Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 186

[namelesswonder]

Holy crap! And then work EXPLODED. I had about 5 urgent issues to deal with at once. Over now, mostly, and I wish it was closer to work ending. 45 more min! I got so hyper/stressed, I REALLY don't want to bike to Whole Foods tonight. I know it would probably help me wind down though.

[namelesswonder]

TMI: Still fucking itchy and getting pissed off about it. The doc said "try vitmain e oil". Nice. Well, you know what, I guess I will. Unfortunately, it's not just vaginal itch. My anus is itchy too, which is why I thought it was still a yeast issue (but it could be irritation from the constipation). Either way, something is still wrong, and I don't want to add fruit back into my diet until that feeling is gone so I know for sure that I'm not having a yeast flare-up. On the Vitamin C front, my urine has been very yellow lately, which I guess is a sign of excess, but my bowel movements are a mostly a 1 or 2 on the chart at the moment.

Sleep: Woke up a couple times last night. It's been cooler at night, so I keep the fan on for half the night, then wake up too cold, shut it off, and pull on a blanket. Then the cat started meowing at me till I let her on the bed to snuggle (cool enough for open doors since the AC doesn't have to be on). It's a seasonal transition. As soon as I adjust to the temperatures, I won't need the fan to fall asleep. It also provides white noise, which I find soothing, but again, I will adjust without it. I'll try without it this weekend, as long as it doesn't get too hot. I'm tempted to drink coffee today because my body is really slacking (my eyes feel like they're going to fall out of my head), but see mood/brain for why I won't. I'm surprised I'm sleeping this poorly however, since I'm taking magnesium citrate at night. I thought that was supposed to help.

Food: I finished off the peanut butter fudge bars my mom made. So tasty. So stomachache inducing. I am not allowed near sugar anymore. I apparently cannot resist myself. It's the same old "wait, what happened to the last 3 oreos?" dilemma (hint: I ate them). I wish I could sensibly indulge, but that's why nature has beautiful creations like avocados.

Mood/brain: The crazy brain energy thing continues, but I feel like it's getting worse. I'm full of anxious energy and I don't know what to do with it. I'm struggling not to snap at people at work and it's freaking me out. I'm having pretty intense mental battles with myself so I don't waste PTO and go home (I have only 3 days worth saved at the moment). I have therapy today and I feel really ANGRY about it. I don't want to go and whine for an hour! Maybe it will help release some of this energy though. I am now feeling like this qualifies as an anxiety attack and I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE AT ALL TODAY SUCKS SO HARD RIGHT NOW

Budget: I forgot that this month was one of those magical times of the year that I get paid 3x! So my budgeting was not absolutely horrid. I was tempted to use that "extra" money to treat myself, but no, it must be saved. I may buy the Hydro-C though and count it towards a September supplement expense. I'm trying really, really, really hard to be patient, but I suck at it.

[namelesswonder]

My day improved after therapy. Very upsetting session, I cried hard for a moment, but it was productive. Reason #183984899489 that I love my therapist: she brought up hormones and where I am with my cycle. I don't know when I ovulate, but since I was spotting this week, in the smack-dab middle of my cycle, and my overall mood experience was A LOT like PMS (except anxiety INSTEAD OF depression), hormones make sense as a reason. But, why, hormones? Gr.

Weekend plans
Tonight
-Bike to Whole Foods for milk & eggs
-Bike to post office to send out book I sold on Amazon ($5 ftbank)
-vegggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
-make yogurt?

Tomorrow/Sunday/Monday
-Talk to dad about mom's desk?
-Talk to dad about scooter problems
-BACON
-Grocery store for more BACON (and eggs)
-if not tonight, make yogurt!
-eat all the yogurt
-EAT ALL THE BACON

[namelesswonder]

Boyfriend's dad wants to sell the Mustang to us.

Pros:
-It's red
-It's a Mustang
-He would give us the car and help us with the work it needs
-Cheap to insure because it's over 20 yrs old and I have a clean driving record (if we put it in my name)

Cons
-It needs work
-I don't know how quickly I could afford the parts it needs in order to function (cracked heads don't sound cheap to me)
-Insurance would probably be cheap (estimating around $50/mo, less if I pay it up front), but that's still money I don't have right now.

[namelesswonder]

Looking into my parents fridge is a trip down CW-health lane. Hydrogenated this and that, faux-chicken pieces everywhere. It honestly makes me feel sick.

Found out the PB-fudge bars my mom made had margarine and graham crackers. I will have to make my own sometime. Worth it, anyway, but now officially not wheat-free for over a month like I'd hoped/though. Life goes on.


My phone camera won't focus on this thing anymore. 2.44 up to my parents house, walked up the big hill at the end minus the one block I could bike. The rest on the way home. I need to start pushing it more, tackle some hills, work on speed.

Yogurt tonight, I think. But first, vegging.

[namelesswonder]

Fuller update later or tomorrow, plus blog post on yogurt take 2. IT CAME OUT SO GOOD, YOU GUYS. So glad I bought the thermometer and changed my method. A little more work involved, but absolutely worth it.

Realized that I started month #2 of restrictions pretty badly with ice cream a couple nights this weekend. First night, tasty and worth it. Second night, stomach ache. Hangover-like headache the next day. Back on the band wagon, but I still really want a pumpkin spice latte (nearly 50g of sugar...not sure if I can handle that).

Expendables 2 was really terrible. It picked up with the action at the end, and the pop-culture reference one-liners were hilarious, but up until then, it dragged. WHY DOES SYLVESTER STALLONE RUN SO FUNNY?!

My dad and I finally got more work done on my mom's desk. Maybe more today, imagine that! Otherwise, it's going to be a complete lounge day. Boyfriend is getting a cold. I made him take some Vitamin C and grapefruit seed extract and am totally making him take more tonight. I hope it helps!

[namelesswonder]

Ramblings, Ravings and Rants.: Yogurt for the masses

[jenn26point2]

HEY BOOTER, TMI ALERT!!!


Hey, is it possible you have a parasite that is causing your itchiness? My son was complaining EVERY SINGLE NIGHT that his butt itched. I talked to our doctor and she told me to use some scotch tape at night when he's complaining, stick it to his rectum, and pull it off, then look at the tape with a flashlight. She said if he had a parasite that was causing his itchiness, it will be stuck to the tape. I know pinworms are a possibility for many people and many go undetected. We never did the tape test b/c he stopped complaining about itchiness, so maybe his issue was cleanliness (he's 5 after all and doesn't do a very good job of cleaning himself after voiding).

I guess if it's not yeast and you're still itching, it's a possibility that it could be parasitic and that would also cause digestive issues. Just a thought...

TMI OVER

Also want to thank you for the Vitacost referral link! I used it today and they said my $10 certificate will be in my inbox soon. Hope that means you'll be receiving one too.

[namelesswonder]

Reading that I may be doing something wrong is surprisingly encouraging. Fiber Menace jumps straight into how we digest things and how the digestive system functions. I love it, really fascinating to me. Lots of, "Oh, okay!" and "So that's why that is" moments. So glad Amazon has the Cloud Reader function so I can read at work without installing anything I'm excited to see what the book recommends in terms of a low-fiber diet. Whatever fruit he recommends is probably what I'll start introducing into my diet. Technically, tomatoes are fruit, and I've been eating those recently (from my mom's garden). Organic AND local! Hopefully, those are okay for me to be eating.

Sleep: Still sleeping like shite. I'm going to finish off the Magnesium Citrate at 400mg per night, just a couple weeks left in the bottle (only 30 days worth), since it may affect hormones (it's often recommended for women, so I'm assuming it affects hormones anyway). Last night, not falling asleep was partially my fault because I was on the computer late, writing my yogurt post and playing WoW. No caffeine today, I want to let my body suffer naturally.

Exercise: Last night, I was feeling discouraged about my relative lack of movement last week. But then I remembered that I was letting my body recover. I very much want to do a kettlebell session this week, but I'm not sure how much I'll be able to do since my right hip is way out of whack again (the popping sensation in my hip is VERY annoying when I'm trying to do squats, it pops when I get to the top/clench). I think Boyfriend's bed is part of the problem, unfortunately. It dips in the middle now (pillow-top, so it can't be flipped, I hate the thing) and I always sleep on the left side, so my right gets pulled and makes my leg fall asleep. When Boyfriend got up last night, unable to sleep, I shifted to the middle and felt much better. Perhaps I will ask to switch to the right side of the bed for a while.

TMI update: Still constipated. Things are moving, but slowly and not easily. Itching is still slowly decreasing. Still contemplating getting Hydro-C, but I will wait till I read more in Fiber Menace. I always hope that food will solve my problems before supplements, but that is not always the case.

Food: Still wondering how to reduce my dependency on sugar. Well, it's not so much a dependency anymore, but I always go back to it after cutting it out for a while. Boyfriend went on a snack run last night and when I saw Stop & Shop had Green & Black's 85% dark chocolate and exclaimed, "Ooo, that's a good chocolate!", he popped it in the basket. I had a couple of small squares before popping it in the freezer, and I'm honestly not sure if I will bother savoring it, or just scarf the whole thing down at some point this week. I suppose I could get some coconut milk (reading Fiber Menace has me re-thinking guar gum, as it's fibrous, but I don't have access to guar-free coconut milk) and make some hot chocolate with it on the stove.

Mood/brain: Much improved from last week. Still slightly sensitive, but normalizing. If only I could get some proper sleep, I think that would take the edge off the irritability. Boyfriend and I had a good discussion over the weekend about my mood. I was frustrated with my mood and with him (because his way of talking about it is to tell me I'm being irritable, and I'd prefer that he ask me gently what's going on or if something is wrong or how I'm doing), but I was able to relatively calmly tell him that I was not in my right mind, otherwise I would have spoken to him more about my mood last week, that I was sorry for not communicating well, but it was largely out of my control, and I was able to recognize the point where I needed to stop talking about it, so we did.

Allergies suuuuuuuuck. I keep thinking, "Maybe I will be okay with just one Zyrtec (actually CVS knock-off) today," and then my head aches and I feel run down all day, with sneezing on and off. This time of year is the worst for me and I ALWAYS FORGET.

Blog entry thoughts for the week
-measuring health (and how I measure mine)
-movie reviews (because I watched a lot this weekend)

[namelesswonder]

HEY BOOTER, TMI ALERT!!!

TMI OVER

Also want to thank you for the Vitacost referral link! I used it today and they said my $10 certificate will be in my inbox soon. Hope that means you'll be receiving one too.

I did consider that, but I think it was probably hemorrhoids (I've had them before and forgot that they can itch). The only itch I have now is vaginal, but at this point, it's only occasional, and seems to be clearing up. I think that may be a dryness issue.

w00t! I hope you like whatever you got. Vitacost is pretty rad. I'm totally going to splurge on the organic canned pumpkin puree they carry (so much cheaper per can than at any store I've been to) sometime within the next couple of months so I can try making crustless pumpkin pie, and pumpkin smoothies, and pumpkin pancakes, and pumpkin everything!