Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 227

[namelesswonder]

Made it through the night without more snacking, but I did have a bite of one of Boyfriend's cookies. He wouldn't let me eat more than that, which I'm grateful for. He seems to be understanding now that I'm much less whiny when my eating stays on track My knee has been kind of hurting for the past couple of days, probably from eating way too much almond butter and the chicken (lots of omega-6).

My supervisor gave us the option of working from home today, since there's a lot of road clean-up going on, and schools are still closed. I emailed to say I'm working from home till about 10, then heading in. I'd prefer to be at home because I don't want to take the scooter (it's still raining and a bit windy today), but I know I'll be even more bored at home. I don't want to play Fallout New Vegas all day...okay, maybe I do. I guess one potentially good thing about all this is that the traffic might be pretty light later today. I feel really torn between being practical about work, being safe about travel, and being responsible. I can't tell what would be the smartest option at this point because I'm too clouded by my feelings (want to curl up and hide).

Boyfriend's training schedule is 4:30 PM to 12:30AM (starts next week). I can't help but feel that must be a typo! Basically, I'll only get to see him in the morning, when he's asleep and I'm leaving for work, for however long his training goes on .

I'm still terribly inactive. Moods are okay, not dipping as low as they were, but not totally stable. I suddenly got very depressed last night. Watching Lost In Translation was probably not a good idea. I was feeling so bad that just telling Boyfriend that I was feeling a bit depressed nearly made me burst into tears! I still feel kind of rocky today. Another reason why I want to stay at home. There are some things I could do remotely. It'd be kind of a pain, but I could manage it. I don't know what to do. I can't tell, from the emails sent out, how many people are working from home today, aside from a couple of the IT group.

Blah blah blah. Nothing exciting. Nothing primal.

[namelesswonder]

Working from home again. I feel that this is the right choice, given my town's advisory to stay indoors, that I was given the option to work from home, and I feel very relieved. Poor, stupid, brain o' mine.

Yesterday:

Being greasy-haired cuties.

This morning, I go to wake him up, he says, "You look good today." I look back at him...pretty sure he hasn't even opened his eyes yet. Cutie. I asked him if he wanted to be on a sleep schedule yet (wasn't sure if I should wake him since his training schedule is so weird), he said no, but thanked me for waking him! He must be excited about the new job because he is being so affectionate lately! Definitely not complaining.

[jenn26point2]

You look absolutely stunning in your dress! I saw it on facebook when you posted it but I didn't stop to comment. I think I was in one of my "I don't want to post, I just want to read" moods.

Stay safe with the hurricane! Sounds like it's a doozie!

[namelesswonder]

We stayed safe. Never lost power. Boyfriend's parents did, two streets over, and my parents did, in another part of town, for about 3 hours yesterday afternoon. I enjoyed the weather, but it made me kind of gloomy. I feel guilty for having enjoyed the excitement of it, considering the damage and deaths that occurred a little farther south (NYC and NJ).

[namelesswonder]

Hmm I have $10 Vitacost credit. I don't need anything right now, I'm good on supplements for at least the rest of the month, if not nearly 2 months. I could put it towards treats, like coconut syrup and coconut or almond flour, or canned pumpkin. I think I'll browse dessert recipes and use it for whatever I decide to make for Thanksgiving. I'd like to make something to share, and I'm not sure what would be more universally delicious, as opposed to an acquired taste (aka. only I would like it).

I'd need honey and almond butter if I wanted to make a test batch of no-bake cookies (I bought coconut flakes last week). Tempting, but honey is so damned expensive.

[jenn26point2]

PaleOMG has a great looking fudge recipe that uses nut butters and coconut. I plan to make it for my Thanksgiving on the 20th.

[namelesswonder]

Nameless Wonders: What I wore

I feel like my head is creeping out of a dark place again. This is a good thing. It means I'm moving in a positive direction. I keep forgetting to take my Vitamin D lately. I did pick up Inostiol on Friday and have been taking it every morning. I got capsules because it was cheaper per serving than the powders I found at Vitamin Shoppe. I've been keeping up with taking the pre-biotic every morning since Friday. That's the first thing I have in the morning. A lot of the sites I read say that taking a pre-biotic to help with gut dysbiosis is kind of useless, but I'll do whatever the doctor says for now. He told me to stop taking the probiotic if it gives me gas and bloating. I might try it again next week just to be sure.

Exercise:
Standing Abs « Tori Teaches Fitness
OW OW OW. Holy gods I'm sore. I couldn't even do the whole thing because my hips were clicking and driving me nuts. I should go in for an adjustment soon, I think it's been about a month now since my last. Being sore is good though, because it means I've done something. I want to do this silliness again this week. I know I'm not going to get the athletic figure that I envision without lifting heavier weights, but I can at least get more functionally fit, which is always the goal.

Food: Lessee, what did I eat yesterday. Omelette, bone broth, last of the butternut squash, bone broth with shredded chicken x2, rice pudding with a little maple syrup and cinnamon. We did a grocery run and I stocked up on a few things. I'm going to mark that trip as November on the expenses spreadsheet (and then no more tracking until mid-month), since I won't technically use any of it till next month. I bought some honey at BJ's, so it's not good quality or raw or anything, but it was cheap and a fairly large container. Good for baking. I want to make these no-bake cookies, which means picking up some cheap almond butter at Trader Joe's. My sister made something like these for my birthday and they were waaayyyy too sweet, but I don't know what recipe she followed (the original version calls for a lot more sugar). I'm also pinning recipes for pumpkin pie, since I got a bunch of canned pumpkin at BJ's, so I can try making some before Thanksgiving. I'd love to try making my own crust, the Ninja can probably handle the nuts, but I might just pick up a gluten-free crust at Whole Foods. Either way, I'll have to make it in a pie tin or borrow a pyrex pie dish from Boyfriend's mom, since I don't have one.

I wonder if I can use parchment paper instead of wax paper, or if things will stick to it?

I'll try to get a picture of my Halloween outfit later today. My options were default-Halloween (something black with witchy skirt and orange and black striped tights), teenage goth girl or 80s goth, or steampunk sky captain. I ended up going Halloween'y flapper girl, after spotting a pleated wool dress I've had for years (since I was 14, maybe?). I'm so grateful for my eye when it comes to cleaning out my closet. I almost never regret losing anything I got rid of and am usually happy to see the things that I've kept, even if I don't wear them often.

Shark week begins. Some mild cramps.

[namelesswonder]

Oh right, and I think I need a fall-back plan for our winter date. It was going to be rock climbing, but I don't think Boyfriend's shoulder will be up for it. I have absolutely no idea what we could do. Do dinner & dance kind of events still exist? That would be awesome, to have a nice dinner and get to dance whenever we want during it.

[justyouraveragecavemen]

Your blog post made me think of 2 quotes. Jimmy Buffett says "I'm growing older but not up" and my preacher who says that "wisdom doesn't always come with age, sometimes age just shows up by itself".

Not related to your feelings, but just what I wanted to write about.

[namelesswonder]

Haha, I like what your preacher said. As a teen, I often felt like I was more mature than my peers. I'm coming to realize that whether I was or was not is irrelevant. The bigger issue is that we're led to believe, simultaneously, that we must be very similar or very different than our peers (or anyone) in order to be "special". The reality is, we are just special. No matter how similar or how different, it's all relative and we all have something to offer.

I was going to rant about how Disney glamorizes relationships (esp. those based on unequal power) and how that's ruined Romance for a lot of people, but it's more than that. It's not just Disney.