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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 126

  1. #1251
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    Hey, what separates the 2 countries? Is there any kind of customs booth at all?
    If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

  2. #1252
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    Maybe I should move to Europe before I have kids so I can insure a good language program! I only knew a few words of Italian when I went to Italy six years ago, just basic transaction phrases. We were in high-tourist areas so most people spoke about the equivalent in English, which was enough for me to buy some souvenirs and an amazing hot mocha (last day, in Rome, I was all teenage rebel stereotype and had a cigarette too).

    Blog post due today if I'm going to keep a 3x weekly schedule. My master health post is not finished yet.

    I finally finished up my aunt's wedding photos last night! Boyfriend will be mailing the CD out for me today. I went back through and re-edited most of the photos because I figured out a better way to do it (better color accuracy and light balance). Without training in Photoshop or a better camera, I think they're as good as they're going to get. I'm quite proud, even if it took me longer than I wanted to finish with them. I am more than a little affected by perfectionism when it comes to editing photos, apparently ><

    Sleep: 3rd night in a row of mid-night waking, around 3 AM. I think I was awake for 30 min, probably not much longer. I feel tired, but not excessively so, so I guess the sleep I am getting is fairly restful. I had warm milk with honey last night before bed and it definitely helped me feel sleepy enough to fall asleep quickly. Some quick Googling tells me to give it a few more days. It could be that 5-HTP and Tryptophan just aren't going to help me anymore and I need to move on to something else. I am reminded once again that anxiety is usually the first issue before depression, so maybe it's time for something like Phosphatidylserine, which helps with sleep and anxiety. I'll be kind of bummed if I can't end up using the Tryptophan, I don't have anyone to give it to! I'm sure it would help Boyfriend, but I doubt he would take it.

    Food: Tasty steaks last night, closer to medium-well than the beautiful medium I accomplished last time, combined with some roasted red potatoes. I still felt kind of hungry (from skipping lunch) and had a banana and some water. The warm milk and honey really filled me up though.

    Exercise: I did 80 kettlebell swings last night! I took a 20-30 second break at 30 swings because I thought of making a quick circuit out of it, with some overhead presses in between. I did a few on each side and then finished off the swings. I feel like I could have done more, but my back felt strained and I'm not sure if that was from poor form or me being unused to that volume (actually it was probably from the 15 second plank hold). Either way, I'm proud of breaking my plateau! KB swings a few times a week seems to work well for me for "casual" muscle growth. I am more and more pleased with how my body is shaping up. It's been almost 3 weeks since my last major wheat consumption (pizza). My skin continues to clear up as well (some persistent acne on my left temple is almost gone).

    Mood/brain: Feeling pretty okay. I am much more cognizant of my anxiety lately, as it is happening and immediately after, rather than later, upon reflection. I have therapy today and I will probably tell her about emailing my dad and his response.

    Supplements: Currently taking 6000 IU of Vitamin D mixed with probiotic powder in water, with histamine tablets & Candex, in the morning. 4500 mg of L-Glutamine in water before dinner, with Candex. 1000 mg of L-Tryptophan about an hour before bed (so around 9:30 PM). I'm excited to find out how my Vitamin D levels are doing; my appointment is on the 25th.

    Weekend plans: At some point we need to head out to stock up on meat (to freeze) and frozen veggies again. I might walk to Whole Foods tomorrow morning to pick up another jar of honey, but I think I have enough for another week so I might put that off to avoid eating more than I should. I'll wash my hair in the AM and re-apply pink to some blonde spots when it dries. Wedding in the afternoon. Maybe a project with my dad on Sunday or just general relaxation and some apartment cleaning.
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  3. #1253
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    Glad you got the pictures done! Whew!
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  4. #1254
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    Your comments about sleep after an arguement and cortisol/horomones sound right on. I have the same issue - when I argue w/ teenager at bedtime I can't sleep for most of the night. Really PISSES ME OFF!!! I am still looking for something to help w/ this. I mostly really try to avoid the confrontations at night because of this cycle and then I end up being pissy and resenting the kid during the day - a total no win for anyone! With BF, you may be able to use make-up-sex to help restore some of the balance, but that's about the last thing I want when I'm pissed off, so good luck with that idea!

    I have noticed that you seem to be doing much better lately - more in control - possibly less or more controlled anxiety, at least that's how the "tone" of your journal seems. SO happy to see you doing better/learning ways to deal w/ the crap in life

    Love your hair and tattoo. Maybe letting your inner feelings be expressed in such an outward way has been very healing for you as well.

  5. #1255
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    Haha totally agreed on make-up sex. My drive is iffy most of the time and it's definitely the last thing on my mind, though I'm sure it would feel great and help diffuse the negative feelings.

    I do feel more in control lately! And yes, expressing myself in this outward way helps me express myself better verbally. It may seem silly to others that pink hair is what it takes for me to feel comfortable enough to speak up to others about my feelings (vented to a friendly co-worker the other day), but it seems to work well for me. I used to change my hair a lot in high school and it usually helped me move past a particularly bad episode of stress.

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  6. #1256
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    If I could grow *hair I'd dye that shit pink or any other damned color.

    What's the L-glutamine supp for, again?


    *On my head, and not just in a C-shape from one ear to the other.

  7. #1257
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    Quote Originally Posted by justyouraveragecavemen View Post
    Hey, what separates the 2 countries? Is there any kind of customs booth at all?
    Nothing at all between Belgium, the Netherlands and Luxemburg (on highways you can still see the booths, but they are empty).
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  8. #1258
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candy in Wonderland View Post
    Nothing at all between Belgium, the Netherlands and Luxemburg (on highways you can still see the booths, but they are empty).
    That is such an odd thought (and must be rather relaxing) in comparison to what we're used to. There are border checkpoints on every road and they're heavily used - especially along the Mexico border. I really wish Mexico would just get their shit together, but it's highly unlikely.

    The funny thing about Canada is that even though I have never been there, I don't feel it's a different country - just a different region. Much like a different state.
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  9. #1259
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    Jenn- I always thought Canada was just Little White America and Mexico was Little Brown America. (referring, of course, to the white of the snow and the brown of the desert) Did I miss out on something? o.O

    Wonder- I hear you on the hair. When I went all blue, it was a non-verbal "That's right, fuck you" to my employer, thereby removing the need to say it verbally. The blond streak I have right now is almost a hand-hold on sanity. I CAN dye it funny colors, or make it bigger, or whatever I want, because I can.

    Just a thought- but my understanding is that men do better communicating when they're doing things and not sitting down eye-to-eye (can you confirm that, guys?) so maybe the handyman stuff you want to do with your dad will be a good time to bring this up. You can both be looking at the project, so maybe it'll be easier to say what needs to be said? I'm really glad that he's communicating with you, though. A girl's relationship with her father is very important.
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  10. #1260
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finnegans Wake View Post
    What's the L-glutamine supp for, again?
    I've read some articles on it helping to heal damaged gut-lining (hoping it will help with any damage the candida overgrowth did/has done). I guess it's also used in muscle recovery, so I figure it might just help with my sporadic work-outs too =P
    Glutamine - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (for "intensive athletic training or certain gastrointestinal disorders") No benefit that I've noticed, but I don't think it could hurt so I'll keep taking it for a while (the container was cheap & has a lot of servings), probably even after I run out of Candex.

    Therapy was good today. My therapist said I did a good job with emailing my dad. I feel like the idea of communication while doing a hands-on activity makes a lot of sense for your typical man. I'll play that part by ear, but I really would like to sand down that side table! I'll post pictures if we get to it.

    And as a side note, I've never been to Canada or Mexico! Just Italy (with a brief stopover in Hamburg), for out of the country experience. I love travelling so I expect I'll get to more places sooner or later.
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