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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 195

  1. #1941
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    I vote purple, Cori! It's my favorite color If I get tired of the pink later this year/when it's longer, I'll do blurple again, but maybe not as dark as last time.

    NK, I'm kind of a dark ash blond naturally (I still stick by being blond since I was platinum as a child, even if it's much darker now). Ombre is really big right now. I feel like you could probably make it happen if you've already got long roots showing anyway! Check with your HR dept about the hair Since I don't deal with clients, only other employees, they had no problem with my piercings or funky hair.
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  2. #1942
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Tasha, my office is right up front. Even if I don't interact with customers face to face, I'm still "on display" to most customers that choose to look to the left of the entryway. And if I hope to get an engr position eventually... It's just best if I stick to fairly natural colors and hairstyles, from a business standpoint.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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  3. #1943
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    Before work:

    Why are Wednesdays becoming such a problem for me? I would give anything to stay home today.

    It started last night. I started to feel stressed out big time. I was feeling overwhelmed with being monetarily responsible. I ended up buying Borderlands 2, and while it's really fun, I feel incredibly guilty that I won't have made any savings this month as a result. I really need to see a doctor about this constipation thing, but that's yet more money I'll need to spend. My priorities are a bit fucked right now, I guess. Work should be pretty busy in the morning, but I'm worried about KEEPING busy. I might leave early, if I can.

    This morning, I woke up in a foul mood. I've been yelling at myself in my head. It will get worse on the ride to work. I can drown some of it with music when I get to work. I just keep coming back to the thought, "I need a break," but I know I can get through this. I want to cry.

    I took a Tryptophan. It's not doing anything yet. I'll take another soon and bring more to work, just in case. Guess I'm back on them again. I thought after Sunday's anxiety, I didn't need it anymore, but I guess I was wrong. Sunday might have been more situational, since I was stressing about potentially missing meeting my godfather to give him the yogurt I made (lunch plans ran late, I wasn't going to be back on time).

    Because I decided to put fun over health, I also cannot do much about fixing my diet right now. I don't know where to start with eating more fat. I just eat things. I could eat a smaller serving of protein at lunch, but then I won't be full. I get really hungry at the end of the day, regardless of when or if I eat lunch, but I end up binging on something if I don't eat lunch. Yesterday, I ate all but one of my cookies. Would almond flour end up being more fat or more protein in composition? I was at 1200 calories before the cookies yesterday (according to FitDay, which I haven't used in ages till last night), about 120g of protein. I'd like to try knocking that back to no more than 100, or even 80, and upping the fat. I just don't get how.
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  4. #1944
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    Things I can't do now because I was irresponsible with my money
    -get my eyebrow re-pierced
    -set aside money for new glasses lenses
    -go apple picking
    -even hope to see Baba anytime soon

    Griping about it isn't going to bring that $60 back, but I feel like I need punishment.
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  5. #1945
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    Tasha-
    Quit beating yourself up. Shit happens. Everyone needs the occasional "guilty" fun purchase, or they go mad with feeling deprived and overbudgeted. Consider Borderlands 2 a stress release mechanism for days like today when you just want to murder everyone in your path. Every psycho, every marauder, every bullymong you kill, will help drive down that stress. Yes, your budget took a hit. But I wouldn't call a guaranteed stress release being completely irresponsible with your money when your at such a stressful point.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  6. #1946
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    BULLYMONGS. I will kill those shits. I'm so bad, but man, the game is so fun. I blew a couple hours on it last night without even realizing it. I'm going to have to limit my play time so I don't stay up too late.

    But I wouldn't call a guaranteed stress release being completely irresponsible with your money when your at such a stressful point.
    You are right. Thank you

    I spent some time holding Boyfriend's hand this morning (he was barely awake) and that got me to work at least. GABA Calm took the edge off. I'm going to take another Tryptophan and GABA Calm as needed. It's taking a lot of effort to keep my thoughts wrangled. I feel overwhelmed by nostalgia today, even the good memories.

    With a little more mental clarity now, I think
    -This could be PMS week, but I don't really know since my last cycle was weird.
    -I just need to go and make that doctor's appointment about my gut and hormones. If this is PMS, it's unbearable. I'll call today. This gets scarier every month. I feel out of control when I get like that and worry about what would happen if I didn't have the supplements available that help me. [edit: scheduled the appointment for 11 Friday, which means cancelling therapy, but I'd rather see the doctor right now]
    -I will talk to Boyfriend about maybe footing the apple picking bill because doing that with him would make me really happy. It's only $35 at most, I'm guessing, for apples and cider, and donuts for him.

    Food: I had my last apple this morning, so that there would be something in my belly. I didn't bring anything for lunch, which is probably a huge mistake. If the rain holds off and I get ravenous around noon, I could scoot over to the grocery store for something fatty. What's a good fatty snack that I could pick up? I think dinner tonight is going to be easy/simple: bacon ends (picked up at Trader Joe's over the weekend) and eggs. If I'm feeling nice, I'll make Boyfriend pancakes. I couldn't find a simple almond flour pancake recipe that uses ingredients I have (many also wanted coconut flour). I might be able to make it work... would regular sugar be a 1:1 substitute for honey? I've decided to eat butter again and I am so glad of that choice. I need to figure out how to reduce protein without going hungry. I might buy some sweet potatoes this week and screw holding off on starches any longer. Meat for the rest of the month will probably be chicken thighs (stocking up tonight) because they are so blessedly cheap.

    Exercise: Not going to worry about this at all for the next couple of days. I didn't do anything yesterday.

    Sleep: Slept restlessly last night. It was a lot warmer (mid-60s) than I expected and I had to keep the door closed due to noise/light (Boyfriend and a friend were playing Borderlands 2, then B stayed up reading). The storm woke me up. The rain was so loud on the air conditioner. I guess we could take that out of the window soon.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  7. #1947
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    For lunch, maybe apple butter sammiches? Slice an apple, put a good thick layer of butter between slices, chow down.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  8. #1948
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    I'm with NK on this one. Sure, plans have to change now, but sometimes we just have to buy ourselves something because if we don't, like she said, we'll feel deprived and overbudgeted. My husband is feeling this way right now with our budget. And then he keeps bring things up that we need to get - winter clothes for the kids, tires for my car, diesel service on his truck, etc. I feel your stress, but sometimes you have to splurge to not feel completely hopeless.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  9. #1949
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    The thing that scares me about splurging is I find it very easy to allot myself little splurges here and there, and those add up. I guess I have been restricting a lot more than I thought for the past few months, starting around or before my Whole30 in August (since that cut out the occasional ice cream and chocolate treat), and it seems to have back-lashed. In college, I'd keep tons of wishlists online, like I do now, except I'd actually buy myself something off a list every month, with the occasional more spendy item. Maybe I should start doing that. Part of the problem with my budgeting is I get confused about how to categorize things. Do I need coconut oil? No, but I do want it, both for a good fat source (health) and baking experiments (fun). I end up not buying my treats because I feel like it can't be a justifiable purpose, but the POINT is that it isn't. Ah well, I've had my fun (and have enough almond meal for at least one more batch of cookies) and it IS worth it, but no more for this month.

    One good thing about this recent money stress is that I was reminded to check out the local grocery store again for better meat prices. Chicken can be quite a bit cheaper there than it is at BJ's Wholesale, so I might stock up on that for the rest of the month. I need to get about 10 lbs of meat to get us through the end of the month. Maybe next month, if I can confirm that yogurt is not problematic for me (giving me a lot of gas lately), I will buy a yogurt maker.

    Shaw's has some organic produce, so a couple of apples and some almond butter would be a nice treat/lunch. I'm actually craving apples, so I think I'm ready to eat more fruit.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  10. #1950
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    I've had a craving for an apple crunch too... interesting.

    My suggestion with the budget is lump coconut oil into your grocery budget.

    If you'd like, I can email you the spreadsheet I use. It's extensive but it's detailed and works well, if we follow it.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




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