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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 288

  1. #2871
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    Primal Fuel
    -Boyfriend asked me if he should cut his hair or grow it out. I was thinking about him with long hair (when he donated it in high school) recently and thought I wouldn't mind if he grew it out again. I think he's handsome all the time, so I don't know what to tell him! I love a fresh haircut, but I wouldn't mind playing with some ginger locks. I started cutting his hair at home a few months ago. It takes a while, but I'm getting better/faster at it, and it looks pretty good. I should get better shears if we're going to continue trimming at home.
    -Okay, I think I can fairly blame the Vitex for this one. Boyfriend & I talked about babies & I've done the math/thinking. To be safe, we would need at least 3 months full rent, grocery, and utility payment saved up before having a baby, and I would probably need to sign up for short-term disability at the start of the year to have a few months at home. I'm nowhere near even one month for my portion of rent right now. My hormones don't care. SHUT UP, UTERUS, BABIES ARE NOT PRACTICAL RIGHT NOW. I try to tell myself, "We could make it work, if we had to," but we would have to ask to borrow money/ask for a lot of gifts from family and I'm not comfortable with that. Makes me feel like a child. Anyway, maybe I should back off to just one Vitex/day.
    -I realized that even though I'm not saving $30/mo from dropping my FSA, I *am* saving $40 a month from only going to therapy biweekly. Every little bit helps.
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  2. #2872
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    Quote Originally Posted by justyouraveragecavemen View Post
    Those ginger men sure are irresistible.
    Having a hard time keeping your hands off yourself?
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

    What the F&#* is a decorum? - Mr. Anthony

  3. #2873
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    SHUT UP, UTERUS, BABIES ARE NOT PRACTICAL RIGHT NOW.
    Well, babies are like those remote control model airplanes; they're almost as much fun to make as they are to play with.
    *Edit* They're also very expensive and you won't want to take them out just anywhere because you think they're easily broken. They're also very loud and annoying to people who are not baby/model airplane lover. Wow, I think babies are just like RC airplanes.
    Quote Originally Posted by canio6 View Post
    Having a hard time keeping your hands off yourself?
    I did when I was younger, but didn't we all have that problem? Right? Dude? Right?
    Last edited by justyouraveragecavemen; 01-10-2013 at 10:48 AM.
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  4. #2874
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    Quote Originally Posted by justyouraveragecavemen View Post
    Well, babies are like those remote control model airplanes; they're almost as much fun to make as they are to play with.
    *Edit* They're also very expensive and you won't want to take them out just anywhere because you think they're easily broken. They're also very loud and annoying to people who are not baby/model airplane lover. Wow, I think babies are just like RC airplanes.

    I did when I was younger, but didn't we all have that problem? Right? Dude? Right?

    Excellent analogy. I also think RC planes have no place in restaurants, movie theaters, or basically any other public place.

    As for the other, well, you are a handsome man but I have never had an issue keeping my hands off you.
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

    What the F&#* is a decorum? - Mr. Anthony

  5. #2875
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    Your analogy had me laughing. I think Boyfriend wants to be a SAHD, which I'm surprisingly okay with. I've gotten pretty used to working 5 days out of the week at this point. This, of course, means I'd need to be able to support us on my income alone, which could not happen at my current salary. At $40k, I think we could make it work, if he was also working, which means I need to be $40k+ if it's just going to be me. Ssiiigghh. Probably not getting there anytime soon as a Help Desk Specialist.

    Hence why I'm looking into A+ and Network+ certification. Security+ would be good for gov't gigs, but first things first. I'm not good at exams.
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  6. #2876
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    Some thoughts on how expensive it is to spawn...
    You can get away with spending nearly zero in the first two years. Honest. We got a cot and a crib, a pushchair, baby clothes, fabric nappies and some other bits (baby bath, bouncer...) from Freecycle. We got a top-of-the-range car seat from friends who had finished spawning, we didn't have a car, but it came in handy for when we visited my parents. We also got given a gently used moses basket. If you are breastfeeding and attachment parenting, there is no need to buy bottles/steriliser etc (this might not apply if bf is the primary carer as you'll need a breastpump - electric - and bottles) and baby/toddler does not need their own room. If you are doing baby-led weaning, there is no need to either make or buy slops for the little un (ours barely ate solids anyway). Everyone buys you clothes and - as they grow so fast - there are always stacks of nearly new clothes in thrift/charity/op shops. Ditto with toys.

    However, after the two-year mark, things do start to get expensive. For example, even with a stay-at-home parent, at two and beyond, some form of childcare is a good idea: playschool, kinder etc or swimming lessons or kindergym - something to get them used to wider socialisation, which costs. Now, how expensive is more or less up to you. Also, clearly, if you want to have more than one child costs - bigger house, bigger car, schooling, shoes, for me airfares to visit the maternal side of the family - add up very quickly.

    Since you and the bf are stellar planners, I would suggest factoring in this jump in costs at the two-year mark, but don't be put off from starting a family now if you can with a degree of certainty see that in a year or two your financial situation will improve.
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  7. #2877
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    Yeah, I thought about the initial costs & that wouldn't be bad. Right now we are not in a place that it would be possible. 9 months from now? Maybe, as long as Boyfriend's debts are in order, but by that time, he will be back in school, so neither of us would be available to care for a baby. We could not afford childcare. Until he's at least out of school, it's not a possibility at all. That gives me a year+ to get my health together, and then we can talk more about it. I tell myself this everyday so we don't go and do something foolish. I wish I could keep the sex drive, but lose the baby drive!

    I am also hoping he'll be on board with my ideas on food & caring etc. Considering all my digestive issues, I don't think I'll have too hard of a time convincing him to feed the baby primal foods, as it is more likely to take on my digestive intolerances, but he might not like the prep required.

    But again, I'm just being an absurd planner right now. No need to worry about this yet. I used to fear the future and now sometimes I think too far ahead. And I look forward to it .

    Longer term, after we are married, we need to be sure of where we want to live & buy a house. Mortgage payments even for a 4br in our area, on a 30yr mortgage, would be cheaper than our current rent for a 2br apartment. Who knows what our job situation will be like in a few years.

    It's a bit silly, but I'm starting to get used to thinking of us as engaged. It won't be a big transition for me to call him Fiancé, though I'm sure I'll have a shit-eating grin on my face (wtf is with that expression?) for a while when I say it. But when I talk to him about "after we get married," I get a little quiet & feel kind of shy & nervous about it. I don't know what that's about. I'm excited, but it's also a little scary. Nobody talks about the scary aspect of linking yourself to another person for (hopefully) the rest of your life all that much. I guess that means I'll get through my cold feet well before the wedding.
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    Just saying, the cost of living is a lot less in this part of the world.
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  9. #2879
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    How's the humidity?
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  10. #2880
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    It's a bit silly, but I'm starting to get used to thinking of us as engaged. It won't be a big transition for me to call him Fiancé, though I'm sure I'll have a shit-eating grin on my face (wtf is with that expression?) for a while when I say it. But when I talk to him about "after we get married," I get a little quiet & feel kind of shy & nervous about it. I don't know what that's about. I'm excited, but it's also a little scary. Nobody talks about the scary aspect of linking yourself to another person for (hopefully) the rest of your life all that much. I guess that means I'll get through my cold feet well before the wedding.
    Ummm... sorry, but nope.
    It's just as likely that you will have these feeling right up until the minute you say "I do."

    Just wait until you start getting dressed for the ceremony.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


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