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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 255

  1. #2541
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Wintereenmas is late January and the season lasts all January. It's the gamer's winter holiday, from the Ctrl- Alt- Del webcomic.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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  2. #2542
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    I like your idea of cocoa with schnapps. The German in me is loving it!
    Georgette

  3. #2543
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    Quote Originally Posted by naiadknight View Post
    Wintereenmas is late January and the season lasts all January. It's the gamer's winter holiday, from the Ctrl- Alt- Del webcomic.
    Oh yeah! More fun making up my own though. I never sent Thank You cards as a kid. I've never attempted to send holiday cards, but I imagine I might procrastinate on it. Maybe not, since it's entirely of my own volition.
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  4. #2544
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    Hummdeeeduummm

    Sleep: Got to bed late, after 11PM. Maybe by 11:15? Sleepy this morning, but got up with little trouble. I'll be fine by tomorrow.

    Food: At my godfather's, I had a huge glass of sparkling apple cider. His computer problems were easy to fix and it was nice to chat with him for a little while. (Not food related: I had to ring his nudist tenant's doorbell because godfather wasn't home when I got there, which could've been very awkward, but he kept himself mostly behind the door and I maintained strict eye contact.) I whipped up some pork chops and broc when I got home, and nuked a sweet potato. I need to get more eggs, sweet potatoes, and coconut milk tonight. I also wanted to make more applesauce, so I'm not sure how that timing will work out. I need to buy cat food within the next few days, too. I'll start chopping apples (and boiling the canning pot water) when I get home and figure out the rest from there. I'd like to make a quart for my folks, for Boyfriend's folks, my sister & her boyfriend, and then some 12 oz jars for me and my grandmother. I'm not sure I'll be able to make that much from the apples I have. I think I could reasonably make two quarts tonight, considering how many apples I had to chop up for less than 48 oz the other night.

    Mood: My mood unraveled a bit last night. I had one thought that was really exciting yesterday, then it triggered a worry, then it turned into anxiety. Seeing my godfather helped to calm me down, but then Boyfriend and I went over to his parents' house to visit with his brother, who had just gotten back with their dad from Iowa (Jenn, if you saw a powder-blue 1985 Ford Mustang recently, that was them!). I was tired, felt awkward, and unsociable. I nearly fell asleep on Boyfriend's shoulder and put off leaving to go shower and get to bed because I felt awkward leaving alone. That's why I got to bed late. I feel better this morning, but I was so zapped last night that I don't remember how much 5-HTP I took before bed.

    Supplements: My mood yesterday makes me worry that decreasing 5-HTP is going to be difficult and/or not possible. What if I am now reliant on it? Is that possible? I'm going to push through with decreasing by 50mg for the next few nights and see what happens. I took 1000mg of Maca Root this morning. I'll take it MWF for the first two weeks of my cycle, for now. The bottle I have should last quite a while that way! I also may increase my Vit D to 12,000 IU (4k in each capsule) as I think I'm really sensitive to light right now. My levels might be lower again. Just looking out the window today, I can tell the light helps. I'm still figuring out what level of Vitamin C I'm at now. Seems like one heaping teaspoon might be too much. I might try level teaspoons (2135 mg) today.

    Body: My right hand is achy. Probably from the maca root. That's why I won't be taking it often. I only did stretches last night. Hopefully Boyfriend is home early enough tonight so we can do more exercises together. I will try to do them on my own if he is not. I hate doing one of the shoulder stretches with the physical therapy elastic because my shoulder clicks (I think it's tendons scraping) and the sound makes me feel nauseous! I feel kind of nauseous today. I didn't have much of an appetite last night, but ate anyway.

    I'm overdue for a 6 month dentist appointment. Getting my teeth cleaned is low on the totem pole right now. I'd rather see the other doc about my gut and my chiro, first.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  5. #2545
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    Tack to my supplement notes: Used the neti pot again today. Lots of sinus pressure, though my nose feels very clear. I was in a rush so I wonder if I did something wrong. No sneezing at work today, but it's dry out (was wet in the AM). Dear lord, my head HURTS.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  6. #2546
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    Headache is slowly going away.

    http://www.zulily.com/p/black-jazz-s...ml?pos=32&e=1&
    Black jazz shoe by Vivobarefoot, for $48.99, today only. I don't like how low they are, would look stupid with socks unless they were funky socks! I love funky socks.

    I'm ready for a nap. Is it time to go home yet?
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  7. #2547
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    I'm tired, and bored, and too brain-dead to think of anything to write about on the blog, so I'm rambling here instead. It's nice things.

    My almost-anniversary post last week was not brought on by anything but love and happy thoughts. Over the weekend, Boyfriend and I discussed marriage. This hasn't happened seriously in quite a while. I think I wrote earlier this year about when we last spoke of it (here in the journal). We'd started making some documents and dreaming out loud about who we'd want to have at our wedding, where it would be etc. This year was really rough on both of us. Maybe worse for him than me in some ways. I feel like we are both coming to the end of the year on high notes and feel very encouraged, both for each of us as individuals, and as a couple. Last week, I was suddenly fretting about our lack of discussion of "our future" and so I told him. I said that I am kind of stressed because we haven't talked about it in so long, and the ball is in his court because he wants to be "traditional", buy me a ring and propose, but I don't know where the ball actually is. He seemed pensive. I don't remember if he had a response. He probably said something to make me laugh and change the subject so he could think about it.

    Sometime on the weekend, he told me that he wants to work as much overtime as possible (more than what is required of him, what with going in on Saturdays for the next month or more) to "get some computer parts." I could tell by his tone that he was joking so I said, "Oh, I thought you'd want to get me something sparkly" and wiggled my left ring-finger at him. He gave up the ruse immediately and said, "and by computer parts, I mean a ring for you." Usually he does not relent so quickly, so I could tell he was dead serious about it. I expressed my concerns about his medical bills, since some of those are nearly 1 year old at this point, and are still at a fairly sizable balance. Later, or maybe it was the next day, he said he wanted to talk to our friend about it (the one he works with) to make sure they can do the overtime. He asked me about my priorities, wanting to know if I think he should focus on his bills before the ring. There's no denying that I would love the ring, but I also know that both will happen in time, and I think it's important for him to eliminate those debts. I told him he should do whatever feels right to him. That night, I overheard him talking to our friend over Skype, quoting an amount he thinks he'll need for the ring and bills. It was higher than I expected! Either he's planning something pricey for a proposal or I've forgotten how much his bills are. The ring I sent him last week was not *that* expensive. It made me kind of nervous all over again. I know I told him what I do and don't want in a proposal a while back, but now I can't really remember. I think it was "no friends, no family, not in public, just us (and not post-coital)***." The next day, he told me he'd talked to the friend, and he's going to save up for the ring and bills at once, but focus on the ring first.

    So. I guess I'm pre-engaged. That's a thing, according to some wedding blogs: I'm anticipating a proposal, with good reason.* The mutual friend is probably the only (IRL) friend we've told so far. I messaged my sister about it, and it went better than expected, considering she is also anticipating engagement right now (I expected her to be pissy about it or something). I am hoping to make plans with her to be utterly girly and try on dresses (just pretty ones, not wedding) just 'cause we can**. I wish I could tell more people because I am EXCITED. Maybe it seems silly to tell anyone at this point, because it's not official, and, to be honest, in some ways that doesn't make it real for me, but I am still ecstatic and feeling the need to tell people before I burst or give it all away to my family. I just like the idea of it being a surprise for my parents and grandmother. And hell, it's not like I can change my Facebook status yet anyway . The hard part is going to be not gushing about it to any mutual friends we see in the next month or two. I will have to ask Boyfriend if he minds, or if he wants to keep it all a surprise.

    Thanks for reading. I wanted to share with my MDA pals, since I know there's little chance of any of you spilling the beans to other people in my life. You guys are an important part of my life and support network, and I wanted to share my joy with you. Obviously, I'll let you know when the real thing goes down, and include details (and pictures, if possible)! You know I'm good for a loooooonng post. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for before February, but we'll see how the job thing works out. Gotta make sure rent gets paid before anything else!

    *Stealing Gay Panda's post-script style here: I've been looking at different wedding blogs for the past year or so. I can't envision what my own wedding might be like and I enjoy looking at others'. However it ends up, I hope it is an embodiment of Boyfriend's and my vision, and not someone else's.

    **Sometimes I am girly. Shut up. Don't talk to me.

    ***Went back and added this 'cause it's just too funny. Boyfriend may or may not have done this with his ex. I told him in no uncertain terms that I require more romance than that.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  8. #2548
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    BF: You wanna get... ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

    NW: [shaking him] What? A beer? Some snacks? The remote? Wake up, you worthless ass!

    30 Years Later Remembered As:

    BF: NW, would you make me the happiest post-coital man in the world by doing me the honor of becoming my wife?

    NW: Our hearts entwined for eternity!

    BF: Our fates commingled!

    NW: I do! I do! I'm the happiest post-coital gal who ever lived!

  9. #2549
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    Hahaha I'm pretty sure it was posed as a question, but I don't care too much for the details. I do think we need a better "how we met story" for family. He's happy with "through a high school friend" and I am not.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  10. #2550
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Given that our response to that involves the question, "which time", I think y'all's is fine.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

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