Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 184

[namelesswonder]

Not-so-brief Sunday check-in:

• Reading gutsense.org, what an amazing resource. The book is definitely on my (huge) wishlist. Lots of helpful information about why the common constipation remedies didn't work for me. Vitamin C (and time) may be the answer. Check it out if you want to know more than you ever thought you did about intestinal health/flora. I'm finding it really interesting. Fuck you, fiber!
• Trying not to overhydrate, as per gutsense's suggestions. No exercise today, as my abdominal/pelvic floor muscles are fairly worn out. Definitely affecting my urgency, which is no fun.
• Putting together a wishlist for Vitacost.com for next month. So far, Vitamin C is the only thing on there. Was surprised to realize that the reason Quercetin works for allergies is that it's a bioflavonoid, coming from citrus fruits...sources of Vitamin C. Maybe it'll help me out this Fall, as ragweed season has started and I'm pretty allergic. The allergy doc recommended trying high doses of Vitamin C for allergies earlier in the year, but I never did.
• I've been cutting up whole garlic cloves and eating them before food for the past couple of days. Not sure if it's helping, but I figure it can't hurt! Garlic has pre-biotics and anti-fungal properties. I'll only continue that until I run out, which will probably be a week or longer. I'm not smelling garlic-y as far as I can tell, and Boyfriend hasn't mentioned anything. I'm also taking an Acidophilus capsule mid-meal, hoping that's a good combo, but frankly, I'm winging it!
• I tried seasoning my larger cast iron yesterday. Epic fail. I've read tons of guides and tried a few methods, but I don't think I stripped it enough (washed it long enough) initially, so it just has shiny black specks all over it. The color is better overall, but stuff it still sticking a lot. The pan is also warped, so I'm wondering how much effort it is worth. My grandma has a cast iron dutch oven that I can have, and I definitely will take it, but I want to refine my seasoning skills first. I also don't think I'd use it much right now. I suppose I could make any kind of food in it, it would help with splatter, that's for sure!
• The budgeting is basically a bust this month. Doctors and supplements ate up my extra income, which is frustrating. I'm kind of saying "fuck it" to the last $50 I would have saved to get good quality eggs, milk for yogurt, and anything I need to get me healthy. Really grateful my mom didn't ask me to pay for my portion of the phone bill this month (I've researched, and it would be more expensive to go on my own plan, or one with Boyfriend, unless I gave up the smartphone).

<TMI update>

Yeast infection is still slowly clearing up. Everyday, I wake up and it feels a little better, but feels itchy on and off during the day. The garlic does not seem to have as much of an effect is it did initially, but I'm going to wait a full week before I try something else. I caved and bought Grapefruit seed extract pills at Whole Foods, so that and Magnesium Citrate have been added to my regimen. I finally had a bowel movement this morning, after starting to feel like I might have one last night. It was rough, quite the strain. Had another recently, actually feel pretty cleared out now, and much better overall. Doesn't seem like enough mass for 5 days, but I'll take it!

</end TMI update>

Wondering if I should just go ahead and buy some Vitamin C at the store so I can start on that immediately. It's hard to "wait and see" when things have been so unpleasant lately. The first doses should apparently be taken at home, as it may cause diarrhea, and it can take a few doses (1/2 hr at a time) to find the right dose to start at I'm feeling pretty run down today, probably dehydration and such from the straining, so no biking, though I kind of want to. I had some honey and blackstrap molasses in my tea to get some minerals in me, but all I really want to eat is yogurt. I have been eating normally, but I'm kind of nervous about eating any fiber right now, and am considering a 24-hr liquid diet (something gutsense suggested, but the book probably has more information) sometime soon. Coconut milk/yogurt smoothies with eggs and whey protein powder sound pretty awesome to me, though I'm not sure how filling I'd find them.

Full yogurt update tomorrow, when I see how a full 24 hours of refrigeration affects my first batch. Maybe some pictures in a blog post, too! I'm hoping this batch will last me the full week so I can make more next week, but I realized that if I start as soon as I get home during the week, I can have it incubate overnight. Wondering how I'll manage in the winter time... well, I guess the crock pot could be left in any room (kitchen has no heat source).

[namelesswonder]

Ramblings, Ravings and Rants.: And in the morning, I’m making yogurt!

Anyone made yogurt? Feel free to chime in. I want to make it all creamy + whey, not creamy, chunky, and whey!

<TMI> My pelvic floor muscles are completely worn out from yesterday's efforts. I had 3 bowel movements total, all pretty difficult. For the last one, I had taken a big dose of vitamin C (a timed release capsule of 1000mg, which releases some immediately, and the rest over 24 hrs, as well as an Emergen-C pack) and I was able to relax and just let it happen. I took more vitamin C this morning and will continue to take it twice a day until my body indicates I need less. I can't trust any of my evacuation senses right now from all the straining yesterday. I'm going to hydrate as usual, but make sure not to drink too much because it just confuses me. I think I came very close to fecal impaction, if I haven't actually done that, so I'm mentally sitting on edge and ready to blow off work to get to a doctor. Because of my difficulties with muscle control down there right now, my garlic treatment almost didn't work last night (kept coming out) and I might not be able to continue with it for the next couple of nights (which would've made a full week of nightly treatment). At least the itching is nearly gone...maybe with the dietary/supplement changes I've made, it'll keep clearing up on its own. If not, I'll get those tea tree suppositories.</TMI>

So, in short, I'm pretty frustrated in an "I give up" kind of way. The plus side of having all this SHIT (ahahahahaha except not at all) happen to me is that I realize that staying primal/paleo is a now medical necessity, and not just a convenience. I've had random urges to drink alcohol, but I know it's because I'm feeling stressed and want something to take a load off my mind. I need to find better ways to de-stress. I think I did okay this weekend, making the yogurt and doing a couple little projects around the house. I was too worn out yesterday to go to my parents' to work on my mom's desk with my dad, and honestly, I don't really want to work on it anymore. Now I feel guilty that we haven't done anything for it in ages, but I know my dad is responsible for its completion too, so it's not just me, and definitely not my fault. I'll talk to him this weekend about it.

Free dinner on Sunday got rescheduled for tonight. I'll have to see if Boyfriend is back from soccer stuff, which started late last week with try-outs. He keeps griping about how terrible the team is, but I know he loves the work anyway. I hope he can recognize that at the end of this season instead of saying how he never wants to do this again, like he did last year. His mood has been much better lately and he's been much better about doing regular everyday things like cleaning up dishes in a timely fashion (instead of leaving them in the sink for up to 24 hrs, which he knows really bothers me since I've been doing most of the cooking and cleaning).

I'm worried about having to take a break from exercising because of the pelvic floor muscle issues. If I don't keep up biking 2x weekly (last week, I had one longer trip and one short one, much less overall than I've done for the past month or however long I've been doing this), I'm afraid that I'll stop and quit exercising all together. I hope I can go biking later this week, but I'm not even going to work with my kettlebell until my muscles feel more normal.

Eating Healthy Doesn't Have To Be Expensive So Stop Whining | Paleo Lifestyle Magazine Interesting article. Next year, I'll be saving $20 or $30 per paycheck that won't be going towards a FSA (untaxed money that I can use towards medical payments). Supplements wouldn't be covered anyway, and I'm really hoping to have my body fairly sorted out before the end of the year so doctor's trips will be pretty scarce/unnecessary. With money saved from the doctor, I could definitely afford to spend a bit more on quality foods, but I'd probably start by putting it towards smaller things, like organic fruits, good milk, and good eggs, rather than meat. I know quality meat is probably going to have the bigger impact on my overall health, but it's significantly more expensive than anything else when you upgrade the quality. My concerns are also that the food described in the article would not feed me and Boyfriend (if he was paleo) for a full week! So we'd be spending significantly more $ on food than that, most likely.

[unsuperb]

Ramblings, Ravings and Rants.: And in the morning, I’m making yogurt!

Anyone made yogurt? Feel free to chime in. I want to make it all creamy + whey, not creamy, chunky, and whey!

Hmm, to make it creamy, it really does need to be drained and pressed through a strainer to get the appropriate texture.

[namelesswonder]

But the bottom 1/2 of the contents of the pot WERE creamy, then there was chunky, and whey. Everything I've read said it should be creamy & whey, maybe just not that thick. Have you made yogurt? What method? I want to know them all! :-P

A site I found today said I might've used too much starter yogurt (1/2 cup) and that 1/4 cup is enough.

Homemade Yogurt | Crock Pot Yogurt | Make Yogurt, Recipes with Yogurt ? Faithful Provisions
This one also says 1/2 cup though. Maybe it was mixing in the skin?

A lot of those sites use brand name starters, like Dannon or Yoplait. I think I'll pick up a small container of yogurt to use as a new starter until I get the consistency right, but try the same method I used again, this time with a thermometer.... Admittedly, I just realized I never tried stirring the whole batch together to see what would happen, so it might be totally fine! ><

[WaylandC]

Yogurt pictures by wccrispy - Photobucket

Here are some pictures. I don't know if it's helpful to you at all. I'll take more pictures when all is done and maybe some video.

[namelesswonder]

I think I'll use more towels, and wrap it more neatly next time. I'll try just two tablespoons of yogurt as a starter, instead of 1/2 cup. I'll probably still eat it, even if it fails, so I'm not really worried

[jenn26point2]

Have you tried doing kegals? They recommend them for pregnant women to ease labor and post-labor issues (like incontinence). That'll help you hold that garlic in too.

[namelesswonder]

Have you tried doing kegals? They recommend them for pregnant women to ease labor and post-labor issues (like incontinence). That'll help you hold that garlic in too.

<TMI> Oh, I'm well acquainted with kegels. In college, I had so many recurring UTIs that the straining and lack of general pelvic floor muscle control (from not being active at all, also probably because I was unable to orgasm thanks to SSRI's), I felt like I had to pee all the time. I had to go to pelvic floor physical therapy, a pretty humiliating experience for one so unacquainted with their own anatomy. I actually WAS NOT ALLOWED to do kegels much, because my muscles were so thin and fragile at that point. I think they are much stronger now, for a number of reasons, but I've noticed the best progress since becoming more active (kettlebell swings, squats, overall activity level increase). On Sunday/yesterday, I COULD NOT do kegels. My muscles were too worn out from straining so much on Sunday (I should not have tried so hard, but until I read about vitamin C later in the day, I was feeling really desperate), I could not feel anything except like I still needed to go! It's much better today (had a bowel movement, was a little difficult, but not as much straining, I mostly just waited it out, and I think that might be the last of what was "stuck"), but the yeast infection hasn't changed much, so I think I'm going to stop the garlic suppositories and just wait and see now. Also, I started spotting a bit on Sunday, which hasn't happened to me in years and, at the time, was because I was on birth control. WTF did I do?!</TMI>

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnyway. I think I can start exercising again tomorrow. I want to do a kettlebell workout. I gave Boyfriend a very brief piggy-back ride last night (he's usually around 155 lbs, very dense muscle) and found him much easier to carry around. Of course, the squat to lower his feet to the floor nearly took me out. Doing squats with a barbell would be so awesome, and would really help with that kind of strength, I think, but for now, I'll stick with bodyweight deep squats, and kettlebell stuff. I think I can progress to a 20 lb kettlebell by the end of the year, if I keep this up. Boyfriend keeps reminding me that people make ridiculous improvements when they first start working out, but it tapers off eventually. I'm not worried about hitting that point anytime soon.

Food: I think the need for a 24 hr liquid fast has passed. I had some tasty lamb kebobs with my family last night. AND I TOTALLY CHEATED AND HAD ICE CREAM AAAAHHHH. I know my new supplement regimen is working out because there was no itchy flare-up or acne from it today! It was totally tasty and worth it (some kind of Italian hazelnut-coffee creation, I hated it as a kid, but love it now). I also had some tzatziki with the lamb meat, which I figured was totally okay since it's made with greek yogurt (and I know my mom uses non-fat Chobani, so at least it's a good protein source and doesn't have ridiculous additives, even if it was non-fat). I ALSO had some raw veggies with a roasted pepper dip (so tasty!), which made me a bit nervous. I should be pretty light in fiber for at least the rest of the week. I've only been having my veggies at dinnertime, none at lunch (never with breakfast anyway). I am wondering if I should be taking something like milk thistle extract since I'm not eating good quality proteins (except for my eggs, but they're "cage free" not "free range", so not the BEST, but not bad).

I finished off one of my yogurt containers this morning. The next one has most of the creamier product of my yogurt making attempt. I'm curious to see how the texture compares. I will probably bike to Whole Foods later this week for more milk and a small yogurt cup, so I can make more ASAP!

Mood/Brain: Aside from some understandable frustration about my digestive health, I think I'm doing pretty well. I've been very aware of anxiety-inducing moments and am doing my best to avoid them/handle them without stressing out. I've felt a little "off" in terms of thought-clarity recently, though. No idea what that's about.

Oh yeah, could be allergy related. Doubling up on Zyrtec isn't cutting it. I've got a lot of sinus pressure and sneezing, still. I might need to pick up some Sudafed to see if that still works for me.

Budget: I'm avoiding logging in to my bank account until Friday, when I get paid. I know I'm not in any danger of overdrafting, it's just that I am a bit frustrated with how much I ended up spending on my health this month. I should not be so frustrated over something that helps me!

[justyouraveragecavemen]

Do goblet squats with the kettlebell.

And thank you for the warning on the TMI portions, I feel like I can participate again.

[namelesswonder]

All for you, bebe.

Had to look up that squat. Looks like a good one. One of the workout videos has you go down in a low squat, holding the kettlebell like that, and raise up on the balls of your feet repeatedly. That's a fun one. The worst is the "skiing" thing, where you squat like you're skiing downhill and bounce like you're going over snow mounds. That one kills me, but hey, that's how you progress.

I still really need to come up with some good workout music!