Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 37

[drssgchic]

I discovered that the diluted baking soda is necessary on the roots, but the diluted ACV should be kept off the roots otherwise it looks too oily. I'd love to know what it does to your blue, though. I had blue hair for a little while, but gave up because it's such a fragile color. Then my supervisor asked me very politely to please not do that again. But I have a new supervisor now

I hear you about seeing all your own flaws. It might not make a difference, but I'd like to second that the "gut" you see is only seen by you. You looked great! And I'm all for genuine costumes not the "Sexy Whatever" that seems to be all you can buy.

[namelesswonder]

Thanks for the tips on the hair. I'm lucky that my local management said that "unnatural" hair colors would not be an issue since I am not dealing with customers Sony did not allow unnatural hair colors, unlike Apple! Also they don't care about tattoos here, which is good because I'm going for a consultation for one on Saturday!!! So excited. I just hope that we can put the actual tattooing off until next month so I have more $$ to spare, otherwise I'm going to have to dip even MORE into my savings account in Maine (which is kind of emergency only).

I got some nice comments from parents trick-or-treating with their kids, especially those who had little superheroes. They didn't know who I was, but I guess it was obvious that it was some kind of super-outfit (though more like super-villain! even though she is a minor character). I hate "sexy-whatever" outfits and strive to make my own outfits every year, no matter how simple. I hope to do the same with my future hypothetical children!

[namelesswonder]

Day 1 of no-poo experiment: Okay it's technically not day one, but today is the first time I used baking soda (which I will call BS) and apple cider vinegar (ACV) in my hair. The last time I washed my hair with standard shampoo was 4 days ago, and I conditioned two days ago. 4 days ago is also when I dyed my hair blue, using Manic Panic's After-Midnight blue on partially bleached (highlighted) hair. I have just been rinsing my hair with water up until today. I think part of what has enabled me to not wash my hair (usually the grease build-up is bad enough that I cannot go one day without shampooing) is that I put a lot of hair spray in my hair 4 days ago. The conditioner I used was to break up the hair spray. Maybe I should have started from "a clean slate", so to speak, but I don't want to stop now! I dumped some BS in a measuring cup and added a little water to make a goopy paste and scrubbed it into my scalp and roots while in the shower this morning. I rinsed and then poured a bit of ACV in the cup, added a little water, and carefully dipped the ends of my hair in it, and poured it over the sides and back of my head. Then I dumped the excess over the top. I scrunched my hair up and just moved my hair around a lot to make sure I was getting it evenly "rinsed" then I rinsed with water. I don't know if I rinsed well enough after because I can still smell vinegar around my person. My hair feels lovely though. It has that slight dirty feeling to it that makes me feel like a film is left on my hands when I touch my hair, but is very soft and actually holding some body. I saw some blue come out when I rinsed out the ACV, but that will probably continue for a while since I have not washed my hair since I dyed it and the dye usually "bleeds" for at least a few days with regular shampooing.

If my hair feels okay tomorrow, I'll just massage my scalp and work my fingers through my hair in the shower and put off another BS/ACV treatment till it feels gunky in the AM.

Yesterday's food: So I had my insanely delicious smoothie throughout the day. I was too scared to not eat in case I suddenly got ravenously hungry. Last night was white rice, gravy & meatballs with broc. The broc was frozen (see next paragraph) & super cheap and tasted fine so I am definitely going to be getting frozen broc from now on. I was still kind of hungry afterwards and had some more of my 86% dark chocolate, but only one section (it's broken into small blocks, I just had one row going the short way). Then I gave up and just drank water and didn't feel hungry by the time we went to bed.

I made a quick stop at the local Shaws after work. They had a very sad selection of frozen veggies (mostly legumes, corn & broc/cauiliflower). They have the creepy meats there! Like livers (chicken & beef), tongues, and turkey and chicken necks! And gizzards! What's a gizzard? [[googles]] Okay... is it offal? Should I eat it? I want to make a stew with chicken necks or something funky like that and not tell my boyfriend till after he's enjoyed it I think a stew is going to be my next big cooking adventure. Maybe this weekend! I have not been able to find arrowroot powder for thickening though... I think this weekend's expenses will include supplements, the $50 deposit for my tattoo consultation, and stew ingredients.

Today's food: I bought some chicken apple sausages at Shaws yesterday and heated them up in the microwave this morning for breakfast. Roughly 42g of protein unless I read the serving size wrong (I think it was 6g for one serving, with 7 in the package). I was not hungry when I woke up but was nervous to not eat. I should have just brought them to work because I could have heated them up here. I made a smoothie and put it in the freezer at work for later. I am kind of hungry, but it's not growing so I'm going to wait it out and keep drinking water. Dinner will be something entirely meaty since Shaws had such a poor veggie selection, unless we want broc again.

Skin: My skin is still very dry. My forehead seems to have cleared up a lot (pimples are greatly diminished overall), but my hands and lips (and probably legs) are quite dry. My lips are on the verge of cracking & bleeding. I am trying not to resort to using lip balm because I am worried about creating a dependency (is that possible? maybe I'm just being silly) and because I am sure through diet I could resolve this. I think the change in weather is also a big factor, as it has been much colder here lately. I think we're getting a high of 50F today during the daytime.

Sleep: My back was incredibly painful yesterday. It felt like the first day all over again. I resorted to taking one of my boyfriend's pain pills (well, half, he took the other half because he was in EXCRUCIATING pain by bedtime) and it was what helped me fall asleep. I switched to a new magnesium pill (magnesium malate?) that's something over 400mg per pill, but I'm not sure how much I should be taking. I did not get enough sleep, but boyfriend was jumping out of bed this morning for once so that helped me get up. I do not have any obligations tonight except maybe making dinner so I will try to get to bed early. I kind of want to sleep in our spare bedroom (with the bed I brought from my parents house, bought last year from Ikea) because the mattress is pretty firm and I find it quite comfortable. I wonder if that would help my back recover more quickly. Boyfriend might be raiding tonight though, and that's the computer room too, so perhaps not.

I have a chiropractor appointment tomorrow morning. Soooo looking forward to it. My mom is giving me a ride to and from work today to help out and I may be able to borrow her car tomorrow if boyfriend needs to bring it to the shop to finish getting those last couple of things fixed/replaced from the accident in July.

Supplements: To recap, I take two 500mg capsules of L-Tyrosine on days that I am not having a protein shake (because it has nearly 500mg in a serving), or one when I do have a shake. I ran out of Vitamin D, but will be getting more soon and increasing my dose to 10,000IU/day for a month, then decreasing to 8,000, then 6k etc. I take 3 fish oil capsules in the morning (over 1g, not sure how much exactly) before any food to avoid fishy burps. I take 500mg of magnesium malate and a B-complex at bedtime. They do not seem to help me sleep, so I am unsure of the dosage or if I really need the magnesium (because of the lesser quantities of red meat that I consume and lack of offal, I believe the B-complex is necessary [I eat red meat 2-3 times a week]). I am unsure if I want to bother with a multi-vitamin. I'm thinking no.

Family concerns: Boyfriend's sister, L, is a great lady. She is fun to talk to and I would love to hang out with her, but I am shy and she is very busy caring for her 3 kids. She's my sister's age (25). From the dietary issues she says her kids have (lactose intolerance & all had acid reflux as infants), I believe they could truly benefit through a primal diet (as well as just in general, don't need the symptoms to convince me!). Even more now, I believe her oldest son, who we'll call Junior, could benefit from cutting out grains and increasing proteins. I think she does make them eat veggies, but they eat plenty of junk food (including SODA!!! Junior is almost 4, Princess (the daughter) is 2, and Monkey is 4 months old today) and grains, and she's pretty lax about letting them eat dairy despite their sensitivities. She does not get great support from her husband since he works two jobs 80hrs a week, and she is slightly disabled (has "drop foot" and very little feeling in that leg, so her mobility is greatly affected), so she runs the house on her own. I am heart-broken to see how Junior is affected by this SAD that she lets him eat. He had delays in verbal communication and now he randomly hits himself. I realize that this is accepted as "common" toddler behavior, but on top of acting like he has ADHD (beyond the average 4-year old's crazy energy), it worries me.

But this is not my battle. If L and I ever end up hanging out or getting closer, maybe I'll brainstorm with her about any concerns she has. I just wanted to vent.

[fpsjosh01]

It's good that you're aware of these things. Not many parents are, and already you're doing a great job.

I hear ya on the venting thing. My radio on NPR today was about aspergers and all I wanted to do what shoot the radio. They didn't mention ANYTHING about diet. They just assume it's another reason to make sure you are eating those (HEALTHY WHOLE GRAINS) HWGs and I almost freaked out.

Gah. SAD is sad.

[namelesswonder]

Seriously dude. I imagine little sad faces whenever I describe my food as SAD. SAD-meatballs and SAD-gravy. There are now sad faces drawn onto the meatballs and into the pot of gravy in my mind. It makes it a little less...sad. =P What a wonderful acronym.

Also wowowow how is it that I write so much about myself? I can just go on and on about what's going on in my head. Anyone who reads this shizz is a saint!

[fpsjosh01]

Good luck with the boyfriend btw, tell him getting massage is manly. if it hurts while he's not moving his back (i.e. lying down) then just be nice. No deep pressure.

[namelesswonder]

Yeah I wasn't going to risk hurting him with my fail massage skills, but I'm tempted to splurge and send him off to a massage parlor. I'm pretty sure he would go, no fears about loss of masculinity there (he's gotten them before but not for a long time). At this point we need to get the muscles to stop spasming before we do anything else. If we can find a yoga class in our budget and on a good schedule, I will definitely do it with him.

also forgot to mention that I bought pecans yesterday. Are pecans habit-forming? They were delicious. I had a handful after dinner and had to force myself to stop!

[fpsjosh01]

When you think of nuts, think OMEGA-6. Primal peeps like to keep nuts to a minimum for that reason, other than that, I guess they're ok.

DON'T GO TO A PARLOUR.

As a future Licensed Massage Therapist, (yep I get my own title too! LMT) I've experienced their massages. Those guys are all about getting you in and getting you out.

You want a REAL LMT. Those guys busted their butts to learn their trade at school, pass a REDICULOUS knowledge test, THEN they have to go to the local public health board and apply for a licence. In this economy, support the self employed LMTs who work their tails off to keep their licences.

Also, you don't have to be a skilled therapist to give a back rub, those parlours don't just keep themselves up on their own ya know.

Or you could just do this.

[namelesswonder]

Oof, but that means more $$ (and I already have his Christmas gifts planned!). Will watch video soon. I've tried giving him massages before but he says I don't press hard enough for him to feel anything. His muscles are very hard. It all ties in to his WoE and chronic back pain, I'm sure. Swedish massage looks interesting.

Grumble grumble. Boyfriend was impossible to talk to because he went to the ER and they spent 3.5 hrs to tell him they couldn't do anything for his chest pain. I had a hard time hearing him over the phone and being sleepy today, I could not exactly follow the train of words coming across to me. I got confused and thought he was going in for his back and was ready to talk about "So we need to get your back to stop spasming before we do anything else, right?" and then yoga etc., but he was all "NO I went for my chest. Thanks for listening to me, ever." And I could hear the sarcasm, so I know he didn't really mean it, and that he's just frustrated with the situation, but I am not okay with him taking it out on me. Yet another situation of "we'll calm down and it'll all be fine later, but it bothers me that he did that NOW and I don't know if I should bring it up or not". I said "Okay well I'm going to leave you alone now" and then he called me a jerk, which he only does when he's kidding and/or being apologetic. Yeah, a real grown-up I've got here. He gets incredibly frustrated by time being wasted, in traffic and in doctor's offices. Me, I am not phased on the slightest. I could comfortably zone out for an hour because I know I have to wait and it feels like no time at all. It's only when I have a real feeling of the limit of time (like two hours and ten minutes left till my mom picks me up from work) that I get bored and time passes slowly and I can't just zone out.

I know I will get over this just fine within the hour, but I feel like I'm not "rolling with the punches" as well as I should be. Should it upset me like this when he takes his frustration out on me? I feel like a need a relationship guide right now, to tell me when it is appropriate to discuss something that upset you, and for what kinds of things, and how to bring it up. It may just be from not getting enough sleep last night and my own back pain distracting me. The fact that I got off the phone with him immediately instead of getting upset (crying, which I feel like doing, which DEFINITELY makes me chalk this up to fatigue) is a huge improvement over the past though. I was mindful enough to realize that there was an issue and get away from it.

[fpsjosh01]

Oof, but that means more $$ (and I already have his Christmas gifts planned!). Will watch video soon. I've tried giving him massages before but he says I don't press hard enough for him to feel anything. His muscles are very hard. It all ties in to his WoE and chronic back pain, I'm sure. Swedish massage looks interesting.

Grumble grumble. Boyfriend was impossible to talk to because he went to the ER and they spent 3.5 hrs to tell him they couldn't do anything for his chest pain. I had a hard time hearing him over the phone and being sleepy today, I could not exactly follow the train of words coming across to me. I got confused and thought he was going in for his back and was ready to talk about "So we need to get your back to stop spasming before we do anything else, right?" and then yoga etc., but he was all "NO I went for my chest. Thanks for listening to me, ever." And I could hear the sarcasm, so I know he didn't really mean it, and that he's just frustrated with the situation, but I am not okay with him taking it out on me. Yet another situation of "we'll calm down and it'll all be fine later, but it bothers me that he did that NOW and I don't know if I should bring it up or not". I said "Okay well I'm going to leave you alone now" and then he called me a jerk, which he only does when he's kidding and/or being apologetic. Yeah, a real grown-up I've got here. He gets incredibly frustrated by time being wasted, in traffic and in doctor's offices. Me, I am not phased on the slightest. I could comfortably zone out for an hour because I know I have to wait and it feels like no time at all. It's only when I have a real feeling of the limit of time (like two hours and ten minutes left till my mom picks me up from work) that I get bored and time passes slowly and I can't just zone out.

I know I will get over this just fine within the hour, but I feel like I'm not "rolling with the punches" as well as I should be. Should it upset me like this when he takes his frustration out on me? I feel like a need a relationship guide right now, to tell me when it is appropriate to discuss something that upset you, and for what kinds of things, and how to bring it up. It may just be from not getting enough sleep last night and my own back pain distracting me. The fact that I got off the phone with him immediately instead of getting upset (crying, which I feel like doing, which DEFINITELY makes me chalk this up to fatigue) is a huge improvement over the past though. I was mindful enough to realize that there was an issue and get away from it.

Spending 20$ on a half assed massage because the therapist is barely getting paid is no incentive for the therapist to be good.

Yep, it's 60$, any more and you might be over charged.

If he's experiencing chest pain like that, then something else is going on. You can test to see if it's muscular if it gets worse when he actually moves his arms/body. If it's just static pain that doesn't go away, then something else is going on.

Lastly, I was pretty childish until I stopped eating wheat, it helped me mature because of my issues.