Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 229

[WarlordBlade]

I love climbing!

Top-rope gym climbing is SO ridiculously safe, especially if you are with an experienced person. Bouldering is much more dangerous. Still not that dangerous... just enjoy it and focus on feet and handholds and forget the rest - it's a fabulous form of physical meditation You can do it!

[namelesswonder]

I got in this morning, planning to swap the domain on a machine. It's one of the last I have to do for a project I've been working on for months. Of course, it didn't go as planned. The infection the computer had last week totally broke Windows Firewall, so I couldn't reinstall the antivirus. Technical story made plain: my morning ended up stressful and busy, I had to cancel therapy, and the high I was riding from the "excitement" of dealing with a dilemma is now passing so I'm feeling kind of sad and really worn out.

My candy resolved crumbled a little yesterday. The Halloween candy is by the front door still, where I won't see it often, but a rogue Twix was hanging out on the coffee table. I ate it, then had an apple while I was waiting for dinner. There's candy on the table at work and I'm pretty tempted by it for a few reasons (not eating enough now that my appetite is back, feeling drained from work, one piece is enough to bring my headache back into full force). I already had my apple and all I have left is a tin of fish, which I'm eating now. I hope that perks me up a bit.

The good thing about the influx of craziness at work today is that I should be busy all day and I don't have to stay longer because of therapy. If I take a break soon, I may stroll over to the party supply store, which is having 50-75% off Halloween things. Maybe I can pick up a few candle holders for a good price.

I've just run out of Vitamin D, so I guess that's what I'm spending my $10 Vitacost bux on. Trying to think hard if there's anything else I need right now! $25+ of Vitacost products gets me free shipping (not sure if the $10 off would negate that, so I'd have to have at least $35). I'm really all set with supplements aside for this right now, so I'm hoping that will save me a bit of $$ this month.

[namelesswonder]

One of my co-workers is Paleo! What an awesome find. She does Crossfit and got into it that way. She's even starting a Paleo-inspired bakery! I may just have to order some paleo-friendly breads (carrot, banana, pumpkin, that kind of bread) from her for Thanksgiving breakfast. I think I can spare $10 for a co-worker's business

But I'm still totally going to try making my own pie.

She had some coconut balls (covered in chocolate, but has coconut flakes, palm shortening and homemade cranberry sauce in the middle) in the fridge and I had one. Really good! It stopped my sugar cravings right in their tracks.

[ezeflier]

Yeah, he definitely knows that. I still worry though. I'm going to be AWFUL at it because I'm slightly frightened by heights. Bouldering sounds more like my bag, but we'll have access to that at the gym too.

You might find it helpful to work on increasing your trust of the equipment - which is grossly overbuilt to deal with the loads that gym climbing imposes on it. The only time I'm afraid of heights is when I feel like a piece of protection isn't well placed - outdoors.

As an aside, defects in the equipment are relatively easy to spot. A damaged carabiner will show obvious deformation before it will fail - the gate probably won't close. The aluminum alloy used is relatively ductile instead of being brittle - at least for aluminum. The rope would need to have an obvious tear of the sheath, or damage to separation of the core, which would show up as a skinny spot in the rope. Gym climbing wears the equipment, but doesn't subject it to big shock loads which would fail something.

Just to avoid the dumb things, I have a policy of taking 10 seconds to check gear with my climbing partner before jumping on the rock.. Look over the climber's harness, checking for double-backed buckles, and a knot that's well formed, and which goes through the correct loops on the harness. Call it out. Then do the same thing on the belayer - check that their harness is doubled-back, that the locking carabiner is correctly routed and that the gate is locked, and that the descender is oriented properly. Call it out. Do it before grabbing the first hold. It only takes 10 seconds. If your boyfriend is impatient, don't call it out, but don't skip doing the check on both of you.

People get hurt _only_ when steps are skipped. Safety is an attitude thing.

Go out there, learn good techniques, and then have fun. Be confident. It's a very safe sport.


Cheers,

Matt-

[namelesswonder]

He said we'll both do the safety/intro course since it's been a few years for him, so I'm not worried about that. It's not a rational fear. I know I'll be safe, but I get trembly about it anyway. I still find it exciting.

We saw Wreck-It Ralph last night, very cute. We also ate more Halloween candy. I might throw 1/2 of the rest, but I kind of just want to suffer my way through it since I know I won't eat any candy again for a while. I am apparently a masochist. I did buy a flourless chocolate cake at Trader Joe's today, though, for my dad's birthday dinner tonight. All for me! I'm probably going to have lamb curry for dinner. I think they use something on the rice that doesn't sit well with me, so I might try to eat light and have another mug cake when we get home.


Today's breakfast: pumpkin/carob mug cake (using almond flour makes it a bit less decadent than with almond butter, still working on the spices to make it more gingerbready), bone broth, pau d'arco tea, dirty eggs (cleaning up the cast iron from pork the other night). Not shown: the egg I already ate.

Tomorrow, I'm making beef stew! Just need to pick up some celery in the AM. Monday, I will slow-cook a chicken. Starting out the week with low-stress dinners should be nice.

[namelesswonder]

Today is reset day. The mug cakes will stay, but the sugar has got to go. My mouth has multiple small sores and bubbles in it (not painful like canker sores, so I'm not sure what they are). This only happens when my sugar consumption is out of line. Boyfriend ate most of the rest of the candy, so I tossed the rest. I will limit myself to one serving of the flourless chocolate cake everyday until it is gone (one serving is 1/6 of the tiny cake, and it has 33g of sugar and 41g of crabs!). Unless it's been a week, then it gets tossed too (gotta get my money's worth, yo).

Dinner was good, I have leftover lamb with creamy spinach. Somehow, it ended up smelling like fish once moved to the container. I might have it for breakfast.

[canio6]

lamb and creamy spinach sounds pretty damned good to me.

[namelesswonder]

Hi caniiiiiiioooooooooooo. My leftovers were in fact very tasty, but it was sadly a very small amount. I had to have a can of wild-caught albacore tuna to supplement. A weird combination, but I like quick foods when I'm at home.

I finally emailed the land lady about the heat not working (for the past few weeks) this morning. Something about low water levels? I know I had an issue with the water being brown a few weeks ago, so I flushed something in the basement that I remembered her showing us when we moved in. Maybe that was what drained the levels for the radiators. She also did not understand that I was saying, completely apart from not having heat, that the thermostat is nearly impossible to adjust. It's on, it's programmed, but if I want to change anything, it's a 10 minute ordeal of me smashing at the thing to see if the buttons will work, then smacking it again to try to stop it from lowering the heat to 40*F because it's acting like a button is still depressed. The plaster is breaking behind it because I have no other way to get the thing working. Sigh. I tried to re-word the whole ordeal and hopefully she will at least take a look at it to see how horrible it is!

I don't know how good my first sugar-reset day was. I can't remember if I had one or two servings of the chocolate cake. Boyfriend stopped me from eating more, but I was hungry in the evening. I think I need to hydrate a bit more and I will focus (again) on getting 3 solid meals a day this week. The pumpkin mug cakes might be a setback, but they are a really useful stepping stone in making sure that I get enough food at breakfast, right now. I want to get away from making these just because I don't want to be eating almond-products that frequently (using up my almond meal, but I have coconut flour on the way)). I did end up throwing out the rest of the Halloween candy. Unfortunately for him, Boyfriend had strategically left the M&Ms, with the intent of making cookies with them. The cat puked (it's only happened twice, I think she ate too fast, since it happened right after I fed her) so the packages had paper towels soaked in cat vomit over them. Even I would not dig them out of the trash, despite packaging, having made contact with sick.

I made beef stewp/stoup (which is better?) last night, came out pretty tasty. I always need to add more salt before serving. Maybe I just need to add extra at the beginning? The potatoes are probably soaking it up. I ate some regular white potatoes because fishing them out to just eat the sweet potato in it was too much effort. I have some bloating today, but it's not any different than it usually is, these days. We each had two servings and the last is for me to have for lunch today. A chicken is in the crock pot today! I loosely followed a "slow-cooked rotisserie chicken" recipe I found on pinterest, but I didn't add any sugar, so it probably won't taste anything like that. I also added way too little seasoning...it might end up really bland. I have some carrots, however, so I can always turn it into chicken soup.

Sleep was not great last night. I was feeling anxious yesterday evening so we stayed up watching Supernatural. I got to bed around 11PM, but woke up at least once because Boyfriend was being loud. One of the bedroom doors was open, so I got up to close it, then fall back asleep quickly. I dragged my feet this morning and got stuck in 1/2 hr of traffic (should be 15 minutes). Tonight might be rough because Boyfriend will be at work until 1AM, so I'm anticipating some anxiety about sleeping alone. I feel less than stellar emotionally, so while I'm at work today, I'm going to try to come up with things I can do to keep busy tonight.

TMI: I still seem to be keeping the yeast in control with Pau D'Arco tea. I'm not always drinking 4 fresh cups a day, but if I drop back to just 2 for a few days, the symptoms come back. I think I'm just going to have to deal with it until my digestive stuff is worked out (pretty convinced it's all interconnected). Pooping is still entirely dependent on Vitamin C. I have not been able to change the dose since I started taking it again about 1.5 weeks ago. I'm still at about 4.8g (1 tsp being roughly 2165mg, taking 2 1/4 teaspoons. I don't remember how much magnesium and potassium are in a dose.

[namelesswonder]

Feeling a bit sick. Nerves and sleepiness.

Nameless Wonders: Elections, and my fear of them.

Also, I wrote this weekend.
The hut with chicken legs by ~cloudysoul on deviantART

[jenn26point2]

Hey, NW. Just checking in. Cat puke... ewwww...

That's all I've got... lol... I hope you have a nice day despite the anxiety about going to bed without boyfriend.