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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 27

  1. #261
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is offline Senior Member
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    My boyfriend and I just had an interesting head-butt over the phone. How do you decide where the dividing line is between sacrificing your health to get paid and the job not being worth the stress/illness? It's been a rough week or so for me and I am still recovering, so I know I'm especially sensitive to all of this, but it's hard not to think about. Boyfriend hurt his back pretty badly the other day and is listening to this chiropractor's advice (thank goodness), but he still went to his soccer practice today. He's a coach and yeah it's last minute, but he could have let someone know so he could take it easy for one day. Just last night he was moaning in pain every time he had to move. Now he has Valium so yeah, he can move around with minimal or no pain, but that doesn't mean that it's not going to still aggravate the muscles.

    I think in his place, with the pills, I would have gone to work (practice) too (esp. after the issues I've had with work attendance lately), but my first thought was, "Aren't you supposed to be taking it easy? You shouldn't go to work broken!" I don't think one should have to sacrifice their health for a job unless they really like the job (and he really DOESN'T like this job), then it makes it worth it. Having to rely on money for the pure sake of survival is depressing and not worth it, to me. I like the opportunities this job could bring me, but right now, I don't really like it beyond helping people learn about their computers and how to use them. But until I find the job that truly makes me happy and makes working while sick, in pain, or completely mentally not-there, I've got to keep counting these pennies.

    Goal for the week: do something for myself. Do something creative (sewing or crafting or planning for one of the above; maybe start on Halloween costume). Take a walk (or several) this weekend!

    I'm heading out from work a little early to see if my scooter will start so I can take it up to the shop and then take the bus back. Shop doesn't close till 7pm so I should have time...
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  2. #262
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    I don't remember what I posted yesterday and I'm too lazy to go back one page and read it (also, much like my written journal, I made a mental rule that I wouldn't go back and read anything here).

    Maybe at 6 months or 1 yr I'll read it. That would take forever at this rate. I'm not even 3 mos in and I'm at page 27!

    Yest:
    Snack: Protein shake (organic milk, protein powder from TJs, big scoop of Almond butter, 1 whole banana).
    Exercise: 50 KB swings (hurried and my back is sore today so I don't think I did them right) & 7 assisted pushups. Drank my snack after!
    D: Gas-inducing sausages & green peppers.
    Suppl: Had 150mg 5-HTP at dinner and again at bedtime. Slept well, but hard to get out of bed in the AM. No harder than usual though. I'm going to try this for a few days to a week if I can to see if I notice any improvement. If not, I think it's time to try L-tryptophan.

    Today:
    B: Same shake as yesterday's snack. Tasty! Wasn't hungry for anything else.
    L: 2 small steaks (cooked in cast iron & then broiled last night while I made dinner) & some green beans
    D: ?? Boyfriend's turn. We have a lot of ground beef... He seemed very averse to beanless chili =\

    Taking a couple days to rest before I try more swings, but I'm definitely going to practice squats while facing a wall.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  3. #263
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    Yest:
    D: Gas-inducing Chinese food (beef & broccoli). It must be the sauce. I ate the whole container (one of those bigger ones...never know if it's a quart or pint) and still had room for some chocolate squares. The gas hurts today and I'm bloated. We were just too tired to think about what to make. We have a lot of ground beef and not much else. What to make?
    Suppl: Went up to 200mg of 5-HTP at dinner & bedtime. Didn't not make me so drop-dead sleepy as it has in the past, and definitely helped me sleep. Mind feels more at ease today than it has recently. I think I've started to recover from the stress. I think I'll drop back down to 150mg and keep it that way for now. I hate conferring with doctors on this stuff, but I am thinking about talking to my psychiatrist about going off Lexapro to really see how 5-HTP helps (so I can determine if L-tryptophan would be better).

    Today:
    Suppl: 3 Fish oil pills (over 1g, I think I should be taking more though), allergy pill, 4000IU VitD, VitB complex
    B: Pumpkin smoothie. So much tasty, tasty fat. I couldn't finish the whole glass and put the last couple of sips in the fridge for after work. Sadly, it only pushed off the hunger by 1/2 hr. It's 10:30AM and my tummy is rumbling (but 1 hr later, I feel full again, weird). I probably should have paired this with some protein, but I actually got out of the house and to work on time for once. Still need to buy more eggs. Still need to be able to get up early enough to make breakfast.
    L: 1 small steak & half a gas-inducing sausage plus an extra helping of green beans. No, they haven't been soaked or cooked. Yes, I don't care.
    D: ?? I hope boyfriend makes something. I'm tired of using my hard earned money for junk (ordering out). He doesn't have enough money for rent this month so I have to cover it (long story, not his fault, but it sucks).

    I reaaallly need to up my veggie intake, but I am always so hungry when I try to replace some of the massive amounts of protein I eat with veggies. That leads me to conclude that I'm not getting enough fat. Sigh. I want to get this right. I don't understand how to include enough fat in my diet. Cooking with fats doesn't seem like enough.

    I'm going to start L-Tyrosine in the morning to see how it helps me perk up. I am so tired of being tired. I hope my "Depression-Free: Naturally" comes soon!
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  4. #264
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    A few thoughts: I resisted the muffin in the fridge (see triumph thread)! My period was heavy for the first two days and then nearly vanished after that. I like this change! Scooter shop says it's a loose cable in the kill switch; I'm a little skeptical, but if it starts okay today (a rainy day) then I guess I'll see about picking it up after work.

    Something else that I forgot...I'll remember it eventually.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  5. #265
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    Oof, sounds like a rough week, hope your scooter is working soon!
    I read Mood Cure and have been taking tyrosine, too. I think it realy helps. One weird thing that helps me with my insomnia is taking a cap of probiotics right before I go to bed, so far it's been the most reliable sleep-aid. I tend to wake up at 4AM and not be able to go back to sleep, but with this I can sleep through the night.

    I think it's great you stumbled upon Primal while you're so young. Once you get it all straightened out you have a long life of great health in front of you!
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    "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

  6. #266
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    The scooter is working!!! The ride home from the shop was AWFUL: torrential downpour complete with huge gusts of wind. I could only see blurry lights in front of me. It was scary and I got drenched, despite my rain gear. That's the last time I think the outer shell of my winter coat will do for a rain coat (but the rain pants were great).

    I think it's great you stumbled upon Primal while you're so young. Once you get it all straightened out you have a long life of great health in front of you!
    Me too! I haven't tried any probiotics because, well, I'm not sure if I need them!

    D: Boyfriend did not make dinner after me asking him every hour for a few hours. He kept saying he would... Gah, don't want to whine about him. But we're going to have a chat about this tonight. He owes me dinner for the rest of the week! I heated up some Hebrew Nationals and a bowl of green beans with butter (it must be those giving me gas 'cause I'm gassy again this morning).

    B: 3 eggs with about 1oz of cheddar - it's the only way to eat scrambled eggs. THE. ONLY. WAY. I also had a coconut milk/protein powder/almond butter smoothie. I dumped a few spoonfuls of shredded coconut in it. Pretty tasty. Almond butter makes everything better.
    L: IF because I am out of food.
    D: Maybe my boyfriend if he doesn't make me food! I might go to a reading by one of my favorite authors tonight so I'm not sure how that'll affect dinner. She's from Oregon so it's kind of a big deal that she's in New England! I'm just not sure how comfortable I am trying to navigate to a new place via scooter.

    +5 primal points for resisting the cookies that boyfriend made! So...16? I don't know anymore, it's all made up anyway =P
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 09-30-2011 at 06:49 AM.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  7. #267
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    Green beans are legumes-- so maybe that's why the gassy? They do that to me too...

    On dinners-- What hubs and I usually do is cook a big gob of stuff once a week. Like cook up three steaks and chop it up, or a big package of chicken thighs, a bunch of some sort of veggies, maybe some eggs. That way we can throw something together really easy when we get home and are BEAT. We like to do "taco salads" with ground beef, too... so lettuce, ground beef, tomatoes, onions, some sour cream, etc.

    I take a couple of things to help with sleep (I get anxiety sometimes so wake up in the middle of the night.) I take something called Calms Forte that I got at the health food store, I take 2-3 before bed, plus a melatonin that I got from the doc (though I think you can get that at the health food store too). Those both help a ton.

    As for the balance-- it just takes time. I usually add fats by eating some avocado on things, and/or olive oil on salad stuff, maybe some coconut oil mixed into things. Sometiems I'll just have a cup of tea with some coconut oil in it.
    "Boy I got vision and the rest of the world is wearing bifocals" - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

  8. #268
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    Tea with coconut oil? Interesting. I'm in a tea-mood today.

    I donated blood this morning and got sick after. Well, I felt sick. I had to lie down for about 1/2 hr and drink some juice (evil, evil Welchs) until I felt better. I don't know what happened; I had a nice breakfast of bacon with 3 eggs & drank a ton of water. I felt fine lying on the table for a while. I felt fine sitting up for a minute. Then I stood up to chat with boyfriend and felt like I was going to puke and pass out. No fun.

    Taking it really easy today because I feel weak. Need to scrounge up food, but the weakness is not leaving me very motivated. Boyfriend is at soccer coaching, otherwise I'd bug him... Maybe I'll whip up a protein shake for now.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  9. #269
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    Still recovering from the blood loss, I think. Haven't eaten enough in the past 24 hrs.

    Will catch up with journals & journaling when I am inevitably bored at work tomorrow!
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  10. #270
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    I've been thinking lately, wondering what this attempt at a 30-day challenge has accomplished as it comes to a close (in just over a week, I think). I've learned that there's a lot going on in my life that I let prevent me from eating properly. I've learned that eating properly is not yet effortless for me. I've learned that it's going to be several more months till I get a sense of how feasible eating properly "on a budget" (aka. being poor?) can be. We only just paid our first month's rent (happy 1 month in the apartment to us!), the money isn't even out of my account yet.

    I am not disappointed in myself because I know I'm doing the best I can, given my circumstances. Going forward, I will continue trying to avoid poisonous things, just as I have been, but hopefully more successfully, and with planned and non-regretted cheats. I will DEFINITELY exercise more. It's time to bring out those muscles!
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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