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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change?

  1. #4851
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    Jul 2011
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    Revelations on my progress with SCD

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    In the past, I have not felt like various restrictions to my diet for the sake of health have been difficult. I now realize that I have a repeated pattern of "screw it" at some point during a change/restriction. Last night was it for me. I'm sick of chicken soup, even if it's the only thing I seem to be able to digest right now! I'm not following the SCD, I'm winging it, and that is not helping me heal as best as I can. Last night for dinner, I had yogurt with honey. A lot of it. I'm pretty congested today with a lot of post nasal drip. I'm pissed, but dairy is flat-out not an option anymore and I've accepted that. I'm going to strain the whey out and chuck the rest of the yogurt. I am not sure if I should even use the whey.

    I was going to make turkey meatballs tonight to have with spaghetti squash, but I'm not sure I should venture from pureed veggies right now. I didn't technically try reintroducing any pureed squash. I guess I'll just be pureeing some butternut squash tonight to have with the chicken I cooked up last week. Sounds unappetizing. Maybe I'll make the turkey meatballs anyway, just not have them in sauce. I think I want to try onions next to make some of my recipes a little easier, assuming they sit okay with me.

    I had a hard time falling asleep last night and had to resort to some Benadryl. There's a threat of thunderstorms today so I took that and my sleepiness upon waking as an excuse to drive. My sleepiness is making me a bit grumpy so I feel guilty about that. I dreamt about moving last night. C was disassembling the guest bed even though I told him I was going to sleep on that one until the last day. Hmm... maybe I'll just sleep at my parents' house on the last night so I can move the beds over beforehand. We'll see!

    I want to place an order for digestive enzymes and L-Glutamine today. Seems to be the only supplements that I need right now. I've got plenty of mag citrate for the time being. Digest Gold is a highly recommended enzyme blend, but it is very expensive so I'm looking around to see if I can find a reasonable substitute. I am not sure I can afford anything right now. I've had to cover some of Hulky's bills, plus my shopping excursions last weekend... I'll just have to wait to see how things are next week.

    As penance for not biking, I need to do lots of squats today. LOTS OF SQUATS.
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  2. #4852
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
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    Oh my! I love your new apartment! I love the butler's pantry!! So awesome! And the built ins!! *swoons* I love old architecture and dream of some day having a farm house with the same features - big bulky wood door frames, hardwood floors, solid oak doors, built-ins. All that jazz. Very nice apartment. Consider me envious.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  3. #4853
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    Re: Living room. I'd put a couch in front of the windows and the tv in either of the other corners. OR, put the tv in the corner between the sun room and the windows, with a love seat in the opposite corner (diagonally across the room), then put a side chair in the other two corners so that when you pan around the room, you see side chair, love seat, side chair, tv. that'll give you seating for 4, and then when funds are available you can get a coffee table with stools that tuck under it like this for more people.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  4. #4854
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    Interesting idea, Jenn. I'm a little worried about the distance between couch & TV. We have a 40", but Hulky has awful eye sight. You know, one of the things that kept me awake last night was remembering how I used to dry bird's eye-views of my room when I was younger. I'd draw out my stuff and rearrange on paper before I actually moved anything. Since my scales were always off, it never quite worked out how I wanted. I might do that with this space, but actually make an effort to draw things to a reasonable scale. I'll see if my dad can help with that, he's better at drafting.

    The closets crack me up in this place. One is short because of the stairs to the 2nd floor, the other is slightly short because of the stairs underneath to the basement! The closet in the hallway is really deep and I want to find a dresser or set of shelves on the curb to stick in there. Should make storing our sheets much simpler. Current linen closet is very shallow so things are kind of stacked in there awkwardly on the top shelf.

    We're losing a front closet so I might look into putting up some coat hooks in the front hallway. Coach is amenable to reasonable permanent changes, he just wants to make sure they match the existing woodwork or appliances. I could probably find something and see if he likes it, and then he'll buy it himself (but probably make Hulky install it).
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  5. #4855
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    I think it won't be as far as you think. The room isn't that terribly large and a 40 inch tv is pretty big. My living room is 18x14 and we have our couch/tv on opposite walls at the 18 foot length (tv is 18 ft away from couch). Our tv is a 42 inch. The distance is tremendous (allows for our kids to play in a large space) but still easy to watch tv.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  6. #4856
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    Ugh, I'm really hungry. I need to bring more food for lunches. I wish there was something to snack on here, but there's nothing I could even leave at work that's safe for me to eat right now.

    Just 40 more minutes to kill.
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  7. #4857
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    Dec 2011
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    the SCD sounds pretty tough - I don't think I could do it.

  8. #4858
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    Quote Originally Posted by tomi View Post
    the SCD sounds pretty tough - I don't think I could do it.
    I think you could... but you'd have to wait to, first. Tasha wants to fix her gut badly enough to do anything... if you'd reached her point of desire, you'd be able to do it.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  9. #4859
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    Haha, you make me sound desperate! Okay, maybe I am a little. But when you can't poop, something must be done! It's been a year of this!
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  10. #4860
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    TGIF for realz yo

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    My mood/brain state is weird today. I am not sure when I went to bed. I think it was before 11 PM. Even if it was, that makes several nights in a row of later bed times which always adds up for me. Today is "crash" day. I'm not outrageously fatigued, that doesn't happen too often anymore, but I woke up grumpy. I "slept in" (could not fall back asleep so it was not very restful) and skipped my run. I stayed in my underwear until the last possible moment while prepping my lunch & breakfast (hb eggs) and then finally put on a skirt and a cute top. No cycling either. The weather is fine.

    I'm trying not to blame myself for anything or push myself or feel guilty. It's hard. I would like to run tomorrow so I can continue with my efforts. I would like to continue running until the end of the month, at least. Just so I can say I did it. I won't promise myself anything.

    On the food front, I had pureed butternut squash with butter & cinnamon last night. Yum. More today to go with lunch (made more chicken soup but left in the onions this time). So far, no gut weirdness, but the real telling thing will be CAN I POOP?! Sometimes I think diarrhea would be easier, but I think that's just a "grass is greener" thing. Or poopier. I think probiotics are going to be key in healing my gut. Yogurt did seem to help (BM within a few hours of eating it, sometimes), except for the whole it being dairy thing. Betorq reminded me that I could try goat's milk. Whole Foods has it and I think the local farm/market might too. Yes, I promise, if this fails, I will make sauerkraut.

    My toes are doing that swollen/itchy/numb thing again. Not as bad, yet. I guess this is when I go get some B12 tablets or drops and see if that helps. I didn't place my supplement order yesterday because I got nervous about the money. It can wait, though it probably shouldn't.

    I'm feeling a little frazzled about organizing moving stuff this weekend. I want to have my dad help Spackle & sand a couple places on the walls of the current apartment. I need C and his van to move dressers, desk, maybe chairs, and the dining room table. He's only available for an hour. I tried to move the queen sized pillow-top mattress on my own and I'm not sure I could move it more than a few feet with anybody else. This was just getting it up on its side so I could clean under the bed frame. A friend is also going to be dropping off a desk for me at some point (yay, bigger desk for freeeee) and we need to get the couch out onto the curb. It was difficult for C and Hulky to get into the apartment, it's incredibly heavy, and I don't think it has shrunk in the past 2 years.

    I think I will bring some laundry up to my parents' house tonight and ask my mom for help. She is good at organizing these kinds of things. But not her office. You don't want to see their house either. I just feel overwhelmed.

    While I'm here and it's a slightly less public place to gripe: We have, to date, had one contribution to our honeymoon fund aka. registry (and it was from Hulky's mom). To be clear, I am not asking for gifts from you guys. Please don't offer a gift out of pity if you were not going to, that is totally fine. That's why I feel like I can't gripe about it to anyone but Hulky. I also hate sounding so effing money hungry, but I am 95% certain we will not have a honeymoon next year unless our friends step up. Even if they do... it's not going to be much. Gawd, I'm gloomy today. I love travelling and I'm sad we won't be able to do something slightly extravagant next year.
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