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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 40

  1. #391
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    namelesswonder is offline Moderator
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    Haha true about not having an opinion! I started writing in my written journal, it's open right now. My fountain pen doesn't work that well on the hand-made paper (it's too fibrous so it gunks up the tip periodically and not smooth enough for an even flow), but I still enjoy writing in it. The correct writing utensil is important to me! Anyway, it's therapeutic, especially for the mental break I get from the work environment by "checking out" into my journal.

    Couples therapy: Agreed in regards to as long as it works. I just don't think it's right for me/us and I have enough experience under my belt with individual & family therapy to feel quite warranted saying this. EFF ALL Y'ALL! Now I feel better =P

    I'll do some research/keep watching videos on deadlifts. My back feels LOADS better today. I'm going to put off taking more Ibuprofen until after work, and only if I feel I need it. I think that really did the trick to reduce the inflammation & allow my muscles to heal. Or maybe it was just coincidence. Either way, glad it's better! I'll probably hold off on any real exercise until Friday, provided I continue mending at this rate.

    Wonder it is

    ----

    Food yesterday: a recap of sorts. Chicken thighs, asparagus with olive oil & salt, a sweet potato, and TWO slices of pumpkin pie without the crust. The SP was first, at least 1/2 hr before dinner. Stomach was hurting probably immediately after dinner or towards the end of the chicken thighs (but they were SO TASTY, lots of dark meat). I ate the pie partially out of boredom & because I'm willing to eat that, but not the cake, and I want them GONE. Candy bowl is still sitting untouched and I think I'm going to start throwing handfuls away or put it out of sight in the cupboard.

    Food today: Another morning of not hungry in the slightest. Had to choke down my 1cup of delicious Kefir with probiotics. I took all of my supplements. Josh raised a good point about keeping carbs low for the rest of the week (I'm not exercising so why increase the carbs?) and increasing fat since I kind of carbbed out last night. Seriously. So much asparagus. My pee smelled terrible =P. Tonight will be pork chops with sauteed peppers & onions. I might have a few chicken sausages heated up in the micro here at work, but I was busy during my hungry period around 1pm and now it's gone, so I think I might just wait. Boyfriend can reheat dinner, I am going to start as soon as I get home.

    Brain: I realized late last night that the increased anxiety I've been having over the couple of days (and overly emotional response to things written online, as opposed to last week, when it did not phase me, and I was very positive and optimistic) can probably be attributed to the stress of injury (both myself and my boyfriend, whose back was killing him again last night [he slept most of the evening away after resorting to taking one of his painkillers and missing class again]) as well as the change in dosage with the Lexapro. I'm taking 5mg on T, Th, and weekends, nothing on MWF. I'm a little concerned that I'm feeling a change at such a low dosage adjustment, and will hold off on any more adjustments until I can look into this more. I think I need to supplement something else for the anxiety in particular (as opposed to 5-HTP which I believe mostly combats depression). What am I deficient in that's causing the anxiety? Must re-read some things.

    The good thing about decreasing the Lexapro is that this transition is a familiar feeling to me. With the increased anxiety, I get some mental clarity. I am coming to conclusions about the way I respond, the way I think, and the way I feel much faster than I was before. This also occurred when I went primal and started supplementing L-Tyrosine. Good progress I think I am taking on too many things at once so after I finish these probiotic drinks, I'll lay off them till I get the anxiety under control.

    Now, back to work. I'm sure I'll be bored within an hour or two anyway.
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  2. #392
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    Oof. I should have waited till dinner. My stomach is still gurgling a lot (had some gas last night and this morning). I ate 3 sausages (~33g of protein, maybe equal fat?) and had to stop. I feel a bit icky.

    Edit: Aww shit. Now I've got myself in pregnancy-scare mode to explain the appetite issues. It's highly unlikely given that the food issues have only been very recent and my period was just two weeks ago (well ended around that time), but I guess I'm stopping by CVS on my way home to assuage my fears. Curse you anxiety!!!

    I will try to resist buying chocolate. And leaving work early because someone needs my help around 4pm (but maybe I can swing 4:30).
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 11-08-2011 at 12:03 PM.
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  3. #393
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    I'm not upset, I just think you have to be careful to be compassionate about the words you choose. Like someone on here said, counseling is not just for the broken, it is used for growth as well.

    I'm sorry that you had a bad experience with it.

    Anywhoo I feel ya on the pregnancy scare, mine was a wk late for the first time EVER due to my stressy stresserson. Terrifying.
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  4. #394
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    Test was negative. I know you're supposed to take it in the AM, but I know I'm not preggers anyway. I've taken more tests in the years since becoming sexually active than I care to admit, all but two because of my anxiety (those 2 were from being stupid).

    I had an anxiety attack (what I call an anxiety attack anyway) at the end of the day today. Just started to get really anxious and upset and nervous. I could barely think or focus. Driving home was scary. I stepped into CVS and couldn't remember why I was there for a minute. I got home and found my boyfriend skipping class again because I'd sent him an anxious text and he wanted to be home for me. He made dinner. I wasn't feeling hungry, but now I'm eating & it feels okay.

    I need to do research tomorrow and get some GABA soon.
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  5. #395
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    I am worried about having another anxiety attack like the one last night. I am worried about the $$ I need to get the supplements that might help me. I know that this is all a sign of the withdrawal and I'm worried that I won't stabilize and I will have to wait until I can afford/find the right supplements.

    I am going to see a doctor about adrenal fatigue as soon as I can, but I'm not sure how many doctor's visits I can afford because there are ALWAYS bills beyond just the co-pay. My FSA is just about up, which means I'm technically paying my doctor's bills till the end of the year. Too many doctor's visits this year.

    My mind is all over the place. I can't hold anything in my head for long. I don't want to be here. I want to go home and sleep/cry/hurt myself/curl up into a ball/die all at once.

    No-poo: My hair was a bit grimy but looked pretty nice after I combed it and used the hair-dryer on the cool air setting, but of course I had to take the scooter to work so it's all shit looking now. Must invest in proper hair brush to help with helmet hair! I am trying to postpone using BS/ACV until at least tomorrow, though I don't know if waiting longer between "washes" will help with the transition or is pointless. I really scrubbed my roots & scalp in the shower this morning and I think that helped a bit.

    Food: Boyfriend made pork/mushroom/egg scramble thing last night. It was tasty but I could barely finish one small bowl. I had 4 squares of 90% Lindt dark chocolate (delicious). This morning I felt like maybe I could eat, but I'm just feeling too shitty to bother and will probably go without eating the rest of the workday. I actually feel hungry for the first time in over a week (the kind of hunger that will leave me shaking and thinking even less clearly)

    I don't know what to do. I'm not in a good mental place. I only have 4 days of PTO saved up so I really can't afford to miss work (I need to save up for the Spring for weddings & vacation), but I'm absolutely useless here right now. I wish I could check myself in somewhere and have someone fix me.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  6. #396
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    I often write you replies and then delete them because they never sound right. I'm sorry you're in a bad space right now. My withdrawal from medication was vicious and I would never want to go through that again.

  7. #397
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    I've gone through this so many times before, but being so much more aware of how brain & thought process and everything is making it so much worse.

    I appreciate the thoughts Panda! I like shared words if even they sound wrong because you bothered to write at all
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  8. #398
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    Quote Originally Posted by drssgchic View Post
    fpsjosh01- that's not a correct description. According to the link you provided. What you're describing is a straight-legged deadlift, which I just learned is, in fact, a legit exercise, but it's not a plain deadlift. I don't think the name has anything to do with dead bodies. I think it's because you're lifting a dead weight (as opposed to say, a child, that can move and might help). But I could be wrong.
    Also, sorry about that, I gave the best description I could in 2 minutes, had to go change a diaper lol.
    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I've gone through this so many times before, but being so much more aware of how brain & thought process and everything is making it so much worse.
    Smile and give someone a hug today. Hugs make the world a better place. Or something like that.
    Last edited by fpsjosh01; 11-09-2011 at 09:10 AM.
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  9. #399
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I've gone through this so many times before, but being so much more aware of how brain & thought process and everything is making it so much worse.

    I appreciate the thoughts Panda! I like shared words if even they sound wrong because you bothered to write at all
    I went through withdrawal constantly because my doctor was very, very lax about renewing prescriptions. My last one felt like I had had my spinal cord plugged into an electric socket, my brain was all over the place, and I was on stage performing when it started. I am sure the audience attributed the sweat running down my face to passion for music, and all I could do was count down the minutes until I could get the fu*k off the stage.

  10. #400
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    Getting off of meds is hard. I guess I was lucky that I really didn't know any different when I did it. I can see how knowing what/how these things are affecting you can make it that much harder.

    I don't have any great words of wisdom, but hang in there. You don't need someone else to fix you because you are fixing yourself. Really. It's always darkest before the dawn and all that.

    I hate those "I couldn't possibly be but I have to have proof" pregnancy tests. You know you're just being silly, but it really doesn't matter. And of course the stress is always helpful with making your period show up on time . . .

    BTW- sometimes the solution really is chocolate for dinner.

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