Oh the relationship is overall positive, it's just these situation to situation deals that I can't figure out. I would consider going back to therapy just for this, but it wasn't any help before when I'd try to work out what to do. When I get exceptionally frustrated or depressed after/because of an argument or moment of tension with my boyfriend, I do sometimes think "Is it really worth this? Do I really want to stay with him if he's going to behave so childish sometimes?" But I do want to stay with him and I do think it's worth it. Things have definitely gotten better in the way that I handle these moments, I just have to remember that it takes time. If he continues to be a dick and does not improve himself, however, that lease may not be getting renewed next year. It's a two-way street, but I think it's not worth reminding him since then I just sound accusatory. He'll either work it out on his own, or he won't, and that'll be that. His overall attitude has improved quite a bit since we've been together. He has a lot more patience with people now. I will continue to try to let my behavior and responses be the light for him (if he's flipping out and I respond calmly and/or walk away from the situation, I'm pretty sure it will flip some switches for him at some point).
I've definitely taken my frustrations out on him, but I always make an effort to apologize for it later. Sure, it doesn't undo my mean moments, but I just want him to understand that I now know what I did/said was stupid and I will learn from it. That's the point of an apology, in my view. Maybe he doesn't get that. Maybe next time I apologize for something, I will sound it out completely. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier, I regret letting myself get overemotional and not walking away before I said something hurtful. I'm hoping that by saying this to you now, this may not happen in the future." Sounds silly, but I can imagine it being effective, especially in that if there's a next time, I would be rather embarrassed by having to say it again!
His chest pain: I will gladly brainstorm with him, but not when he's being irritable. With all of the shit that I've had to try to figure out with myself, I went through the same problem he has gone through so many times: doctors just don't have the answers. Obviously this is not true 100% of the time for 100% of all possible problems, but it has largely been the case for me. I think that he is not going to really see improvement until he chooses to educate himself and take his health into his own hands (and I am SURE his irritability would decrease with a proper diet). But I love him anyway, and part of why I love him is his intensity and passion. He needs to make the decision to heal himself before I can truly help him.
Thanks for the concern guys I'm not worried about backsliding because I already feel over it for the most part and I am able to keep in mind all of the progress I've made these past 4 months. I think I'll try not to post on here when it's been within an hour of some kind of argument or whatever that was. It helps me process the situation to write it out (for example, this post, where I decided that I'm not going to bring it up), but for my sake, I am going to make a renewed effort to put those frustrations in my written journal. It's just as effective for my brain and it's good practice for my creativity. Also my leather-bound journal is pretty and I write with a fountain pen =D