Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 21

[CandylandCanary]

I went back to read your first post, haven't read the thread. But I can relate to a lot of your history. I've done the depression/SSRI thing too. There's a ton of depression in my family as well. Everyone else just successfully deals with it with... well, Irish whiskey, lol. (And hey, I'm not judging that, if it works it works.)

Green beans are the shizz.

I wonder if you aren't a bit anemic? That could bring on sugar cravings... I think, don't quote me on that, I'm just remembering what a friend with similar period issues told me. I don't know what's normal for you, but it does sound like the period situation could be checked out. (Though I know that Americans have to pony up $$$ for that, so I probably wouldn't run off to the doctor as much as I do, given that.)

Peaches are in season for like, five seconds. Carpe diem. If it's from his tree, it's like, 100% organic and pesticide-free and likely not one of those commercial varieties bred for maximum sugar. Grilled peaches are also the shizz. It goes pretty nicely with chicken. Most of the online recipes insist on adding sugar (I don't know WHY, honestly, it's like a reflex action with SAD chefs) but you can leave that crap out.

[namelesswonder]

According to my blood tests from last month, I'm not anemic, but I don't know the #s so I could be. I wonder if I should increase my B12 intake (but I eat so much chicken and eggs!)? True that I'm not about to drop mad $$$ on doctor's bills, esp. since I just got mildly reamed for missing work for being sick and such. I already go to therapy every 2-3 weeks mid-day and feel guilty about it, which I SHOULD NOT feel guilty about!

Peaches and chicken, you say? I'm interested...

Since I just got off birth control for almost 4 years straight, I'm not about to jump to any conclusions with my cycle, but I am keeping an eye out on correlations, for sure. Also I LOVE your signature.

[CandylandCanary]

Thanks. When I couldn't find a proper quote from Keith Richards, I had to resort to a higher authority, lol.

I knew I saw a recipe for this last year. Found it:

Chef's recipe: Make the most of summer's peaches - The Globe and Mail

It's pretty primal until he starts talking about the sugar. He was doing so well, too.

Another:

Grilled peaches: A lazy dessert chef's dream - All Salon - Salon.com

I don't see why they insist on pouring sugar on perfectly good fruit. It's like my sister wanting to make JAM (omg) out of perfectly low-carb, nutrient-loaded, fiber-rich blueberries. The SAD is.. sad. But it looks good up until that point.

[namelesswonder]

Yeah the sugar + fruit combo is really odd to me now. I was lazy yesterday and got a little Greek yogurt & blueberry pack at the grocery store, but didn't realize it was some kind of sugar concoction, and not fresh blueberries! Silly me. It was VERY sweet. The yogurt even tasted sweet even though it didn't appear to be sweetened from what I could read on the container.

Fasting for lunch today. I figure it couldn't hurt as long as I have a good breakfast & dinner, while we're moving this week. I had 2 eggs fried in butter this morning and they really hit the spot. My body seems to be doing okay despite the cheating, which is very reassuring. It must be on the mend!

Migraines seem to be going away. I'm double-dosing on a generic Zyrtec to see how that helps my general allergy symptoms (scratchy throat, post nasal drip, slight congestion, occasional sneezing) and headaches. I woke up with a hangover-like pain in my eyes this morning, perhaps just dehydration. I've been neglecting watering myself so I will try to focus on that for the rest of the week to get back into the habit.

I did some math and I should have enough $ after getting paid to get us some basic, essential kitchen items for the apartment this weekend. We went through my list and marked off those items, so hopefully Target has some good deals going on because I hate shopping around. I hope we can find a good & cheap (maybe free!) washer & dryer on the curb somewhere...

[namelesswonder]

My grandmother got hurt again. She's been sick a lot over the past few years and had a harder time healing since the car accident she was in several years back. This time, she fell (trying to find out when, what she was doing etc.) and cracked 2 ribs and bruised her arm badly (she's on blood thinners so it's going to take forever to heal). Fortunately, despite her power being out from the storm (she lives in Maine), she's staying with a friend who is also a nurse!

She's 84. She knows she's old, she's ready for the eventuality of death. I am definitely not. I really hope I can go up to see her soon. My sister and I have been intending to do so, but unknown plans with the apartment, a wedding me and boyfriend were supposed to go to that is apparently not happening, and not wanting to miss work have prevented us so far.

[namelesswonder]

Baba is okay. I spoke with her and got the details of the fall and her current situation (staying with the nurse-friend).

From somebody else's journal in response to something:

^I've definitely heard that as a method to "dealing" with mood disorders, but in today's world, it's hardly feasible/realistic (can't tell you how many times I've heard that from doctors/teacher re: public school structures). Had I enough money, I could do all the crafty things I want that suit my scatter-brained attitude. IT work suits me fairly well in its random day-to-day problems & projects, but the sedentary life does not. Nothing I can do to change that. I don't have enough money to even THINK about free-lancing anything.

BUT I do think there are probably things that you can change that can help to adjust your life to your mind's madness. Today I am exceptionally scatter-brained, but it's working out really well (except for editing what I write). I took a random walk. I called my grandmother & my sister. I am working on about 5 things at once/in short segments and then working on another, whatever feels right. I'm making epic plans for this week/the weekend for moving into my new place. In the end, I'll finish what I need to before the week is up because that's what I always do and it's how I'm most efficient.

Today is a good day. I've accepted my mind and am fitting my life around it. I don't know what's so amazing about today that my brain is so high-functioning. I am not always this lucky.

I am practically hyper-active, but it's all in my head. Yes, I feel like moving, but for the most part, my mind is just going a mile a minute and for once I can FOLLOW it. I don't know why! I love it! I wish I could have this everyday, but I feel like it could get tiring. Maybe there's another way to do this that is just as productive, but a little slower. I hope this doesn't last through the evening or I will NOT be able to sleep. Wow I'm evening TYPING a mile a minute. Zooooommmmmm! Maybe it's the fasting? I sure am hungry

[namelesswonder]

Slept fine. Forgot we had a raid in WoW, it went pretty damn well. Pretty pleased about that especially because I was not looking forward to it. We only have one boss left I think, but we're finishing Thursday (computers are staying at boyfriend's parents' house until we get internet).

My boyfriend's mom is THE BOMB. She bought us a TON of stuff to start us off in our apartment. If I was inclined, I would cry in joy, but my moods have been more level, so I don't feel inclined hehe. She's even giving us her old knives until she can buy us some new ones! This takes a lot of pressure off of me to stock the apartment and I can use part of my paycheck this weekend to get us the rest of the basics we'll need for now (like mixing bowls and paper towels). But seriously. So little we need to get now.

I left a to-do list for boyfriend today. Take advil for hangover, take allergy pills (he gets stuffed up after drinking, don't know if it's always or just when it's beer otherwise I'd say it's the wheat), take VitD (we keep having battles about how it helps prevent sunburns even though he's outside everyday now getting VitD naturally, but he's very pale & freckled naturally), call Verizon about moving internet installation date, call Honda about status of his car repairs, called landlady to see if we can bring a few things over this afternoon to make the move easier tomorrow, be awesome (checked that off for him), be loved by girlfriend (checked that one off too). I don't know if he appreciates the to-do list, but it made me happy to write up, even if he already knows he needs to do this stuff (but he didn't do it yesterday soo....).

A slightly calmer but still good day for my brain today! Sigh. Only been here 2.5hrs and I'm already bored. I can't wait to go prepare my stuff at my parents' house to get moved tomorrow!

1 day till I can go home!

[namelesswonder]

TODAY IS THE DAY! MOVING INTO THE APARTMENT! Oh how I wish I was not stuck at work! It was great motivation to get into work on time (8am), but I had to skip breakfast to do so. I might spend the $1.93 to get 2 eggs and bacon (2 strips! what a rip off!) at the cafe downstairs, but I don't know. I have an hour before they stop serving breakfast. My body seems to be liking the IF this week so maybe I'll just IF breakfast instead of lunch. I have leftover beef & broccoli from last night. The sauce gave me a pretty bad tummy ache & gas, but its at least in spirit with primal-eating.

I got to lift heavy things yesterday! First was filling up my scooter's 1gal tank (I get 70-80mpg over the course of 2-3 weeks, pretty sweet) with the 5gal jerry can under the porch. Then during work I lugged a couple of small towers (desktop computers) to the dumpster behind the building. Then after work I moved most of my stuff downstairs at my parents' house so it will be easier for them to move. I left the non-essential stuff and the writing desk (too heavy/difficult for me to move alone) upstairs. No soreness today, though I did have some at the time, so I think I'm doing alright! My knees hurt a bit today on the stairs, definitely think it's from the food, but I'll just have to put up with it for now.

My boyfriend loved the to-do list I left him a list of things (listed by priority, in case they get tired) to move from my parents' house. He is going to have help from his brother-in-law, our friend (starting around noon), and the friend is apparently bringing another person, so they might be able to get it all! This weekend is going to be filled with stocking the fridge and unpacking. My mom is going to make me deviled eggs so those will be a wonderful breakfast (with bacon, of course) for a couple days. And it's a long weekend, hooray!

I think my meals from traveling are getting reimbursed in this paycheck so it should make up for the low hours I had a couple weeks ago. I get a flat rate for daily meals while travelling, so I'm getting more money back than I spent! That $ will cover groceries and the rest of the basic/essential kitchen & bathroom items we need. I just need to make sure we don't go over that amount ($275) over the next 2 weeks.

Dinner tonight will probably be more take-out. We're doing another WoW raid tonight (finishing the one from Tues, I think, but I don't really remember), but I'd really rather just unpack.

I really hope these energy levels & good feelings last and it's not just excitement over the move. My brain is functioning really well lately and it's wonderful to feel on-track.

[namelesswonder]

Ouch! Effin' chinese food. The sauce must have flour in it. My knees, feet, and hands hurt. My knees are pretty usual for gluten-response, feet and hands are new. I'm considering keeping a diet journal that tracks food, mood, supplements, pain etc. to help determine any other problem foods or things that really seem to help. I'm going to start Magnesium at night soon and need to invest in some high-quality Fish oil because I don't usually eat fish (mostly because I don't know how to prepare it). I have no idea how much to take (probably more than is recommended).

Did I mention I got an ABSURD amount of sleep last night? I was so astonished by it, I woke up several times so I'm fairly tired today. But underneath that fatigue is mental acuity and the will and desire to DO things. I went to be around 9pm (boyfriend was tired too, fortunately), and got up at 7am AND GOT TO WORK ON TIME.

47 minutes till I'm out of here. Maybe I can sneak out early (bad, nameless, bad!). I have a meeting at 4pm, I hope that absorbs most of the time I have left!

[namelesswonder]

I'm not going to keep rambling on about my apartment. Suffice it to say that our first guests stayed the night last night (sister and mutual friend) and it was so rewarding to wake up in my own place and make breakfast on my own stove with my new pan. Sigh. I'm in heaven.

Today I decided to cut Lexapro to 5mg instead of alternating 5 and 10 every other day. Perhaps this is not the best idea in the midst of such an amazing week, but I am ready to try. A few weeks from now, I'll try to do a mental reassessment of how I feel, but if things are going well, I'm not going to stop taking it yet. MAYBE after talking with my doctor in October, but we'll see how it all goes. Normally I wouldn't take what they say into much consideration, but I like this doc and she already suggested cutting down if I feel diet & exercise help.

Dinner last night was a gyro, rice pilaf & a few nibbles of a salad (vegan sister ate the rest before I got to it). Too many carbs, but definitely some fat in the tzatziki! I almost wish I'd saved the rest of the pilaf, but I should probably just focus on getting a good dinner tonight rather than continuing to overload on carbs. I have a little bit more of the Chinese food leftovers if I'm feeling brave today, but I had 2 eggs this morning, so I'm at least fueled for now.

Along with doing work (booo) I'm going to make a new grocery list and shopping list for the long weekend. I hope we can hit some good sales to stock the apartment a bit more. I have $275 to put towards all this, since I got reimbursed for food $ from traveling. I think we'll try to keep the groceries under $125 (some of it might be store-able staples, so it's not just for the next couple of weeks). I've been so focused on just moving that I haven't thought about food at all, which is in some ways relieving, but I do need to make sure I'm taking care of my body. What should I get?!