Sleep: Absolute shite. It didn't take me too long to doze off, but I kept waking up. I was awake from at least 3-4 AM, when Boyfriend came to bed (he'd been hanging out with a friend at the apartment). I think I'll take Melatonin tonight. I'm pretty sure it's my anxiety that's the issue. I did pretty well with avoiding screens last night, but a bit of game-playing on my phone was running through my head as I tried to fall asleep.
Food: Dinner took at least an hour to make, not including the 30-45 minutes it took to cook the spaghetti squash (so tiny this time of year). I followed a random paleo meatball recipe I found online, but baked instead of seared then baked them. It called for a lot of cumin, and I think that's what made them taste "funny". Boyfriend did not like them and I felt hurt. Felt stupid for feeling hurt over it. Probably won't say anything about that. More leftovers for me! I had enough time this morning to cook up some burger patties that will either make lunch or dinner later this week. I think I'll make the curry tonight, but I'm worried it won't come out like I'm imagining. I'm also worried I'll totally fuck up the cauliflower rice in my blender, but I guess I can make it into mashed cauliflower if worst comes to worst.
Exercise: I did not do any extra biking, just enough to get to and from the grocery store. I had at least 30 lbs of groceries on my back for the ride back. My body was not up to the trip. I might try to do pull-ups on a broom over two chairs tonight, otherwise I will do a real biking session. I think I could get in 3 sessions this week, but don't want to neglect my strength exercises. I should do a kettlebell video.
Mood/brain: I took a Tyrosine this morning, after finding myself anxious in bed last night, second-guessing a lot of stupid things. The good thing is my concerns are pretty reasonable these days. I'm not worrying about money because I don't have to right now. I'm more worried about things like talking to Boyfriend about my feelings. I hope the Tyrosine helps. So far, I feel okay, but was kind of anxious this morning.
Yesterday, he told me a friend was coming over to play video games. Cool. Then he told me before leaving for class that they were probably going to drink. Um...okay? I said something like, "What happened to not drinking for a couple more months?" And he said something super defensive about it being his choice or something like that. I'm not pissed that he drank, he didn't do anything stupid, but I'm pissed about him getting super defensive about it and not (appearing to) consider my feelings about it beforehand. I'm waiting till my anxiety improves before I try to talk to him about it. It seems like when he's less depressed (yesterday, he said he felt great, even chased some bunnies around on his way home from class), he's much more irritable, which makes me feel like his serotonin levels must still be screwed up. I don't want to jump the gun on anything without giving myself time to be calm, and him time to improve himself.
Symptoms: I am less itchy today than I was yesterday, which is a great improvement. I think all the garlic in my tomato sauce helped (my hands still smell like it, it's awesome). I've been taking the rest of my super strong probiotic at least once a day (ultimately, want to take it twice a day for at least a few weeks) and have another bottle on order. I'm not sure what to do about the rest of my fruit (a few oranges, an apple, a frozen banana). I don't want it to go to waste, but I'm not sure I should eat it at all at this point. I had an orange yesterday.