Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 153

[namelesswonder]

Yeesh, that is not something I would want to end up having to make a decision on.

[cori93437]

Cori is wise and kind. I wish I had your patience. I try hard, but sometimes patience is a conscious effort, which doesn't really work so well. I need to sigh and shrug more often because it makes me less inclined to bite someone's head off. And I really DO want to be the breath of fresh air for people, and I'll only accomplish that with a cool head.

You give me too much credit...
I definitely get frustrated and snarkey at some people... I have learned that it's better for me to just avoid them and their nonsense... Because I'm literally thinking "are you really that f*king obtuse"... ...Best if I just click off that post and go find something else to read...
And also pretty much the ENTIRE nutrition forum... though I have to admit that I've been reading NicMcCools stuff because he is AWESOME!
I just can't stand the constant circular logic and the fact that every thread pretty much ends up being the same arguments between the same people (And the fact that reading about eating 6 lbs of potatoes a day, or a quart of yogurt plus and entire can of pumpkin and 2 lbs of turkey burgers on the side in one meal, just makes me feel completely ill... yet some people seem so proud of it ).

In my own journal I have a few rants against some of that stuff from bored 2am reading... LOL

And YAY, for crushing sugar cravings with good things like oranges and milks.

[namelesswonder]

That food sounds delicious, but in that quantity? No way! I lurv Cori-rants, so well thought out. I'm holding off from posting any of mine on any topic on the blog because I get a bit too fired up and then I miss big points that are worth making.

I haven't made my stalking known to McCool yet, but I am totally stalking his journal. I can't imagine how he speaks though, it's so American, but I assume he has a brogue.

[cori93437]

That food sounds delicious, but in that quantity? No way! I lurv Cori-rants, so well thought out. I'm holding off from posting any of mine on any topic on the blog because I get a bit too fired up and then I miss big points that are worth making.

I haven't made my stalking known to McCool yet, but I am totally stalking his journal. I can't imagine how he speaks though, it's so American, but I assume he has a brogue.

Check out his other threads like the "Dude I stink" thing over in Nutrition... the Man is priceless!
I swear what I posted in his journal is true... If I'm ever in Dublin!!!
(Which is highly unlikely since flying is completely off the books for now cause of my squishy brain.)

[namelesswonder]

My brain is all over the place today. I took more Tryptophan last night, just had the sense I'd need it. Slept well but definitely woke up early. There were lots of sounds outside. I bet I could start going to bed earlier and eventually adjust to an earlier wake-up time (to start working out/biking/running in the AM?), but I'm very sensitive to Boyfriend's gaming and moving about the apartment at night, even with ear plugs in. I wonder if swapping the bedrooms around would help with the noise, especially when he is talking to people on his headset while gaming.

I'm REALLY worried about money. There is NOTHING I can do about it. That powerlessness is what is driving me nuts right now. Even if Boyfriend gets work with one of these "call in 2-3 weeks when we have openings" places (for potential food-prep positions, Macy's didn't pan out due to lack of experience), it's more than likely he won't get paid before August, when we REALLY need the money. I need to figure out what to tell our landlady. We want to stay here, as long as he finds work, it'll be fine, for another year, but we should probably also warn her that we're not sure what's going to happen with August's (last month on the lease) rent.

Our security deposit, we were told, could not be used towards last month's rent, otherwise we'd do that and end up living at our respective parents houses again. We could fit quite comfortably together in my parents attic, since my sister is rarely at home now (though not officially moved out), but it's going to be stressful enough moving into either parents' home and I feel that it would be easier to live separately so as not to strain the households. Food would be difficult at either location, though easier at my parents house. Moving back home would free up at least $750/mo which would be great for general saving up as well as paying off loans! Sigh. I don't want to have to move back home and as silly as it sounds, I don't know how to manage a relationship that's not long distance if we aren't living together anymore. At school, we visited each other pretty much every weekend. After graduation until the following January, we were back and forth between each other's houses. Then I moved in with him until September of last year at his parents' house, until we moved into the apartment. I can't believe we lived in his parents' attic together for 9 months! We ate a lot of take-out. I don't think, the way I eat now, this would work at all, combined with the fact that his mom really wants to move to a new place this Fall and Boyfriend's former room is now a sewing room.

Blargh blargh blargh. I have a couple of computers I need to work on today (virus infection, fairly easy to fix, and swapping a hard drive, a little more annoying due to software setup and network configurations) and I would give ANYTHING to be out of here today. I just feel like there is SOMETHING else I could be doing. I really want to go for a walk or a bike ride, but I don't think there's anyway I'm fixing my bike anytime soon with the way things are going.

Overall, my mood is good today, but I have a really weird case of anxiety. It's not the usual kind that leaves me feeling like I can do nothing. It's the kind that makes me really antsy THAT I'm doing nothing. I guess. I WANT SOLUTIONS and I have none. Something to rant about in therapy tomorrow, I guess! Wow, is it already Thursday?

[namelesswonder]

Yeaagghhhhhhh the stresssssss

Super anxious to the point of wanting scream/cry/go fetal. And now that computer that was dying a few weeks back is dying again and I can't do anything about it because the hard drive for her new machine isn't here yet!

[WarlordBlade]

Financial stresses really suck. We are trying to get out of some massive debts from awesome stuff like car engines dying, floods, tires, etc and made some changes that should make a difference but they are taking too long. That and feeling like I need to find new employment if I want to improve financially and career-wise...
Basically - I hope you get past the stress - I feel your pain!! It's not fun!

[namelesswonder]

I was really ramping up, went for a walk outside, talked to Boyfriend a little, vented a bit, but wasn't really feeling better. Then he suddenly calls me, needing the car for an interview at 4PM! I rush home, swap for the scooter, fill it up (hit the 1000 mile mark), dropped the scooter in the parking lot (yeah literally) , and get back to work in under 30 min. Not sure how I managed that, must've driven faster than I thought in the car. And then I got to work, started doing things, and it's almost time for me to leave. I could even stay a bit later (YEAH OVERTIME BITCHES) to finish up some things. I wish I could calm myself down, instead of relying on a random need for the car from Boyfriend to distract myself! Going on a ride on the scooter would not work because I'd just get pissed about being sweaty.

So Boyfriend is already having a formal second interview at one of the Bertucci's locations tomorrow! I guess he got on with the chef really well, but the manager wasn't available for the formal interview today.

[WarlordBlade]

Ooh good luck to the Boyfriend! Job searches are a pain. Probably why I'm dragging my feet about it all...

Nice job on the fast car/scooter switch too!

[namelesswonder]

Nooooooooooo the crock pot accidentally got switched to high! Goodbye bone broth. Now I have blackened chicken carcass and death in the bottom of my crock pot.