Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 126

[justyouraveragecavemen]

A Match Made in Diablo 3 Heaven - Dating Fails - Missed Connections, Dating Sites, & Breakups

[namelesswonder]

Haha I saw that one the other day, meant to pass it on to Boyfriend with a note about "if we ever end up in a studio apartment".

Job update: Boyfriend was supposed to be called at 3pm yesterday about a security officer position at Macy's (45 min away in traffic, unfortunately), no call occurred. Triple-checked email and there was no further information (an email address to contact if you needed to reschedule, that was it). They called TODAY at 3pm and he has an interview on Monday at 2pm. Fingers crossed! This will totally fuck things over for me in terms of back-up transport, but we'll figure that out. I'm thinking that if the land lady will put up with another car in the driveway, I will sell/trade-in (for cash at the local scooter shop) my scooter and get a faster scooter or a shitty cheap car. I don't want to ride a scooter/motorcycle in the winter, but I don't think I'll be able to afford a real car anytime soon.

[Candy in Wonderland]

I speak Dutch (or Flemish if you want ), it's my mother tongue. I also speak fluently Italian (I have Italian nationality, although born and raised in Belgium and lived 6 years of my adult life in Italy, married to an Italian asshole...all the other Italians I know - including my large family - are nice people though ). I speak French, this is the 2nd language in Belgium and is taught in every school as of 5th grade. I can speak a little (and understand most) German, it's Belgium's 3rd language. I speak a little (and understand enough) Spanish. And I speak English too . So yes, I'm always surprised when people only speak one language. I didn't understand why my Italian cousins never learned another language at school (but that has changed now). Travelling to Italy, Spain and France I have noticed that people appreciate it when you at least try to speak their language and are then happy to help you in another language; but if you don't even try they can be real snobs about it and just ignore you .

[justyouraveragecavemen]

I speak Dutch (or Flemish if you want ), it's my mother tongue. I also speak fluently Italian (I have Italian nationality, although born and raised in Belgium and lived 6 years of my adult life in Italy, married to an Italian asshole...all the other Italians I know - including my large family - are nice people though ). I speak French, this is the 2nd language in Belgium and is taught in every school as of 5th grade. I can speak a little (and understand most) German, it's Belgium's 3rd language. I speak a little (and understand enough) Spanish. And I speak English too . So yes, I'm always surprised when people only speak one language. I didn't understand why my Italian cousins never learned another language at school (but that has changed now). Travelling to Italy, Spain and France I have noticed that people appreciate it when you at least try to speak their language and are then happy to help you in another language; but if you don't even try they can be real snobs about it and just ignore you .

That's pretty darn impressive. But what I was getting at is that Europeans know more than one language because of the proximity of the languages. The U.S., being a geographically large country, with just one recognized language is much different than Belgium with 3 languages. In Belgium, you could probably drive to 3 different countries with 3 different languages in one day, right? Not taking anything from you, just saying it's different over here.

[Candy in Wonderland]

I just wanted to say, not all Europeans speak more than 1 language , Belgium is kind of an exception indeed (like Switzerland too) having more than one national language. And yes, it is a small country: I live very near to the Netherlands (actually going there this afternoon to pick something up, it's like a 20 minutes drive for me), both France and Germany is about a 3 hours drive, Great Britain just a few hours by train (High Speed Train, going under the Canal). But like I said: I know more Italians who don't speak any other language than those who do so it's not that Americans are all that different .

[justyouraveragecavemen]

Hey, what separates the 2 countries? Is there any kind of customs booth at all?

[namelesswonder]

Maybe I should move to Europe before I have kids so I can insure a good language program! I only knew a few words of Italian when I went to Italy six years ago, just basic transaction phrases. We were in high-tourist areas so most people spoke about the equivalent in English, which was enough for me to buy some souvenirs and an amazing hot mocha (last day, in Rome, I was all teenage rebel stereotype and had a cigarette too).

Blog post due today if I'm going to keep a 3x weekly schedule. My master health post is not finished yet.

I finally finished up my aunt's wedding photos last night! Boyfriend will be mailing the CD out for me today. I went back through and re-edited most of the photos because I figured out a better way to do it (better color accuracy and light balance). Without training in Photoshop or a better camera, I think they're as good as they're going to get. I'm quite proud, even if it took me longer than I wanted to finish with them. I am more than a little affected by perfectionism when it comes to editing photos, apparently ><

Sleep: 3rd night in a row of mid-night waking, around 3 AM. I think I was awake for 30 min, probably not much longer. I feel tired, but not excessively so, so I guess the sleep I am getting is fairly restful. I had warm milk with honey last night before bed and it definitely helped me feel sleepy enough to fall asleep quickly. Some quick Googling tells me to give it a few more days. It could be that 5-HTP and Tryptophan just aren't going to help me anymore and I need to move on to something else. I am reminded once again that anxiety is usually the first issue before depression, so maybe it's time for something like Phosphatidylserine, which helps with sleep and anxiety. I'll be kind of bummed if I can't end up using the Tryptophan, I don't have anyone to give it to! I'm sure it would help Boyfriend, but I doubt he would take it.

Food: Tasty steaks last night, closer to medium-well than the beautiful medium I accomplished last time, combined with some roasted red potatoes. I still felt kind of hungry (from skipping lunch) and had a banana and some water. The warm milk and honey really filled me up though.

Exercise: I did 80 kettlebell swings last night! I took a 20-30 second break at 30 swings because I thought of making a quick circuit out of it, with some overhead presses in between. I did a few on each side and then finished off the swings. I feel like I could have done more, but my back felt strained and I'm not sure if that was from poor form or me being unused to that volume (actually it was probably from the 15 second plank hold). Either way, I'm proud of breaking my plateau! KB swings a few times a week seems to work well for me for "casual" muscle growth. I am more and more pleased with how my body is shaping up. It's been almost 3 weeks since my last major wheat consumption (pizza). My skin continues to clear up as well (some persistent acne on my left temple is almost gone).

Mood/brain: Feeling pretty okay. I am much more cognizant of my anxiety lately, as it is happening and immediately after, rather than later, upon reflection. I have therapy today and I will probably tell her about emailing my dad and his response.

Supplements: Currently taking 6000 IU of Vitamin D mixed with probiotic powder in water, with histamine tablets & Candex, in the morning. 4500 mg of L-Glutamine in water before dinner, with Candex. 1000 mg of L-Tryptophan about an hour before bed (so around 9:30 PM). I'm excited to find out how my Vitamin D levels are doing; my appointment is on the 25th.

Weekend plans: At some point we need to head out to stock up on meat (to freeze) and frozen veggies again. I might walk to Whole Foods tomorrow morning to pick up another jar of honey, but I think I have enough for another week so I might put that off to avoid eating more than I should. I'll wash my hair in the AM and re-apply pink to some blonde spots when it dries. Wedding in the afternoon. Maybe a project with my dad on Sunday or just general relaxation and some apartment cleaning.

[jenn26point2]

Glad you got the pictures done! Whew!

[Mud Flinger]

Your comments about sleep after an arguement and cortisol/horomones sound right on. I have the same issue - when I argue w/ teenager at bedtime I can't sleep for most of the night. Really PISSES ME OFF!!! I am still looking for something to help w/ this. I mostly really try to avoid the confrontations at night because of this cycle and then I end up being pissy and resenting the kid during the day - a total no win for anyone! With BF, you may be able to use make-up-sex to help restore some of the balance, but that's about the last thing I want when I'm pissed off, so good luck with that idea!

I have noticed that you seem to be doing much better lately - more in control - possibly less or more controlled anxiety, at least that's how the "tone" of your journal seems. SO happy to see you doing better/learning ways to deal w/ the crap in life

Love your hair and tattoo. Maybe letting your inner feelings be expressed in such an outward way has been very healing for you as well.

[namelesswonder]

Haha totally agreed on make-up sex. My drive is iffy most of the time and it's definitely the last thing on my mind, though I'm sure it would feel great and help diffuse the negative feelings.

I do feel more in control lately! And yes, expressing myself in this outward way helps me express myself better verbally. It may seem silly to others that pink hair is what it takes for me to feel comfortable enough to speak up to others about my feelings (vented to a friendly co-worker the other day), but it seems to work well for me. I used to change my hair a lot in high school and it usually helped me move past a particularly bad episode of stress.

Ramblings, Ravings and Rants.: Links for a Friday