Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 367

[namelesswonder]

Hulky's athelete's foot was back when he first broke his foot and was in the aircast all the time (except for showers).

I'm going to switch sheets tonight and wash them this weekend at my parents' house. I'll scrub the tub floor too, and pick up the powder on my way home.

Our #1 venue choice got back to me and I spoke with the owner briefly. It sounds really amazing and she sounds awesome and apparently she knew my grandfather, though I didn't get around to asking how. She said he was one of her favorite people . Basically, she did an amazing job selling the place to me without actually telling me how much anything costs. She works as a facilitator, so we'd still be using vendors and caterers, but she helps pick them out with lists of businesses she's been working with for the past 18 yrs. Hulky wants this place badly enough that he said he's willing to take out a loan so we can bump the budget up to maybe $10k. I will call her back tonight to see if I can get some info about how much the place costs, in terms of room rentals, equipment use, and all that. I just need a rough range or at least a base price!

[jenn26point2]

So is that place available on your wedding date???

The pill your doctor will give you to stop the bleeding will be a hormone based pill. All these problems started with the EC, so more hormones to fix it might cause other hormone related problems.

I'm really surprised the tea tree oil didn't work on your AF. It is an antifungal afterall. Maybe you should give it another consistent chance to work? Use the powder for your shoes (or wash them), scrub out that shower and change the sheets like Tomi suggested, but I'd stick to the oil for the toes. If it doesn't work after consistent use, maybe see about using a topical cream - just to avoid putting more chemicals in your body - since that's the main reason we're here - to avoid putting foreign things in our bodies.

I can't wait to hear more about the wedding!

[namelesswonder]

Can't wash my suede moccasins or my combat boots . I agree with the chemicals and such. I just want it to be over. I should get some more q-tips so I stop drying out my fingers though .

After over a month of bleeding, I'm willing to take something hormone-based if it will stop this. I am scared this won't stop on its own, after so long.

I forgot to ask if the venue actually available on 6/28/2014 ><

[namelesswonder]

I feel stressed out and irritated. I had a driving dream last night(some kind of collision always occurs in them, last night was the car flipping a few times due to icy roads, bumps in the road, and a hill we couldn't slow down on; no one was hurt). I used to have those a lot and never made any correlations with them and anything going on in my life, but I can't remember the last time I had one. I feel like it's linked to my depression. I do not feel awesome today.

I'm really hoping that means I can lower the 5-HTP dose, so I'm going to try that tonight. Fingers crossed. I really don't want to have to increase it. It could also be linked to hormones. I don't want to start Vitex again until I'm completely out of the woods with this shark month business (closing in on 2 months).

Apartment: Basement has been flooding a little on our side recently. Appears to be some issue with the pipes buried. Land lady told us we'll just have to deal until/unless they dig up the floor to re-lay the pipes. She said if we get a washing machine, that shouldn't aggravate the issue. Then she brought up the Mustang and asked that it be used/removed from the driveway and off the jack stands by the end of the month. Definitely reasonable for her to request this, though we didn't intend for the project portion of the car to go on for this long. We will be using it as soon as it's ready, as Hulky wants to drive himself to work so he can work longer hours. Hulky's broken foot delayed progress with it and then snow happened. I plan on ordering some parts needed when I get paid tomorrow, and we are taking the wheels and tires to a garage this weekend to get them mounted. Then we just need to talk to his dad about whatever is needed to finish getting it road worthy, so I can get it inspected. I will take it to work and Hulky can use his car. And then we'll figure out wtf we are doing and if we really need both. There is nowhere else for the car to go because Hulky's parents' have a full driveway, we can't park on the street, and my parents' have my sister's abandoned car project in their extra spot. Technically, their street is private so we could park it there, but seems unfair. F*ck, I wish we could MOVE. I can't even look at my email account right now to read another email because it makes me want to cry.

Last night, I wanted burgers, so we went out to Boston Burger company again. I got the Vermonster again. We split garlic/parm fries and they were amazing. Hulky didn't like all the garlic, but I thought they were perfect. I am hoping I can bake them in the oven tonight and they will be decent enough reheated that way. I didn't finish my burger, made sure to pay attention to my stomach because I knew I'd be a bit bloated after the cheese & wheat (and sugar in the sauce, I'm sure), and I think I did a good job. We ran into my dad at the train station on our way home, he was on his way home from work, so we got a ride from my parents, though it's only a 10 min walk.

Bedroom (TMI): I haven't been able to orgasm the past two nights. This wasn't a problem last week. Either it's too much/little 5-HTP (meaning, problems with amount of serotonin in my system) or it's all in my head and I'm just stressed from the period business. I was really happy having noticeable improvement in my sex drive recently. I haven't had problems orgasming for several years, not since I got off Prozac in college. From the beginning of my sexual activity in late-teens till I got off Prozac, I do not remember being able to orgasm at all. Not being able to right now makes me feel a bit more depressed, just knowing that I'm dealing with this again.

I am worried about going to the doctor's this evening, in this state of mind. I don't want to be any more upset than I already feel. I want to feel okay for our party this weekend.

[namelesswonder]

Lovely. My account just over-drew because of an automated loan payment. I forgot there's one that goes on the 14th. Most of the others will go next week, around the 21st. I can't change the other one to go at the same time as the others, only beginning, middle, or end of month. #*@!suckers. At least I have money in savings, but my bank is probably still going to charge me some fee. #*@(#)#) #(!(!( @*@(!@@##$

[tomi]

Oh Sweetie! You are getting it from all sides!!!! Dang it! I hope you get answers at the doc - and get that flow to stop! Taking the hormones for this type of situation is probably better than letting the bleeding continue. If the EC messed up your hormones, maybe something else can set them straight again. I think same goes for getting that AF cleared up. Just use the meds and get rid of it already! Although I agree with Jenn that natural is always better and I try to always go that direction - there are the odd cases where medicinal intervention trumps natural options. With nature always being the superior choice, it isn't always the timely remedy. Gotta weigh the good with the bad.

Pats on the back for having savings to come to the rescue of your depleted checking account. Not everyone has the forethought to make sure they have some money for those "oh crap" situations.

The wedding venue sounds promising .............. but may I caution you on the debt taking for a one day affair? Think how long it will take you to repay that debt - and it won't be just the 10K - it will be 10K plus interest - and it may postpone or keep you from being able to afford other things......... like a mortgage - or a baby. I always cringe when I see people going into debt for that ONE day of their lives - when it will become a burden financially in a short time to come. Think very carefully with your logical brain......... not with the "dreams of that special day" brain. You can have an amazing wedding day on the cheap and not suffer the financial aftermath. Think............. one day bash? or our own home and babies without financial stress?

Okay - I'll put my mothering hat away now! Don't want to overstep the invisible lines of cyber-friendships --- but I felt the strong urge to offer my "red flag" warnings!

That being said - whatever you choose to do - have fun with it!

[namelesswonder]

We are on the same page with debt stuff, Tom , no worries. Just frustrated.

I came home to find the water off and internet out with no explanation. Once the water is fixed, they have to wire something into the outlet that the modem is plugged into. Or whatever it is, since we have Fios. Then I have to call Verizon because everything is still hooked up right now, but only the system standby light is on. Should be more on to indicate connectivity to the connection outside of the house. I wish it was as simple as a router reset but it's on the other end.

At least the cat is snuggling on my lap.

[naiadknight]

Yech. I'm sorry your day has sucked so bad, hun. I hope it gets better!
In terms of the wedding, I really really REALLY hafta caution against going "Even a little" into debt for one farking day. If the venue is overpriced, it's overpriced. Move on. THat said, if that's y'all's path, it's y'all's path.

[namelesswonder]

The water didn't come back on until after 8 last night. Poor plumbers were apparently there for over 8 hrs, from before Hulky left for work! We're pretty pissed that the land lady couldn't take two seconds to call one of us or email and let us know the water might be off when we got home. It went longer than expected anyway, but a heads up would've been appreciated. I would've felt more inclined to be sympathetic about their busted hot water heater. Hulky fixed the internet when he got home and I (dipped into savings again and) ordered us a delicious double-pepperoni pizza. It was EXACTLY what I wanted. I don't like the Meat Lover's pizza from our favorite place anymore. Something about the grease from the pepperoni is juuusssst right.

My mom emailed Hulky and me yesterday about wedding budget but I didn't get anything from her. Asked her to send again this AM, still nothing, but I don't know if she's sent it yet. Asking Hulky to forward it. Hulky said something about a higher budget than I expected from my parents. That is exciting, but I'm still super nervous about the ridiculous cost of this thing. If we could bump it up to $8k...I wonder if that would make our #1 choice feasible. The thing I am most worried about is that the place charges $50/person as the sort of base price. That includes a lot of things, but that means we'd have to be REALLY careful to keep the guest list constrained. If people didn't come, we'd probably have to pay for their attendance anyway and that would suck.

How on earth can we save up around $3k between the two of us to pitch in for this shindig? Especially considering how crazy things have been for us lately. Hulky reminded me last night that we aren't always going to be dealing with medical bills and doctor-related expenses. Those have been the main things that have bitten us in the ass lately. I don't think I'll have any money to put into savings at the end of this month, which is not surprising with our trip to Maine and everything. Every month that I can't set anything aside, I worry.

Looking forward to therapy today. No idea how I feel about what kind of schedule I want to continue on (bi-weekly or...tri-weekly?), but I guess we'll talk about that.

Bills are all paid. Gotta pick up kitty litter tonight so I can empty the entire thing & clean out the dust. Kitty has been coming out of the box with dust all over her lately. I might bring my sheets over to my parents' house tonight. I guess I'll cook dinner tonight since we ordered out yesterday. Tomorrow, Hulky is tackling the errands for the car and I am tackling apartment tidying to prep for our party.

I'm currently running an experiment with taking regular doses of 600mg of Ibuprofen. I want to see if that helps my elbow pain as well as my constipation. I read an article yesterday that basically said that you can take all the stimulant laxatives and stool softeners in the world, but if your problem is gut inflammation, you need to address that to restore normal bowel function. Senna and Cascara were recommended. Funny, I swear I've read that senna is not the best choice, but I can't remember where/why. Senna is easy enough to get, so maybe I will try a tea or something to see if that makes this problem easier to manage, while I continue with the colostrum & probiotic treatment.

Funny and totally random: I read somewhere that applying Monistat to your scalp can speed up hair growth (did some Googling about it after, no one is quite sure why it works, but it does). I spoke to someone that I know from another forum who is doing it and she applies it twice a week and it's made a huge difference in growth rate (she's growing her hair out from a buzz cut). It'd be relatively inexpensive to try if I get the kits with the applicators that you have to fill yourself (not pre-filled), since you don't need a whole tube per application. Maybe I'll just try it once a week, on a weekend, for a little while, but we'll see :P. Would be really cool if I could get my hair even longer than normal growth rate before the wedding! Maybe I should just focus on keeping it healthy though.

Doctor's visit yesterday (TMI): I told doc that I'm still bleeding, just a little. She said if it turns into a regular period soon, nothing to worry about as long as it stops normally. For some reason, she thought I might be starting my period now, and today I'm having some cramping, so maybe I am. I wonder if I even have anything left to shed at this point!

[namelesswonder]

Therapy was good, I felt good in it, though we talked about a lot of things that made me uncomfortable and embarrassed. I'm glad we have such a good rapport. My therapist can basically ask me anything at any point and I am willing to dig into it, even if the answer isn't easy to find. We talked about sex. I knew it was going to come up eventually and I've avoided it so far. Anything that bothers me is, I feel, fair game and a good topic for therapy, and I've definitely had some issues with sex esp. in regards to my low libido over the years.

It wasn't until after my session today that I felt really stressed out and kind of sad. Hulky is comforting me over email. I feel like I have not been able to recover entirely from jury duty, but that is probably also from questionable hormones and such right now.

I felt bloated this AM and didn't have breakfast. Not wise. I had my orange slices before my appointment. Time for soup and leftover garlic-parm fries. I hope the fries heat up okay because they were DELICIOUS.

I took 150mg of 5-HTP last night. We got to bed a bit late because we watched Stardust, at my request. I pretend proposed to Hulky with the pizza box. We need to get his ring finger sized so I can save up for a training-ring for him (not really an engagement ring, just something so he can get used to wearing one). I want to get a silver spinning ring.