Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 136

[drssgchic]

Well, I hear you, there, kiddiwinks. Now go play with your toys while the adults talk . . .

I'm sorry to hear about your Baba, but I think you're making the right decision about when to go. You want to be able to focus on her, not worry about falling apart. And if this Sunday is a "comatose" kinda day, well, maybe you just need one. I'm coming to accept that sometimes it is actually ok to have them.

[namelesswonder]

The tricky thing is mingling comatose with the right dose of boredom so I can do nothing comfortably, instead of uncomfortably. Boredom is DANGEROUS for me and that is what I'm foreseeing right now. I need to have an idea of what kind of lazing about I would enjoy doing, and then I think it'll be okay. More GoT, perhaps? Yes. Tyrion is as amazing on the screen as he is on the page. And I didn't realize it's ACTUALLY Sean Bean (as a protagonist?! how rare!) and not people clipping Boromir and saying he's Ned Stark (yes, that is what I thought).

[justyouraveragecavemen]

Glad to hear the Baba is at home and feeling better.

[drssgchic]

The tricky thing is mingling comatose with the right dose of boredom so I can do nothing comfortably, instead of uncomfortably. Boredom is DANGEROUS for me and that is what I'm foreseeing right now. I need to have an idea of what kind of lazing about I would enjoy doing, and then I think it'll be okay. More GoT, perhaps? Yes. Tyrion is as amazing on the screen as he is on the page. And I didn't realize it's ACTUALLY Sean Bean (as a protagonist?! how rare!) and not people clipping Boromir and saying he's Ned Stark (yes, that is what I thought).

I hear you on that. But that sounds like a perfect dolce far niente day. (Yes, I whipped out my only Italian for you- carefree idleness. Pretty cool, huh?) I need to start on that eventually. I think. Probably.

[namelesswonder]

Other thoughts/concerns: I am having a hard time typing today. Been a long time since I felt like this. I am feeling more anxious than I have for a while. I have had a twitch in my face since yesterday, starting along my left eyebrow and ending on the left side of my nose. I keep massaging the area hoping it will stop, but it doesn't. It's probably not serious, but SOMETHING is causing it and I want to know what.

I wonder how much of this is hormones. I did not feel like trying to find an excuse to leave work this morning, but I really do now.

[namelesswonder]

Ah I just identified the feeling in GotD: I am feeling desperate for an escape, and to get somewhere I feel safe. Driving home scares me just as much as staying here, so I am stuck, but the idea of being home is so appealing.

[canio6]

Can BF come and get you?

[jenn26point2]

Great before pic!!

As for the anxiety and stuff, I got nothing. Sorry.

[naiadknight]

Oy vey.
I'm glad your gramma's home and safe. I'd say put off seeing her til next weekend. Forcing yourself to do it when you aren't ready isn't good for you or her.
As to the anxiety spike (which could also have possibly led to the tiredness, Fukitol, and the acne creating one foul ball of not good), I really have no advice other than try and give yourself a day to do absolutely nothing but veg and relax how you want to. I wish I knew an herbal anxiety thing or other, I've been on the hunt for one for a while myself. I also know the dangers of being alone, bored, and anxious. I have some scars from that, all emotional that I gave my self.
As to not wanting to drive home or get gas, is there public transit you can take? Or would that much public make it worse? Maybe getting Boyfriend to talk you off the ceiling for just long enough to get you to the gas station before you leave and again at the gas station? I've done that trick. Maybe promise yourself a "sanity reward" for making it home, like a long walk or meditation or a funny movie, if you just get home without wigging (done that one too, but it takes specific kinda impetus)?

[namelesswonder]

My dad is still extra worried about Baba, she is admitting herself that she would have preferred to go to a home after leaving the hospital than be on her own right now. She sounds okay, but we can tell she is worried beyond the usual. He's going up Sunday, my sister might go with. I'll go next weekend.

Public transit is not an option, unless I want to spend 2 hrs on a bus (no). Boyfriend could totally come and get me, but thinking about "giving up" or having to tell my boss that I need to go is just...gah. Can't do it. Fucking stigma on depression. Not okay to be sick in the head.

Today fucking sucks. The worst possible computer to have problems has problems. Been troubleshooting for 4 hrs. No time to break for food. No one to help me. This woman makes my anxiety so much worse, I am biting back snapping at her and it's probably obvious, but she's panicking at me ("Don't delete that!" I WAS FUCKING CLICKING ON IT) and probably not noticing. After this, the ride home and getting gas will feel like a relief. Here's hoping our attempt to fix what's broke right now is successful and I can leave sooner. I think I might have double-dinner tonight of beef stew and whatever Boyfriend makes (something to look forward to: FOOD). Boyfriend cuddles will be amazing. Gelato will be so completely appreciated. Maybe I'll have my last beer.

Please work please work please work