Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 247

[jenn26point2]

Hey Tash! Getting caught up. I will be cutting back on the maca after that post. I'll drop to 1 capsule daily and build up from there.

Hope the car things get figured out soon. And hope your depression eases up too. Mine has been in full swing since Halloween, but instead of presenting as sadness and crazy anxiety, it's been presenting as overall pissiness.

[tomi]

I'm sure you will be feeling LOADS better once you get all the yuck out of your system - and you're putting nothing but good stuff in! And I love your attitude - face the right direction and KNOW things will be AWESOME!

I want to see a picture of the new hair

[namelesswonder]

Nameless Wonders: Thanksgiving, to health and happiness.
Last picture is me with Baba. I'm also in another with my siblings and Baba a little higher up. I think I'm ready to have bangs again. I am hoping to save up or have the extra cash to get a good haircut in December (at a local salon that's done right by me before).

Today's blog post: Nameless Wonders: Links and blatherings

Food: Chicken sausage & a whole sweet potato (it didn't cook completely in the microwave, so I cut it in half and caramelized the surfaces on a pan after with coconut oil, reeeaaallly tasty). I didn't get more sweet potatoes when I went shopping last night, but I really want them. They've helped get me through Whole30's before. I bought some local butter at Whole Foods that I will turn into ghee tonight. Excited! It looks amazing. It was about $6, but I figure it's worth it. I debated over the eggs for a while and settled on Whole Food's omega-3 eggs. I probably should have just gotten the cheapest, given my over-spending this month. I made the turkey stock last night. It's not as flavorful as the chicken stock I make, but I made it on the stove since the turkey carcass wouldn't fit in my crock pot. I had a mug of it this morning with breakfast. I think I made at least a 1/2 gallon, but I'm pretty sure it's more. Lunch is stock veggies (I realize that that's mostly fiber, but I'm okay with it haha) and the last of the turkey. Dinner will be chicken & broccoli, I guess. I think it's reasonable to have a sweet potato with dinner since I don't really eat other carbs during the day. I also snacked on some walnuts last night and had an apple.

Body: Hand feels better, but my left knee is still hurting. My shoulder felt find yesterday (it randomly started hurting like I pulled something sometime around Thanksgiving) until the evening (but I did laundry so maybe I lifted the basket wrong). It feels okay right now. I am constantly bloated to some degree (an inch or two around my waist, I think) these days. I'm still trying to decide, but I think I may return to the doctor after my period to see about SIBO testing and/or a longer course of antibiotics. I just feel like there's no way that could make it worse at this point. I also REALLY want to go to the chiropractor soon. Hopefully the first or second week in December.

Mood/brain: Still some anxiety, especially in the evening, but not really depressed. Really hoping this will continue to improve and that it doesn't crash later this week when shark week begins.

Supplements: I think I've been staying on top of taking everything. I have some things coming in the mail from Vitacost (restocking), but it (unfortunately) includes Maca root. If I don't end up using it, I will offer it up to anyone on here who wants it. I'll keep y'all posted, as I tend to do.

[namelesswonder]

I forgot to write this, but meant to: my body image has been suffering lately. It fluctuates, with my moods, but for the past week, I've been feeling really negative about my body. The desire to injure myself has still be fluctuating as well. It's mostly really subtle, just like the thought is there, but I don't really care about the thought. I can't help but recognize it as an option, it's just one I choose not to take. It's frustrating how irrational it is. Not feeling good about how my stomach looks is not going to be fixed by having to deal with scratches. I don't know if it's good or bad that the only mirror we have is the small one in the bathroom.

Plenty to talk about in therapy, I guess. As well as how on earth to get my friend to hang out with me when she won't make any concrete plans (I've texted, emailed, FB messaged...I should probably just straight-up call but I have that lovely phone anxiety). I'm just afraid that despite going to her wedding and rekindling things, she doesn't really want to hang with me.

[jenn26point2]

I'm bad about making concrete plans too. A lot of it has to do with money on my side - even lunch with a long lost friend is unjustifiable spending when you're trying super hard to pay off debts. Maybe she's got a secret struggle that is similar?

[tomi]

Sometimes newly marrieds have a hard time making plans that will take the focus off their "mate". So it could be that she wants to get together with you - but her main focus is getting in the way a bit. Have you thought about meeting with her as "couples"? Offer to have her and her new hubby over for dinner or an after dinner dessert? Or a weekend meet up for coffee? Maybe boyfriend and new hubby would be great friends!

[namelesswonder]

She talks about going shopping, so I don't know, it could be either way. Maybe she wants to spend to feel a bit less restricted, even if she doesn't have the money. I've suggested watching LOTR (something we used to do a lot) before The Hobbit comes out, and she said it sounded good, but then nothing has come of it yet. I could invite them over for dessert and watching FOTR some weekend, I guess. Boyfriend and her hubby could have whatever, but I'm not sure what she and I would do for dessert (she's allergic to coconut and sensitive to nuts). She's been with her new hubby 7 years already, so I kinda feel like it would be weird to blame it on being a newly-wed heh. Having them over for dinner is a good idea, since it would give her hubby and Boyfriend a chance to chat (going out would be preferable because then there's kind of an escape outlet if it's awkward). I can't imagine them getting along THAT well (they strike me as very different people), but it's worth seeing. I just have to get over my fear of feeding other people and figure out a nice, easy, tasty meal for them (and not something from her website haha).

I feel I should add, we've had problems making plans for the past 6 years since graduating high school. I've seen her twice since then! First time was 5 years ago, and she gave me a haircut (she was in cosmetology school at the time). Second time was the week of her wedding just over a month ago! I feel like I've tried to get us together so many times and it just doesn't work. I need to ask her what the best form of communication is going to be and get over my phone fear. It's really stupid.

[tomi]

sounds like meeting for a nice short coffee date might be a good way to ease into it - and to see if boyfriend and hubby have anything in common. That way, you know its going to be a short visit - there is no pressure on your part to feed them, its an easy out if things are weird, and you can all order what you want. Go for it!

[Kymma]

I have a lot of people who say things like, "Let's get together soon." I always ask specific hang out requests with a choice of times, such as "Would you like to get together either this weekend or next for coffee? I am free anytime after 2pm on both Saturdays." That way they can choose or offer up another time that works for them.

AND after YEARS and still having to practice this, I don't keep asking. If a friend cancels on me, the ball is in their court to reschedule. If someone will never commit, or I feel like I am begging or chasing, then I stop. You are worthy of love and friendship.

[namelesswonder]

My mood is taking a turn for the worse. I'm concerned because it seems out of the blue. My joints are also starting to hurt more. I wonder why this always seems to happen later in the day. I am keeping up with my Vitamin D supplements, but maybe I should increase them for a little while to see if it helps.

I'm worrying about money right now. I vastly overspent this month. I'm not even calculating my expenses because it's just going to make me more upset. Boyfriend just asked me to pick some stuff up for him to make a tuna casserole for his lunches. He said he'd pay me back. I feel guilty because I'm the one who overspent. I'm going to have about $300 accessible between the end of this week (rent is due) and the 7th (next payday). I haven't had a balance that low in many months, not since much earlier this year, I think, or maybe even last year.

Now is not the time to think about spending more for quality meats Back to eating super simply, no treats for me. Not even coconut milk.

Tonight, I'll get Boyfriend his groceries. I'll get sweet potatoes too (which means probably Trader Joe's so I can get organic at a reasonable price). I'll make myself a hot chocolate with the last of my coconut milk (screw the Whole30, I'm using maple syrup, though just a couple teaspoons). I'll figure out dinner and try to end the day feeling full. I'll read a book. I'll try to keep busy.