Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 124

[Finnegans Wake]

Venison is good, but can also be lean and dry.

I like mixing pork and beef for Italian meatballs, and an Italian-styled burger would work well with that mix. Pure pork would work nicely with Asian or Cuban cooking.

[namelesswonder]

Bi-annual womanly exam scheduled for 5/16, after my chiropractor appointment. I'm pretty sure I've been since 2009, but they couldn't find any appointments for it since then. Oops! Annual physical for early morning on the 25th. They had an opening on the 18th, but I didn't think that was a great way to start off my birthday. I'm going to make sure they check Vitamin D, Ferritin, and see if they'll do a full cholesterol panel. But either way, I'll disregard anything they say about cholesterol so it doesn't really matter.

[namelesswonder]

Oh right and I am slowly getting back to being okay with my budget limitation in regards to clothes. I feel very self-conscious wearing most of my clothes, since most are too large for me (the ones I wear at work, anyway, since they were purchased when I was 10-15 lbs fatter). I finally took in my favorite pair of jeans over the weekend so they are straight-leg (none of that "skinny" jean style, looks silly to me) so I think that helps even out the looseness in the thighs. I could take in the thighs, but the waist and crotch area are still going to be too loose so it made more sense to me to just leave it. I feel better about my appearance when my clothes fit properly and this is the best I can for now. The only person who notices is Boyfriend's mom, who asks me every time I see her if I've lost weight, but I think that's just because of the loose clothes.

[naiadknight]

Our burger recipe is suspiciously similar to FW's. I generally buy a roast and chop it to bits, then run it through my grinder with 4-6 strips bacon(I just don't trust a supermarket's ground beast well enough for anything other than well done.) I'll knead in an egg, a head of garlic, a little onion, and S&P. Make 'em bigger than they need to be, dimple 'em with my front two knuckles in a x patter., then let Geek grill'em.
And I agree with everyone else: at least your poppa's willing to try. Mine realizes he wasn't the best father in the world, but it's gotten better with distance. My mom... well, let's leave that kettle of fish alone. I'm taking my niece to the pool here in a bit and don't want to be a sobbing mess before I go. Suffice it to say, she had her own issues and we were in the way more often than not..
I need to go in for a female exam. Maybe when I get reemployed.

[cori93437]

/poke
Hey girl... you lied!

According to Gay Panda's FABULOUS Primal Calendar 2012: Twelve Months of Sexy
YOU are supposed to have b-l-u-e hair in June.
Just sayn.


Hope you have a great day.

[justyouraveragecavemen]

Is your dad multilingual? Was he born in the U.S.?

[namelesswonder]

Aw snap! I was all about making the blue work last Fall/Winter, but I'm more of a purple/pink girl as it turns out. Still think I'll try turquoise eventually. If I put blue on my hair right now, it would probably end up a shade of purple (tried this once before and had purple streaks in the pink, it was kind of neat).

My dad was born in New Jersey, but his first language was Russian because it's what his parents spoke at home (grandfather was from the Ukraine, grandmother is from Belarus, and both spoke some German from having lived there during the war). My dad tried teaching my sister and I Russian when we were pretty young (under 8), but we didn't have much of an attention for it. We knew a lot of household words (window, cat, car, little, big, house, please, thank you, etc.), but I don't remember hardly any now (except for yes, no, cat, dog, little, house, car, please, thank you, Christ is risen, Truly He is risen!, and hello, but I don't pronounce it well).

No lunch today. I don't want yogurt, so I'm either going to tough it out till I get home or cave and pick up some yogurt at the local grocery store today. Is it weird that a cup of decaf coffee with a generous splash of half & half fills me up? If I need to, I'll resort to that because it's freeeeeeeeeee. Caffeine on an empty stomach makes me jittery!

More disrupted sleep last night, but mood is okay today. Boyfriend and I flared up at each other last night, but reconciled quickly as we both recognized that we are worried about him finding work and there's no use taking it out on each other. More talking about the stress is good. Boyfriend learning when an apology would be helpful for me is good. Waking up in the middle of the night again is bad. I find that I go to sleep cold and wake up sweltering. This has been consistent for the past week now, but the mid-night waking is only for the past 2 nights. I took Tryptophan again last night and wonder if it has something to do with that. I'll just have to wait it out.

I would really like to find a way to calm down after an argument. Nothing really works and I've tried all the usual distractions. If I can sleep on it, I usually feel better in the morning when my mind has been able to let go of the issue for a while. If not, I find that I can't stop thinking about it and get more and more upset, imagining all the worst scenarios, feeling terribly resigned to the worst outcome, until it can be addressed. I know it's best to approach a post-argument or an argument with a cool head, but I can't ever get to that point. I just grit my teeth and take deep breaths and try to take a moment before I speak and that's the best I can do. It rarely works out well. I feel like this deeply emotional response is a cortisol/hormonal related thing and I wish I knew what I could do to improve it and make it easier for me to "shake it off" and actually find some other distracting activity beneficial.

Tomorrow I find out how much my usual paycheck will be now with the raise. I have a rough guess. So far with this month's expenses (rent and groceries, pretty much), I think my first paycheck will cover all that, which is a first. It's nice not waiting for the last paycheck of the month to see things trending positively.

My aunt emailed me yesterday and I guiltily responded that I'm still working on her wedding photos. I feel slightly more motivated to work on them now that the deep depression has passed. She goes on her honeymoon cruise next week and I want to have the cd to her before then, which means finishing it today or tomorrow and sending it First Class.

[justyouraveragecavemen]

My dad was born in New Jersey, but his first language was Russian because it's what his parents spoke at home (grandfather was from the Ukraine, grandmother is from Belarus, and both spoke some German from having lived there during the war). My dad tried teaching my sister and I Russian when we were pretty young (under 8), but we didn't have much of an attention for it. We knew a lot of household words (window, cat, car, little, big, house, please, thank you, etc.), but I don't remember hardly any now (except for yes, no, cat, dog, little, house, car, please, thank you, Christ is risen, Truly He is risen!, and hello, but I don't pronounce it well).

Just curious, I guess. One of these days, I'll learn another language. I've heard that most European residents think we're all ignorant for only knowing one language, but really, it's the proximity of the different languages that is the real issue.

[namelesswonder]

I agree. I took French middle school-one semester of college, but I don't think I could even ask for directions now (let alone understand them). Maybe when I'm rolling in the dough someday I'll take a refresher course so I can have the lofty goal of moving to Southern France someday.

[justyouraveragecavemen]

France is the only place in Europe that I have to visit. My wife is a Spanish major and had to take another language for the credit hours as well, so she's had like 1 year of French. She's visited Italy and France. I'm only jealous of France. As functional as it would be to learn Spanish, I think I would like to learn French more.