Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 335

[namelesswonder]

I feel like we used to, but it's changed a lot even in just my lifetime. It's been a few years since we had snow like this. Hulky says Christmas of '08, but I don't remember. He would've been home on leave, I would've been home for winter break. My photos on Facebook (I am a chronic chronicler of life via photos) indicate no more than 1ft that winter, from what I can tell. I still had my bug back then .



I remember getting at least 8" a couple of years ago when I worked at Sony & lived at Hulky's parents house half the time. We had one snow last Winter, on Halloween of '11.

[Mud Flinger]

It's the mental part that I'm struggling with right now. I feel deprived and denied.

Pre-paleo when I discovered that night shades were a huge problem for me, I felt this way. The more I researched the more I found that these foods were just poison for me. Now it is almost simple, it is like my brain does not recognize these things as food anymore. I can smell a pizza cooking and it smells good but I just don't want it. Same thing with bakery. It is a pain sometimes to always change a recipe that calls for tomato ( haven't found a good substitute ) but cauliflower, turnips and root veges fill in for potatoes and black pepper subs for the whole pepper group.

You are worth the effort that all these changes can make. You deserve to feel great. Sure it takes some effort, but look at how hard you work at the rest of your life.

[namelesswonder]

I don't have problems with wheat, really. I had some wheat things a few weekends ago, but it was pretty easy for me to put those aside and not continue eating them. Now it's potatoes & gluten-free goodies that I have trouble saying no to. Well, I can say no to potatoes, but they are so damn convenient. I made gluten-free dairy-free cookies today. Would've been better with darker chocolate chips, but they're super tasty. Great texture, great flavor. I ate half the batch, at least (supposed to make 20 cookies, I made 12-16), just today. So what is it that I couldn't stop myself from eating them? Sugar is addictive for me. Not always, sometimes I can say no. Ahh... I haven't been eating enough. Somehow, I am nutritionally deficient. It all ties back to my gut. Vitamin D deficient for years, now iodine deficient, was ferritin deficient last year. I have to eat regularly, eat enough, eat nutritionally sufficient so that the temptations can be pushed aside. It's setting up that base/foundation that is requires the effort. I can't cheat in this, that's what stopped me from making progress with this gut thing over the past 5 months.

I am worth it. I'm getting married next year. Somebody loves me beyond my imagining and I am learning to love myself too. I want to look and feel healthy. It's a far out deadline, but giving myself that much time makes it feel more attainable, even though I may have this all straightened out before then. Even though I want this all figured out long before then. I want to reach my fitness goals before the wedding.

Thanks for making me think, everyone. It's time to make a game plan.

[namelesswonder]

w00t I took a day off from journaling. I used to always stay off on the weekends. Think I might go back to that.

A treat for my MDA buddies: Hulky giving Fae some catnip. Er... "some". She was funny last night. She seems to have good portional control with catnip, because she didn't eat all of it (thank goodness, it was a LOT).


Our parents met yesterday! Dinner was fun, they seemed to get along well. It was also my parents wedding anniversary. 29th, maybe? I think they had two years under the belt before my sister came long. I had a margarita at dinner. My dad got more than a little tipsy. He's almost as much of a lightweight as me, on the blood thinners. He gets goofy when he's drunk. It was mostly swapping stories, but they found plenty of common interests and background to chat about. My dad is a WWII history buff, due to my dad's father's involvement, and Hulky's dad being stationed in Germany in the early '70s.

I finished off the cookies yesterday. As I have been saying lately, "at least they're gone now." Aside from the margarita, my dinner was primal. Steak & shrimp with peppers & onions. I ate the guac & shredded iceburg lettuce, didn't touch the rice or beans with cheese. Lunch today is the last pork chop we had with some broccoli. I'm still thinking about how I want to implement my EMF protocol in terms of lunches. I will have some bone broth tonight before dinner (I have to pick up some meat on the way home). I have 32 oz left, 16 of which is still in the freezer, from a few weeks ago.

I found out yesterday that I'm still sensitive to coconut oil, but only if I have it "straight up" or just in tea. Cooking my food in it is fine. The oily "flavor" (I use refined, scent of unrefined is too overwhelming to me) doesn't bother me as long as I use extra salt. No complaints! Love me some salt.

My goal today is 54 oz of water while I'm at work, and at least another glass at home. I have a 27oz Klean Kanteen (metal water bottle) here at work, so I just need to fill it twice.

Snow clean-up continues in my town today. Schools are still mostly closed, but my office is open. I drove slowly & carefully, shifting early for best traction. The tires on the Civic are good, but 4 years old now, so Hulky wants to replace them later this year. I hope we can afford that. I got some quotes on catering over the weekend, keep forgetting not to use the word wedding, it looks like the only way we'll be able to afford our wedding is if we put it together from different vendors instead of a package from a venue. Still haven't heard back from our #1 choice, 1 week since my email (I called Friday & left a message).

It's snowing a little right now, but is going to turn to rain later. This will be good for some areas, as the roads are still a mess in my town and this might help clear things up a bit for the plows, but if it freezes again later, the roads are going to be worse. Our driveway is lined with huge piles of snow, and shaded by the houses on either side too. Unless the land lady has someone come clear it more, it's probably becoming a sheet of ice tonight. I'm sure she won't.

TMI (related to having a uterus): Shark week started on the 2nd, but was incredibly light. Sometime just before the weekend, it picked up a little. Now it seems like it's started over at a normal flow. Very confusing. Still want to blame the EC. It's been about a month since I took it, I think. It's never affected me like this in the past, but I wasn't taking Vitex then either.

[justyouraveragecavemen]

We got 12" of snow in 2011 and it shut north Alabama down for almost a week. That's the most I've ever seen at one time. We had maybe 6-8" back in the late 80's that I remember pretty well though. Almost as common to us as snowstorms are ice storms. We had one in '97 (maybe '96?) and lost power for 9 days. Trees were overloaded with ice and breaking limbs off which in turn fell on power lines. You could walk outside and hear the limbs snap, it sounded like a gun shooting. The roads couldn't be plowed because there was no snow to speak of, just a layer of ice on everything.

As for the parents meeting, at least it went well! I wouldn't know anything about all that, my wife's mom and my mom grew up together. My wife's dad is a sales rep for a beer distributor so he and my dad hit it off pretty easily.

[namelesswonder]

Hulky was more worried about our parents meeting than I was, but it rubbed off on me and his mom. He thought that his dad being a mechanic & my dad being a tinkerer would mean they might clash on topics that go into "how to do things". The Mustang came up once, and it was just a re-cap of what's left to do. I am not sure I understand why Hulky was SO nervous about it. Sometimes, it seems like he paints my parents in a really bad light to his mom. He can be a harsh critic of people he wants to hold to a higher standard, for my sake. He is very aware of any slights they have made towards me and does not forgive for those easily. I appreciate his loyalty & devotion, but it can be a little hard to deal with sometimes!

I don't think we've had ice that badly all that often. I know there was a big ice storm when I was in college, I remember people talking about losing power for days, but my school was okay, if a bit slippery.

I nibbled on a lime last night and one of my lower front teeth started to hurt immediately. It's still really sensitive. I guess my teeth are not in the best of shape right now with my gut issues.

[namelesswonder]

I just had a really lovely daydream: gathering all my feminine-inclined MDA folks for a week at the beach, taking turns cooking together, soaking up the Vitamin D, and moving slowly on the sand .

Dudes would be fun too, but they can stay in a separate house .

[namelesswonder]

Blorg updated. Mostly stuff you guys have already read about.

[namelesswonder]

I could use some help from you guys re: Hulky's foot situation.

He had another follow-up appointment today. The doc said that the way the foot broke will make it very prone to re-breaking and he will likely have to live with pain & get arthritis. I, of course, think that a change in diet would help (reduce inflammation). He sometimes notices and comments on when different foods affect him (he's been experiencing more bloating recently after eating wheat much less frequently), but does not seem ready to make any changes. I ask him questions about how he feels & correlations when he brings it up, but do not make suggestions unless asked, usually. He gets defensive quickly. I don't think he likes to think that doctors could be wrong, which I understand. It's frustrating.

Anyway, he's off crutches, but has to wear the boot for another 2 weeks. The doctor said he's supposed to wear some super expensive shoe for the rest of his life to help prevent damage. We are emailing back & forth while both at work. I wondered (to him) if a minimalist style shoe would help strengthen his foot & protect against further movement/damage. He shot it down immediately, defending the doctor's 11 yrs of experience. It does sound like, from what he said the doctor said, that most likely wouldn't help, but I figured I'd suggest it anyway. The doctor even said that surgery, to put a pin in his bone permanently, would likely make it worse! No idea how.

The next email, he said:
"Next step: getting minimalist shoes and trying to strengthen my feet because Talia [a nickname only he is allowed to use for me!] suggested it and I shot it down without trying first! New rule: If you make a suggestion and I shoot it down immediately without even working with it I have to do it, within reason."

<3 Made me smile. His improved mood with holding this job, a regular paycheck with lots of overtime, and, of course, the engagement has made him very amenable to acknowledging his mistakes towards me. It also says to me that he recognizes the improvements I've made with myself and finds value in it, because he values me.

So. I would like to find the best cost-effective minimalist shoe style for Hulky. He is just going to tough it out in regular sneakers for now, but I'd like to get a covered shoe option for him (for all seasons). I don't think he'd wear moccasins if I made some for him, but I will ask, because then I could custom-make the size. He has very wide feet. I want to make sure it's an affordable option in case it doesn't work out for him, so it doesn't seem like money wasted.

We are both behind on chiropractor visits, so I may ask the chiro how he feels about minimalist shoes. If he's supportive of them, I will have Hulky talk to the chiro about them. I am hoping that a toe-first walking style will be better for his 5th metatarsal break than a heel-strike, but I really don't know.

[canio6]

One word of caution ref. minimilist shoes...yes, they strengthen feet, yes, they are supposed to be wonderful, yes blah blah...however, if you do it wrong you can f' yourself up. Case and point - chasing the dog one day, forgot what shoes I was wearing, coming down off the curb and *slam* landed on my foot in a way that would have been somewhat cushioned by regular shoes, but not so much by minimilist shoes. Result - limping for 3 days. If my foot were prone to breaking I would imagine that might have done it.