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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 156

  1. #1551
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    namelesswonder is offline Senior Member
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    He called me a little while ago, just chatting, all things normal. I didn't bring it up. I'm over him snapping and so my interpretation of events must have been correct. Sometimes, that's just how we roll. I agree that it can take a long time to learn a mutual language. We are definitely still working on it, but I think that's pretty normal.

    Feeling calmer as the day goes on, so much so that I am bored and DYING for the next hr and 20 min to pass.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  2. #1552
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    Happy 4th to those celebrating. Belated Happy Canada Day to any canucks that may read this (really hoping that's not an offensive term).

    Does anyone remember a poster who kept a journal here as recent as a year ago: middle-aged woman using IVF to try to conceive, Asian I think, username might've been bird related? She was quirky and kind and I thought of her recently and wondered whatever happened to her.

    [edit] As it's nearing my primalversary (technically July 9 I think), I felt comfortable hunting back into my journal's early days to see if I could find that user (couldn't, but didn't look too deeply). It was interesting to see how much I've changed since then. I'm no longer struggling with whats "right or wrong" for my body/in the limits of the Primal Blueprint. I'm MUCH more stable emotionally, and that is only partially due to not living in Boyfriend's parents' attic anymore. My forays into the world of wheat and sugar are very much choices and I no longer feel helpless in the face of a pizza or donuts or cheeseburger (with a bun). There is still a lot I'm figuring out, but that's the human condition. I'm very proud of how far I've come!

    Now, to get a body that could be described as "athletic". I believe the exercises I'm doing now will only keep me lean and give me "pretty" muscles (as Boyfriend calls them). Thunder thighs are going to require actual weights. I guess I have a choice to make, but for now, it's just a matter of keeping moving and doing more cardio (because I've avoided it altogether and that is a HUGE weak spot for me, always has been).
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 07-04-2012 at 11:06 AM.
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  3. #1553
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    Happy 4th of July, 'Muricans!

    Thanks for the Happy Canada Day wishes, Tasha
    A Post-Primal PrimalPat

    Do not allow yourself to become wrapped up in a food 'lifestyle'. That is ego, and you are not that.

  4. #1554
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    We're in prime summer-time temps right now, but it's MUCH TOO HUMID.

    Yesterday: sausages for breakfast. Got some shopping done (more butter, bananas, and sweet potatoes, as well as a 1/2 gallon of Trader Joe's plain coconut milk & a small canister of protein powder as a treat), then went swimming with Boyfriend and a friend. We went out to our favorite taqueria for lunch, I decided to go for a quesadilla instead of a plate (all the inner workings, but no tortilla). I think it upset my stomach a bit later, but not that badly. Dinner was all Primal except for maybe whatever sauce my mom used on the grilled chicken. Wish I'd snagged some leftovers. Boyfriend joined us as we were watching Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol, as he'd gotten 2nd degree burns on his hands at work and had to leave early. They were understaffed and had to keep re-washing pans to keep up. The pans got so hot they were burning through towels and his hand slipped while he was washing and made brief contact with a pan. He kept washing pans for a while after that, but the pain was too much to do anything so he was sent home. Typical Boyfriend, to get injured and then prod at it to see how badly it hurts. I don't understand that mentality.

    And then I slept terribly. First Boyfriend needed re-bandaging (somehow the gauze alleviated his pain, but they kept falling off), then the cat was clawing at the door. I mean, really clawing (she stopped after a while, but started again later and I don't know if I was still awake or she woke me up). I guess the orange peel rub I did on the lower door edges and frame wore off, because that seemed to keep her from trying to get in for a while. I'll take care of that tonight, with one of my last oranges. They are starting to seem a bit too mushy. My mom said they'd last several weeks in the fridge, but mine only lasted about 1.5. I also have a plantain that's been chilling in the pantry for a few weeks. It is mostly all-black...not sure if it's ready, but I think I'll try frying it in some butter tonight. Boyfriend has class so I'll be alone for a while.

    THEN I had forgotten to turn my alarm on again last night, so I woke up at 7:50, 10 minutes before I had intended to be at work to finish with that godawful computer. I brushed my teeth, got dressed, and left. The hunger is kicking in now. Because of that terrible awakening, I have been struggling with anxiety so strong that it's making me feel sick to my stomach. I'm also getting a headache. I could go home for lunch and make an omelette, but I would hardly have time to relax. I was going to try some GABA Calm, seemed like the right situation for it, but the ones I had in a bag in my desk drawer had turned orange and gotten mushy. What the hell? I mean, they're MONTHS (maybe 6+) old, but I didn't think they'd go bad quite like this.

    Not sure how I'm going to tough through today. I'd love to go home early, and think I might try to. I'm even more tempted to give up my overtime right now.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  5. #1555
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    The day continues and I am still pretty anxious. A number of on-going issues with our new network that are pissing me the hell off. I try to communicate over and over what's not working and people keeping going in circles with who to contact/what to try/not being available/disappearing in the middle of a chat. I have no new information! It's the same fucking problem!

    One more day, one more day... and 2 hrs.

    This is how I feel: Great, I am having a really frustrating time with these things at work, but I'm not feeling self destructive as a result. That is a really wonderful improvement, but I still don't know what the hell to do to let go of this feeling! I want to relax! How do people deal with shit?

    I was feeling kind of moody about my body (specifically thighs and stomach) the other night and I had a bit of a mental pep-talk. "Your thighs might be kind of jiggly, but it's just because your muscles aren't super firm/huge to fill it all out yet and cling to that bone! Your stomach is totally fine, you aren't a fatty, you just need to work on your abs." I felt better after that. And then of course, today, my new bra is slipping off me all day long and my stomach is noticeably flatter. No change in weight according to the scale in the supply closet, but something has changed since even last weekend when I tried this bra on in the store. Fortunately, I can stitch it easily to make it a snugger fit. WTH, body? What are you up to? Quit confusing me!

    I want a steak.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  6. #1556
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    I'm going to be so happy tomorrow when you can claim that OT and help out with the budget. I've been salary for about 8 years now and I think if I were hourly I'd have to be told to leave everyday.
    Don't disappoint me, wonder, you wouldn't like me when I'm disappointed.
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  7. #1557
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    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Curing IBS-C with Vitamin C and magnesium citrate.

  8. #1558
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    So much WIN!
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  9. #1559
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    I am no match for her, I shall run myself through to save my family the embarrassment of my existence.
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  10. #1560
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    Quote Originally Posted by justyouraveragecavemen View Post
    I am no match for her, I shall run myself through to save my family the embarrassment of my existence.
    You shouldn't.
    You're pretty cute and I'm sure the wife can tolerate some embarrassment to keep you around...
    Kind of like a trophy wife... but with a penis.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


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