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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 267

  1. #2661
    tomi's Avatar
    tomi is online now Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    Sibo???
    Read post #2626
    my motivation

    As per Marcadav:
    Do 30-60 days clean primal.
    No grains, sugar, alcohol.
    Eat 3 meals and primal snacks.
    Don't track food.
    Don't tweak.
    Don't expect issues to go away quickly. Instead, just follow the plan and see how things play out.
    Decide on an exercise plan you can/will do consistently during the 30-60 days and then do it.

  2. #2662
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    SIBO- Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth - Welcome
    Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth. An extended & strong dose of antibiotics would treat it within a few weeks. But I don't think it's easy to diagnose via tests.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  3. #2663
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    oh got it. Probiotics wouldn't take of it? Probably not as quickly as a week or 2 of antibiotics huh?
    Read post #2626
    my motivation

    As per Marcadav:
    Do 30-60 days clean primal.
    No grains, sugar, alcohol.
    Eat 3 meals and primal snacks.
    Don't track food.
    Don't tweak.
    Don't expect issues to go away quickly. Instead, just follow the plan and see how things play out.
    Decide on an exercise plan you can/will do consistently during the 30-60 days and then do it.

  4. #2664
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    This is going to sound weird if you've never felt this way, probably. Bear with me (rawr).

    Lately, I've been actually feeling loved. Part of the depression I experience is complete emotional isolation. I remember specifically in college, when coming off Prozac, the nearly overwhelming feelings that suddenly seemed to return to me. All of a sudden, I could feel. It was as though on the drugs, I was only going through the motions. And those motions get twisted and manipulated when you don't really know what you're feeling. I mostly felt sad, stressed, or some variation of upset. If I ever felt "good", it didn't really seem worth it. It was tiring. It wasn't that spectacular. What was all the fuss about? Maybe that is why I lose myself in fantasy novels and romantic YA fiction. I like to read about the strong emotions of others because I simply can't understand it.

    I feel like I've come out of a thick fog. I find myself wondering when the last time I felt this good was, if ever. I cannot remember. That's more than a little frightening. How long have I been going through the motions? It makes me wonder how well I was conveying my love for others because I did not feel it like I do now. I certainly did not feel their love for me. I know Boyfriend loves me. Now, I feel it. His gestures, the thanks he gives me, the way we banter. I worry that it's too much, but I remember the progress I have made. I remember that we have been working through the hard stuff together, recently. I realize over and over that there's no way he would be with me now, after everything we've gone through together, if he didn't really want to be here. I feel like I've fallen in love with him all over again. Maybe that is why I am so nostalgic this year, thinking back on the early days of our relationship, when I first felt like this. It's easy to forgot past relationships and say, "I've never felt this way before!" It's easier for me than most, given my memory. I don't think it matters if it's true or not, but that's how it feels to me now.

    I feel like I cannot express to him how much I love him. I want to buy him everything he wants. I want to write him repetitive love letters every day. I want to come up with the best date activities for us. I want to pick the most entertaining movies for us to view together. Nothing feels like enough. I'll have to live with that. I am happy to know that there will be more of this and every day can be more fulfilling with him than the last.

    Maybe I will send this to him in an email.

    [edit] And what inspired this post was trying to figure out a new date idea for us. I'm kind of thinking a night in would be really nice, but only if I can splurge on some destructive food (pizza from our favorite place) so I don't have to spend the whole time cooking (which means having the right enzymes & such to prevent total discomfort, but I don't know if that'd be doable for this weekend). I do have some frozen bacon-wrapped scallops from Trader Joe's (pretty clean, the bacon is uncured and has a little brown sugar on it), but that's really more of an appetizer. I've been wanting to watch "Stardust" again, but I'm wondering if there's something new I can find for us that we might like.
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 12-17-2012 at 12:03 PM.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  5. #2665
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    Quote Originally Posted by tomi View Post
    oh got it. Probiotics wouldn't take of it? Probably not as quickly as a week or 2 of antibiotics huh?
    No, that just adds to the bacterial overgrowth. It's basically like there's just too much for anything else to help. GAPS and SCD (specific carbohydrate diet) can help, but it takes months to years. 2-3 weeks of antibiotics, or a full month, would normalize things. I would have to stay strict paleo for a while after that and be really careful.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  6. #2666
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    I totally understand the emotional onslaught. Dysthymia means you don't feel much of anything. When the cloud lifts and you feel again, it's damn near traumatizing. It's a 180 from the world you knew. Trying to explain it to someone who hasn't been there is like trying to expalin color to a blind person. You feel and you want to keep feeling and make sure the world knows you're feeling so it's not just a happy dream. All the rest of the world knows is that suddenly you've gone from PBS to Lifetime and they have no clue what the hell's going on.
    Let Boyfriend know what's going on, in whatever way you need to, so he's not blindsided.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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  7. #2667
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    Thanks, NK. <3 That was perfect.
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  8. #2668
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    I just saw the picture of you and your boyfriend at your Aunt's? wedding. I thought to myself "How beautiful, they obviously love each other." It made me love him too. Just the way he was looking at you. Swoon.
    Paula Primal since 9/24/2010
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  9. #2669
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    I get the never feeling loved thing - and then coming to the realization that I truly AM loved! It was eye opening. And it didn't happen until about 10 years ago. So I spent 40 years never really feeling loved.

    As for the emotional awakening - I sorta had a little of that when I stopped taking my anti-depressants. I would cry at the drop of a hat (or a emotionally charged commercial) - and all of the sudden I was feeling joy for the first time in my life ! It was scary and weird.

    I agree that talking about it with boyfriend is a good idea - let him share in this new found emotion!
    Read post #2626
    my motivation

    As per Marcadav:
    Do 30-60 days clean primal.
    No grains, sugar, alcohol.
    Eat 3 meals and primal snacks.
    Don't track food.
    Don't tweak.
    Don't expect issues to go away quickly. Instead, just follow the plan and see how things play out.
    Decide on an exercise plan you can/will do consistently during the 30-60 days and then do it.

  10. #2670
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    I just saw the picture of you and your boyfriend at your Aunt's? wedding. I thought to myself "How beautiful, they obviously love each other." It made me love him too. Just the way he was looking at you. Swoon.
    When I had purple hair? Yeah (I love that picture) . He's learned to make me laugh and smile for photos.

    Quote Originally Posted by tomi View Post
    As for the emotional awakening - I sorta had a little of that when I stopped taking my anti-depressants. I would cry at the drop of a hat (or a emotionally charged commercial) - and all of the sudden I was feeling joy for the first time in my life ! It was scary and weird.

    I agree that talking about it with boyfriend is a good idea - let him share in this new found emotion!
    I've felt like this before (when coming off of anti-depressants), but it really feels like a completely different degree of "awakening" this time. Maybe it's just my current perspective, or maybe it is different. Either way, I feel like I am handling it a lot better this time than I have in the past. I keep telling my therapist that it feels strange to feel proud of myself, because that kind of thing isn't really encouraged in our society, but I am. I am curious, however, why I'm suddenly feeling this way. Maybe I've just been on the 5-HTP long enough for it to really help.

    Sleep: Went to bed late, but slept well. Took it really slow this morning.

    Food: I had more dairy yesterday than I have had in I don't remember how long. A few little cheese wheels (the kind in wax, used to love those), butter on sweet potatoes, a little egg nog at work (decent quality, had guar gum & carageenan, but it's made by a local farm brand carried at Whole Foods). I also ate some kielbasa (all of this was over at my parents' house). My gut became like a portal to the underworld, but only for smells. Ugh. I also had some significant gut pain late in the evening. I took some ACV before bed (I need to get more) and that at least helped to quell the heartburn and gurgling. I bought some lactose-free yogurt last night (minimally processed, lactase added to remove the lactose) out of curiosity and had some this morning (it was not nearly as delicious as my homemade stuff). My gut is not gurgling or anything, so that's good. I didn't have the energy to deal with the chicken this morning, so I'll pop it in the crock pot tonight and turn it on tomorrow morning. That means bone broth by Thursday.

    Supplements: Yeah, yeah, still putting off calling the doctor. I will be out of Pau D'Arco tonight, which means I won't be taking any anti-fungals/anti-candida stuff right now. Like everything, I'll just have to play it by ear. I don't want to go in if all I need to do is wait a little longer for changes, you know? The doctor mostly keeps giving me new supplements to add/try and telling me to wait, because everything might take a few months to really help. So I'm at a couple of months with some of these things (Inositol and Vitex) and hoping that something will happen.

    Body: My abs are gone because of bloating. They were gone yesterday too. That's what I get for eating junk! Ah well. I bet they'll be back. I've been keeping up with some push-ups everyday, though I think I need to occasionally not do them (we're only talking 5-7, on knees), but forgetting to stretch. I need to do more squats to see if that helps my knee. It's been hurting much less recently, but every now and then, it comes back with a vengeance. Very awkward when the needle-like pain starts while you're driving (manual transmission, so both feet are required).

    Mood/brain: Seems good lately. Not very much anxiety. Maybe not the best focus, but that might be from lack of sleep.

    My holiday cards arrived last night! They have glitter on them, which was not apparent from the information on Amazon. Oh well. I'll brush off the excess as much as possible before I send them. I'll probably address envelopes tonight and ask Boyfriend to sign any that he wants to when he gets home.

    The rest of my Christmas prep:
    -Embroider something else on my brother's Sgt. Pepper jacket (a Yellow Submarine would be awesome, though it would be in black thread since the jacket is neon green/yellow, but that might be too intricate for me)
    -Draw up a robot stencil for Boyfriend's baking supply jar (and then etch it on).
    -Wrap applesauce jars!

    Aaahhh. So simple. One week! Boyfriend said my larger gift will have to wait (?) and that I'm just going to get some little stuff now. I told him that's fine, and used that opportunity to bring up postponing our winter date. He took it well, didn't seem depressed about it, just a little bummed out. I'll remind him to call the doctor before 10, when I'm sure he'll be up. The sooner we get a sense of recovery time, the better!

    Boyfriend is being fairly upbeat about his broken foot. Maybe that's just the drugs talking. He's extra snugly and sweet on the Percocet. He keeps thanking me for little things or for anything I do to help him. I don't know how to respond when he thanks me for doing the laundry. I do that every week! It's nice, anyway.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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