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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 319

  1. #3181
    jenn26point2's Avatar
    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    You guys are cute.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  2. #3182
    badgergirl's Avatar
    badgergirl is online now Senior Member
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    That whole blog is neat. THANK YOU for the tip off

    Also, re wedding, remember it's just the beginning of the journey, not the destination. Great to give yourselves a big send off when entering/celebrating your shared life, just don't make it the be all and end all (I know you're far too smart for that; I've just seen it happen a lot).
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm and (in development) Vanguard!

  3. #3183
    namelesswonder's Avatar
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    I don't remember what blog I linked you to, but you're welcome!

    Welp, other wedding news... FiancÚ and I are going to discuss timing and basic plans this weekend. I want to get our time frame decided on ASAP because.. my sister just got engaged too. She'd told my mom and I that it was likely to happen soon around Thanksgiving. A couple days after I announced my engagement, her boyfriend sent me a picture of the ring he'd designed for her (really lovely, perfect for her). He proposed that night. She said they're thinking of having their wedding in the late summer of next year. That is really terrible timing because I had thought June, September, or October of next year for FiancÚ and me. I'm really worried that my sister and I are going to be fighting each other for resources and scheduling. It makes me want to push things up to this Fall. I think we could make it happen, but FiancÚ and I would not have as much $$ to contribute as we would if we did it next year. We'll talk about it over the weekend. Just trying to keep worrying to a minimum for now because there's nothing I can do about it yet. My sister is not telling my parents about her engagement until the 10th, on their wedding anniversary.

    Oh, if I sound lack-luster about my sister's engagement, it's because I don't like her fiancÚ very much, and she is easily manipulated by anyone she is with. She's becoming more and more pretentious and judgmental of everyone and everything. I don't approve of her choices, but that doesn't mean I don't love her and wish her the best. My misgivings do not give me the best hope for her future, however.

    Mood/brain: I feel much better today after getting a good night's sleep. I woke once when FiancÚ came to bed. We talked about the drunken episode and he apologized and recognized that it had gotten out of hand. I don't think that will be a problem again. I feel slightly anxious and foggy in the head today. It seems like I can function pretty well, but when I have to speak to people within the first hour of working, I can be a bit short-tempered. I think mindfulness of my attitude will be enough to resolve this. And another good night's sleep.

    Food: I got eggs & more frozen "pet food" last night. Fae is smart and would not eat the funky-smelling chicken. I tossed it and fortunately had enough meat defrosted to give her dinner last night. I make pork and green beans with white rice for FiancÚ, but I just snacked. I finished off the cream cheese clouds AND had my last portion of the Coldstone's ice cream from Saturday. My gut let me know that much dairy was unacceptable. I also had a mug of bone broth. I think I prefer the color and flavor when I include onions (kind of brown and darker, instead of yellow-ish). Tomorrow or on the weekend, I'll do another grocery re-stocking trip to use some coupons and get some veg for soup. My lunch today is my uneaten portion of the pork chop (awkward cut with a bone in it, didn't get much meat from one piece), green beans, a small bit of white rice, and a banana. FiancÚ said the pork chop was REALLY good . I used butter and let the pan heat up for 3-5 minutes on low, then put it on medium-high flame while cooking each side. I didn't time it, but each side got a nice crust. It wasn't too thick, so I didn't have to finish it in the oven. I just used S&P, putting the pepper on after cooking. The pan drippings went on the rice before I re-heated it, so they absorbed all the buttery goodness.

    Body: (namelessw0nder on Fitocracy) I did some goblet squats with my kb, push-ups, plank hold, and bodyweight squats the past couple of nights. I've been much too inactive lately because I'm sore! I struggled through everything. Also, my heartburn is back. I wonder if it was from the dairy. I will use coconut oil on my sweet potato tonight. Back to no dairy! I do miss butter though. Ghee just lacks the same flavor. The heartburn could also be from the antibiotics, I suppose, but I think it started before then.

    I'm having some mental struggle over my stomach. I have definitely gained some fat on my stomach, not just bloating or temporary. Most of the time, I think I'm okay with these changes, but right now, I feel imbalanced and poorly proportioned. If I developed abs, they would not be visible now. It will probably go away once I ease up on the rice and get a couple weeks between me and the junk I was eating (pizza and booze and stuff, just last weekend).

    Oh, on a side-positive note, I washed my face with baking soda last night in the shower (splashed cool water after I got out). This morning, my face looks amazing. I tend to get a very oily forehead, so it helped to get me a "fresh slate". I didn't need any toner. It didn't help the small pimples I've gotten this week (in fact, they looked worse after washing), but I'll just keep using tea tree oil on those and they'll be gone soon enough.

    My toes look the tiniest bit better today, but not by much.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  4. #3184
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    Oh that was attention stealing right there.
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  5. #3185
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    Quote Originally Posted by justyouraveragecavemen View Post
    Oh that was attention stealing right there.
    Agreed.
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

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  6. #3186
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    I guess. I'm trying not to look at it like that because it pisses me off. I hadn't discussed engagement with FiancÚ with family until just a couple weeks ago (when we told my mom the ring was purchased and getting re-sized)! But my sister told us it was impending, basically, on Thanksgiving.

    Can't blame me for feeling kind of bummed about losing the spotlight, right? Funny thing is, she is probably pissed that we didn't end up waiting, when I told her we probably would (a few months at least). She didn't know they were going to get engaged THIS quickly. She thought it might not be till next month or later (her fiancÚ led her to believe the money was still an issue and he couldn't get a ring yet). [edit] At least I have the next 10 days to gloat freely, then I'm afraid my mom is going to start suggesting shit like "Oh we could do a combined engagement party!" when my sister tells her. I hope to fucking WHATEVER that she does not say that. That would be really crushing to me.

    I'm trying not to be too gripe-y here about my misgivings on her relationship, but fuck it. They've been together ONE YEAR. They did not know each other before then. I realize some relationships just happen like that and it works out really well, but there is so much more about those two, together, that does not seem good to me. She is so flipping happy too. Our friend C is also friends with my sister and her beau. C sees no flaws in my sister (drives me and FiancÚ up a wall), but doesn't like her beau, at least.
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 01-31-2013 at 07:15 AM.
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  7. #3187
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    Yeah, not sure what to tell you about that. Seems like crappy timing all around. Hopefully it works out for the best of everyone. Probably not what you want to hear but...how about a joint wedding? Pooling of resources, many of the same guests anway... just a thought.
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

    What the F&#* is a decorum? - Mr. Anthony

  8. #3188
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is online now Moderator
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    You're right, not what I want to hear.

    Her crowd of friends is...not the kind of people I like to party with.

    Shudder.

    No ruttin' way.

    [edit] Though really, I don't know that the pool of guests would be the same. She's not as close with my aunt's daughters (and their kids) as me and FiancÚ are. When we were down in MD for my aunt's wedding last May, FiancÚ and I hung with my cousins and their kids the whole time and had a blast. Sister and her beau vanished after the ceremony to hang with friends =\.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  9. #3189
    canio6's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    You're right, not what I want to hear.

    Her crowd of friends is...not the kind of people I like to party with.

    Shudder.

    No ruttin' way.
    Eh, worth a try. Either way, to heck with her, enjoy your wedding/marriage. Let her worry about her's.
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

    What the F&#* is a decorum? - Mr. Anthony

  10. #3190
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is online now Moderator
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    I think the best thing to do for my sanity is pretend like she's not getting married, except when it comes to directly discussing her wedding, while I plan my own wedding. They need to remain completely separate entities to me.

    Feeling overshadowed by her is probably something I will discuss in therapy tomorrow!

    Totally different conversation vein: WTF?! It was really windy and rainy this morning (looks like it's still windy, actually), but now the sun is out and it's like Springtime out there. Really beautiful, and lifting my spirits. Guess I need to boost the Vitamin D again. I dosed FiancÚ with 10,000 IU this morning in the hopes that it would perk him up a bit (he IS deficient, so I don't think the dose is unreasonable) .
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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