Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 23

[Hedonist]

Congratulations on the apt. and continued progress. Hang in there! :-)

[namelesswonder]

Thanks Hedonist!

I realized yesterday/today that my decrease from ~7.5mg in Lexapro to 5mg has made a difference in my snappiness.I got really pissed at a facebook comment my sister made yesterday and it REALLY should not have bothered me. My realization of the stupidity of it all was quicker coming than it has been in the past, so it still seems that my moods have leveled quite a bit. I am going to cruise through "Mood Cure" again to read about random mood spikes or triggered mood spikes such as that and see what might help there. I think 5HTP will help, I just need to get it!

Boyfriend's car is fixed! Yay! Finally we will have decent-sized transportation hehe. No more scooter in the rain. Speaking of which it's STILL slow even though it's dry today. Pissed and worried about that.

Going to Maine tonight. Might be fasting a lot or eating a lot of salads. Boo. Worst comes to worst, I'll head to the grocery store, if I can remember how to get there, and pick up some meat and eggs.

Last night, we got pizza and I let my boyfriend know I will not be joining him in pizza every week for raids because 1. we raid twice a week 2. we'd already said we won't order pizza/order out more than twice a month and 3. it's friggin' expensive! He sighed and agreed on all points. I am fasting till my tummy feels a bit more growly this afternoon, to make up for the bloated ickiness that last night's transgression brought upon. I was not hungry this morning, and somewhat hungry around 10AM, as usual, but it's gone away. Unfortunately, now I have a headache...actually, feels like it's time to eat! Turkey & cheese roll-ups yum. Recently, I've had little interest in any alcohol except wine, which is sad because 'tis the season for pumpkin ale and I love pumpkin ale. But pumpkin ale is not friendly to my tummy or my head.

I'm doing a loose version of the 30-day challenge starting Monday. I'm not really trying to reduce anything, but just eat more cleanly than I have been, which means no pizza, beer, or wheat AT ALL because I've been cheating quite a bit. I need to make eating right a HABIT.

Tonight I'll do some kettlebell stuff before we head to Maine in the traffic (boo). There have been some sore muscles in the inner-thigh and low-back area that I know are weak anyway. I just wish there was an easier way to be able to lift the damn thing with one arm. So weak! That should burn off the rest of my wheat-pudge from last night though.

Oh yeah! My mom ordered us Joy of Cooking and a Gluten-Free Cooking for Dummies book Looks like I should be able to adapt some recipes in the near future.

[canio6]

Good luck with the raid food situation. It's really easy to chow out on pizza while raiding. Good for you keeping to your way of eating. I haven't gotten to raid since January, so I hope you down enough bosses for all of us. What server are you on?

[geostump]

Whenever the fam damily orders pizza, I eat the toppiings off with a fork. All the taste, none of the gluten.

[namelesswonder]

Shadowsong. Apparently an old server, but it kind of sucks AND we're on the east coast, but it's a west coast server, so we get a lot of lag. Boo. Our guild is pretty lame. We're just starting to raid and our raiding group is like 8 people who are inconsistently available, and the raid leaders are 17yrs old. Our guild leader can't afford to play and has been offline for months. Her account got hacked recently and took all the money from our guild bank. We've been fighting with GMs to try and get guild leadership passed to someone else for at least a little while so we can get the money back and manage roles etc. My boyfriend has the highest leadership role, and he loves/hates it. He's a great leader, but he gets frustrated with people online all too easily. Drama drama.

Skipping the raid tomorrow night. It'll be our first night with internet at the apartment, boyfriend will be at a concert (Motion City Soundtrack, months ago I thought I wouldn't be able to go, now I can but don't want to pay $40 for a band I'm indifferent about), and I will probably do kettlebells and watch Netflix or enjoy our cable-access.

The trip to Maine was good. Baba was in good spirits and sent us off with the recliner she promised me (it was my grandfather's, it's super comfy, in good shape & has a lot of happy nostalgia associated with it), a cast iron pan, a bunch of towels & a pair of shoes. It was a bit upsetting to see what she ate (doctor insists on oatmeal for breakfast, she hates it; she talked a lot about using butter alternatives). Her cat is dying, she has bad kidneys, pees a lot, and won't eat much. She has started to hide... Very sad, because she is hands-down the coolest cat I've ever encountered. She looks like a little striped, gray puma with pointy ears and she's incredibly muscular from running around outside in Maine woods and hunting there (she once brought Baba a dead baby bunny). She was very friendly & woke us up Saturday morning & stayed with me while I read Saturday night in the recliner. If your hands are visible, she WILL head-butt them to get petted! Baba can't afford to keep this cat going at around $150/week for special cat food (the only thing she'll eat) and frequent visits to the vet, so she may be getting put down soon. She's only 7yrs old

I got nearly 3lbs of locally raised chicken breast from a farm we stopped at, as well as 1doz fresh farm-raised eggs! I love Maine eggs. I was not hungry for breakfast today when I got up around 7:30AM (as usual), but found a cool recipe for egg muffins from SoccerGrok that I will make and probably munch on a few first thing in the AM, and around 10AM when my hunger rolls in. Once I make them, anyway. I need muffin tins! Last night we made meaty spaghetti sauce. The spaghetti squash wasn't done until after I'd downed a couple bowls of the sauce, so I just scraped it out and put them in some pyrex dishes. Today's lunch is the squash with a bit of meatless sauce. Tonight I'll probably do something with pork chops & bacon since we're out of veggies and I've had way too many carbs lately. It was a very carb-heavy weekend, though I did have 3-egg omelettes Sat & Sun morning. I really suffered for my transgression (tortilla chips), and had some excruciating stomach pain for the next 12 hours. I am still quite gassy and waiting for the rest of the bloat to go away. We had some cheap, tasty red wine over the weekend called Incognito. Like books, I like picking wines based on their names and cover art. Yes, I DO judge books by their covers!

I learned this weekend that I don't fit into "juniors" pants anymore. I bought some "real" pants, by Eddie Bauer, at Renys (kind of an outcast/reject/outlet department store, you can find pants from Old Navy for $10 there, or Abercrombie & Fitch) for $10 and $15! They fit wonderfully at a size 6 with a little wiggle room (doesn't quite need a belt), but even the Old Navy jeans (of which I have 2 pairs) didn't fit in a size 6! Maybe it's because they're sized wrong (hence it being a reject department store, I once got a pair of pants with different length pant legs there), maybe I stretched out mine, who knows. I'm not really worried. At least I can get size medium dresses/tops again, though the shoulders aren't usually wide enough.

Mood: I was SERIOUSLY irritated on Sunday, when trying to pack-up the car (amazed that the recliner fit in my sister's VW Golf, it's bigger on the inside!), both me and my sister started snapping. The car-ride was fine, we did not listen to anything and I fell asleep for a little while. The 3 1/2 hr ride turns to 2 1/2 when my sister drives =P When we got back, we started to get irritable again, and I was especially pissy at my parents house, when I spray-painted the top of my desk blue & checked out some chairs on a neighbor's curb. I don't know what happened! I completely recognized my pissiness (which continued into the evening and got unleashed on boyfriend), but had a really hard time keeping it out of the tone of my voice. At some point, I took a deep breath, admitted I was being a bitch, and let it go. I wonder if this is related to the high-carb weekend and/or the decrease to 5mg of Lexapro. It's definitely something I've experienced on low doses of SSRIs before. I will probably peruse "The Mood Cure" for insight later.

[namelesswonder]

Geez, sorry that's so long! I get quite verbose.

[namelesswonder]

2 months since I started this journal, which means 2 months primal!

Supplements: morning: 2000IU VitD, 2 doses of CVS-generic Zyrtec, generic Flonase for seasonal allergy post-nasal drip; evening: 25mg magnesium before bed
-Will be adding 50mg of 5HTP mid-afternoon & at bedtime to start, as well as ~3gm fish oil/day

Yesterday:
D: 2 porkchops baked w/ bacon & cheese on top. Tasty & almost filling, then I went and had SoyDelicious coconut based Chocolate & Peanut Butter ice cream. And a Smirnoff Ice. Not great for my first day for the challenge >< But I know I'm going to finish it anyway!

Today:
Sleep: slept poorly last night. Got to bed early enough, read for a while to feel tired, but sex was what ultimately got me relaxed/tired enough to sleep. Lots of that lately Feeling pretty okay despite lots of waking up last night. I need to start getting up at my first alarm (6:45AM) to have enough time to get ready in the AM.
B: 3 eggs in bacon grease (leftover from last night). Very satisfying, and I was actually hungry for it this morning! Of course, 10AM rolls around and I'm hungry again =\
L: Will be 1 chicken breast (cooked in bacon grease last night) w/ some guac for dipping. Def not enough food, but didn't leave time to prepare more. Should have more time tonight. Haven't decided if I want to swing by Shaws to get something else.
D: ??? Forgot to ask boyfriend to make dinner, will ask around noon, when he's definitely out of class.

Must get muffin tins for breakfast muffins. Must get some pre-bagged salad that I can add meat, bacon & guac/avocado to for lunch. MUST MAKE HEROIN CHICKEN THIS WEEK. Actually, that'd be a great lunch. Maybe I'll thaw the drumsticks tonight!

I think I might start trimming fat since I'm getting regular grocery store meat, and I don't think I'm lacking with fat in my diet. Boyf enjoyed dinner, trimmed the fat off his pork chops. We desperately need steak knives. I'm not sure if I should remove the fat before or after cooking, since it adds flavor and moisture when cooking, but that means any lingering badness from being grain-fed might get cooked in. Right?

Goal for the day: check out CVS or Shaws for supplements on the way home from work. Kettlebells before dinner. Make note of # of reps in the sets, and what exercises are used so I can do it without the videos. Enjoy having internet!

[namelesswonder]

Internet at the apartment, yay!
1. Set up PS3 on wireless for Netflix
2. Upload pictures 'cause I'm a photography nut
3. Try to avoid WoW until after kettlebells!

Yeah, totally failed on goals so far. At least the cookies are gone now, right?

[skink531]

Try to avoid WoW until after kettlebells!

It took me a little while to understand this. I mean why avoid the workout of the week until after kettlebells? Then I read further back in your journal and saw a WoW Raid and thought "That sounds like a bad-ass idea. A bunch of people getting together for some sort of workout raid", but as I read on I realized it's just another example of me being out of the loop again. But, yes, make the kettlebells the priority. You can do the kettlebells while watching Netflix on the PS3(which I just learned there is a game called World of Warcraft you can play on it, also).

[namelesswonder]

Haha no I'm just a dork =P

Ended up doing kettlebells, pausing it to take notes of names of the workouts/descriptions enough so that I know what the hell it is. Read a little from my KettleBells for dummies and got some useful information on proper squat posture. Hooray for squatting with my face against a wall!

I did not have the ice cream! I was hungry after the workout, so I downed a smoothie with a raw egg (really changes the texture, so good) and feel much better. Now time to try to get my brain to settle (aka. reading) and go to bed before another day of work.