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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 216

  1. #2151
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    Re-reading The Mood Cure has me wary about hypothyroidism. I fit a lot more of the symptoms now than I ever did before, but my TSH levels have always been normal.
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  2. #2152
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    Matt, Boyfriend's dad has been a mechanic for years, so I'm trusting his diagnosis. He just doesn't have the time/energy/money for fixing it so he offered it to us. He also has a car out in Minnesota that he wants to bring back, but has to get rid of this one first to make room in the driveway.

    I did look up roughly how much a header gasket would cost on an auto supply site today and saw it was fairly cheap, so I'm not sure if there's something else that made him want to charge $100. But still, $100 for a car is pretty rad. Maybe it is head gasket, from what you described. I still have more questions before I commit to it anyway.

    hehe, coolant is new to me. I had a VW Beetle (1974) for a few years in college. They are air-cooled!
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  3. #2153
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Matt, Boyfriend's dad has been a mechanic for years, so I'm trusting his diagnosis. He just doesn't have the time/energy/money for fixing it so he offered it to us. He also has a car out in Minnesota that he wants to bring back, but has to get rid of this one first to make room in the driveway.

    I did look up roughly how much a header gasket would cost on an auto supply site today and saw it was fairly cheap, so I'm not sure if there's something else that made him want to charge $100. But still, $100 for a car is pretty rad. Maybe it is head gasket, from what you described. I still have more questions before I commit to it anyway.

    hehe, coolant is new to me. I had a VW Beetle (1974) for a few years in college. They are air-cooled!
    Sounds like you have the info you need!

    If the car has been sitting for any time, it probably needs a new battery or something like that.

    A Mustang of any vintage is pretty cool.


    Matt-

  4. #2154
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    Too many thoughts today. Taking another Tyrosine as I write this (starting at 9:58), or in a few minutes after I brew some pau d'arco tea (seriously, ladies, this stuff is magic for YI's).

    It seems like the more Vitamin C I take, the worse my depression and anxiety gets. It's a very strange correlation. Since the constipation is still an issue, it seems unlikely that it's "flushing" the supplements from my gut. Perhaps the supplements are getting assimilated into waste instead of absorbed. My gut is a mystery. I think I'll see if I can visit the doc on the 26th, since I have the day off for my friend's wedding, and let him know things are still pretty fucked up after over a month of using Vitamin C for inconsistent elimination. I really do think a stool sample is in order, and I really hope that it will show something helpful. I'm also going to push for complete Thyroid testing, as long as it's covered by insurance.

    I stopped by the lab this morning, so I should have my progesterone/estrogen results for my appointment on Saturday. I've stopped taking the Dong Quai for now, even though I want to keep taking it to see if it will help. I don't think my gyn would know to suggest it, but I bet the gut doc I've been seeing has heard of it. Maybe it's even one of the "herbal" things he was talking about to boost progesterone. Technically, day 21 of my cycle should be this Thursday, but they said I could get the labs done anywhere in the 19-21 day range.

    I'm trying to stay off the scale. I can't remember the last time I popped on. There's no reason to weigh myself as I'm not looking to lose body fat and I'm not exercising, so I won't be gaining any muscle right now. Even when I do gain muscle, the weight really won't matter.

    I'm also trying very hard not to think about money for the rest of the week. I just updated my expenses spreadsheet and there's no reason for me to look at it or do any calculations right now. I should not be buying anything other than groceries and my balance is fine. I guess I will not be buying my friend a wedding gift, but I will still get her a nice card. We will also not being going to that concert next month. I might tell my therapist that I can't do weekly appointments next month, so I can try to make some more savings. I keep feeling like I haven't spent much outside of essentials, but I should be saving at least $200 even with the check to Boyfriend, and I'm not.

    I had to focus pretty hard to make this post coherent and use proper pronouns. I can feel this functionality kind of smothered in my mind by scattered feelings and thoughts. I'm not feeling that poorly today, but bad enough that I'm significantly frustrated by, what feels like, a huge step backwards in emotional progress. Okay, so I'm feeling fairly poorly, but not nearly as bad as last week.
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  5. #2155
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  6. #2156
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    This whole business of getting home and not wanting to do anything needs to stop. I'd also like my appetite back, please. I ate sardines and tea today. I'm willing to make cocoa, but not dinner. And then we'll be out of coconut milk, so I have to eat real food boooooo
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  7. #2157
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    There was an earthquake last night! I want to call Baba to see if she felt it, but I think the waves are less severe the closer you are (she is within 40 miles of Portland, I think). Boyfriend and I felt it while watching Doctor Who. I think it was a little longer than the one last year in the summer. My beer bottle menagerie on the side table in the dining room clinked through the whole thing. It was cool.

    The 5-HTP makes me soooo sleepy. I got a butternut squash ($1.99 per) and light coconut milk (since it's cheap, at $.99/can) at Trader Joe's last night, when Boyfriend went out to get candy at CVS. I didn't feel like driving anywhere and it didn't feel safe to, given my fatigue. I did make dinner, and ate the leftover brussel sprouts with bacon. I have been cooking everything in coconut oil lately and haven't perceived any ill effects from it, but apparently adding extra to the rice I ate was too much. I had extreme abdominal pain.

    TMI: I know it was the coconut oil because I have only had abdominal pain like that when I have too much of it. I had some elimination (not getting the right dose of Vitamin C, once again, so I haven't been going regularly for the past several days), but not as much as I felt I should have. I still have a lot of pressure, but nothing is moving. Hopefully that will change today. My poop still smells like coconut oil. I wonder if I should stop using it. Could it be a sign of not digesting fat properly? I don't know what greasy stools would look like (and I'm loathe to Google it), but that's not how I would have described them. Then again, lately, my poop is either rabbit-like or diarrhea. I think I should go see that doc again soon, tell him I can't get consistent results from Vitamin C and about the coconut oil.

    I'm all over the place right now, mentally. Yesterday was a fairly bad day, today is very much like how I've felt for the past several months, which is to say "normal". I got pretty irritated on the way to work because I was uncomfortable (bloody COLD) and someone honked at me for no good reason (I slowed down to let someone into traffic, there was a gap anyway). That kind of irritability, while not favorable, is more in line with how I felt prior to the gut issues, depression, or any other strange behavior I've had since mid-August. I feel scatter-brained today, in regards to work stuff. I'm getting work done and trying not to think too much about my personal life. I was supremely irritated at Boyfriend last night, but it all faded away this morning when he croaked his sleepy, "I love you" as I left for work. I'm tired of guessing what the next day will be like.

    I did take an extra capsule of 5-HTP last night, bringing my dose up to 250mg, and I was in bed by 10:15. I'm starting to wake up at 6AM when I get to bed early. If I can keep up the early bedtimes, I might adjust my alarm to 6AM to start exercising in the AM. That would also give me enough time to cook lunches, if I don't do it in the evening. We'll see. That's surprisingly optimistic of me. That makes me worry that my gut issues are requiring me to increase the dose of 5-HTP to have decent effects. WHAT IS GOING OOONNNN

    I also had to fight myself to take the 5-HTP last night because my mood had plummeted so much.

    I forgot to bring Tyrosine with me today. Hopefully, I can get by okay without it.

    I have been too anxious in the evenings to call Boyfriend's dad to ask about the part needed for the Mustang (or walk the 2 blocks to go talk to him). I have always been uncomfortable and intimidated by older men. Maybe it's because I fear stern scolding like I did with my dad, growing up. I even lived with his parents for the better part of a year (8-9 months) and then my confidence in speaking to him reverted. He's so nice, I don't know what my problem is. I think part of me is afraid I won't understand what he's telling me in regards to the work and parts needed, and I will feel too stupid to ask for clarification. I'm really afraid of being embarrassed or feeling stupid.
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  8. #2158
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    The soonest appointment I could make with the gut doc was for Monday, October 29th. Or I could cancel therapy on the day of my friend's wedding (the 26th) and go to the doc then. Not sure which I need more right now.
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    Now I'm convinced it's not just me being sensitive and that Boyfriend has had a bug up his ass lately. He just snapped at me about the fax machine at my parents' house. He's been there when I've faxed things before so I didn't think to tell/remind him that you have to plug it in (it's not always plugged in to the phone jack, you have to unplug the phone to use it). He was griping about the number not working and then postulating how he could contact the people at the new job he's starting to get a secondary number. I asked if he'd plugged it back in after, because I usually forget to plug the phone back in when I'm done. He yelled at me and said he had to go because I was sounding bitchy while trying to explain it. I am 100% certain my tone was neutral or at best confused, and not at all bitchy. I was not annoyed, just hurt that he had yelled at me.

    Now I'm trying to come up with a non-confrontational way to ask how he's feeling because he was a jerk last night (and overly aggressive, more than usual anyway, on his video game) and a jerk today. You'd think "How've you been feeling lately? You've seem overly aggressive/irritable lately," would be non-confrontational enough, but that bug is probably going to make him say I'm being a bitch again.
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    I hate that shit, when tone or mood gets mis-read. The best thing you can do, IMHO, is suck it up and say you're sorry if it came across like being bitchy, but state that you really weren't upset or anything. Sorry is the door to reconciliation. I have a hard time saying it sometimes though.

    Thanks for the TMI segment. Sounds like maybe you just need to dial back the CO a bit, or live with perpetual steatorrhea (BAZAM!). You'll know a greasy stool when you come across one, because every time you try to sit on it you slip off. Sorry, best I got. But if you've been loosey-goosey and yer emissions smell like CO, I'm guessing you have met the definition of greasy stool. There may be funnier word combinations than greasy stool, but not many.

    Just call BF's dad. Not all of us olds are into scolding. Sometimes we genuinely like and want to help people. He sounds like that.

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