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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 267

  1. #2661
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    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    I just saw the picture of you and your boyfriend at your Aunt's? wedding. I thought to myself "How beautiful, they obviously love each other." It made me love him too. Just the way he was looking at you. Swoon.
    When I had purple hair? Yeah (I love that picture) . He's learned to make me laugh and smile for photos.

    Quote Originally Posted by tomi View Post
    As for the emotional awakening - I sorta had a little of that when I stopped taking my anti-depressants. I would cry at the drop of a hat (or a emotionally charged commercial) - and all of the sudden I was feeling joy for the first time in my life ! It was scary and weird.

    I agree that talking about it with boyfriend is a good idea - let him share in this new found emotion!
    I've felt like this before (when coming off of anti-depressants), but it really feels like a completely different degree of "awakening" this time. Maybe it's just my current perspective, or maybe it is different. Either way, I feel like I am handling it a lot better this time than I have in the past. I keep telling my therapist that it feels strange to feel proud of myself, because that kind of thing isn't really encouraged in our society, but I am. I am curious, however, why I'm suddenly feeling this way. Maybe I've just been on the 5-HTP long enough for it to really help.

    Sleep: Went to bed late, but slept well. Took it really slow this morning.

    Food: I had more dairy yesterday than I have had in I don't remember how long. A few little cheese wheels (the kind in wax, used to love those), butter on sweet potatoes, a little egg nog at work (decent quality, had guar gum & carageenan, but it's made by a local farm brand carried at Whole Foods). I also ate some kielbasa (all of this was over at my parents' house). My gut became like a portal to the underworld, but only for smells. Ugh. I also had some significant gut pain late in the evening. I took some ACV before bed (I need to get more) and that at least helped to quell the heartburn and gurgling. I bought some lactose-free yogurt last night (minimally processed, lactase added to remove the lactose) out of curiosity and had some this morning (it was not nearly as delicious as my homemade stuff). My gut is not gurgling or anything, so that's good. I didn't have the energy to deal with the chicken this morning, so I'll pop it in the crock pot tonight and turn it on tomorrow morning. That means bone broth by Thursday.

    Supplements: Yeah, yeah, still putting off calling the doctor. I will be out of Pau D'Arco tonight, which means I won't be taking any anti-fungals/anti-candida stuff right now. Like everything, I'll just have to play it by ear. I don't want to go in if all I need to do is wait a little longer for changes, you know? The doctor mostly keeps giving me new supplements to add/try and telling me to wait, because everything might take a few months to really help. So I'm at a couple of months with some of these things (Inositol and Vitex) and hoping that something will happen.

    Body: My abs are gone because of bloating. They were gone yesterday too. That's what I get for eating junk! Ah well. I bet they'll be back. I've been keeping up with some push-ups everyday, though I think I need to occasionally not do them (we're only talking 5-7, on knees), but forgetting to stretch. I need to do more squats to see if that helps my knee. It's been hurting much less recently, but every now and then, it comes back with a vengeance. Very awkward when the needle-like pain starts while you're driving (manual transmission, so both feet are required).

    Mood/brain: Seems good lately. Not very much anxiety. Maybe not the best focus, but that might be from lack of sleep.

    My holiday cards arrived last night! They have glitter on them, which was not apparent from the information on Amazon. Oh well. I'll brush off the excess as much as possible before I send them. I'll probably address envelopes tonight and ask Boyfriend to sign any that he wants to when he gets home.

    The rest of my Christmas prep:
    -Embroider something else on my brother's Sgt. Pepper jacket (a Yellow Submarine would be awesome, though it would be in black thread since the jacket is neon green/yellow, but that might be too intricate for me)
    -Draw up a robot stencil for Boyfriend's baking supply jar (and then etch it on).
    -Wrap applesauce jars!

    Aaahhh. So simple. One week! Boyfriend said my larger gift will have to wait (?) and that I'm just going to get some little stuff now. I told him that's fine, and used that opportunity to bring up postponing our winter date. He took it well, didn't seem depressed about it, just a little bummed out. I'll remind him to call the doctor before 10, when I'm sure he'll be up. The sooner we get a sense of recovery time, the better!

    Boyfriend is being fairly upbeat about his broken foot. Maybe that's just the drugs talking. He's extra snugly and sweet on the Percocet. He keeps thanking me for little things or for anything I do to help him. I don't know how to respond when he thanks me for doing the laundry. I do that every week! It's nice, anyway.
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    My gut became like a portal to the underworld, but only for smells.
    Excellent.

    Dead soul: 'Ello, is this the portal to the underworld?

    Gatekeeper: Yes, but not for you.

    Dead Soul: But I'm late. I was due a few weeks ago. Me carcass is rottin' and I smell like def!

    Gatekeeper: The def smell can go, but the carcass has got to wait for the bus.

    Dead Soul: Why's 'at?

    Gatekeeper: Portal for smells only.

    Dead Soul: Fuckin' sucks.

    Gatekeeper: Look, the bus'll be here in a few days.

    Dead Soul: I thought there was a pleasant little ferry or something?

    Gatekeeper: Bus takes you to the ferry. Right across the river Styx. You know 'ell is close when you hear Styx.

  3. #2663
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    I thought someone would like that.
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  4. #2664
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    Adapted from Pebbles' high-fat day, here's what I might try for a week or so, just to see how my gut responds.

    Breakfast: 3 slices of bacon, 1 egg, peppers and onions cooked in bacon fat. Chai with 2 tbsp coconut milk and 1 tbsp CO. More chai mid-morning (for more fat)? P, roughly how much veg?

    Lunch: 1 chicken thigh (or leftover meat? or part of fish tin?), some kind of nut butter on celery (instead of cream cheese...would prefer to find a non-nut way to add fat to this meal)

    3pm Snack: 1 oz macadamia nuts, chai with coconut milk (would prefer a non-nut high-fat snack, they are expensive)

    Dinner: 3-4 oz meat (need to get a visual on how much that is, I'm probably eating much more right now), salad with OO & BV, and 1/2 avocado (will cook other veg for Boyfriend each evening, but I can whip up a simple salad for myself at the start of the week & take from that as needed).

    To prep: Renew BJ's membership, buy bacon, sardines & avocados (better price than at local stores). Pre-bag macadamia nuts in portions. Make nut butter. Consider another way to add fat without the chai, though I could probably use the hydration. I stopped drinking a lot of water in September and didn't notice anything change.

    I probably don't have to go that low with protein. I'm not looking to lose weight, just give my digestive system a bit of a break and hopefully help out my hormones. That means I could have a larger serving of meat at dinner, I suppose. Otherwise, I think that would keep me around 75g a day. If I do go on antibiotics, this would be a good way to eat to take a break from starches for a little while. You're supposed to stay off starches for a month or more after a long course of antibiotics from SIBO and other flora issues, but I don't think I could manage that (again). The whole fat-fast idea seems fairly affordable. I would have to go to the grocery store more often to keep fresh avocados in the house. Having fresh veg with breakfast would be a nice way to break up the tedium of frozen veg, but I know I can get frozen peppers & onions too (easier, but not necessarily cheaper). I feel like the hardest thing is keeping this dairy-free.
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  5. #2665
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    Hearing Styx was never so much a problem for me as hearing the Rush that generally accompanied it... now that's an indicator of 'ell being close by.

    Have I professed my love for you lately BTW? *sigh*
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


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    The love is mutual!

    Speaking of Styx and Rush, it's so weird to think back on what I used to listen to when I was growing up. Some of it is still in rotation (e.g., Zep), some of it is in rotation in the guilty pleasure or ironic hip sorta way (e.g., Blue Oyster Cult), and some of it just makes me cringe (Styx, Rush).

    Rush was theee first rock concert I ever went to, coincidentally.

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    NW, why are you targeting 3-4 oz. of meat? Seems a bit CW to me. I got some petite sirloins that came in around 8 oz., and to me that was a nice, small, satisfying steak. Half that would be an appetizer. Why not just eat till full?

  8. #2668
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    I dunno, just thinking about keeping the fat up. If I eat a regular portion of meat at dinner (that's a whole chop for me, or a breast, or two thighs, usually, to give you an idea), I'm sure that'll be fine too. I just wonder how good my digestion is right now with all the other things going on. Eating too much protein probably isn't going to help. At most, I'm probably still around 100g per day, which I'm sure is fine (3 eggs, tin of sardines, serving of meat at dinner). Basically, I need to sub carbs for fat and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to reasonably do that.

    Tired today, not thinking clearly. Boyfriend be damned, I must sleep tonight, and that might mean sleeping alone. Percocet just makes him too ... adorable... to sleep next to (safely).
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  9. #2669
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    Lol to percoset problems.

    I probably have days where I eat more protein than my 85g limit. Dairy products do add up.
    Primal since 9/24/2010
    "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

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  10. #2670
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    To be fair, it's a regular problem, but he's being very sneaky and extra cute right now. Lots of...ego stroking.

    Happily-coupled problems: when it's a hazard dressing comfortably (read: very little clothing) at home.
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