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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 147

  1. #1461
    jenn26point2's Avatar
    jenn26point2 is offline Senior Member
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    So, I just stalked... turns out he lives where I thought he does. (he has a facebook page that dates back to 2009 - how did I miss this before??) looks like he's gotten into woodworking.

    Funny story about him... he got arrested and convicted of some heavy drug crimes not long ago. He spent 4 or 5 years in prison for them. Claims to have "found God" while in prison and married the woman who turned him in. G*d I hope they don't ever have kids of their own! (she's got 2 - we used to work together and rumor has it, they were screwing around while I was in college).

    ANYHOW... enough threadjack.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
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  2. #1462
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    I've starting to find Brazil nuts tasty, especially since they are just $7/# at Trader Joe's (or twice that at the organic health food store).

  3. #1463
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    I love Trader Joe's nut selection. Lots of raw and un-salted stuff. Potentially organic, as well! They carry a lot of SAD kind of stuff too, but the prices are completely reasonable, especially when compared to a specialized health foods store. I appreciate cheapness.

    Weekend: What a great weekend! Baba was in good spirits and seemed to have a great time with Boyfriend and me. We did not mind being treated for meals (and she folded our laundry!) either, though we are both awkward about being pampered like that. Boyfriend is just not used to it, and I am always awkward about gifts. Speaking of, she gave me a beautiful amber pendant (actually an antique pin) on a white gold chain for my birthday. Every piece of jewelry has a story with her (this one, I forgot!). I really need to start recording her stories, they are generally full of vaguely relevant tangents, but her long-term memory is astounding. Short-term, not so much anymore. When I told my dad about the frequency Baba was misplacing items ("Where did I put that? I just had it!" I can so relate to that, but it's unusual for her), he seemed pretty concerned, so I don't think I was just being extra attentive to any odd behavior. He is very worried about her. We all wonder how much time we have left with her, and I know her death will be difficult for me when it comes, but for now, I am content to enjoy her company as much as I can. It is strange how I can resign myself to not worry about something that means so much to me, but I stress non-stop about things like money and staying at the apartment for another year.

    We got to go to the beach on Sunday. I'll write some of this up in a blog post tonight, when I can access my photos. I have a couple of food shots (farm fresh eggs) for y'all The beach was great, though I know I won't bother with that sunscreen again. We used Neutrogena's Ultimate Sport clear spray 70 SPF. We walked for about 2 hrs in the sun (my legs felt so unsteady on the sand, need to walk/work out more!) and the arm that was next to Boyfriend burned from the lotion rubbing off (my guess, anyway), and I got a light burn everywhere except my tattoo (because I triple-coated it) and my neck/head/face because I was wearing my wide-brim paper hat. The burn is totally gone today. The water was pretty warm, for Maine. It gets warmer every year. The beach is supposedly 3 miles long, so we walked about 6!

    Food: I picked up ~1 lb of pastured ground pork and ~1lb of grass-fed beef, along with a dozen farm-fresh eggs and organic strawberries in Maine. It's been a long time since I've had such flavorful strawberries. Yesterday we ordered Indian food (sorry, budget) and I have been having TERRIBLE gas pain since then. Poor tummy. It's much better after my bathroom trip this morning, but made me weigh in at 125 at the doctor's office. 5 lbs of bloat! Unless all my snacking is adding up... I am determined to ditch the wheat this week, even if Boyfriend makes cookies. I had some sugar-free salt water taffy this weekend, not as delicious as I'd hoped it would be, but that did not stop me from wolfing them down last night when I was really hungry and waiting for the food to arrive. If I had not been so free with the cheating last week, I don't think I would have felt so terribly hungry yesterday evening. I'm having some coffee with half and half this morning, but am not planning on eating until dinner to let my stomach settle a bit.

    Budget: Still doing pretty well for the month, considering being the single source of income, giving Boyfriend some $ for car stuff, having to pay my scooter insurance ($122 for the year, I pay all at once for an $8 discount), and the trip to Maine (spent about $70, for movie tickets, lunch, cooler for the car, and tolls). We need to get more meat, which will technically be mostly for next month, but our grocery spending is way under. I think we'll come in under $250, as opposed to the usual $400! That includes some treats, like baking supplies, and excludes separate treat expenses (like the trip to Cold Stone Creamery). My savings aren't much, excluding the birthday money, but it's still more than I've managed the past two months so I'm glad for that.

    Sleep: Slept really well in Maine, which is surprising because I usually sleep terribly in that bed, but I guess I was pretty tired. I slept pretty terribly last night, probably a combination of bad food choices, the painful gas, and temperature changes. The AC was on, but I should have kept it on low all night instead of auto. It's not the fan turning on and off that wakes me up, it's the fact that it lets the room get 5-10 degrees warmer before it turns on again once it's been running for a while! Of course, it was on constantly this morning. Grumble grumble.

    Brain: Had some anxiety over the weekend. I always have anxiety when I am preparing to leave somewhere. It used to happen when I was preparing to go back to school after a weekend at home. It's only a 50 min trip! I was especially frustrated because all of a sudden I wanted to snap at Baba and she was not fussing anymore than she usually does. Boyfriend and I talked a little about my fears with the apartment and such, I feel a bit better about that. Sometimes I forget that we HAVE talked about it before and I just need reminding (I will thank him for that later which will help him to frame it as "remember when we talked about this before?" if it comes up again). I did not have an opportunity to talk to him about the Nightmare-argument and summarize my fears and breach of trust with that... The topic of trust came up a couple of times, mostly in jest, over the weekend, and I felt very uncomfortable. It wasn't a good time to talk about it, especially because I knew I was instantly getting stressed out. Maybe tonight.

    ----

    This morning was my annual physical (wellness check-up or whatever stupid name they give it). I did the usual omission of information when it came to my food choices (said lots of veggies, fruits, some meat, and healthy oils). I know they'll grumble about my cholesterol anyway. I should have the blood work results this week. Here's hoping my Vitamin D levels are as amazing as I think they'll be! I'm curious to see where my ferritin levels are now, since they increased when I was supplementing last Fall/Winter, but I haven't been supplementing until now (with my new multivitamin).
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 06-25-2012 at 08:30 AM.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  4. #1464
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    Oh my gord, I forgot to mention how awesome I am!
    BP: 90/60 (best yet!)
    Pulse: 72 BPM (used to be so high at the doctor's office)

    [edit] AND I'm almost 100% decided to put my birthday money towards fixing my bike (probably going to cost around or over $100 for the tune-up, tubes, tires, and installation). Having heat this winter is the only thing stopping me at this point. Barefoot shoes can wait.
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 06-25-2012 at 10:21 AM.
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  5. #1465
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    Great BP!! My BP this weekend was 110/64!! I was so stoked! pulse was in the 70's as well, but at the same token my O2 sat was only 97%, so my pulse should have been higher to pump more O2 to my cells. But, depsite being sick, 70's is still good.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
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  6. #1466
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    Just a month or two ago, I had a similar BP as yours. I guess even with my transgressions here and there, my body is responding nicely to the good food. I'm not surprised about the O2 levels for you, considering the cough and such, but I'm sure that'll get better soon enough!

    Sad moment of last weekend: my Baba's swollen ankles. I know what would help, but there's no way I could convince her that her doctor is wrong. She uses margarine and canola oil, enjoys some imported German (probably doesn't have HFCS so that's a plus at least) for breakfast, eat non-fat yogurt etc. At least she does get lots of organic fruits and veggies from local farms. I am determined to be a spry old lady someday! She does pretty well despite all her health issues. She's a "tough old bird".

    Office-life pet peeve: Hearing people bang on their mouse or keyboard when something doesn't work. I'll do a heavy click if I'm frustrated and the damn mouse doesn't seem to be working, but it REALLY does not help and you will PROBABLY break your mouse or keyboard doing it. I really want to rip the thing away from people who do that and smack them over the head with it instead. See how helpful that is? Find a better outlet!

    I'm looking forward to not having any obligations this weekend. I can take a stroll to the local strip mall and get a treat at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's (maybe Kefir or yogurt), and browse at TJ Maxx with my gift card.

    Oh and I'm very happy that with upwards of 6 miles of walking barefoot in the sand, my legs are not nearly as sore as they were after 2 miles on the pavement a few weekends ago. I am hoping that barefoot walking this weekend will result in minimal soreness.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  7. #1467
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    drssgchic is offline Senior Member
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    I'm glad you had a nice trip up to see your Baba! I bet it was really good for both of you.

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Office-life pet peeve: Hearing people bang on their mouse or keyboard when something doesn't work. I'll do a heavy click if I'm frustrated and the damn mouse doesn't seem to be working, but it REALLY does not help and you will PROBABLY break your mouse or keyboard doing it. I really want to rip the thing away from people who do that and smack them over the head with it instead. See how helpful that is? Find a better outlet!
    .
    Tiptoes away before IT Wonder beats me with my keyboard.
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  8. #1468
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    People furiously banging on computer equipment (uhhh not what it sounds like) is like nails on the chalk board to me. I cringe and want to scream. If I do it myself, I want to punch myself in the face because just the feeling, let alone the sound, aggravates me so much! I can't tell you how many times I've encountered broken buttons (especially on laptops) and people say "I don't know how it broke!" and then I watch them type on their computer...
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  9. #1469
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    My personal favorite is the person that knows just enough about computers to be dangerous. The kind of person that tweaks an install, tweaks it wrong, and fucks over the whole system. The one that replaces RAM with a video card. The one that performs a system wipe and forgets to back their stuff up.
    Yeah, I LOVED those....
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  10. #1470
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Office-life pet peeve: Hearing people bang on their mouse or keyboard when something doesn't work. I'll do a heavy click if I'm frustrated and the damn mouse doesn't seem to be working, but it REALLY does not help and you will PROBABLY break your mouse or keyboard doing it. I really want to rip the thing away from people who do that and smack them over the head with it instead. See how helpful that is? Find a better outlet!
    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    People furiously banging on computer equipment (uhhh not what it sounds like) is like nails on the chalk board to me. I cringe and want to scream. If I do it myself, I want to punch myself in the face because just the feeling, let alone the sound, aggravates me so much! I can't tell you how many times I've encountered broken buttons (especially on laptops) and people say "I don't know how it broke!" and then I watch them type on their computer...
    This was me last night. My laptop is a 2007 Vista dealio, so given it's a 2007, the battery is shot. Yesterday it accidentally got unplugged and thus died. I tried to turn it on and it'd show the blue light like it was on and I'd see the little hard-drive light flash a couple times, but nothing would happen - despite the blue light remaining on. So, I'd hold down the power button to shut it off (blue light goes off) and turn it back on (blue light on but no activity). I finally gave up and walked away after banging on the keyboard to vent my frustrations. At that exact moment, my kids were fighting us about going to bed and our internet was down YET AGAIN (I swear it's only up at 3 am when everyone in town is sleeping) and I had homework to do. I was stressed to the max. After about 20 minutes or so, it FINALLY came back on. Annoyed the piss out of me.

    And for some reason, it wouldn't pick up my MIL's router (she lives on the other side of the block) so I couldn't even access the internet from her IP address. Finally had to use my husband's computer b/c it would pick up the router from MIL's house and allow me to access my class. I'm really, really, REALLY fed up with not having internet signal at our house. They tell us it's b/c we're "too far away" and by the time the signal reaches us, it's weak, despite the fact that their IT guy checked the signal strength and said it's fine. I don't understand why my MIL can get plenty of internet signal from them, but we can't and we're equal distance from the main office... makes no sense to me. I think we're just getting screwed out of $50 a month. In fact, I think I'll call them again b/c now I'm all mad about it again. Thanks, Nameless!! hahaha
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 182 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




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