind the meat, so again, not succeeding on cutting out eggs! Life is going to be easier with a crock pot!

    Overall health: Well exhaustion aside, I feel okay. I am still congested and still have a lot of post nasal drip. I think I will invest in one of those saline nasal rinse pots to try out for clearing the rest of this crud, helping avoid bloody noses (I get them pretty constantly in the winter), and to see if it helps with the usual post nasal drip. It won't be optimal for daily use, but if it helps until I can figure out what's me PND (I get tired of typing the same things over and over - post nasal drip), that'll be great. My chest felt a bit odd this morning and I think it's from the snot settling. I should've taken Mucinex

    Brain: I have tired brain on top of okay-brain. The supps always help, but I can tell from the regular "Wait, what was I just thinking about?" moments that my brain is sleeeeepy.

    I'm out of 5HTP. Nyquil did not help me sleep two nights ago, it just made me shaky. I am going to buy a book on Amazon today so I can read it on my Kindle tonight and/or stay off the computer/TV within an hour before bed (that might not be till midnight, I've got Castle to watch at 10pm!). I am really worried about getting proper sleep tonight.

    And goddammit I want my Christmas tree! We spent yesterday in our footed pajamas aside from the harrowing drive into Boston so boyfriend could work on a group project at his school's library and it was so damn cozy. I bought him red ninja-monkey footed PJs for Christmas and he guessed his present so he got it early
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    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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