Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 297

[namelesswonder]

Smaller. 7 to 5.5. I'll probably ask him to check my size to be extra sure it's the right one, though. 5.5 seems good, a little room for swelling, but I don't like how much it moves (I have other rings in that size). I think 5.25 might be better.

[namelesswonder]

I mixed up the set ring I was looking at with the ring I got, in terms of materials. The ring I got is 18k white gold, not silver. Resizing is $50. He said, "Less than a week". I hope it's not very long! He offered to do rhodium polish for $35 more, which would make it super shiny, but I'm happy with the antique look. I can always get it shined up later, and I may, depending on my wedding band. Also, I was way off on the size. That woman measured me at 5.5 a while back at another jewelry store and I wasn't comfortable with that fit, seemed way too loose. This guy measured me at 5 exactly. I could wear a 4.5, but that wouldn't allow for much swelling. Ring sizes are apparently kind of like wood measurements at Home Depot. A 2x4 is smaller than the name would make you think. A 4.5 is really a 4 3/8. I'm a true 5. He was nice, and I'm a push over, so I agreed to go on the mailing list. Who knows, maybe I'll buy my wedding band from him.

On my way out of work, I grabbed a donut hole on the table. At home, I had white rice with shredded chicken, half an avocado, a banana, and a pumpkin mug cake (pumpkin puree, egg, maple syrup, pumpkin pie spices, coconut flour). I also took my multivitamin, ferritin (finishing off that bottle, been shedding more lately), and B-complex. I will still a bit trembly when I went up to the jewelry store, but I'm feeling better now. I'll still be sure to drink plenty of water this afternoon, but not for a couple of hours. I forgot to take HCL or some ACV.

My day is only just over half over. Ah well, getting out at 5 isn't so bad.

[namelesswonder]

So...he's planning a proposal after all. He said that if I really want to wear the ring when it's ready and forego the proposal, we can do that. It's up to me. I'm really torn because I want to WEARITNOWOMGGGGG, but I know he would do something really epic and fun for a proposal. He's EXCELLENT at planning big dates. I told him, even if he recreated our first winter date (horse drawn carriage ride in Boston, dinner in the South End, some kind of event instead of a Christmas concert) and tacked on a proposal at the end, I would be totally happy with that. He said he has a few ideas, and that he asked the land lady if we could get another cat (we've talked about it before, would love to get a kitten together, Fae would be a good cat mom & gets along well with other cats), and that is somehow involved in one of his ideas. He doesn't have an ETA for any of his ideas, however, and I think even the shortest term one would be at least 2-3 months. He said one would have to wait for warmer weather.

I think I will tell him I am prepared to wait for now, but I want to know roughly what his plans are, and if he has an ETA, by April. I don't think I could stand knowing the ring is waiting in the closet for more than 6 months! I just want to start planning so we can get hitched .

Because this is not stuff I want to write about on the blog yet, I will pose it here: How do you feel about taking on a spouse's last name? I know it is an old tradition and that is really the reason why anyone does it now. I don't like the idea of combining last names (for us). My family history/heritage is important to me (hence my owl/eagle tattoo), but I don't like the idea of just using my current name, either. I will take Boyfriend's last name and shove my last name into the middle (giving me the initials NVOH) because I want both, but I will use his. And I want to use his. Just an interesting topic to me, as I am friends with a number of feminists and the topic comes up frequently on wedding blogs.

Primal stuff!

Sleep: I had trouble falling asleep. Boyfriend joined me at bedtime again and was super snuggly. I was too stressed/excited to sleep easily. When he finally let me extricate myself, I fell asleep quickly.

Food: I had a whole avocado, another bowl of rice cereal in rice milk... I swear I ate something else, but now I can't remember. When Boyfriend got home, I made him eggs, gave him the last 4 sausages, and cooked up bacon. I had 1/2 the pack. That might've contributed to my difficulty sleeping too. This morning, I had a pumpkin cake mug (never sure what order to put those words) and a bowl of cereal with my morning supplements. I have rice and chicken for lunch and brought some KE tea because I didn't use the neti pot. I forgot to bring an avocado. Hopefully they are not too overripe by tonight. I am going to try to find something on the menu for my brother's birthday dinner tomorrow night that will fit in the SIBO-prep diet, so I can do the test Sunday AM.

Supplements: So begins day 3 of Iodine. No change in digestive stuff. Took 150mg of 5-HTP last night.

Mood/brain: I had some grumpy time last night. Boyfriend called and was frustrated/flustered about something. He was not really pissed at me, but he directed it towards me. I took it harder than I would have expected. I drove out to Crate & Barrel, blasting Dear & The Headlights and singing loudly, to get his tiered cake pans. That helped get some of the tension out. He, of course, was totally fine when he got home, and I was not frustrated anymore, but felt stressed and frazzled. He helped soothe me and later I decided it was not worth discussing. Now that it's passed, I don't think I'll bring it up. I'm just curious what led me to feel so stressed about that. I would like to be able to shrug those things off more easily.

Body: I did 10 kettlebell swings this morning. It felt good. I dislike how quickly my heart rate jumps up when I do those. Hopefully it won't take too long to build that swing count up again. I used to be able to do at least 30 in a row.

Therapy in a bit.

[canio6]

Because this is not stuff I want to write about on the blog yet, I will pose it here: How do you feel about taking on a spouse's last name? I know it is an old tradition and that is really the reason why anyone does it now. I don't like the idea of combining last names (for us). My family history/heritage is important to me (hence my owl/eagle tattoo), but I don't like the idea of just using my current name, either. I will take Boyfriend's last name and shove my last name into the middle (giving me the initials NVOH) because I want both, but I will use his. And I want to use his. Just an interesting topic to me, as I am friends with a number of feminists and the topic comes up frequently on wedding blogs

I think it depends on reasoning/intent:

If you are a person who feels 'f' tradition; I want to be my own person and keep my own name' then cool. Just know that especially if kids are involved later people might wonder why there are different names floating around. (Whether that bothers you or not is up to you).

If you want to take their name because of tradition or to show a union or whatever that is cool too.

If you want to make your name your middle name, that works. Latinos do this all the time or something similar - their mother's maiden name is their second middle name so something like Armando Juan Santiago Ramirez or some such.

What I honestly can't stand are hyphenated names. They just sound pretentious to me or wishy-washy. As if they wont man/woman up and say they want to keep their own names but also do not want to fully commit to their spouse/tradition's name.

a bad reason to keep your name (courtesy of my ex): "I don't want to sound Mexican"

[naiadknight]

I took Geek's last name. Had I my PE license in my maiden name or some other professional certification that would make a name change difficult, career wise (like a doctor), I probably would have stayed with my maiden name and made some other nod to being married.
I see no issue with taking the guy's name, even as a feminist. You're still you. You're still descended from your family. I see no remnants of the old chattel ways in changing my last name, more of the tradition and a symbol of joining two families. I knew a family where he took her name and she took his.

[namelesswonder]

If you want to make your name your middle name, that works. Latinos do this all the time or something similar - their mother's maiden name is their second middle name so something like Armando Juan Santiago Ramirez or some such.

What I honestly can't stand are hyphenated names. They just sound pretentious to me or wishy-washy. As if they wont man/woman up and say they want to keep their own names but also do not want to fully commit to their spouse/tradition's name.

I agree with all the reasons you've said. My very Russian last name does not work with Boyfriend's very English last name (funny because it comes from his dad, who is mostly Native American) anyway. My full name, with maiden & new, will sound kind of funny if someone were to read the whole thing, but I don't think my maiden name will be used often, if at all. It's funny that hyphenated names sound pretentious (they do to me too). I wonder why that is?

I took Geek's last name. Had I my PE license in my maiden name or some other professional certification that would make a name change difficult, career wise (like a doctor), I probably would have stayed with my maiden name and made some other nod to being married.
I see no issue with taking the guy's name, even as a feminist. You're still you. You're still descended from your family. I see no remnants of the old chattel ways in changing my last name, more of the tradition and a symbol of joining two families. I knew a family where he took her name and she took his.

I like the idea of changing my name because for me, it represents the start of a few family. I guess the same thing could apply to Boyfriend in taking my last name, but it's just so ingrained in me that the woman takes the man's (in a M&W coupling, and since that's how I roll, that's what I think of), that seems really strange to me. And yeah, wtf would the kids be? I think some couples mash their last names (not hyphenated, just a hybrid) but only for their kids. That's confusing for paperwork.

Boyfriend told me ages ago that he hoped I would not keep my last name. I know it means a lot to him for me to take his last name, and I want to anyway, so it's no big deal. I'm just curious about people's reasons for things .

[canio6]

It's funny that hyphenated names sound pretentious (they do to me too). I wonder why that is?

I think for me it is because I associate them with the stereotypical old kid's shows academics or nobility types. They always wear tweed, always have a very posh English accent, and are always complete twats.

"Why yes, hello, I am Lord Poncenby-Smythe. It is such a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

I can't read a hyphenated name without hearing it in that accent.

[Finnegans Wake]

How do you feel about taking on a spouse's last name?

I really like Mrs. FW's family name, but decided to stick with my own.

She decided to relinquish her melodic Irish surname in favor of my clangorous German one. No pressure from me on that, but she's a traditionalist, and as you said, new starts.

If you're going to talk about hyphenated names, you can't escape the discussion without referencing Johann Gambolputty-de-von-Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crass-cren-bon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelter-wasser-kurstlich-himble-eisen-bahnwagen-guten-abend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwürstel-gespurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-schönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittleraucher-von-Hautkopft of Ulm.

[canio6]

If you're going to talk about hyphenated names, you can't escape the discussion without referencing Johann Gambolputty-de-von-Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crass-cren-bon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelter-wasser-kurstlich-himble-eisen-bahnwagen-guten-abend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwürstel-gespurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-schönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittleraucher-von-Hautkopft of Ulm.

lol well played. Then you have Pablo Picasso or his actual name: Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Crispiniano de la Santísima Trinidad. Not hyphenated but holy snikes.

[jenn26point2]

I took Brad's last name. It was kind of a rite of passage for me, I guess. Although, in light of recent events, it would have been MUCH easier to find the two gals from college I had been looking for since 2003 and would not have required a friend to possibly jeopardize her job by looking up tax records to find them for me, if they had kept their maiden names.

But it is tradition to take the man's name... and in light of tradition, I almost find it disrespectful to NOT take his name upon marrying him. It says, to me, I love everything about you and want to become one with you, but I don't like your name and won't be taking it.

A gal I knew in the Army changed her name to First name Maiden Name Married Name and completely dropped her middle name. When they got a divorce, she went back to her original birth name. At least on Facebook she did.

Brad used to joke all the time about how he would be glad when I finally took his name b/c then my full name would be shorter... he later realized it only shortened by 2 letters. lol