Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 277

[namelesswonder]

Okay, I need to stop reading about/talking about babies or our plans will be for nothing.

[geostump]

I'm not sure that I want to be a grandparent. I love babies, but I really don't want to see my kids have any kids in the world like it is now. I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes I wish I didn't have them just because of how the world is. I am not sure if other parents feel this way either. I sometimes feel like the only one who feels this way. I love my kids, but I sometimes feel like they have won't have a chance at a good future and I'd hate to see them bring kids into this world and then feel the same way. But then, I see my one sister with her grandson and I change my tune for a few minutes. God, that sounds depressing as hell.

[naiadknight]

I think y'all are doing the right thing. Geek and I got together while we were still in school, and after we knew we were getting married, we wanted to be married a solid 4-5 years, with solid careers, before podlings. It's better to at least have a rough idea, in my eyes, than to get pregnant willy nilly without a clue. Even if Mother Nature gets in the way (I wasn't supposed to happen until after my parents' wedding; mom was 3 months pregnant when she walked down the aisle), you still have an idea.
Geek and I have "plans" (and we all know how much mother nature loves to interfere with those) that we'll start trying for a kid next summer or the summer after. Why summer? Because I refuse to be hugely pregnant in a Texas summer. Not happening. I'd rather have a winter baby than a summer baby if only for that. Winter babies from healthy stock tend to be healthier, as they're exposed to most of the gunk at a VERY young age. There is a higher incidence for depression, but given that, if the kid is female, they're just screwed there, oh well.

[jenn26point2]

Geo, I have felt the same way. This world is one effed up place. It's so difficult to imagine your kids with needs and desires not being met by life (for whatever reason - be it lack of opportunity, politics, or crazy, psycho activities) - you almost wish you hadn't had kids to spare them the heartache. I know what you're getting at for sure. But then they hug me and I realize that not all is bad with the world.

Nameless, I think the new medical literature claims that the risk for Down's is at the age of 40 now instead of 35...

[geostump]

Nameless, I think the new medical literature claims that the risk for Down's is at the age of 40 now instead of 35...

Actually, it's still 35.

[namelesswonder]

10 years is a long time, fortunately. I think we'll be in a good place for kids within the next 3-4, but that depends on jobs, really, and if we decide to move (from our apartment/to another state). If cost of living went down, but salary stayed the same, it would not be such an issue, but such is the life of a young couple living in the Boston suburbs. $1500 for a 2br in the shape that it's in, with two parking spots, and no rental agency fees, is a REALLY lucky find.

My throat hurts and there's some pain in my ear, since this morning. I think it's from taking a day off from the neti pot. When will I learn? Can't wait to get home & rest, have some tea, and drain the schnoz again. Lunch today was a tin of sardines, organic Gala apple, organic banana (good price for them and they were closer to ripe than the others), some pieces of celery with almond butter (mmmm). I might have more of the fruit after work (and more almond butter) so I'm not dying by the time we eat (after 9PM). I hope that's enough to tide me over. I don't have any sweet potatoes right now and rice makes me hungry (no coconut milk, otherwise I'd make rice pudding). I think I'll bring an HCL capsule to take before the first meat course, since there's some time between each food that's brought out.

I'm going to wear something nice, but comfortable tonight. It's going to be chilly! No heels, since I'll be driving. I'll wear layers because my temperature fluctuates a lot during long meals indoors (and I don't remember if I get cold at this place or not).

I hope someone can take a picture of me and Boyfriend, if we get there before everyone is seated (you hang around the bar after doors and before being seated/within 15 minutes of the show).

[tomi]

I'm not sure that I want to be a grandparent. I love babies, but I really don't want to see my kids have any kids in the world like it is now. I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes I wish I didn't have them just because of how the world is. I am not sure if other parents feel this way either. I sometimes feel like the only one who feels this way. I love my kids, but I sometimes feel like they have won't have a chance at a good future and I'd hate to see them bring kids into this world and then feel the same way. But then, I see my one sister with her grandson and I change my tune for a few minutes. God, that sounds depressing as hell.

I absolutely agree with you, Geostump. Out of our 3 kids (my one, his 2) we are pretty sure 2 of them won't have kids cuz neither one wants or likes kids. The other wants a ton of kids - but we question her ability to find a man who will put up with her!! So, likely we will never have grandkids and we are totally okay with that. This world is incredibly messed up and I can't see bringing more people into the mess! I have felt this way all my life - I'm 52 - I had one child only because the Ex didn't want to adopt. I would have been happy to just adopt.

[geostump]

I absolutely agree with you, Geostump. Out of our 3 kids (my one, his 2) we are pretty sure 2 of them won't have kids cuz neither one wants or likes kids. The other wants a ton of kids - but we question her ability to find a man who will put up with her!! So, likely we will never have grandkids and we are totally okay with that. This world is incredibly messed up and I can't see bringing more people into the mess! I have felt this way all my life - I'm 52 - I had one child only because the Ex didn't want to adopt. I would have been happy to just adopt.

My kids are still young (11, 12 and 14 on the 22nd of Jan) and I know the oldest talks about wanting kids and I hear the other 2 talk about names and stuff for kids. I keep telling them to get a good education, and not to worry about boys until at all period. I keep telling them at their ages, boys are more of a problem than what its worth and they need to focus on themselves, get the education they need to live a proper life and to not expect a man to take care of them. They need to learn to take care of themselves. The middle daughter seems to want a farm and while her sisters were discussing names they would like to give their future children, my middle daughter was saying what she wanted to name the animals on her future farm.

[namelesswonder]

Growing up, I never dreamed about having kids or getting married. I was a creative child, but I didn't produce much. Writing was my craft, for the most part, and then photography. I thought I'd love to be a starving artist some day, living in a grungy studio apartment in Boston or some other city. Have I mentioned that aesthetics are kind of a big thing for me? Or maybe it's the romanticism that surrounds that kind of life, in literature and film.

Happy New Year, friends. It is strange to see the new date stamp on my computer this morning.

Taking Boyfriend to work soon, then laundry and lazing about.

[naiadknight]

Happy New Year!
I was never the kid to dream about getting married either. My sister did enough of that for all 3 of us. My dream for the future was to be a storm chaser. Beyond that, I was much too concerned with day to day perfection to dream about a future.