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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 165

  1. #1641
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    Ramblings, Ravings and Rants.: Managing the personal and professional

    So yeah, you read that right, my parents rock and treated me to new bike tubes and tires. I'm so excited to cruise around on my bike. It worked out really well money-wise because I had a coupon for the pet supply store (20% off), which my mom treated me to, and my dad had a leftover balance at the bike shop (which came out to about 20% off the total purchase). My haircut was just a trim in the back, which revealed some more blonde patches that I missed. I'll stop trying to do it in the mirror and get Boyfriend to coat the back of my head in pink before we head to the lake house this weekend

    Sleep: My sleep continued to be incredibly terrible over the weekend. I had some coffee this morning and it helped me power through some work stuff and I feel really prepared to tackle the rest of the day, though I'm sure I'll get super bored towards the end. I am hoping now that my hormones are back under control that I will feel less stressed and be able to sleep normally. I am worried that I will not be able to fall asleep before Boyfriend gets home tonight, since that has been the case since he started working/when he works later than 10:30 (which is usually the latest I am up, when my sleeping schedule is on-track). He's probably on till 11:30 tonight.

    Food: I'm slowly getting back on track with eating properly. I don't have lunch today because I was too sleepy to plan it out last night/get up early enough to make it this morning, but I did have an omelette. I had ice cream last night, it was entirely worth it. I think I am mildly lactose intolerant. I don't have a violent response, but there is definitely a digestive response when I eat milk/ice cream. Fortunately, yogurt and butter are not problematic. I had steak twice this weekend, it was awesome One of the times, it was even local beef!

    Exercise: I did 20 min of a Tae Bo video workout on Friday evening. I could not follow along very well, I can't handle kicking/punching/walking all at once It got me moving though and felt pretty good. I measured my waist (narrowest point is right at/just above my belly button) in the morning at 27". I think that's about as lean as I get. Pretty cool. Of course, once I eat, I get a little bloat, and by the end of the day, I'm usually up by at least 2". That's if I've been eating "cleanly". This week, I want to get out on my bike at least twice for at least 30 min after work. It may be raining this evening, so probably tomorrow and Wednesday. I'll use my odometer (set it up a couple years ago, I think) to track time and distance. I didn't do any other exercise over the weekend, but did lift heavy things a few times and felt a bit sore from it on Sunday. Guess I'm doing something right. My squat form is improving from doing deep squats facing a wall. I'm focusing on keeping my knees and ankles stabilized and driving through my heels.

    I admitted to Boyfriend last night that I had a "silly notion" about being all slim and toned (well, as toned as I am now, which is fairly minimal, but better than I used to be, I think it looks good) for the lake house trip. It's not like I really want/need to show off to our friends, who are all out of shape, but I have this mental image of myself hanging out in a bikini and being totally comfortable with myself. Last year, I was 10 lbs heavier and tried to fulfill that mental image, but felt so nervous and self-conscious the whole time (had my period too, so that definitely didn't help). I told him that I also want to be that mental image because I like when compliments me (though he does at any weight/amount of bloat haha). He told me it wasn't silly to want to look good, but that I look good anyway (I was lamenting over my ice cream bloat). It's sad but true: we are the most fit-looking out of all our friends (and I am probably the healthiest, is that conceited?). If Boyfriend started exercising a little, he would b the most fit out of all of us. Have I cursed his muscle memory lately? Damn his muscle memory!

    Anyway, things are a far-cry better than they were last week at this point. I am still dealing with guilt over my discussion with Boyfriend. It's come up a little in conversation since then, and it's clear he's thinking about what I said. He expressed his frustration over missing work on Sunday (vomited randomly, which means he couldn't work, but he felt fine immediately after) several times and I tried to be as soothing and supportive as possible. I appreciated what I took as him making an effort to express himself a bit more so I can try to help carry the load. I don't know if he found it helpful, but it was actually relieving to me to hear how he was feeling, even if I do worry about him being sad/frustrated. It's better to know there is something to try to handle instead of just guessing all the time.
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  2. #1642
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    Grocery store round trip via local bike path. Including guiding bike down steep path by foot, walking it back up steep path by foot, and not including the trip around the block before I remembered the odometer.

    Next time, I wear shorts and a loose tank-top. Or maybe just a bikini top.
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    I ran 5 miles on Sunday; I've decided that's for the birds, much like biking 4.51 miles.
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  4. #1644
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    For the birds
    Because I was not positive I understood the phrase. I love Google. I had fun oggling attractive bodies as I rode. There was a lovely woman at the grocery store with some really beautiful lean muscle mass. I bet she does yoga (with her loose pants, she just looked "the type" to me). She also had a cool tattoo on her upperarm, like where mine is, of an orangey-pink day lily.

    Exercise: I might bike again tonight. The path is fairly flat, with a slight incline on the way to the store. I think practicing the 3.5 miles it will take me to get to work (and then a full 7 miles for the round trip) on the bike path will be good training. There are some steeper inclines on the real route, but they're fairly short. My legs are a little sore today, but not bad at all. I'm not sure if I should not bother with my bodyweight exercises at all on days that I bike, or still do them. Before or after? Maybe in the morning?

    Food: I made meatzza last night, picking up sweet potatoes, mozzarella, and a juice drink (something organic, all juice from concentrate, I thought it might make a good rehydrator after my ride, but I only had a little and then watered down the rest for later) at the grocery store on my bike trip. I really liked the ground pork as the meatzza base, it worked much better than beef. Maybe it was just the consistency of it, since it was pastured (maybe fattier than what the store offers?). It was very gooey with an egg added when I spread it on the pan, but that made it easier to fill in the holes as I flattened it. I also finished off my ice cream (less than 1/2 a pint). I had breakfast (last 2 eggs with some cheese), will have lunch today (chicken and veggies) and am making sausages with potatoes tonight.

    Sleep: I did some sewing yesterday evening (trying to re-vamp a polyester dress that's a pretty shade of blue, I think I will end up cutting the bodice off and making a new one) and watched TV. I think it was too much stimulation, but mostly, I feel anxious waiting for Boyfriend to come home before I can sleep. Even when he got home, I could not sleep. We watched an episode of Supernatural, ate ice cream, and went to bed. I was out very quickly. I really hope I can adjust to his work schedule and start falling asleep before he gets home. I'm scared to try Melatonin again since it really did not help except to make me really angry and sleepy last week. At least he has no more work this week so maybe I can get him to go to bed by 11 with me.

    Mood: I am dealing with the work stuff. I had almost a full cup of coffee yesterday and it really helped me focus. I think it made me feel a bit more anxious towards the end of the day, though. I accidentally closed my cat's tail in the door last night (she made a terrible screeching somewhat like a falcon's cry) and it made my heart race and I felt so bad even though she was totally fine and purring about 5 seconds later. I think my panicked response used up some reserves because I felt much more anxious after that, to the point that I needed to take a GABA Calm when Boyfriend got home and we were talking about the lake house this weekend.

    The host put up some information on food and the schedule. I'll be able to eat breakfast (bacon and eggs) and dinner (probably, since last year it was burgers and hot dogs, but that info is pending right now), but no lunch. I feel that I will need it, especially if I'm drinking, so that means I'm going to have to bring something. I have no desire to eat calzones, let alone experiencing the discomfort from eating questionable foods. I have no idea what to bring. Since we are actually heading up on Friday, I could cook up a couple small meals and bring them in a cooler, but I don't know what! Maybe some roasted potatoes/sweet potatoes and some meat? There should be fruit there that I can snack on, at least. Maybe I will pick up some yogurt so I have something to fall back on if I'm feeling too guilty about the lure of treats.

    So all this tells me that despite feeling extra anxious, I am still managing myself pretty well in that I am figuring out ways to soothe myself and figure out a solution to the problem. I feel awkward (and a bit annoyed) that I'll have to bring some food for myself, but I know it will be worth it to avoid a yeast flare-up and stomach upset.

    Budget: We are doing the best we can, considering...everything. I keep forgetting to factor in giving Boyfriend $$ for car stuff, so I am saving less than I plan for. I wasted a good amount of money on movies this month, as well as that so-not-worth-it trip to a local burger place. Next month, if I include any lake house expenses (pitching in for a keg they got, gas money, tolls), I should still be able to save more than I did this month. I think the only movie I really want to see that's coming out soon is Total Recall. I'm going to wait to buy my friend's wedding gift on her registry until September (wedding is in Oct).
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  5. #1645
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    As I said on FB, "gasp gasp no more biking this week"
    It was hard, but it feels good to push myself in something cardio that's not running. Here's this post's obligatory "I hate running": I hate running.

    Stupid low Chucks and their stupid tongues going all sideways.
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    So you went .44 miles since the last picture?!

    I hate running too... at least on roads...
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  7. #1647
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    My legs are a little sore today, but not bad at all. I'm not sure if I should not bother with my bodyweight exercises at all on days that I bike, or still do them. Before or after? Maybe in the morning?
    I know you weren't specifically asking for input on this - but I'm going to give my 2 bits anyway! If you feel good, do 'em! However if you push yourself in your bike you probably won't have the energy to do the bodyweight exercises very well afterwards... it's HARD! At least if it's immediately after. Just listen to what your body tells you. Not the lazy part that we all have, but the real voice that says "Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good I could do some <insert activity here>"

    As for budgeting... I feel for ya! There's always those little expenses that sneak up on you. No good. Finally Movies - did you see Dark Knight Rises? REALLY good! Even Kakes liked it!
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  8. #1648
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    Haha nah I reset each time so I can keep track of the individual trips. I post the pictures straight to my Facebook so I can keep track easily. The hardest part of exercising especially cardio stuff is I do NOT want to do ANYTHING after. I've gotta figure out dinner tonight and really don't want to. My stomach is not up for sushi and neither is my wallet, so I must cook.

    Yes, I loved TDKR! I will definitely want to see it again in theaters. Maybe in a couple weeks if my mom hasn't seen it, I'll go with her.
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  9. #1649
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    Olympics 2012: Athletes in training - The Big Picture - Boston.com
    #28, check out those bods.

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    Patrick Stewart is such a cute old man.

    Exercise: My legs are a bit more sore today, I feel it especially in my hip flexors. I seem to feel everthing in my hip flexors! Walking barefoot makes them sore too. I figure this is a good thing, helping to stabilize my hips and core. My knee was popping like crazy after biking last night, but I finally got one good crack out of it and then it felt fine. I also suddenly felt like my hips weren't all crooked. Sweet! I am actually considering biking again tonight, but don't want to overdo it on my first week. I may do some weights instead (mostly body, some kettlebell) and do the biking tomorrow, when Boyfriend is at class. After I had some water and did not move for at least 45 min when I got back from biking last night, I felt like my body had de-swelled quite nicely. My thighs already feel firmer. I just want more muscle on my ass!

    Food: I thought the sausages finally did me in, when I had a lot of gastrointestinal distress last night, but then I remembered I used a free sample of coconut oil to cook them in. I am apparently very sensitive to it (one time I had several tablespoons in an evening and ended up relieving myself from both ends). It was 1 tablespoon for 5 sausages, so I doubt I was exposed to much by the time I ate my 2.5. I guess if I'm going to use it, I have to start with minimal exposure on its own (no more than 1/4 teaspoon to start with), then try it in cooking. I have lunch for today and am getting hungry so will eat soon! Dinner is up to Boyfriend, I think I will ask him not to use rice since my stomach is still feeling sensitive. Still not sure what I should bring for food to the lake house, but I'll probably pre-cook and chop up some sweet potatoes, at least.

    Sleep: I did not feel prepared to sleep at 10:30 so I stayed up until 11:15 watching Boyfriend play Terraria. I fell right to sleep after that and I don't remember waking up when he came to bed. I woke up much easier this morning, though not without the usual stumbling around.

    Mood/brain: I feel pretty good today. Worried a little about the lake house, but otherwise, not very stressed or anxious. I am going to try to stay off the computer after 8PM tonight, I can sew or read on my Kindle. My reading challenge for the year (40 books) is stalled halfway, and at this rate, I don't think I'll get there.
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  10. #1650
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    I joined Fitocracy (about to put link in signature). I don't know if it'll help keep me on track with exercise and such, but I will try. Add me if you're on there!

    http://www.fitocracy.com/profile/namelessw0nder/
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