Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 214

[namelesswonder]

Good to know! I will check to see if there are threaded feet. As you can see, there's no counters adjacent, so added height isn't really a problem. We always soak the pan after cooking, but aluminum foil is a good call. I still don't like how close the pan is to the flame (at most, 5", could be less), but it's worked for burgers before, I just can't put any other pans in there (no cast iron due to lack of space) because it would be too close to the flame.

[jenn26point2]

You're supposed to broil close to the flame... ever hear the term flame broiled?? That's it. Broiling is a high heat, fast cook. Any further and it'll take longer. I love broiling steaks! Browns the outsides nicely while leaving it warm and pink and juicy in the center. I'll take my steak medium rare, please.

[namelesswonder]

Ah. Boyfriend doesn't like things rare =\ I do! He even sometimes COMPLAINS if I leave the meat juicy.

This man... well, I could say many things about him, but his idle dreams of becoming a chef make me giggle.

TMI: Let's just get this out of the way. My gut is in distress today. Falling behind on elimination means long, painful, and just generally awful bathroom trips when I start back up on the Vitamin C.

I am going to make an order from Vitacost today, see image below. It's a large order, but I think it'll stock me up on the essentials for a while. Plus it's BOGO 1/2 off for the 5-HTP, so that gives me a few months worth. I'm getting 2 boxes of the tea, 10 tins of the albacore, and extra Vitamin C just in case I need it for longer. But if this digestive stuff goes on till the end of October, I'm going back to the doc to see about stool sampling.



I'm off to therapy. It's raining. BOO.

[justyouraveragecavemen]

Ah. Boyfriend doesn't like things rare =\ I do! He even sometimes COMPLAINS if I leave the meat juicy.

This man... well, I could say many things about him, but his idle dreams of becoming a chef make me giggle.

I like to eat steak that I don't like to look at...does that make sense? I had one once that the blood mixed with the marinade and puddled in the bottom of the plate, it looked thoroughly disgusting but was one of the best steaks I've ever eaten.

I'm off to therapy. It's raining. BOO.

It's raining on and off here and my office's lights are out. They won't be fixed today says the maintenance guy. So dark room, raining outside, me sleepy, this day is going to take forever.

[jenn26point2]

I love a pool of bloody juices under my steak. Love it even better when my baked potato absorbs the pool.

[WarlordBlade]

I like steak.

[naiadknight]

So long as it's not charcoal and it doesn't moo when I poke it, I'm happy. I prefer medium rare, with all those juices but none of the raw meat feeling, but steak's good.

[justyouraveragecavemen]

I like steak.

I won't say that I love steak, but we've been seeing each other for a while now and it's getting pretty serious. I think we're going to take it to "going steady" level pretty soon. Steak wears my class ring and I have a t-bone necklace.

[namelesswonder]

I like bloody pools around my steak. Good for slurping/plate licking afterwards. I do this with basically every meal at home now, and got a bit embarrassed when I did this at my parents' house. I forgot that it's not usual dinner table behavior. And their plates are heavier/thicker than mine so it was kind of tricky.

Therapy was good. The sun has come out, so my ride home should be significantly less despairing. It's nice that I can say therapy went well even though I cried. I talked about upsetting things, but overall, I was left feeling encouraged, uplifted, and hopeful.

I have a project idea, though I'm not sure how likely it is I'll ever do it. With all my handwritten and online journals at my disposal, I'm somewhat tempted to go through them all chronologically and blog about it. I'd probably start a new blog on it, specifically dedicated to analyzing my teenaged mind as I wrote about it. This would probably be a better pursuit if I was trained as a psychologist, but I think I've learned enough over the years that I could break down the real feelings behind some of my outbursts and make some interesting commentary. I'm sure there's also some funny stuff in there. I don't know how interesting it would be to anyone else, but I'm thinking more and more that that doesn't really matter. I should probably read some of the handwritten journals before I start this, so I can see where I want to start, and if it's worth sharing. I'd also want to check with my family before I potentially put information about them online. I hope they would not be insulted by my hormonal outbursts about them. Maybe I would just discourage them from reading it.

Food: I had hot cocoa this morning because I wanted it, had no food prepared, and wasn't very hungry (I even whisked in some coconut oil for extra fat, since the leftover coconut milk was mostly water). After I got to work and relieved some abdominal pressure, my appetite sparked right up, but all I had was an apple. So I'm spending the afternoon hungry (but you know what? I'm not ravenous so it's totally fine) and really looking forward to making some rice pudding when I get home, and then making dinner. If I was eating eggs, I'd toss an egg in it for some extra calories, but oh well. We had Indian food last night and I regretted it quickly. I remembered that it made me gassy, but with my current "condition", it all stayed inside and was rather painful. No more Indian food from that place! Boyfriend paid because he's ahead for the month.

Darn you skin. Sort yourself out! New pimple this morning, next to my nose. My hair is kinda greasy, but not stringy. I'm wondering if tea rinses or washing with essential oils would help or hinder. My hair would at least smell nice, which it does not right now. I should get that Yes to Cucumber shampoo, to match my conditioner. I should also get a separate squeezy bottle to put some conditioner in, and mix in a bit of hair dye. I've never tried that to help rejuvenate the color, but if I end up washing a few times a month with these paraben and sulfate free products, it might help a little. Oh yes, and I'm also on the fence again about pink or purple. Would it be weird to wear a purple dress and also have purple hair (different shades)?

I turned on the heat last night. It's on super low and focused on the morning hours to warm up the bathroom a bit before I get up (starting at 6AM). I think I set it to 63*F or 65*F. Then it goes down to 60 during the day, and reduces to 50 after 10PM because we keep plenty warm with our blankets at night. I figured that would shut it off at night, there's no shut-off setting unless I do it manually. It was very nice having a bit of warmth in the bedroom and bathroom this morning. The living room (front room) felt awesome compared to how it's been lately! And today was probably the chilliest it's been so far this season. It was in the 40s on my ride to work. Good thing my new scooter gloves arrived yesterday. They fit terribly, but keep my hands decently warm. I'll probably splurge on a better pair within the next month or two.

Weekend stuff
-A friend from our group of friends wants to hang out with some of us. He suggested apple picking (!!!!!) or movies or something. I'd love to get apples but I DESPERATELY need to attend to my scooter. I'm hoping checking the carb for junk and cleaning off/checking the spark plug(s?) will be enough to get it running a bit better. If we hang with the friends, maybe they'd want to watch HP3 with us in the evening so I can still work on the scooter.
-A girlfriend of one of our friends contacted me on FB about hanging out (all 4 of us). I've mostly interacted with her in the group, but she seems pretty cool. I don't know what we'd do, but I think it'd be fun.
-Relax. Sleep. Get more food. Watch more movies.

[Finnegans Wake]

I like bloody pools around my steak. Good for slurping/plate licking afterwards.

Strangely alluring.