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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 301

  1. #3001
    Crabbcakes's Avatar
    Crabbcakes is online now Senior Member
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    My cousin in Germany just got married in Nov and kept her maiden name.
    Another German cousin took his wife's name years ago - he had an awful home life and wanted nothing better than to ditch the moniker.
    The other two German cousins went with the husband's surname.

    I wanted to keep mine when I got married, but then found out just HOW TRADITIONAL my hubby actually is - he really, really, really wanted me to change it to his. Nineteen years on, I wish I had stuck to my guns or researched some other options. I still like the hubster, and am no raging feminist, but why is it always the gal who has to change in favor of the guy??

    And as long as you aren't naming any future kids something completely daft, and explain why you chose the names you did, they will be fine.

    This is a wee sore point with me, because hubby's family is arch traditional, while I am a lot more independent and all. Hubster got his traditional church wedding and the whole nine yards, but I look back on that day with a "blech" kind of feeling - the bride went through all the motions but really got nothing out of it except to make the Traditional Family smile. I really hope he doesn't try to plan a wedding anniversary party for any of those Big Number annos - I know I will hate it. I plan to kill that kind of talk, should it occur, with some comment on spending unnecessary money, which should do the trick - hubster is a good saver.

    Anyway, nameless - take all the time you need to figure out what is important to you - traditional, modern, own-creation, etc. - and compromise with the guy if you have opposing viewpoints, but do not give in if it is not what you need. Married names last a long time... (Or, in a perfect world, they would).
    Last edited by Crabbcakes; 01-22-2013 at 06:50 AM.
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  2. #3002
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    Boyfriend's foot: Apparently, he re-broke it when he walked (in the aircast) to class last week, but he *should* be good to stop wearing it in 3 weeks.

    Fondue night!: It was great. We were so stuffed after the cheese (I focused on the veg & apples, but did have a few small cubes of bread) and the entrée (I got duck breast, sausage, and steak) that we skipped the best part. Boyfriend said we will go back within the next couple of weeks just for dessert . When we went in Seattle in '11, we got the crème brûlée dessert dip, and I think we want to get that again. Otherwise the cookies & cream option looked amazing. We also each had some ridiculous chocolate cocktail. I hadn't had quite enough water during the day so a headache threatened, but I drank it REAAALLLYYY slowly and had more water and it was fine.

    Boyfriend got severely bloated during dinner, to the point of pain. He wasn't sure when it started, so we don't know what it was. Could've been the cheese. Could've been the bouillon used for the entrée. This morning, he suggested it could have been the bread. He said he doesn't remember the last time he ate bread (I think it's been at least 2 weeks). I only said, "Could've been!" I didn't want to push it, since he resists me making any kind of suggestion about diet. He did admit to me that he wants to lose 5 lbs, which would take him under 150 lbs, which is perfectly reasonable for 5'8". His muscle is very dense and he has always had large quads (soccer in his youth), so 150ish is fine for his build, though it might look a bit flabby on others of his height. He doesn't know how he wants to lose it yet, but is starting to do body weight exercises again at home. That probably won't help him lose weight, but at least he's moving. I drove him to the station this morning so he didn't have to crutch there, but he'll still have to crutch back on his own. I may continue to drop him off in the AM, but I need to shower at night so I have enough time in the AM to get ready and get to work on time. I was only 10 minutes later than I wanted today.

    Fae: She only ate about 1/2 her food (still chicken thighs) this morning and then started wandering around and whining at us, but not as badly as she has been. More quiet time between meows. It seemed more like chatting than whining or begging. Boyfriend said she does that some mornings, though I'm pretty sure I usually see her eat most of the food, not 1/2 or less, before I leave for work. Tonight, she's getting liver, because I didn't get more meat for her, or us! I'll pick up the frozen pet food tonight and more chicken thighs, for her, and more meat in general, for us. I think I'll mix in some pork and ground beef to her chicken soon to see if I can alternate meats with her.

    Body: We did some bodyweight dips (legs out straight, heels on the ground, hold self up above chair then walk out a little so you can lower your body & legs, then raise back up and repeat; added difficulty keeping the swivel chair from swiveling or rolling away) and push-ups last night before dinner. I could only do 3 dips at first, but after a minute of rest or other activity, I did 5! Boyfriend said he's impressed with how much I'm able to do. I thank all the protein that I eat for the muscle I'm able to build and retain now, despite relative inactivity, and not relying on carbs for fuel. I didn't get around to trying to do more push-ups after I struggled through 5 (on knees), but I should try to do some more tonight to see how many I can do.

    My toes are really bad lately. In shoes all day, they get painfully itchy. On cold floors in the morning, they feel soothed. I nthe shower, they feel swollen and itchy and painful. In t he bath I made for them last night (epsom salt & tea tree oil in hot water), they felt soothed. I put tea tree oil on the red/swollen spots last night and this morning. I'll keep doing this and soak them every night, but I think I need to see a doctor. This has been going on for a long time and has been getting worse lately. This morning, they didn't feel cold when I woke up, but were stiff and achy.

    Supplements: I didn't take any 5-HTP last night. I felt anxious in the evening around the time that I would have taken it. I was thinking about driving in the snow (Boyfriend drove, doc said it's fine, he just has to take off the aircast). It seemed too late by the time we got home, so I just skipped it. I haven't been taking the HCL for several days, at least, now and haven't had any heartburn, or at least, nothing significant. So maybe it was stress?

    Mood/brain: Feeling kind of groggy. Been feeling kind of groggy early in the week for the past several weeks. I think I haven't been consistent enough with my sleep schedule for a while.

    Plans for tonight: Get gas on the way home, feed cat, get meat in water bath to defrost, get some rice in the rice cooker, head out for some grocery basics (stocking up on meat, basically), make something for dinner. When traffic dies down, I'll head out again for more eggs and tea tree oil at Whole Foods (I have a coupon for the oil).

    BTW, I'm using this page as reference for the special characters in this post. Warlord Blade hooked me up . As an example, Alt + 150 produces û, just in case the chart looks a bit confusing to you.
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 01-22-2013 at 06:50 AM.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  3. #3003
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    Granted, this is from a fantasy novel- but I kind of like the idea of the female children taking the mother's surname while the male take the father's. Of course, this was a matriarchal world where you didn't need to change from your father's name to your husband's name to signify change of ownership

    I do expect to take my husband's name (if I get married, and provided it isn't awful), but that's for much the same reason that I would like an engagement ring/wedding band. Traditionally, they were signs that the woman was claimed, and it was not a good thing. For me, I'd kinda like proof that someone wants to claim me

    Yes, being on crutches sucks. More so in the winter. But Boyfriend needs to get his ass in gear. Feeling sorry for himself isn't going to help anything. Including the healing process.
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  4. #3004
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    Quote Originally Posted by drssgchic View Post
    Granted, this is from a fantasy novel- but I kind of like the idea of the female children taking the mother's surname while the male take the father's. Of course, this was a matriarchal world where you didn't need to change from your father's name to your husband's name to signify change of ownership

    I do expect to take my husband's name (if I get married, and provided it isn't awful), but that's for much the same reason that I would like an engagement ring/wedding band. Traditionally, they were signs that the woman was claimed, and it was not a good thing. For me, I'd kinda like proof that someone wants to claim me

    Yes, being on crutches sucks. More so in the winter. But Boyfriend needs to get his ass in gear. Feeling sorry for himself isn't going to help anything. Including the healing process.
    I was kind of hoping for a dowry. I mean, hell, if we are being traditional where the frack is my herd of cattle or 20 sheep for taking his daughter off his hands?

    Speaking from experience, my first wife didn't take my name. Her reasoning was shitty, which was why it was an issue. If it had been something we had discussed before hand and she had good reasoning (like many expressed here) I couldn't have cared less. That said, her actual reason left a very bad taste in my mouth. As did the fact that our wedding day was her special day and f' me if I wanted input. I should have figured out it was a bad idea from the start.

    As for engagement rings showing ownership - sweet, you can be your own person and I'll keep the money that flashy diamond set me back. "Let me buy you a really expensive ring that symbolizes an end to bjs for life" said no man ever.
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

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  5. #3005
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    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    As for engagement rings showing ownership - sweet, you can be your own person and I'll keep the money that flashy diamond set me back. "Let me buy you a really expensive ring that symbolizes an end to bjs for life" said no man ever.
    It does? I think that my husband is unaware of this. I think I should remind him of how good he has it.

  6. #3006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    It does? I think that my husband is unaware of this. I think I should remind him of how good he has it.
    You should.
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

    What the F&#* is a decorum? - Mr. Anthony

  7. #3007
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    It does? I think that my husband is unaware of this. I think I should remind him of how good he has it.
    Now the question is . . . did you get a ring?


    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

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  8. #3008
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    I never made the claim that ring= lack of BJs. He actually doesn't get them very often for two other reasons: my jaw will start hurting after only a few minutes, and he feels bad since he can't reciprocate. (I apparently am different from most women in that even in the best oral in the world doesn't do as much as mediocre manual manipulation. I just need more pressure and friction than oral can provide.)
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  9. #3009
    canio6's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by naiadknight View Post
    I never made the claim that ring= lack of BJs.
    I know, I did. Also, medical issues preventing said acts is one thing. It is when said condition is brought upon by the words, "I do."
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

    What the F&#* is a decorum? - Mr. Anthony

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