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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 472

  1. #4711
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    I have not enjoyed peaches in the past, but I may give them another go. I haven't tried mangos outside of salsas, so those are on the list too.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  2. #4712
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I just did something I normally never do: I read some old pages in my journal here. My hand-written journals are entirely off-limits. I set a rule for myself many years ago that once written, it was not to be re-read. This time, it wasn't a bad idea. I'm impressed with how I've changed in the past two years. It was interesting to see where I started from on my primal journey, too. I was so tired back then, so inactive, so pessimistic, and really struggling with "how to eat" and "how to cook". My living situation wasn't great, being stuck in a room in the attic of Hulky's parents' house. I experienced a lot of bloating back then and while I didn't detail it, I think I had some BM issues too (may have alternated between -D and -C, indicating that the IBS issue goes back further than this past year). I know I remember experiencing constipation as a child pretty regularly, though I wouldn't say frequently.

    It's been almost a year since the chronic constipation started, just shy of a few weeks. I'm sad that I'm continuing to struggle with this, but feel encouraged by how much progress I've made overall, recently and since I started this journey. I have energy, I have much more stable moods, I sleep better, I feel motivated to be active, I AM active, and I feel a hell of a lot better about my body. The thought of biking to work probably would have made me laugh two years ago! I feel proud.
    That's great, Nameless! I don't actually read back on my journal either, but I think it's kind of amazing how many transitions in our lives they end up documenting.

    Recently I found a whole pile of old diaries that I had written. Seriously man, they were full of the most depressing shit. It was just me venting all my anxieties, fears, and despair, but I was going around and around in circles. There was no evolution in thought for a long, long time.

    I tore every one of those journals to pieces. Why remember that shit?

    I know I rant in my journal on MDA, but I do feel that with the support of readers, I have to make myself work through things faster, and see them more clearly. If that makes sense!

    Oh, and the reason I visited: have you ever tried Aloe Vera for your constipation?
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  3. #4713
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    I haven't tried aloe yet! I know I can get aloe juice at the local Hmart (Korean market?) though. I should have some available funds for experimenting next month for some other experimenting.

    It definitely helps to have some feedback as well as the sense of support from this community. There are definitely times I wouldn't have gotten through as gracefully without their help.

    I have a shoebox or two full of old journals at my parents' house. I don't want to destroy them...but I kind of do. I've been thinking about what to do with them for the past couple of years, but so far, no idea.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  4. #4714
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    It can be very therapeutic to have a ceremonial burning of things such as old diaries. As the pages burn and the smoke rises it helps you see that the past no longer has a hold on you and is just smoke in the wind.
    Read post #2626
    my motivation

  5. #4715
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    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    On the one hand, I want to read them all before burning, on the other, I'm afraid of what I might read.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  6. #4716
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    I've kept mine. It was a dark time in my life, but I can see how far I've come. Just having written proof that I was *trigger*suicidal */trigger* whiny, and had no small amount of angst, as well as abuse and family/ money problems as a kid reminds me of how I've come and how much further I can go.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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  7. #4717
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    I suppose I should mention how much I write...! I literally had thousands of pages, full of writing, front and back. I just skimmed through them... saw the same anguish, turmoil and questions on every page. It wasn't emotional documentation of anything - it was helpless, confused, frustrated venting. It felt really good to tear them all up.

    Yeah, try the aloe vera! I've been taking it and I think it's been the cause of my daily runs.

    Also Nameless, I might have a gift for you Last year I bought a jar of 5-HTP. I only took a few of them, and they didn't really agree with me. I must have like 50 caps left, and I hate to let things go to waste. You're the only person I know who uses it. If you like, I could send them to you?! You can consider it a belated wedding gift
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  8. #4718
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    Gluten-free day 4

    Yeah, and part of me wants to keep them, too. They'll continue sitting in a box for now. I need to make peace with them before I do anything.

    Sleep
    -Out of Theanine Serene, so just took 400 mg of magnesium citrate. I slept well! Minimally groggy this AM, but we went to bed a little late.

    Food (yest.)
    -Peppermint tea w/ hydrolyzed collagen
    -kiwi
    -4 or 5 hard boiled eggs (ugh so boring plain and dammit, I forgot Baba's mustard today), banana... was that all? Oh yeah, and a shitty apple. "Extra Fancy" or whatever are really bland. All crunch, no flavor.
    -Pork chop, roasted red potatoes, asparagus
    -a bunch of medjool dates
    -some dark chocolate

    I wonder if the hydrolyzed collagen will have any noticeable affect on my hair growth/strength. Starting off with a buzz-cut is a good way to keep track!

    I need to start working on swapping the taters for something less starchy.

    Body
    -I did some squats this morning, holding the squat just past neutral for about 10 sec. Oof, not doing those before cycling again! I'll save that for the evening.
    -I'm focusing on how I position my right foot a lot while pedaling. It's difficult. I want to make sure it gets worked about as evenly as the left side, but since it's more difficult with the right side being all crooked, it's hard to tell.
    -Dark chocolate has an evacuation effect on my gut. I think I need to stick with having chocolate with other things, and not solo. I've been craving hot cocoa lately so I'll pick up some kind of non-dairy milk soon.

    Supplements
    -I'm going to make an effort to take Eleuthero root regularly. It gives me a nice boost of energy in the AM for my ride in to work.
    -Still so far so good with no 5-HTP or L-Tyrosine in regards to sleep & mood. My PMS week will be a good evaluation time. That should start around/after this weekend.

    Budget
    -I am worrying a lot about August. I keep buying things and telling myself that I'll make up the money in August, but I have to cover Hulky's bills since he'll be away for a class for 3 weeks. I know I'll save at least $40 (from gas) if I can cycle a lot, but I did want to visit people, maybe see Venus in CT. I am probably paying all of rent at the start of September. Scary.
    -Thank goodness things will get easier once Hulky starts getting his living stipends by the end of September. Yay, Yellow Ribbon program!
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  9. #4719
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    I love to read my old journals. Reading them brings back so many memories so vividly! And even the stupid stuff becomes endearing when viewed from the perspective of 10 years later. I used to carry a journal with me everywhere I go. I wrote poetry in them and drew in them too. (I always got the kind without lines.) I'd like to start doing that again. Those journals were creative and emotional outlets, but I feel so dead inside now that I don't really even think I'll have anything to write about. Poetry and drawing? Forget it. God, how did I get this way?

  10. #4720
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    I suppose I should mention how much I write...! I literally had thousands of pages, full of writing, front and back. I just skimmed through them... saw the same anguish, turmoil and questions on every page. It wasn't emotional documentation of anything - it was helpless, confused, frustrated venting. It felt really good to tear them all up.

    Yeah, try the aloe vera! I've been taking it and I think it's been the cause of my daily runs.

    Also Nameless, I might have a gift for you Last year I bought a jar of 5-HTP. I only took a few of them, and they didn't really agree with me. I must have like 50 caps left, and I hate to let things go to waste. You're the only person I know who uses it. If you like, I could send them to you?! You can consider it a belated wedding gift
    Haha not sure I want daily runs, but if I don't take the magnesium citrate, maybe it'll work well for regularity.

    Right now I'm not using 5-HTP (only 5 days so far), so I'll keep you posted. If I'm lucky, I won't be needing any for now! It's been about a year since the last time I wasn't on 5-HTP and felt like my mood was stable. From ~March-August of last year, I didn't take any amino acids for mood support. When my gut went to shit in August of 2012, my mood plummeted too and I started taking it again.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

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