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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 257

  1. #2561
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    namelesswonder is offline Moderator
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    Primal Fuel
    My mom used to have my snort warm, salted water (no more than tears, which is the same idea with the neti pot) when I was really little. I only remember doing this at our old house (moved when I was around 7? I think?) so I don't know what happened and why I stopped because I imagine it helped.

    Dammit, this is the season for minimalist shoe sales, apparently. Zulily.com is having sales on VFF's today. The Sprint is only $35, but I don't know my size. The size chart estimates a 42. I guess I could tape-measure my feet tonight and make a good guess. Could always sell them on eBay if they don't fit, right?
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  3. #2563
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    haha, I think I'll be okay. Now that we've discussed it, I can manage. I was feeling a little crazy on and off after the last time we talked about engagement, after which it became clear it was not going to happen. He'd told me to set aside a date on my calendar for something special, but the date came and went and he was in the depths of depression and broke. I'm pretty sure, but have never confirmed, that was going to be a proposal. I got bummed out about that. More recently, I realized I really just needed to know where he stood on the whole thing and was happily surprised that he was on the same page as me in terms of readiness.
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  4. #2564
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    I'm exhausted. I'm thinking making applesauce is out for tonight, again. I'm actually kind of fed up with apples! Very confused at how adding a clementine to my lunch of sardines (full can, which is two servings technically) and an apple (not a large one for this whole week except today) makes me feel uncomfortably full. I'm also kind of fed up with clementines and I've only been eating them since the weekend. Initially, those clementines were AMAZING to me. Now, meh. Maybe it's because I'm getting my Vitamin C from the supplement. My appetite is being stupid this week. I think my dinners have been a good size, since I include a sweet potato (sometimes a rather large one) along with my meat & broc.

    You know, I wonder if eating broccoli everyday is going to have a negative effect on me (they can be goitrogenic, can't they?). I should plan out a week of meals with varied vegetables to see how I feel. It's going to be tough. That's a goal for this weekend, maybe I can plan it out for next week. I want a full week of meals in case I change my mind or Boyfriend is not up for cooking on the weekend.
    -spaghetti & meatballs (squash for me, pasta for him)
    -thai curry (with cauliflower rice...though that is like broccoli, so maybe not...)
    -meat with roasted asparagus
    -chicken soup (carrots, onions, celery, rice on the side for Boyfriend, sweet potato for me)
    -?
    -?
    -?

    31 more minutes till I can cruise home, read some "Cold Days" and make hot cocoa if I feel like it. That would be a good use for the rest of my chocolate bar, I think. Not delicious enough to eat solo.

    You know what's going to rule? Going to Medieval Manor for New Year's Eve with Boyfriend & his folks. I wonder if his brother will come with us. Boyfriend's dad is a "friend of the king", meaning he gets special mention in the performance, free parking, free souvenir glasses, discounted tickets, and more drink tokens! We've been several times with his parents and it's always fun, even if the performance doesn't vary much. The dinner will be fairly primal, as long as I avoid the bread in the first two appetizers (the rest is mussels, salad, veg. soup, chicken, & ribs). I hope I can tolerate some alcohol by that time.
    Eat, drink and have a great time at the Medieval Manor Theatre Restaurant
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  5. #2565
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    Congrats on the pre-engagement! How exciting! So --- traditional wedding or something quirky?
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    my motivation

    Weight goals:
    Highest weight: 216
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    Goal weight: 140

  6. #2566
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    It probably won't be traditional, whatever it is. I'm SURE it won't be traditional. The minimal thought I've given to ceremony is "short". I don't really want a bridal party. I don't think I want to wear white. I flip back and forth between having my dad walk me up or walking solo, OR walking down with Boyfriend. Boyfriend and I sometimes laugh about "perfect" songs to make our entrances to (usually something that would confuse the hell out of anyone else there and make us laugh hysterically). We have plenty of time to figure it all out. The only thing I'm mostly certain on is that I want it to be in Maine or on my grandmother's property, but I'm not sure about that either. At the end of the day, I just want to feel beautiful and be married, which we could do with just the two of us (and maybe a photographer).

    Sleep: Stayed up later AGAIN, but it was for a good reason. I was in bed at a reasonable time, I think, but I asked Boyfriend to snuggle me to sleep and he ended up staying & falling asleep too, so we chatted a little before that happened. I feel less tired today, so it must have been better sleep or I fell asleep earlier than the past few nights at least.

    Food: Last night was a dinner of champions: nuked sweet potato with coconut oil & cinnamon, and some chocolate. Yeah. Boyfriend ate late at work, I guess, so he took the food his brother made & is saving it for lunch today, so I kind of had the night off from cooking. Tonight is breakfast-dinner, so I'll make regular pancakes for Boyfriend & our friend, and coconut flour pancakes for me. I think I'll prep the batter early & then cook the pancakes when they're on their way home, or they can do it when they get in. I need to get chocolate chips. I'll make them eggs if they want them, and FUCK I forgot to defrost the bacon. There'll be time when I get home. Hell, I could make myself some sweet potato pancakes. Hmmm...

    Body: No exercises for the past few days. Just hasn't worked out. That's okay.

    Brain: It's early yet, but I feel okay so far today. Anxiety wasn't awful last night. I went over to Boyfriend's parents house on my own and hung out with his family (including the niece and nephews). I chatted a little with his sister (the mother) and his mom. I hope I did not seem too awkward. I'm hoping that my anxiety is starting to lift a little and that I can keep my supplements the way they are/start backing off on things over time.

    Supplements: 1 level teaspoon (2135mg) of Vitamin C seems to be just right for now. I'm really happy and surprised at this reduction (wonder if it's the increased Vitex or increased anti-fungals that's helping). I'm continuing with my 2 cups of ginger tea a day, though sometimes I forget. Adjustments for today were 1000mg Maca Root (MWF for first 2 weeks of cycle), no Tyrosine (not taking on MWF for a few weeks), and 200mg of 5-HTP last night (down 50mg for the time being to see how that goes). I ate breakfast this morning so I remembered to take all my supplements, including the increase dose of Vitamin D to 12,000IU.

    Car: I asked Boyfriend to talk to his dad & bro about working on the Mustang. Boyfriend's dad just brought back a "new" Mustang for himself from Iowa, but was in an accident with it yesterday. Everybody is fine, the car is working fine, but the passenger side needs some body work or replacement panels. Insurance won't cover it (he was forced into a parked truck, in retrospect he should've let the other car hit him so they'd be at fault). He's probably not in the mood to work on our Mustang, which I don't blame him for, so it might have to wait longer (feeling anxious about that). I bought the wrong fuel hose (it's fuel-injected, so the hose has to be able to withstand a higher PSI) so I ordered the right one through Autozone and will hopefully be able to pick it up at a local store tomorrow morning. The other hose is getting returned via post tomorrow morning as well (free return shipping). I guess this all gives me more time to get winter tires, and figure out which drive gear I need to fix the speedometer.

    Weekend: Pick up fuel hose, drop off return package, get seals, jars, & window wrap at hardware store, look for glass etching cream (might need to go to a craft store for that), take the car through the car wash, do something fun with Boyfriend.
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  7. #2567
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Our ceremony was quite literally all of 5 minutes long. It was as close to "Do you? Do you? Good, you're married." as I could get away with. Mom and Dad both walked me down the aisle (I wore green), I walked to "Blood of Cu Chulainn," the exit song, so to speak, was "Highway to Hell." The song to call everyone to dinner during the reception was "Living in the Fridge."
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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  8. #2568
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    Quote Originally Posted by naiadknight View Post
    Our ceremony was quite literally all of 5 minutes long. It was as close to "Do you? Do you? Good, you're married." as I could get away with. Mom and Dad both walked me down the aisle (I wore green), I walked to "Blood of Cu Chulainn," the exit song, so to speak, was "Highway to Hell." The song to call everyone to dinner during the reception was "Living in the Fridge."
    ^This. My first wedding was long, involved, and frankly a pain in the ass. We did it economically so the price was not huge but it was exhausting and honestly I just wanted the damned thing to end. The second time...hi Mr. Judge. I do, you do. Lets go eat.
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

    What the F&#* is a decorum? - Mr. Anthony

  9. #2569
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    Yeah, neither of us want long. I also do not want church. Growing up, I never day-dreamed about a wedding, and when I tried to, I couldn't see myself in it because I couldn't imagine myself in my parents' church. Then I didn't day-dream about weddings at all until Boyfriend and I talked about it. I know Boyfriend doesn't want to do personal vows, just recite or repeat stuff. I'm fine with that. I imagine signing the documents as part of the ceremony.

    I still have a hard time imagining myself there, but I imagine it'll be easier once we actually start to sort out details. I know exactly where on my grandmother's property I'd like to have it, but I'm not sure how suitable the ground is in that area, and it all depends on how many guests. The thing I am looking forward to the LEAST is financial discussions. Traditionally, the bride's family pays for the wedding. I cannot imagine my dad paying for much of anything. There's also no good reason why he should have to pay for it, I think. I can kind of imagine Boyfriend's dad offering to pay if my dad doesn't, but we decided we'd probably elope to Vegas or somewhere if it gets too complicated (I wouldn't mind if we have to save up and host something ourselves, but that would severely limit the guest list, probably to immediate family and a couple close friends only). I'd love to have a party, but that could always happen later, too.

    Maybe someone will buy us a washer & dryer ><
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  10. #2570
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    Hell, do it on the cheap. Buy a pretty dress (one without the word "wedding" attached to it.) Look up some vows. Pay for the license. Buy food for a barbecue for however many (many places do a bulk discount) and find someone willing to lend out their grill. Beg, borrow and steal folding tables and chairs. Maine's pretty enough you won't need decorations. Depending on the price of the dress, license, and meat, you could get out pretty cheap.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

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