Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 144

[Mud Flinger]

Swimming is always a great thing in my book. Great exersize and feels so good! 68 deg is kinda cool for my spoiled butt though!

[namelesswonder]

68 is seriously too cold. Lawl maybe it was that cold thermowhatevernesis that people talk about that made me feel slimmer today =P

My orange was delicious. I wish I had another.

I just went outside. It "feels like" 96 outside, according to my weather app, but the sun is hiding so I found it very comfortable, especially after the AC. As much as I become a pile of melty goo in hot and humid (43% today, I think it was worse yesterday), I don't like air-conditioning very much, even if it helps me sleep!

On Boyfriend's behavior: Today I understand Booter's response better. If cutting out drinking means that never happens again, I can live with that. I won't deny that I wish he would deal with these things that are obviously eating at him, but I cannot change him. I am still learning what I need and I am hoping that more will become clear in therapy tomorrow. Boyfriend becomes very truthful when drunk and I found out he hid something from me, THAT is what is bothering me most right now, both what it was and that he hid it. Not sure how much more I'll discuss that incident here as it's definitely something that I need to talk to Boyfriend about, but I'm still figuring out how.

[WarlordBlade]

I had a really good orange today too!
Congratulations on your progress a few pages back - you are looking fabulous, keep up the good work!

[namelesswonder]

Thanks dude!

I caved and had a Swiss Miss cocoa today (kind of used it to soothe anxiety over discussing my tattoo with co-workers since it's out in the open today). Instant stomach ache, and now a headache! That'll learn me (probably not though).

[cori93437]

Thanks dude!

I caved and had a Swiss Miss cocoa today (kind of used it to soothe anxiety over discussing my tattoo with co-workers since it's out in the open today). Instant stomach ache, and now a headache! That'll learn me (probably not though).

Oh noes... why does discussing your gorgeous tatt give you anxieties?
Enjoy the cocoa... but try to avoid the headache if it's a by-product.
Maybe make cocoa the old fashioned way... stove, milk and/or cream, sugar, cocoa powder, vanilla... bonus here... as chocolate-y as you want it! I like to add dark dutched cocoa to up the Nom factor.

[namelesswonder]

I'm sure classic cocoa would be absolutely fine. I needs me some good cocoa powder.

I get anxious talking about my tattoo...I don't know... It's very personal. I like to share these things, but with co-workers, it's a step I haven't taken since college days when I was friends with many of my co-workers prior to the job. Today, I talked to one of the managers while working on her computer, about cooking. It was very friendly and pleasant, and she asked about my tattoo and I gave the quick version "grandma grandpa represents them love them etc.". My Russian co-worker asked so I gave the full version with the meaning of the names and how they built a life here. He said it was very romantic. I'm afraid of negative comments because I don't react quickly. I've never been good for a come-back. Now, I think if someone had said something negative, I'd say, "Well, good thing it's not on you then," but I can't think of those things on the spot. I don't like seeming slow, but I am.

[cori93437]

Ahh... I understand completely.
The art is very personal when it's custom.
It's easier to dismiss someone you don't have to look at face to face.
{{hugs}}

[namelesswonder]

I am relieved. Thing I was worried about with Boyfriend was apparently a lie he could not even recall telling. Explains some things about the way it was delivered. I feel more confident in my ability to read him.

Therapy tomorrow is going to be interesting. I am still looking forward to it despite a likely forecast of tears.

[magicmerl]

I'm afraid of negative comments because I don't react quickly. I've never been good for a come-back. Now, I think if someone had said something negative, I'd say, "Well, good thing it's not on you then," but I can't think of those things on the spot. I don't like seeming slow, but I am.

I was like this. Seriously, if you want to, it is a skill you can learn (comebacks).

Here's a few things that are easy to trot out when you feel that people could be criticising/advising/bossing you:
"that's what a good person would do" (my favourite)
"I am in complete agreement with that allegation"
"I'll be sure to take that under consideration"
"Not bad for a tuesday"
"Did you think of that yourself or did somebody help you?"
"It's true. I'm so lame" (Simpsons quote)
"Oh, I could never be good enough to do that"
"Indeed"
"Fascinating"

Things like that. The best thing about it is that people mistake it for wit and a sense of humour. But it doesn't take as much creativity or energy as them.

The beauty of sayings like that is that they are either indirect enough to deflect whoever is saying the thing you are uncomfortable enough or tangential enough that they almost change the subject. And you don't have to mean any of them. In fact some of them are a little ambiguous so you almost *have* to be misleading them on some level, right?

Anyway, sorry if I'm blundering in and offering unintended help. Feel free to discard my post if you so desire.

[namelesswonder]

No, that's helpful. I am inclined to lash out and need to be careful if I don't want to be super rude (though they were being rude to begin with). I'm trying to stick with the "being a better person" route... I like ambiguity, it gives me an opportunity to walk away while they're still confused.

Ugh, sleepy today. Maybe I will have a little coffee before I leave for therapy in ~40 min.

We went swimming again yesterday! 4 laps (1 lap = 2 lengths in in-ground rectangular pool...don't know how long it is) free style and 4 laps breast stroke. Boyfriend sucks at breast stroke, excels at free style, and it's the opposite for me. Shoulders, pecs, arms, and upper back are sore today, feels good! Got a bit of core soreness after swimming, probably from twisting my whole body with the free style strokes, which I focused on doing in the past. I need to remember to MAKE myself rinse off after swimming. I think the chlorine has something to do with the extreme fatigue post-swimming. Boyfriend is fairly allergic and has a hard time breathing after we swim I wonder how cold the Atlantic is up in Maine right now...

A swimmer's body is not the kind I'm looking for, but it would certainly be functional (being able to swim a mile would be AWESOME, was a goal last year). Usually the female swimmers I see are a bit "meatier" than I am (more body fat). I wonder what the muscles would look like on someone as slim as me.

One of these days, I'll get over my fear of swimming with my head under water and get the breaths down. But I've been swimming for over 15 years now, I don't know how likely that is anymore.