Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 19

[namelesswonder]

I just tried to pick it up off the floor. I don't really know any "moves"... Maybe I'll watch some more of those videos this week before I decide. I want one more paycheck before I get one anyway.

B/L: Scrambled eggs with cheese, made by my dad (he makes them the best).
D: Steak, green beans, a few small potatoes. 1 glass of red wine until a fly committed suicide in it. Even the cat went primal, and killed and ate a chipmunk outside while we ate dinner haha. Then we vegged in front of LOTR:TTT It was a good evening.

Gonna make the last of my eggs in the AM (maybe hard boil 'em if I have the patience). Definitely need to get groceries tomorrow. I think I want a roast chicken to munch on. Otherwise I'll get a load of drumsticks/wings to make heroin chicken At least Shaws is near work so I can pick up some lunch meat.

[namelesswonder]

Stayed home. Doctor says it's sinus headache combined with migraines, and the pain is causing the nausea. I'm waiting for the prescriptions now.

My allergies change every year and they are just that much worse this year, apparently. And I didn't know I had to take my allergy meds BEFORE the season through the end of it in order for it to work. So now I have nothing that works and am going to have migraines through October.

[bobkat]

Sorry, I haven't read all 19 pages of this thread and so my suggestions may be repeats. I've been doing this for a while now and spend a lot of time researching and just enjoy reading and learning all I can about health and nutrition. I'm 63, retired and have the luxury of time. So here are just two things I might suggest...........

magnesium (surely someone has suggested this)
Check out Dr. Emily Deans blog called Evolutionary Psychiatry at Evolutionary Psychiatry
Besides being a really smart lady, she makes all the science a bit entertaining with her writing style.

As I said, forgive me if I'm repeating someone else's suggestions.

[namelesswonder]

Yes to magnesium. Been slowly reading Evo Psych, do enjoy it Don't blame you for not reading 19 pages! It's a lot of whining

And more whining: barely functional with this migraine. Feeling very nauseated which prevented me from eating much at lunch. Just playing video games with a covered lamp nearby to moderate my light-exposure and trying to stay still.

[namelesswonder]

Had 4 hard boiled eggs (finally got them right!) & asparagus to make up for the Burger King yesterday. Not a good idea to eat so late (11pm), I probably should've just gone without, but I didn't end up getting much sleep anyway from staying in bed half of yesterday. I kept thinking about things we need for an apartment...

Taking Excedrin for Migraines on an empty stomach left me feeling shivery and more nauseous this morning (as in, right now), but it seems to be holding the potential migraine at bay. I need to get a neti-pot so I can try to start on a "clean slate" with my sinuses/allergy meds. Maybe someday I can move somewhere that I'm not allergic to summertime flora.

Today: if my head behaves, I'm walking to the bank to move money around so I can leave a security deposit on an apartment So excited! Then I am working remotely from 12-6, probably from bed because lying down makes my head feel better. Then we absolutely must get groceries later. Wish me luck!

I find that since going primal, I am still pretty lazy but a lot of it is just motivational issues. I have found, however, that once I get moving, I want to stay moving, and it feels good, as opposed to just tiring. That is a definite improvement!

[Pebbles67]

Hi,

I did read all 19 pages of your journal and no it is not just a lot of whining. Sorry about the allergies and migraines. That Sucks. Hope today was better.

[namelesswonder]

Thanks for the comment pebbles! I love reading your journal, glad to see you stopped by

I took Excedrin Migraine first thing again this morning...I can almost feel the migraine fighting against it. I tried to flush out my sinuses as much as possible in the shower, but think I should get a neti-pot to be a bit more thorough. I also should invest in some over the counter allergy meds, and overdose with them because nothing seems to work anymore. The caffeine in the Excedrin is supposed to be the equivalent of a cup of coffeee... WHOA I could get addicted to this! I don't like the jitters (installing hard drives with shaky hands is not the best idea), but the alertness I have right now is wonderful. I wish I had time to go to the gym today.

The lights in this office are really trying my head, but I have work that must be done in the office and don't want to use more PTO to sleep this off until I get the meds right. I can't wait for the first frost to come Fall won't be enough: I'm allergic to goldenrod!

We are currently waiting for our new landlady to write up a lease! Move-in is September 1st, boyfriend is arranging how we'll get our stuff there. So excited! I'm going to have a regular sized freezer!!!

[jens522]

Sorry about your migraines! I like the feeling of excedrin too!

[namelesswonder]

I wrote something for my Yahoo group (I've run one for the last 7 years [wow didn't realize it's been that long] for teens dealing with self-injury) and felt that it would be appropriate for here.

In the process of cleaning up the food I eat, I've thought a lot about temptations and triggers. I currently have most of a large piece of dark chocolate in my work desk, just in case I'm really craving something sweet. It's been there for about a month and I've only had a few small pieces, but it tempts me at least once a week. I am currently craving it A LOT.

How am I resisting eating it? Wouldn't it be easier to just not buy these things/not have them close by to avoid eating them? What's the harm in just a little? What will it take to change these habits? I am trying to apply these questions to my temptations to self-harm as well as food.

-I resist eating chocolate by reminding myself that I'm trying to eat healthy foods and am not ready for treats. I resist cutting by reminding myself that there are people who would be disappointed. I can see that when it comes to cutting, I have some work to do. I need to change that to "by reminding myself that I am worth preserving and it is harmful to me, not just other people."

-I can always not buy chocolate or get rid of it, but there's no way I can keep cutting "away" from me. I can get rid of all the usual implements, like pocket knives or exacto knives, but there will always be sharp objects in the world. Just like there will always be chocolate (well, maybe). So I keep putting up with the things in proximity and hope that the resistance will become effortless someday.

-The harm in just a little for chocolate or cutting is that either one could become more or a lot or too much. I am addicted to sugar like many people are: I believe I deserve it, I believe I am entitled to it, I believe that just a little would be okay and that it won't become a downward spiral. The same beliefs apply to cutting, but I know they are false. I deserve to treat my body well, I am entitled to healthy food and a healthy body, and a little would not be okay and WOULD most likely lead to a downward spiral. Maybe that will not always be the case with chocolate, but today it is and I believe having a healthy body will help with having a healthy mind.

-What will it take to change? I don't know. Time and patience. Even after 5 years of not cutting (I still don't know if I should count the two slip-ups, one was 3 years ago), it is force of habit for me to believe it is a valid solution to feeling like shit. I know that this is because the depression and anxiety that surrounds my cutting (why I do it, what causes it) has not been effectively dealt with in that time. Maybe I could have "recovered" by now if things had been different, who knows. Every time I remind myself that I can improve is another day closer to recovery.

[namelesswonder]

Got my period this morning, yay! Yay because I'm not preggers, anyway. It's the ultimate reassurance My sex drive is better than it was, definitely better after travelling, but still not "back". I find that I'm still mostly uninterested, but I get much more "excited" once we get going. That is good, at least Anyway, no bloating, no tenderness, but some cramps. I think this can be helped though.

I've been eating okay, but still not exercising. Now that I've got my period, I don't want to swim. It's been about a month since I went to the gym! I don't have any spare $ right now since we are moving next week and there are a lot of things we need, but I really want to get a kettlebell After doing some research on basic swings, I thought I would start with 15lb after all and it would be manageable. I can pick it up, and that's what matters.

B: Almond milk, frozen blueberries & frozen raspberries in a blender. Not filling, but I was in a rush and wanted something. I didn't get bacon this week and I don't know what to do with the eggs.

L: Turkey meat & cheddar cheese. I think my dairy cravings may be linked to PMS (only symptoms I had last week), but maybe I'm just making stuff up.

D: I'll have burgers & green beans (or broc, if it hasn't gone bad) with the boyfriend. He's got soccer try-outs to run all day (yes, he got a job! Just for a couple months) so he'll be starving. If he lets me know when he's on his way home, I will make them so they're ready!

My head is bugging me a bit, I didn't take Excedrin this morning because it felt okay when I woke up. I might leave early and work from home for the rest of the day, but I need to finish setting up this computer first... I haven't been sleeping well this week so I'm sure that's not helping, but I am also very excited about moving so it makes sense. I spend every evening thinking about what we don't have, what we'll be able to do in our own place etc. I need to start reading before bed, that seems to calm my head down (it's how I fell asleep finally last night).