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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 42

  1. #411
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    Primal Fuel
    I don't need to lose weight. I'm well within a healthy weight range for my height/structure & could probably be called "slim". I more interested in gaining functional muscle and improving mental function than anything. I know that if I gained weight I would probably be unhappy, so I am trying to avoid it. I'm pretty sure if I stay primal, I'll be fine regardless. Just gotta watch the sugar intake.

    L-Theanine has been ordered. Phosphatidylserine...I don't even know how to say that! I found some online with a fairly lose dosage per capsule (most appear to be 500mg or 1g per serving, which is more than I'm willing to try at first), and will probably add that in a week or two. I have a hard time trying one thing at a time! Primal calm is only worth it if I can't find more than a month's worth of the other supps at a time, otherwise $50, if I really need it, would be worth it I think.

    I couldn't find coconut yogurt and had kefir instead. I'm having a hard time finding information about what probiotics to take or how often or with meals or without etc. Yes I'm definitely intrigued by the GAPS diet, but right now I need to get back on track with Primal for at least a month before I tinker more.
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  2. #412
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    I hear you on trying too many things at once! I know I also have trouble knowing whether things are good or bad because of what I just changed- or hormones or the weather or changes at work . . . being female is complicated . . . *sigh*

    BTW- I've also had that typically male "That is an epic turd!" moment occasionally. I think that since they're less frequent now, there's more time for them to build up? Who knows.

    Good on you with the wall pushups! Have you thought about weight lifting? I'm finding I really like it, and it helps with my mood. But any movement is movement in the right direction!

  3. #413
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    I was just thinking about the no 'poo thing. If I remember correctly, I think I started with BS/ACV daily. Since my hair started looking greasy at about the 18 hour mark, there was no way I could go to the office without cleaning it daily. Over time, I worked my way to where I am now, which is about twice a week, with water rinses most days in between. I figure I'll keep streaching it out for as long as I can. It's a slow process, but working in an office kind of requires some level of personal hygene. Particularly since I refuse to cover my smells with copious amounts of perfume.

  4. #414
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    Ah good tips on the no 'poo. I kind of thought I had to just STOP and make my head deal with it, but I would definitely like to wash my hair more often! I've just been living with the grease (in an office environment hehe).

    Re: typically male moments: yeaaahhhh. I'm guilty of those. A lot. I'm not particularly feminine, though I never was a "tomboy" either. I fart around my boyfriend a lot (though that may be a relationship thing too). But that poop. I'm telling you. It was huge.

    Okay graphic moment.

    Definitely over a foot long.

    urgh I feel sick just thinking about it. But at least I felt better immediately after! Now if only my navel piercing would heal =\
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  5. #415
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    Hi namelesswonder. I just finished reading through your journal.

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    FOR THE FIRST TIME I CAN RECALL, I thought of something troubling and just let it go.

    I'm in shock.

    I am not that person anymore and I ACCEPT that it happened and it's over. If I ever see him again, I think I could honestly say it was nice to see him again, for closure, and walk away. That's it.
    This is awesome!

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    bbaacccooonnnn. Boyfriend got hungry at the smell of my bacon and I had to slap his hand away. He's a big boy, he can make his own food!
    heeheehee

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I have not been able to find arrowroot powder for thickening though...
    Do you have a bulk food store? I found some there.

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Skin: My skin is still very dry. My forehead seems to have cleared up a lot (pimples are greatly diminished overall), but my hands and lips (and probably legs) are quite dry. My lips are on the verge of cracking & bleeding.
    What if you tried adding coconut oil to your diet? And maybe as a moisturizer, at least on your lips??

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    My mind is all over the place. I can't hold anything in my head for long. I don't want to be here. I want to go home and sleep/cry/hurt myself/curl up into a ball/die all at once.
    {{{{{hug}}}}

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    It's like how I used to eat my muffins by picking at them instead of just biting into them because I felt like it would look too strange. Silliness.
    Isn't that the way you are supposed to eat them? (I used to eat my muffins that way too.)

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I feel loads better today.
    Good
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  6. #416
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    More coconut oil is totally an option. I haven't been cooking with it as much lately because I prefer my eggs in bacon grease (and I have a nice jarful now), but I will definitely use it more for dinner & sauteeing. And by the spoonful.

    I have a membership at BJs Wholesale Club, so I'll hunt around there next time we go (maybe this weekend?). We only go when it's time to stock up on meat, but we haven't gone in a few weeks because we just kept getting it at the grocery store and had bad experiences with buying beef in bulk.

    I like to keep off MDA over the weekend to give my brain a break, mostly because I am on here constantly during the week. Since last week, when my focus decreased significantly with the arrival of the anxiety (which has stayed at about the level from the end of last week, which is manageable & familiar, but not what I want), I've found that I have very little patience in general, and can't stand to read any of the usual journals here until I've written in my own. There are a few exceptions, and that's mostly for the people who comment in my own journal with any regularity (because I like reading their journals).

    I had a few cheats this weekend. A couple of cookies that I didn't really enjoy, a piece of candy out of desperation, half a soda (with real sugar, not HFCS, not that it matters). I just don't care for the taste anymore. I need to accept that and move on, but that amazing revelation seems to have only affected the things I thought of at the time, and is now vanished. I want that feeling back, but I want it WITHOUT the Lexapro. I had a good weekend though, with a lot of productive garage cleaning with my family, a concert (I wore ear plugs most of the time, except for my favorite songs, which is a big change for me), and TONS of sleeping. I completely intended to get to bed early (10pm ish) this week and am not playing WoW for that reason, but I forgot to take into account Skyrim, which just came out and I am a new addict for. Dammit. Anyway, other than the sweets, I ate pretty well, except for too much rice. A late order-out dinner after the concert consisted of gross steak tips, gross salad, and rice, and we got Mexican at our favorite burrito place on Sunday. I got a plate, with steak, rice, guac, lettuce & salsa. It was tasty & filling, but I was constipated later, and when I did go, there was blood No rice this week!

    No 'Poo: Day whatever & a half: As an experiment, I did a BS scrub & then used my conditioner (from Whole Foods, no silicone or sulfates as far as I could tell). My hair felt less dry, but still looks quite dull. I just used the conditioner this morning and my scalp/roots feel very grimy, the length of my hair feels kind of dry, but it isn't clumping. I think I was using too much ACV in my mix. I will do a completely BS/ACV wash tomorrow, but use only a little ACV. The color is still holding pretty well, but I'm starting to want to go back to regular shampoo to get the color out faster, so I can bleach & then dye EVERYTHING blue.

    Today's food: 1cup coconut milk, a banana, 1 scoop protein powder = the shake. I could not finish it. I put my VitD & B12 drops into it. I hope I got most of that. I felt a bit ill and I think it's because I don't usually use quite so much coconut milk in a shake. Too much fat, not enough tangible food. I am going to the grocery store on the way home to get oven cleaner, since my oven decided to start smoking while making lunch (3 chicken drumsticks), and will pick up bacon & more bananas and some other things. My turn for groceries. Boyfriend does not understand how to stock up from week to week and we are still living off the frozen broc (he doesn't eat veggies as much as I do and it's a bit frustrating since it's not like he doesn't know he needs them and his colon issues are MOST LIKELY caused by grains). Dinner will be burgers with leftover bacon weave, even if the beef is brown in the middle (wouldn't be the first time I've done that, pretty sure it won't be noticeable and honestly if I cook it right I think it'll be fine). I hate wasting food because I was too lazy to make it over the weekend!

    Oh we made another bacon weave on Saturday (hence the smoking kitchen, due to extreme grease spillage) and boyfriend made a next level omelette. One half omelette, then cheese, then bacon weave, then cheese, then rest of omelette. An omelette sandwich. It was overwhelmingly delicious (I'll try to get the pic from boyfriend's phone). Boyfriend went by sight and got nitratey bacon, not realizing that it was just a specially packaged thick cut, so it was not as delicious & smoked a lot. I will teach him yet!

    Exercise: Yeah, still not on top of that. I'm giving up on saying "I'll do it...TODAY!" because I keep not doing it anyway. I would like to do my swings this evening, though. I did some core exercises with boyfriend from his physical therapist and surprisingly, I had much less of a hard time than he did. Exercises that involved arm or leg strength were much more difficult for me though. I think part of it has to do with center of gravity, but I'm kind of pleased to know that my core is in much better shape than his (considering how lean & ripped he looks without doing anything). Boyfriend hurt his back again dancing at the concert though. No regrets though, we left during the intermission, but heard the songs we wanted to hear, and had a lot of fun.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  7. #417
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    More coconut oil is totally an option. I haven't been cooking with it as much lately because I prefer my eggs in bacon grease (and I have a nice jarful now), but I will definitely use it more for dinner & sauteeing. And by the spoonful.

    I have a membership at BJs Wholesale Club, so I'll hunt around there next time we go (maybe this weekend?). We only go when it's time to stock up on meat, but we haven't gone in a few weeks because we just kept getting it at the grocery store and had bad experiences with buying beef in bulk.

    I like to keep off MDA over the weekend to give my brain a break, mostly because I am on here constantly during the week. Since last week, when my focus decreased significantly with the arrival of the anxiety (which has stayed at about the level from the end of last week, which is manageable & familiar, but not what I want), I've found that I have very little patience in general, and can't stand to read any of the usual journals here until I've written in my own. There are a few exceptions, and that's mostly for the people who comment in my own journal with any regularity (because I like reading their journals).

    I had a few cheats this weekend. A couple of cookies that I didn't really enjoy, a piece of candy out of desperation, half a soda (with real sugar, not HFCS, not that it matters). I just don't care for the taste anymore. I need to accept that and move on, but that amazing revelation seems to have only affected the things I thought of at the time, and is now vanished. I want that feeling back, but I want it WITHOUT the Lexapro. I had a good weekend though, with a lot of productive garage cleaning with my family, a concert (I wore ear plugs most of the time, except for my favorite songs, which is a big change for me), and TONS of sleeping. I completely intended to get to bed early (10pm ish) this week and am not playing WoW for that reason, but I forgot to take into account Skyrim, which just came out and I am a new addict for. Dammit. Anyway, other than the sweets, I ate pretty well, except for too much rice. A late order-out dinner after the concert consisted of gross steak tips, gross salad, and rice, and we got Mexican at our favorite burrito place on Sunday. I got a plate, with steak, rice, guac, lettuce & salsa. It was tasty & filling, but I was constipated later, and when I did go, there was blood No rice this week!

    No 'Poo: Day whatever & a half: As an experiment, I did a BS scrub & then used my conditioner (from Whole Foods, no silicone or sulfates as far as I could tell). My hair felt less dry, but still looks quite dull. I just used the conditioner this morning and my scalp/roots feel very grimy, the length of my hair feels kind of dry, but it isn't clumping. I think I was using too much ACV in my mix. I will do a completely BS/ACV wash tomorrow, but use only a little ACV. The color is still holding pretty well, but I'm starting to want to go back to regular shampoo to get the color out faster, so I can bleach & then dye EVERYTHING blue.

    Today's food: 1cup coconut milk, a banana, 1 scoop protein powder = the shake. I could not finish it. I put my VitD & B12 drops into it. I hope I got most of that. I felt a bit ill and I think it's because I don't usually use quite so much coconut milk in a shake. Too much fat, not enough tangible food. I am going to the grocery store on the way home to get oven cleaner, since my oven decided to start smoking while making lunch (3 chicken drumsticks), and will pick up bacon & more bananas and some other things. My turn for groceries. Boyfriend does not understand how to stock up from week to week and we are still living off the frozen broc (he doesn't eat veggies as much as I do and it's a bit frustrating since it's not like he doesn't know he needs them and his colon issues are MOST LIKELY caused by grains). Dinner will be burgers with leftover bacon weave, even if the beef is brown in the middle (wouldn't be the first time I've done that, pretty sure it won't be noticeable and honestly if I cook it right I think it'll be fine). I hate wasting food because I was too lazy to make it over the weekend!

    Oh we made another bacon weave on Saturday (hence the smoking kitchen, due to extreme grease spillage) and boyfriend made a next level omelette. One half omelette, then cheese, then bacon weave, then cheese, then rest of omelette. An omelette sandwich. It was overwhelmingly delicious (I'll try to get the pic from boyfriend's phone). Boyfriend went by sight and got nitratey bacon, not realizing that it was just a specially packaged thick cut, so it was not as delicious & smoked a lot. I will teach him yet!

    Exercise: Yeah, still not on top of that. I'm giving up on saying "I'll do it...TODAY!" because I keep not doing it anyway. I would like to do my swings this evening, though. I did some core exercises with boyfriend from his physical therapist and surprisingly, I had much less of a hard time than he did. Exercises that involved arm or leg strength were much more difficult for me though. I think part of it has to do with center of gravity, but I'm kind of pleased to know that my core is in much better shape than his (considering how lean & ripped he looks without doing anything). Boyfriend hurt his back again dancing at the concert though. No regrets though, we left during the intermission, but heard the songs we wanted to hear, and had a lot of fun.
    I'm gonna play the fathering card :-P.

    1cup coconut milk, a banana, 1 scoop protein powder = the shake
    This prevented me from losing weight, all by itself. Albeit I had 2 protein powder scoop shakes, but still, watch out!

    Also, excercise can always take a break. As long as you're doing lots of walking, you can have general health.
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  8. #418
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    I don't walk nearly as much as I'd like to. I might start taking evening walks (we had a really beautiful warm breeze the other night, I felt like meditating right there in the driveway) before dinner. I need to start walking during my lunch break again, since we've been having okay weather.

    I took a break from the protein shakes last week, but today I just really needed to eat something in the AM. Tomorrow: down glass of water w/ supplement drops in it, shower, bacon & eggs (since I guess you aren't supposed to have water with food). It won't be near 50g of protein (taking that idea from leptin reset just because I know it helps me start my day and sometimes I can go until dinner w/o hunger), but I'd rather have real food. I might get some "breakfast steaks" or a few packs of nitrate-free sausage at the grocery store to help boost the protein in the morning.

    I could really go for a bacon-fried egg right now. Time for lunch and then a stroll! Thank you for reminding me

    GABA & Theanine should be arriving today so I will start those tomorrow! If they seem effective for brain function & anxiety, I will experiment by taking one out in a few weeks.
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  9. #419
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    I've come to the conclusion that I'm all woman. High heels, irreverent thoughts, and willingness to get dirty are all just part of the glorious package.

    You know, two steps forward and one step back is still one step in the right direction. You've felt what you want to feel on a more regular basis. I know I didn't really believe people that the way I was feeling wasn't really normal until I'd actually felt it myself. The fact that I knew they weren't just blowing smoke helped me move foward with the process.

    It sounds like the no 'poo is slowly getting sorted out. I know it took me a while to be happy with the results. And a little resignation that I'm never going to have that glossy, cover-girl hair. But I didn't have it with 'poo, so, whatever. I do like coconut oil as a deep conditioner on the ends before a BS/ACV day as needed.

    When you go all blue- update your avatar

  10. #420
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    Oh I so will update the picture! I have a photo of the first blue-ing right after it was done, but I don't like it that much so I will wait it out. At some point I'll probably give up, bleach it, get mad that it's green, and stay blue for a looonnngggg time.
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